


Wickedstuck

by BlackRitual



Category: Homestuck, Wicked - Broadway Play
Genre: Caliginous Romance | Kismesis, Crossover, Drama, F/M, Flushed Romance | Matesprits, God Tier, Humor, Knight of Blood, M/M, Magic, Multi, Musical, Mutant, Wicked - Freeform, Wizard, Wizard of Oz, heir of breath
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-01-05
Updated: 2013-06-12
Packaged: 2017-10-29 00:10:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 21
Words: 110,767
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/313700
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BlackRitual/pseuds/BlackRitual
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Welcome audience, to our showing of a tale of magic, friendship, hatred, secrets, injustice and love. This is the award-winning broadway play Wicked plus Homestuck. Karkat is Elphaba, John is Glinda, Gamzee is Fiyero. Many other characters appear; you'll have to read and see. Defy Gravity! ;oD Ending GamKar, but don't let that stop you if it's not your preference.</p><p>You do not need to have seen the play to enjoy this fic. It's completely coherent on its own~.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. No One Mourns the Wicked

**Author's Note:**

> This was so much fun to write, you have no idea. =w=
> 
> First, let me just say that I'm SO GRATEFUL that you're reading this right now. Because that means you like Homestuck. And Wicked. And that means there's someone out there like me. And that makes me feel all unalone. :)
> 
> By the way, there is a reason words like "Good" and "Wicked" are capitalized. Since they're powerful words with such important meanings and connotations in their society, I decided to capitalize them (for them it's like "oh thank God" = "oh thank Goodness").

The lights dim.

The curtain lifts.

You are a member of the audience now.

The stage is set for you to witness a fantastical tale of magic, friendship, hatred, secrets, injustices and love. Grab your pointy black hat, click the heels of your red shoes, hop onto your broom, sing your favorite song and hang onto a monkey's wing… It's about to get Wicked.

No matter human or troll, seer or mage, lusus or ancestor, keep in mind... it doesn't matter what you look like on the outside. A notion once thought to be completely true may turn out to have been deceiving all along. The most wicked member of society may be the one most deserving of our praise.

Things aren't always what they seem.

**Wickedstuck: Begin ===+**

" _Good news!_ " A chorus of voices rang throughout the Lands of Oz. The noise started with a rumble and rushed over the hills, spreading far and wide. All over the message was repeated, first in hushed whispers as if the ones hearing it didn't dare believe it were true, but then the cry grew louder, surer, more joyous with every new member added to the buzzing crowd. Trolls and humans alike rushed from their homes and into the streets full of people laughing and embracing. Goodness had triumphed! From human to human to troll to troll to human and back echoed the same announcement: " _He's DEAD_!"

" _The Knight of Blood is dead!_ " The people rushed around all hurrying and shouting and hoping at once. Many laughed. A few had tears of happiness in their eyes. Complete strangers slapped each other on the back in congratulations. " _The Wickedest one there ever was, the enemy of all of us here in Oz, IS DEAD!_ "

The capital of the Land of Wind and Shade was filled with townspeople cheering from their rooftops. Others shouted from their balconies and from their windows. Could it really be? Were they finally rid of the scourge upon their world?

" _Good news!_ " It was amazing! Wondrous! Sublime!

" _Good news!_ "

And then a new voice was added to the squall. It rang out loud and clear, emanating from a young man descending from the sky. He was dressed in blue robes that contrasted greatly with his bright yellow shoes. He floated slowly down to the celebrating crowd surrounded by a large bubble. A symbol of the Breeze he commanded graced the front of his T-shirt. Over his short black hair a blue hood flowed perpetually in the wind. Square-rimmed glasses rested on his boyish face. He gave a grin to reveal a slight hint of buckteeth. A yellow salamander accompanied him inside the glassy sphere, happily gurgling more tiny bubbles out of its mouth.

"It's Good to see me, isn't it?" He said to the people below. The young man's eyes were as kind as the sky.

Their combined voices stopped proclaiming delight over the "news", and instead just screamed in delight at his presence. If anyone had thought that the previous amount of joy was high, then they were now proved completely wrong.

"It's the Heir of Breath!"

"John the Good!"

"Oh please, you don't have to answer," John laughed. "That was just rhetorical."

However, the crowd below continued to voice how very, very good indeed it was to see him. Just like he knew they would.

John cleared his throat and composed himself. "My fellow Oz dwellers…" he began, raising his voice for all to hear.

  
_Let us be glad._   
_Let us be gracious._   
_Let us rejoice-ify that Goodness could subdue,_   
_The Wicked workings of You-Know-Who!_   


He spread his arms out, as if a gesture to calm the people's hearts. The young man paid no mind to the dull threat of tears behind his eyes.

  
_Isn't it nice to know,_  
 _That Good will conquer_ _evil?_  


The Heir of Breath managed to bring a convincing smile to his face. He had to stay strong…none of them knew what he knew. It wasn't their fault. None of them knew any better… He took a shaky breath.

  
_The truth we all believe'll by and by,_   
_Out-live a lie,_   


But what was the real lie here? If only they could see behind the happy mask he felt plastered onto his face…

" _For you and…"_

"John Eggbert!" A male voice interrupted him from below. John trailed off, surprised.

"…Eh?"

"Exactly how dead IS he?" At these words, the people began to murmur. That was a Good point. They had only heard one small scrap of news after all. _He_ might still be out there. And that troll was notorious throughout the Lands as a liar—it was easy to imagine him crawling back out of his watery grave, or simply lying low and then leaping from the shadows to strike again, his nubby horns red with rage.

"Well," John began, trying to get the attention of his adoring public. "I know there's been a lot of speculation and theories going around. Innuendo, out-uendo…" He waved a dismissive hand, grossly misusing the words. "But let me set the record straight."

"According to the Judgment Clock it was a Just death, and the melting occurred at the Thirteenth Hour, or midnight in human terms, as a direct result of a container of water," He was careful to avoid offending the trolls in the audience by using the word bucket. "Thrown by a young human female."

John straightened up in his bubble and tried to face them bravely. He took a deep breath to steady himself for what he was about to say. "Yes. The Knight of Blood we all fear is dead!"

The sentence had barely flown from his lips when the crowd erupted in renewed vigor. The sea of celebration and elation resumed. Humans and trolls now hugged each other and shouted with certainty. A few individuals absconded from the fray, carrying the happy news to those who weren't yet blessed with the gift of confirmation. Many more were now crying happy tears. The group continued their celebrations while their hooded guardian watched with a practiced smile and aching heart from above.

" _No one mourns the Wicked_!" came a shout from one particularly exuberant troll.

A pair of human women agreed, " _No one cries 'They won't return'!_ "

_No one lays a lily on their grave!_

" _The Good man scorns the Wicked!"_ _Shouted another troll._

" _Through our lives, our children learn,"_ _said a mother, gathering her children close._ _"What we_ miss _when we_ mis _behave."_ A few more people joined in on the last words, creating a chorus.

" _And Goodness knows_ ," John spoke to the people below in a voice like wind chimes. " _The Wickeds' lives are lonely…_ " He had to remain strong. He was a public figure, respected, admired. A hero, just like he had always wanted to be.

Dave would have appreciated the irony.

" _Goodness knows, the Wicked die alone_ ," John gasped at the emotions that struck his heart as he said that line. He squeezed his eyes shut. He would not think of that troll, or what had happened to him… Or that it was his fault in a way.

John opened his eyes to see some friendly villagers reaching up to help him down from his ride. The bubble had almost reached the ground. John smiled at their Goodness and allowed himself to be welcomed into a whirlwind of kisses and handshakes and bows. " _It just shows, when you're Wicked, you're left lonely, on your own_."

  
_And Goodness knows, the Wickeds' lives are lonely,_   
_Goodness knows, the Wicked cry alone,_   
_Nothing grows for the Wicked, they reap only,_   
_What they've sown_   


"John?" A child's voice spoke. The Heir of Breath looked around and then down into the large brown eyes of a youth hiding behind their father's leg. "Why does Wickedness happen?"

John smiled. "That's a Good question." A whiff of Breeze ruffled the shy child's hair, eliciting a giggle. "And one that many people find confuse-ivating."

John turned so that he addressed the majority of the people gathered. "Are people born Wicked? Or do they have Wickedness thrust upon them?" He questioned, posing for effect. "After all, _he_ was once a wriggler…"

**John: Narrate the past. ===+**

"He had a father, who was once the mayor of Lowblood Hills…"

_Somewhere far in the past, a troll with small, almost nubby horns bid goodbye to his green-blooded matesprit. Her blood was just yellow-green enough to classify her as a permanent resident of the Lands reserved for those not high on the hemospectrum._

_At first they seemed an unlikely match—his occasionally explosive temper coupled with her cat puns and wild ways. But anyone could soon see that they clicked. They had their healthy instances of hate. They kept each other sane and in line. He had a remarkable skill with diplomacy and could often serve as a temporary auspistice for their problems. And it was all built on a basis of pity. According to rumor, their love went beyond the four quadrants…or whatever trolls called them._

" _I'm off to work, dear," he said while adjusting his Righteous Leggings and putting his trusty sickle safely in his strife specibus._ _Being mayor of Lowblood Hills wasn't an easy job, but some nooksucker had to do it._

_Times had changed. For instance, humans and trolls and the creatures called lusus naturae now lived together in an unlikely mix of cultures and traditions. It had been an interesting process, and there was still the occasional bump along the road to peace, but everyone had made a magnificent effort toward the greater Good. Both groups had adjusted to the others' strange ways, although the hemospectrum still held sway over trolls' lives. Visitation to a different part of the Lands was not forbidden, but your home would always be either with lowbloods or highbloods, or the castes in-between. Nevertheless, Oz was a beautiful, miraculous, astounding, wwonderful mixing pot._

"He had a mother, like most people do."

_A lithe female troll came bounding towards her matesprit, the green designs on her black dress a blur. The other troll soon found himself accosted by a full-force tacklepouncehug. He gasped from under the mop of her unruly black hair, crowned by a pair of horns shaped like cat ears. Her olive green eyes twinkled as she gave him a lipstick-stained kiss._

" _Sorry, darling. How I hate to go and leave you lonely like this, but they pulled a fast one on me again." he said, recovering quickly._

" _That's alright! It's only just one night, Jegus," she purred a reply. "Be Good!"_

_He returned her kiss and headed out the door, pausing once to wave back at his Disciple. "Just know you're curled up here in my heart, while you're out of my sight!"_

"And like every family…they had their secrets."

_Later that evening the Disciple stretched out on the couch by a warm fireplace. She yawned contentedly. This was just purrfect…_

_The door rang._

_Mrw? The olive-blooded troll wondered who could be at the door. Her matesprit wouldn't return for a while, she mew that. Then…was it pawssibly a visitor? Her feral eyes lit up with curiosity. How fun! She rushed to get the door._

" _Oh…it's you." With a bit of reluctance, perhaps, she let her guest in._

" _Yeah, me. Guess you an the red-blood didn't expect me, miss huntress." The mystery man swept into the hive. "I guess I should apologize for bargin' in like this, but well… shit happens."_

" _Don't start making yourself comfurrtable just yet." The Disciple growled at her guest. He had already gone to sit down on the couch and had started to relax. "Just what is your business here? Your kind doesn't usually purruse these Lands too often."_

" _Relax, catfish. I just had to make a trip for some ingredients. You remember my hobbies…" This elicited a disdainful sniff from the other troll._

_Her keen eyes caught something. "What's that?" She asked, pointing to a small bottle on the other's person._

" _Oh, this? It's not much. Just a…experiment." He took the tiny glass bottle and shook it slowly. A cloudy white liquid swirled on the inside. It was hard to tell, but in the dark surroundings the mysterious matter almost seemed to…glow? "Wwhite elixir," he said softly, reverently._

" _What does it do?" She stalked closer, entranced._

" _Nothin'." He stood up and held the bottle away from her. "You can't get it."_

_She snatched for it, long nails raking the air. Missed. "It's not that important."_

_Yes it was, if he was playing keep-away with her! It was like a game. She must have it. It must be hers. She hated being teased! If something was held right out of her reach, she was going to try to get it!_

_"Curiosity killed the cat you knoww." And here he made his mistake. He dangled the bottle right in front of her nose and then quickly retracted it. But he wasn't quick enough._

_Fast as lightning, she snatched it from his hand. She gave a cry of delight and clutched her prize close._

_"…Fine. Guess I don't get to drink it, then."_

_That was all he had to say to ensure that she would, indeed, drink it._

Have another little swallow little lady,

And follow me down!

**Ancestors: Be first-time lusii. I mean parents. ===+**

_Things had definitely changed. When trolls first arrived in Oz and began to settle, they found no Mother Grub. And all the lusii here were more intelligent and talkative then the ones back on Alternia. They weren't anything like what trolls were used to charging with raising grubs. But the Old Age trolls were settlers from the farthest outreach of the Alternian Empire, and they had to make do. The influence of Her Imperious Condescension did not reach this outpost of their cosmos often enough for her to send aid._

_So, after many heated debates and speeches and forceful changing of minds, it was decided. They would adapt. It had been done before and could be done again. The humans here on Oz assured them that it was worth it. They would raise their own young. With new technology it was now possible to know your descendant, become parents, and even have siblings! Siblings were still considered rare, however._

_And that was why two troll almost-new-parents were now in their hive, trying not to pull their hair out. The Waiting was well-known to trolls by now. One spouse would always have to try calming the other down. Then they would scream, fidget, and try to distract each other in any possible way. Teeth gnashing and sudden panic attacks were common. There was no way of knowing when the Storking Drones would arrive with your bundle of mess. It was widely regarded as a wonderful time._

_And there it was. The bell, or if you didn't have a doorbell a knock, to signal the customary and equally well-known Race to the Door. The Disciple lept with a screech from her anxious perch at the bottom of a staircase. Jegus made no attempt to stem the constant flow of colorful swear words from his mouth as he flew to the door._

_It was said that the first one to reach the door and open it would be the first troll that the grub would see. Jegus and the Disciple reached the door at the same time. They shot each other a brief look full of excitement and love. Then, together, they turned the handle._

I see a leg,  
I see a stub,

_There it was! In the drone's arms…_

It's a happy, perfect, handsome little…

"And from the moment he hatched he was, well, different…"

_The grub's mother lept back with a scream. The father too, could hardly believe his eyes._

This must be wrong,  
The drone's misled,

_This couldn't be right. Something must have gone wrong somewhere. Because…because grubs were the color of their blood..._

It's atrocious!  
It's pure dread!

_And this one…this one…their grub…their grub was…was…_

Like a candy-colored cherry, this grub here is unnaturally…

**_Red!_ **

_In solemn, shocked silence, the grub was taken from the Stork's outstretched arms. His mother held the small life close to her chest, worry and fear tossing and turning in her eyes like an ocean. The two ancestors stood there for a while. Their baby was a mutant._

"… _Take it away." The Disciple looked up, startled at the hiss in Jegus's voice. "Take it AWAY!" he screamed._

**John: Try to make them understand, even a little bit. ===+**

"So, you see, nothing was ever easy…" The Heir of Breath winced as he was interrupted by cheers.

  
_No one mourns the Wicked!_   
_Now at last, he's dead and gone,_   
_Now at last, there's joy throughout the Lands,_   


Oh no, his talk of the Knight of Blood's earliest moments had had the opposite effect. Instead all of the others rejoiced even further, perceiving John's tale to be about bad times in the past. They didn't live in a world where the red-blooded mutant could terrorize them anymore! In their celebration there was no room for anything but pure, unbridled joy.

John sighed and joined in, as he was expected to. _"And Goodness knows…"_

  
_Goodness knows, the Wicked's lives are lonely,_   
_Goodness knows, the Wicked die alone,_   


" _He died alone!"_ John cried, his voice lost in the commotion of victory.

  
_Woe to those who spurn what Goodness they are shown,_   
_No one mourns the Wicked!_   


A chorus of voices rang throughout the Lands. It started with a rumble and spread over the hills, carrying far and wide.

_Good news! Good news!_

The Good people were joined in their happiness by a hero in blue, who sang in spite of his broken heart.

  
_No one mourns the Wicked!_   
_Good news!_   


Yes, let it all be heard throughout the Lands, from heart to heart.

_No one mourns…_

In voices loud and clear, young and old.

_The Wicked!_

This tale drenched in the red of injustice…

_Wicked!_

A tale of Wickedness.

 

**_WICKED!_ **


	2. Dear Skaia

The happy chattering continued. The flood had at last begun to divide into groups of humans and trolls talking together about the wonderful news. Some members of the large crowd had left, either to go celebrate with family and friends or to find some bauble that their hero, the Heir of Breath, could autograph for posterity. This was an occasion to remember.

John kept smiling his bucktoothed grin, waving, shaking hands, accepting bows from gentlemen, and doling out hugs to everybody. It was like they heard their idol was handing out hugs and they'd known nothing but years of bitter hug famine. But he didn't mind at all, John told himself. People needed to hug more often, and besides, there really hadn't been anything Good to celebrate in a while.

He even let a small group of kids play with Casey for a bit. They laughed at the sparkly bubbles that the salamander emitted. John smiled; he loved making people happy. Karkat would have teased him terribly, called him a suck-up and other harsh words…

The smile disappeared from the young man's face as sudden as a gust of wind. Peace had come, but at a great cost.

"Well, it's been fun to see you all," John giggled as Casey's cheeks were stretched until the consort began kicking out of distress. "But as I'm sure you can imagine there's still more work for me to do," he rescued his partner from the children's' grasp and began to wave goodbye. "What with the wizard's sudden departure. So unless there are any more questions-"

"John!" A female troll shouted from the sidelines. People turned at the sound of her loud and demanding voice. She pointed at the Heir of Breath with a gloved hand, part of a colorful uniform of teal and red. Crimson glasses angled up in sharp points to hide her eyes. Twin horns as straight and sharp as needles jutted from her black, medium-length hair. Her other gloved hand rested on top of a red and white cane.

From the looks of it, she was one of the many legislacerator trolls sent out to police the festivities. A rare scowl twisted her black lips as she looked at the blueberry-smelling human through blind eyes. She remembered him and the Knight from Skaia University and something was not adding up. Her sense of justice demanded some answers. Her words rang out clear and strong, like a human lawyer questioning a defendant. "Is it true you and him were friends?"

The effect was immediate. A chorus of voices erupted from the crowd. John's face couldn't decide whether to turn red or white as his mouth opened slightly in protest. The surrounding trolls and humans looked back and forth between the judicial enforcer and the Heir of Breath. It couldn't be true! Such a notion was absolutely preposterous. John the Good and the despicable Knight of Blood friends? They yelled, cried, hollered, bellowed, and screamed their denial in unison. But the legislacerator stood firm, folding her hands over the dragon-headed cane.

Something resembling sound managed to force its way out of John's mouth. "Well I…" He bit his lower lip with his large teeth. "Yes."

A shrill scream tore through the air above the gasping crowd.

"But it depends on what you mean by 'friend'!" John said quickly, nervously adjusting his glasses and attempting to do damage control. He looked out over the crowd and sighed. He dropped Casey and the salamander happily began blowing out a large bubble for him to sit on. This was going to be a long story.

"I did…know him once. That, that is, I mean-" John stammered at his now-rapt audience. A multitude of eyes shaded every color of the hemospectrum stared back at him. "It's all very complicated. You see," he began. "We went to the same school..."

John took a seat, the loyal consort salamander snuggling close to his side. His blue eyes focused on something far away, filled to the brim with a sudden well of sadness. Although the young man's voice softened, the total hush of the crowd allowed his story to be carried through the air.

**Skaia University freshmen: Sing the school song. ===+**

" _But please, try to understand. It was a long time ago, and we were both…still young."_

_O dashing Derse and bright Prospit,_   
_The grand-liest sight there is…_

BAM! A robed figure burst into the common room, running fast like it couldn't wait to arrive at this new beginning.

Or like a lifetime of suffering was chasing at its heels.

The new student stopped once his feet reached the middle of the floor. The front of his chest expanded with big breaths underneath his shirt, which was marked with a strange gray symbol. Only a few humans might have been able to recognize it as the human zodiac sign for cancer. He moved his short black hair out of his eyes with one hand. His other was occupied with holding a school bag.

"Fucking finally." He growled. Despite his hostile voice the troll shot short, curious glances around the room that he had just raged into. A few other new students, troll and human alike, were milling about. "Damn hood, I can't see worth a hoofbeast's-" the crabby troll muttered a few more choice words and reached up to pull the offending object off.

Oh.

The student was indeed a troll, as evidenced by his symbol, hair, still-slightly-gray eyes, and horns. Nothing about that was unusual. Except for one thing...

He was red in the face. Literally. While all trolls' skin were normally gray, a blush showed as red as his temper through his. That was very dangerous, having your blood color (and a _mutated_ hue at that) on full display for everyone to mock according to their own places on hemospectrum. But even the matter of his skin paled (though not to its normal color) in comparison to his horns.

The troll looked to be about 10 or 11 sweeps, if one was familiar with his kind. However his horns were strangely small for his age, barely reaching up to the top of his head. They were also strangely rounded at the tips where they should be pointed. Strangely short and stout. Strangely colored a striking bright, blood red instead of resembling candy corn.

Indeed, "strangely" seemed to describe many things pertaining to the troll.

_When done and doomed our lives doth end,_   
_We shall still remember our lessons and friends,_

The young troll slowly began to trod around the unfamiliar space with a sort of practiced resentment. _Okay, let's see how quickly this goes bad._ His record was 15 seconds.

A human walked toward his general direction. The troll attempted a friendly smile, even a jaunty wave with one reddish hand. Judging by how the person jumped and then slowly backed away, silently staring at him with wide eyes, his smile looked more like an " _I'm gonna eat you_ " grimace. The twist of his black lips disappeared, replaced by a frown. He hadn't even lasted 10 seconds. Fucking incredible. Behind him, the first few unfriendly whispers began to reach his ears.

Refusing to give up, he advanced towards a group of three trolls, two boys and a girl. Maybe he would have better luck with his own species. HAHAHA THAT WAS A GREAT JOKE HE REALLY SHOULD KNOW BETTER BY NOW. He cursed his past self for having such a shitty idea as he watched the two trolls catch the girl and carry her away, shooting scared glances back over their shoulders. She had fainted at the sight of him. If his cheeks could blush any more, they would. He hadn't made anyone faint like that in a long time.

The next group was a mix of both races. The mutant troll took a deep breath and decided to give one last try. He whipped around and took a single step towards them. Immediately their friendly conversations ceased and a few gasped. One of them cowered behind his school bag, holding it in front of his chest like a futile protective shield. The others soon followed suit, fleeing like animals faced with a furious forest fire.

_In our days at dear Skaia,_

Frustrated, the troll's eyes landed on two frightened bystanders that had been watching the whole thing. A growl rose in his throat. He had had enough! He dropped his bag and waved his arms wildly for effect as he charged at the duo of students. They ran, fearing his rage.

_Our days at dear-_

"Deeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrr…" sang a voice, slightly too deep and grand, obviously trying to be funny. The red troll looked up from grumbling over his suitcase. Who was this douchebag?

A boy sat atop a mountain of luggage being pushed into the common room of Skaia University, singing the school song he had just learned with innocent glee. A snow-white lusus worked hard to wheel in both human and baggage on a cart. The boy's blue eyes sparkled with mischief behind his glasses. He had short black hair and a young, friendly face. Smiling with large upper teeth, he waved enthusiastically to everyone in the room. One certain troll stuck out his tongue and flipped him the bird in response.

"… _Skaia."_ The boy finished. Hmph. He was still annoyingly happy.

Suddenly the troll became aware that the whole room was staring at him. Even Mr. Nookstain on his stupid cart. "What are you lumpmaggots looking at?" he snarled. This _always_ happened, dammit. He was practically used to it by now.

"Oh, did I get some paint on me or something?" He said with mock surprise, gesturing at his body for emphasis. He waited. The crowd did not answer.

The troll set off in a gray and red blur toward the mass of students. "Okay now you retards," he yelled. "No I'm not diseased, yes I've always been a _mutant_ , no you can't catch it from me it's not a fucking cold goddammit, and no I didn't eat special stardust as a wriggler-"

"Karkat!" A voice even sterner than his broke the silence. An adult troll who greatly resembled the yelling one had entered the room. Next to him was a young female troll with a mechanical arm and eyepatch. The adult did not look happy.

"Ah, and there's my younger sister Vriska." Karkat said pointing at the girl. Her needle-fanged smile disappeared.

The troll was wearing eye makeup on her lashes in the same shade of dull blue as her lipstick. Her hair was long, and cascaded down her symboled shirt and jacket in free black waves. Unlike her sibling her horns appeared normal. One of them hooked downward while the other forked into a two-pronged claw. She held her left arm with her normal right one in a pitiful fashion. The robotic limb was fully mechanical, and with troll technology likely worked just like a normal one, but that didn't make it any less strange to others. In addition, her left eye was also damaged. A black eye patch with eight red holes covered it, as if she were a pirate.

"As you can see she's perfectly normal compared to me." Karkat Vantas finished.

"Karkat, stop causing trouble everywhere you go," Jegus reprimanded his descendant. "Remember why I agreed to let you come here."

"I know." Karkat said, retrieving his neglected suitcase. "So I can look after Vriska while getting an education to make something of myself, yeah yeah."

The ancestor turned back to his daughter, his gaze softening. "My lovely little girl..."

Vriska giggled sweetly at her father's attention.

While Jegus said something about a good-luck present and rummaged around in his fetch modus, Karkat shot a look at Vriska over his shoulder. She wasn't fooling him. He knew his sister better than anyone.

At first the girl seemed robust and talkative, easily attracting friends and making connections. But deep down, his sister was sort of… a bitch. People felt sorry for her because of her arm and eye, and she knew it. Her favorite thing to do was manipulate people. With her disability she could pull the strings so that _she_ was always the victim. She could get almost anything she wanted this way and make you do things you wouldn't normally do, even without using her mind-control powers (psychic abilities were restricted to a minimum by law due to their Wicked potential).

Karkat had seen her bring friends over time and time again when they were little. Everyone had to play what she wanted to play—usually FLARPing—and she was always the "Queen". She would claim to be helping you and doing things for the greater Good. Why don't you trust her, let her do something for once, just let her be happy! She would toss her hair and claim to have allllllll of the luck, but Karkat suspected that really it could just be credited to her having connections with the right people, saying the right words, and looking pitiable in all the right ways.

Vriska yelled excitedly, "Red pshooooooooes!" She had just unwrapped a pair of red rocket shoes with yellow flame decals. They were the newest model. Vriska grabbed the shoes and held them close to her chest lovingly.

"A gift for my daughter, and the future Mayor of Lowblood Hills," Jegus said with a smile.

And indeed she would be. Even though Vriska's blood color was blue, high on the hemospectrum, the position would likely go to either her or Karkat as Jegus's descendants. And nobody wanted a mutant in charge. Besides, the highbloods had given hints that they were very supportive of having Vriska inherit the position. Karkat gritted his sharp teeth. It was obvious that they just wanted one of their own to rule over the lowbloods. As if they didn't have enough power already. Whatever. He didn't care. No way in Hell. Why would he? She would probably love it anyway.

"Karkat, watch over your sister." said Jegus. He waved an affectionate goodbye to Vriska, who was still admiring her shoes. "And try not to be so fucking stupid." He shouted over his shoulder as he walked away, not looking at his cherry red freak of a son.

There was silence as the two siblings were left alone. "Well there wasn't anything that he could get me," Karkat finally laughed. "I clash with everything." He did his best to brush it off, turn away, and pretend that the gift didn't bother him.

But his mutinous voice gave his emotions away.


	3. The Wwizard and I

**Headmistress Feferi: Be Excited ===+**

"Welcome, new students!" The surrounding trolls and humans turned to find the speaker with the peppy, youthful voice.

An adult troll dressed in colorful pink robes and a tiara entered the room. Her horns arced straight up and slightly to the sides. Her black hair was the longest most of the students had ever seen, trailing down onto the floor. It looked like it could swallow a troll whole—like some of her employed army of hairdressers would be found in it weeks later eating bits of their hairbrushes to survive. On her head rested a gold tiara, marked with a very rare symbol in purple-pink. She was a sea dweller, with wine-purple fins on her cheeks, obviously of very high blood. Despite her age she wore pink goggles over her eyes, as if she were going to the beach after classes. In her hand she carried an elaborate golden trident with a decorative purple line curling around the middle.

"I am Feferi Peixes, the Witch of Life, and I am the Headmistress of Skaia University. But you may call me Madame. Should you guppies graduate, you too will earn a title of your very own." She giggled at her own fish pun. "We have nothing but the highest hopes for-" she added the words "some of" under her breath. "…you." Madame Peixes finished with monstrous grin. "This will be so exciting!"

"Oh! Ah!" Vriska looked confused as the Witch gasped at her. "You must be the Mayor's daughter. Miss Serket, correct?" She walked closer and gave the girl a once-over. "How tragically beautiful." She murmured, clutching her trusty trident. "And you must be-" she grinned and turned to the troll who stood next to Vriska.

"I'm her sibling, Karkat Vantas." Karkat said as Feferi stumbled backwards in shock. "I'm…" he swallowed. "I'm beautifully tragic, I guess."

"Ah, yes. Whale I'm shore you're very bright…"

"Bright?" John mumbled over to the side. He had slid off the pile when the pretty sea dweller Headmistress had come. "He practically glows." John snickered. Karkat tried to pretend that he hadn't heard that, or the other students returning the laughter.

Suddenly the boy remembered something. "Um, Miss Madame Lady? Do you know where I might find my private hivesuite in Prospit dormitories?"

The reaction was immediate. All of the remaining student body broke out in an uproar. Why didn't they all get private hivesuites? What made him so special? Who was this douchebag?

"Oh!" John exclaimed, turning to face the crowd. "You guys can all come over to my place whenever you want, as long as we can be friends! That's the only rule." He said, grinning. Everyone was appeased.

Karkat watched, getting more and more annoyed as John was given compliments on how Good he was. "I am not!" And then a laugh. Yes you are, oh no I'm not you sillies! Bluh bluh, huge dork.

"Did you have a question?" Feferi asked, pink eyes blinking.

"Yes ma'am, my name is John Egbert, from LOWAS, the Land of Wind and Shade?" Oh please. Karkat wanted to scoff. Like the Headmistress of Oz's finest university wouldn't know what the acronym of a Land stood for?

Seeing that the Headmistress recognized the name, John continued. "I've applied to your Aspect seminar, and it is a huge and valued personal interest of mine," he moved closer to Feferi. "Y'know, to study and stuff. With you."

Karkat stifled a groan. That suck-up.

"I think you may have read my essay, _Typheus's Snore: The Breeze Flows Through All_." The boy wiggled his fingers for effect.

"Oh yes…" Judging by her frown, the Empress had indeed seen that essay. "However," she raised one dignified finger in John's direction. "I do not teach my seminar every semester, unless I find a true pearl in an oyster, that is, someone spe-shell."

"Whale...egg-sactly." John said, trying to endear himself to the nice lady with floundering puns. The smile, complete with overbite, served as a fin-ishing touch.

"Madame Peixes," Karkat spoke, interrupting John before he could say something else stupid. "Vriska and I haven't found our rooms yet either."

"Oh, your father alerted me ahead of tide about your sister's…condition," came the quick response and smile. "I've always had an interest in care-based culling, so we struck an agreement. We thought it would be best for her to room near the offishes, ehm, offices, so that I can assist her whenever needed."

Karkat felt his breath hitch in his throat. "But that's always been my job-"

Feferi tilted her head. "He didn't mention you." she said, face quizzical. It was a good thing that the mutant troll had had extensive practice hiding his emotions behind a poker face. Questions and anger fought a violent and bloody battle inside him as he tried to protest.

Off to the side, John watched the Headmistress lose interest in him. "You know, I don't think she even read my essay, guys," he pouted to his friends.

"Bummer, dude," said a blond young man in red clothes. His hands rested casually in his pockets. He nodded to rap music through earbuds that were connected to his sunglasses. The logo of a well-known technology business flashed over the lenses. Overall, he came off as entirely… cool. So cool in fact that the glaciers all gave up, said 'nope, fuck this man', and ollied out via spontaneous evaporation. Global warming, motherfuckers.

"Dave, don't be so flippant. John, my advice would be to inquire further with our dear Headmistress." A girl who greatly resembled the coolkid interjected. Her light blonde hair and skin matched Dave so well that they could have been mistaken for siblings. A lavender headband that matched her skirt kept her short hair in order. "If your sister were here, I am certain that she would accede the notion with a charming 'hoo hoo' of joviality."

"You really think so, Rose?" asked John. "I should ask?" Rose reiterated. Yes, he should. John spent a few moments in thought and then turned back to the Headmistress, raising his hand to signal that he had a question.

"Excuse me!" Piped Feferi, putting her arm around a very shocked Karkat. "Would anybody like to volunteer to share with Karcrab Vantas?" At the mention of the mutant troll, the rest of the student body backed away as if repelled.

"Um, Madame Peixes?" John said, stepping forward.

"Excellent, Mr. Egbert," said a delighted Feferi. She scooted Karkat forward with her arm. For once the troll's face was not able to mask the utter revulsion, confusion, and horror that he felt. "How very Good of you," the Headmistress complimented a bewildered John.

"Say thank you Mr. Vantas. I'm sure you two will be the best of hivemates!" Feferi chirped as she dragged the two boys closer by the arms. They began to blurt out complaints and creative swear words before they were even within two feet of each other.

"Everyone retire to your dormitories: Prospit on the right, Derse on the left." Feferi called as she swooped behind a shocked Vriska and began forcefully escorting her away.

"Wait! Karkat what the hell is going on?"

"Madame Peixes you don't understand!"

"Pretty pink miss sea dweller ma'am!"

Suddenly no one understood anything. All of the students scattered. Some obeyed Feferi's commands and fled to either the yellow or purple hall. John's friends tried to understand what had happened and attempted to force their way through the crowd to him, Karkat yelled, and the lusii who were pushing carts and other menial tasks got confused and added to the clamor with shrieks, hisses, clicks, and roars. It was a huge screaming mess. Literally.

**Karkat: Flip the fuck out ===+**

Suddenly Karkat let out a huge bellow and slammed his school bag to the ground with a bang. He clenched his fists, took in a large breath, and then opened his mouth to emit the single loudest cuss word the students had ever heard. One hate-filled syllable echoed on for longer than any ordinary person could scream. The students gasped as they felt an enormous magical force rampage its way through the room. The confusion and clamor died, only to be replaced by a heavy feeling of anger that permeated the common room. Some of the weaker students fell to their knees. Even Feferi gave a startled glub and was forced to let go of the young lady who she was holding.

Vriska herself hollered and shrieked as her robotic left arm jerked around as if possessed, slapping and punching Feferi until it was finally free. Even then it continued to move around with a power and speed that not even a troll could naturally manage. Finally Karkat's voice came to an end, and the arm stopped. Breathing hard from effort, the red troll walked over to his sister under the scared looks of the others and grabbed her by the shoulders possessively, moving them a few steps away from the Headmistress.

Feferi and the students recovered as the strange feeling fled, but the sea dweller could only blink at the two siblings in astonishment.

"…How did he do that?" Muttered John from where he had faceplanted onto the floor next to a group of humans that had hunched together,

"Karkat…" Vriska looked over her shoulder at her brother. He didn't answer. His hands were trembling. He had just royally screwed up. Again. Grayish-red eyes traced with fear glanced back at Vriska. That had been a Vast Expletive. "You promised you'd never do that again!" She cried and wrenched herself out of his grip.

"I-I'm sorry," Karkat said to Feferi and the crowd. Vriska tentatively cradled her arm and gave it a horrified look, already turning the situation to her advantage. "I just…once in a while I…lose control or some shit…" Fuck. Fuck. _Fuck._ Now they thought that he was not onlya freak, but a dangerous freak! He was going to be chased out of school on his first day.

"What?" Feferi found her voice. She gave a short laugh. "Never apologize for a powerful gift like that!" Was she…smiling?

She swooped over to Karkat in a pink blur and pulled him aside. Her fuchsia eyes glittered. "Have you ever thought of studying sorcery?"

He blinked back at her. Sorcery was a very strong and esteemed branch of what the world considered Aspects. People believed that there were two main powers at work in the world: Wickedness and Goodness. Throughout their lives, people were taught to promote Good and shun Wickedness in thoughts and actions, doing their best to create a happy world of harmony. Humans had practically always done this, but when the previously war-like Trolls decided to inhabit the planet, they had been…converted in a way.

The Old Age trolls had learned to use their psychic gifts for the greater Good, and in moderation. In return the humans had helped to practically cure the chronic nightmares that plagued their dreams and made them so cranky. This had been a long, long time ago. The rest of the troll species was focused on other far-off planets and galaxies. Oz was just a suitable planet for an outpost to live on due to overpopulation. Therefore, those trolls that had made Oz their permanent home had lived undisturbed with the humans and these ideals for hundreds of years. Or sweeps.

There were many different types of Aspects: Breath, Time, Mind, and Space just to name a few. Sorcery was the root of all the forces and required dedicated and strong wielders. As a result, people took pride in those users and they were held in high regard. Of course, some people still stubbornly insisted that there was no such thing as 'magic', and that it all could be boiled down to simple science instead. But no one really believed them.

Taking Karkat's dumbstruck silence as a yes, Feferi clapped. "Then I shell tutor you personally and take no one else!" On the other side of the room, John gave a sharp yelp. But the Witch of Life was already fawning over her new find.

_Many sweeps I have waited,_

_For a gift like yours to swim up,_

_Why I predict the Wwizard could make you,_

_His loyal, dear-to-heart chum!  
  
_

_My dear young troll,_

_I'll contact the man at once,_

_Tell him of you in advance,_

_With a talent like yours, Crabsnack, there's,_

_A most de-fin-ish chance_

She giggled excitedly at her bounty of sea puns like a little girl. Karkat listened intently, eyes growing slowly wider at the wonders she was describing to him.

_If you work as you should,_

_You'll be making Good_

"M-Madame I wanted to talk to you about-" John spoke from behind her.

"Not now my dear cuttlefish." Feferi shooed him away with her hands before picking up her trident. She walked elegantly away, black lips hiding a shark-toothed grin. What a for-tuna-te catch that had swum right into her net…

John watched her go with a confused expression. He slowly lowered his hand. Now he had to room with a troll, and a red one, of all things!

"…Maybe this will make me a better person or something." He said. A pause. Then the most dopey, dorky smile imaginable spread across his face. He left to go find his friends, still displaying the most annoying grin of all time.

**Karkat: Disregard John Egbert. Acquire big dreams instead. ===+**

The common room was all cleared out. Karkat stood alone, a red shadow in the middle of the floor. He couldn't believe it. His aural sponges must be damaged. His think pan must be rusted. He was hallucinating, he was dreaming, he was kidding himself-

He could meet the Wizard of Oz.

… _Did that really just happen?_

_Have I actually understood?_

_This curse that I've tried to suppress or hide,_

_Is a talent that could,_

_Help me meet the wizard!_

Everyone knew about the wizard. He was almost a figure of legend—the number one celebrity, the top man in charge of Aspects, with a great influence on politics and pretty much everything else imaginable. No one knew or remembered when or how he had appeared in Oz, but he had been famous ever since the oldest troll could remember. He was mysterious, a powerful wielder of his chosen Aspect, and admired by both humans and trolls. It was rumored that he had knowledge of the most incredible things and was in possession of the profoundest of technologies. He made incredible inventions. Some cults even swore that he could perform miracles. Oz wasn't itself without its wizard. And that person might be interested in what Karkat could offer him…

" _If I make Good…_ " He just had to work hard and prove himself. Not a problem; he could handle it. This was his chance to prove himself to everyone. He could make up for everything. He could show them that he wasn't just a freakish mutant, that he did have a heart and _cared_. He could even make his father proud. With a furious determination, Karkat grabbed his school bag and set off toward Prospit dormitories. Fuck if he was gonna say no. " _So I'll make…Good._ "

_When I meet the wizard,_

_Once I prove I'm a good catch,_

_Oh, then I'll meet the wizard,_

_What I've waited for since…since I hatched!  
  
_

_And with all his wizard wisdom,_

_By my looks he won't be blinded,_

_Do you think the wizard is dumb?_

_Or like humans, so closed-minded? Fuck no!  
  
_

_He'll say to me 'I see who you truly are,'_

' _A troll on whom I can rely.'_

_And that's how we'll begin, the wizard and I,_

Karkat's dreams of meeting the wizard followed him all through his days at school. People still moved out of his way when he tromped through the halls, and burning sneers were to be expected, along with the usual fear or scorn. But what did Karkat care? It was all worth it. He had a dream and a goal. All those other nooksuckers could shut the fuck up and watch. Thoughts like that kept him going through classes, studying, and John Egg-head.

But Karkat supposed he could allow himself to snarl at idiots once in a while. He had a reputation to uphold after all.

_Once I'm with the wizard,_

_My whole life will change,_

' _Cause once you're with the wizard,_

_No one thinks you're strange!_

The crimson troll threw himself into his studies. He had always gotten good grades (it was one of the few things he could do right) but now they really soared. Just barely making it wouldn't keep him in Madame Peixes's goggles, no, or help him to the Ruby Cityhub. He read small mountains of books, practiced everything that his professors assigned, and always attempted extra credit.

He developed a knack for the Sicklekind strife specibus. Anybody who was anybody in a position of power or knowledge, like graduates-to-be, all became experienced with a certain weapon or tool that they would use as a specibus. Karkat could see that the others were suspicious of him and his sharp new toy, but tried his best to continue ignoring it. It just made him work harder.

_No father is not proud of you,_

_No sister acts ashamed,_

_Everybody has to love you,_

_When by thewWizard you're acclaimed,_

Meanwhile Vriska was doing very well. Karkat would never admit it, but he loved his stupid bitchy sister very much. He was a stupid sapsponge that way, dammit, caring about people much more than he should. They both still talked together out of familial bonds and habit, but her hivesuit with the Empress was far away from his. Slowly, they had begun to form their own lives separate from each other.

She was making friends quickly, forming connections with the teachers and the janitors (she had all-time access to the lost-and-found now—free items for her to "borrow"). And even those who she didn't talk to knew her as "that poor crippled girl". They regarded her with pity and usually offered to carry her bags to her next class out of the Good of their hearts. She thanked them with a needle-point smile and accepted.

_And this gift or curse I've got inside,_

_Maybe at last I'll know why,_

_When we are side-by-side,_

_The wizard and I,_

Karkat reached a pause in his desktop studying and went to go return a textbook to his schoolbag. It was late in the evening and the air was still and full of dreams. Karkat found himself thinking about the future again. Such silly fantasies. Yet the troll allowed his mind to wander off in a familiar direction…

_And one day he'll say to me 'Karkat,'_

' _A troll who is so superior,'_

' _Shouldn't someone whose so Good inside,'_

' _Have a matching exterior?'_

Karkat felt his heart begin to pound with excitement at the thought. What would the wizard sound like? Distinguished? Confident? …Fatherly?

' _And since folks here are neverending,'_

' _In being so very condescending ,'_

' _Would it be alright by you,'_

' _If I… normalize you?'_

Karkat smiled. He drummed his long-nailed fingers on the study desk. There was something that he would never admit to anyone else: he often wondered if there were a cure for his mutated coloration. Hell, if anyone could do it, the wizard could. Fuck, he shouldn't giggle! Egbert was finally asleep. But yes, once he met the wizard he would definitely say something like…

_And of course that's not too important to me,_

' _Yeah I guess, why not?' I'll reply,_

_Oh what a pair we'll be,_

_The Wizard and I_

The unused pencil fell from his other hand with a clatter. Studying suddenly didn't seem so important. Why work his nubby horns to the figurative bone, when he could see the end results so clearly in his mind right now? It was such a nice feeling, to take a moment to pretend.

_Unlimited,_

_My future is unlimited,_

_And I've just had a vision almost like a prophecy, I know,_

Once, his catlike mother had told him about a strange ability of his ancestor's. Jegus was prone to flashbacks, sudden memories from the past. Sometimes even pasts that he swore weren't his, of places and people filled with weird and outlandish things that he didn't understand. He called them annoying and unsettling. It was a very unique quirk, even for a Seer. Karkat had never gotten those flashes, to Jegus's disappointment and maybe (Karkat thought) relief. Less ties to show the he was connected to his father. But he still had a damn good imagination.

"… _It sounds crazy as a fuckton of highbloods at a carnival,"_ Karkat mumbled to himself, " _And yup, the vision's hazy as shit. But one day I'm sure they'll be..."_ He tilted his head back and stared at the ceiling. But it wasn't the ceiling that he saw. His red-tinged eyes searched beyond the limits of the roof and sailed on through the stars.

_A celebration throughout Oz,_

_That's all to do…with ME!_

He could picture it so clearly. It was glorious! A chorus of voices rang throughout the Lands, starting with a rumble and spreading far and wide. The people laughed and hugged and shouted together in a joint celebration of happiness. There was no hate, not for blood color or anything. Trolls and humans alike rushed from their houses to add to the rumpus. It was a celebration of Good. Humans and trolls alike stood together and were elated at the sight of two figures, their idols, standing side by side.

_And I'll stand there with the wizard,_

_Feeling things I've never felt,_

Like pure love, admiration, and respect! So much joy that he could burst!

_And though I'd never show it,_

_I'd be so happy I could…melt!_

_And so it will be for the rest of my life,_

_I'll want nothing else 'till I die,_

It was wonderful.

_Held in such high esteem,_

_When people see me they will scream,_

Not out of fear, not then, but with elation! They would have to do that, wouldn't they?

_For half of Oz's favorite team!_

His little red heart soared.

_The Wizard…_

_And I!_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> To clarify, only people that really know him or have met him spell/say the wwizard's name with two "w"s. :)


	4. What is this Feeling?

It was no secret that the prospitian roommates of hivesuite 413 hated each other.

In fact, that would be an understatement.

**John and Karkat: Write letters back home. ===+**

Human and troll sat at their separate desks at opposite sides of the room. The blindingly yellow space had quickly been divided into two halves by a snarling Karkat. (This side near the window is mine, and the other _boring_ side is…no numbnuts, that's my bed!) A line had been drawn across the floor in tape to separate them, like a preschool arrangement between children. That meant no trespassing! (John, stop walking your flabby excuses for fingers over the line or you won't have them anymore. They'll be mine! And no testing the boundaries, I'm on to your bulgelicking trickster pranks.) Both sections contained a bed, a desk, closets, and a few shelves to hold books and belongings. The bathroom was neutral ground. For now.

John hummed to himself. The boy rested his head on his left hand, thoughtfully tapping on the desk with his pen. He looked at the blank letter in front of his eyes, wondering how to start.

At _his_ desk, as far opposite John as possible, sat Karkat. Every time the boy's pen tapped Karkat flinched in annoyance. His expression darkened more and more. Sitting hunched over and leaning into the shadows, he echoed John's humming with low, peeved growls. In front of the troll sat a different piece of paper.

Finally John began to write. _Darlingest Jane and dearest Popsicle…_ He addressed, doodling in a cake with glasses and buckteeth for his sibling.

Oh god, what was that idiot writing now? He was even giggling to himself… Karkat grabbed a pen and also started his letter. _My dear father_ , he wrote formally.

_There's been some confusion over rooming here at Skaia,_

_But of course I'll care for Vriska,_ promised Karkat. _For I know that is what you'd want me to do…_

_But of course,_ John wrote, _I'll fly high above it! For I know that that is what would make you proud…_

_Yes,_

_There's been some confusion,_

_For you see my hive/roommate is…_

They paused. John turned his pencil over and over in his hands. He looked behind him, as if hoping that seeing the mutant troll would give him the proper words. As he watched, Karkat turned slowly around. The moment the troll saw that John was looking at him too, he whipped his head back around to stare at his desk. John watched for a moment longer and then turned back to the letter. How was he going to describe this unfortu-itous roommate and the fact that he was…well, a most curious color?

_...An absurd and rather-unusual individual and all-together quite hard to truly describe,_ John rambled on.

Slowly, Karkat turned his head once more to stare at the human. A few heartbeats passed. Then he looked back and wrote one word.

" _Friendly."_

Judging by the mix of disgust, disbelief, and distaste on his face, being John was a grievous offense indeed.

**Bad Trollmance: Begin. ===+**

It started like a fire, with one initial spark, and then it grew. John and Karkat adjusted to their new lives at Skaia University. They went though classes, classmates, teachers, and then came back together in their dorm.

They were two people who had gotten off on the wrong foot—one of them all his life surrounded by love, the other one hate. Opposite in both attitude and in words, they were forced to share a living space and get along. The troll berated the human, annoyed by the boy's naïveté and childishness. And the human just made him angrier by putting up a kind front and jabbering on about terrible movies and his large group of friends. After a short time, the feelings between the prankster and the mutant began to brew undoubtedly…

Pitch.

_What is this feeling, so sudden and new?_

Exchanges in the halls. Jibes in the classrooms. Fuming silently at the back of his stupid head, daring him to turn around. Coming up with a plethora of new swear terms to use, just to see the look on his face when Karkat used them.

_I felt the moment I laid eyes on you,_

John kept his gaze switching between the e-board and his notes, refusing to turn around and give Karkat the satisfaction of being acknowledged. The troll was staring at the back of John's head again. John didn't even want to look at him, preferring to keep thoughts of the troll down to a bare minimum.

Why was that guy always grumpy? Maybe if he were friendlier, people would like him more. Then he might even smile for once! But the troll just told John that he was stupid and could never understand, what with all his friends. Karkat had also refused to give John the homework answers for that one time when the boy missed class. Vriska had asked John to help her with Strife practice that day. How rude. He had just been being nice to his sister.

_My pulse is rushing,_

_My head is reeling,_

_My face is flushing,_

_What is this feeling?_

Karkat could feel it. Something was happening. An undeniable energy had knit its ugly ties between him and John. And Karkat had an uneasy feeling that his suspicions were correct.

An emotional reaction from even hearing the person's name. Thinking about them even when you didn't want to. Doing the strangest things to get their attention. Even humans recognized it, though they did not fully understand it. Karkat had seen it in countless romcoms. He wasn't going to be that stupid person who denied it until the last minute. This relationship could be turning into something very, very, important… The only question was, did John Egbert feel the same for him?

_Fervid as a flame,_

_Does it have a name?_

Karkat caught sight of John at the other end of the hall. John saw him too, as evidenced by the frown that flitted across his face. Karkat advanced toward John, feeling his bright red heart start to beat faster. They locked eyes as the distance between them closed.

_Yes…_

Karkat snarled, raising one black lip. They were not even a foot apart. John furrowed his brow and folded his arms, leaning back as if to say " _What do_ you _want?_ " It appeared that they were in agreement. They were in…

Hate.

Not even hate. Further then hate. They were so far beyond hate that they couldn't even imagine what it life was like without resenting each other. If hate were a planet in hyperspace then they were all the way in a parallel universe of caliginous dimensions dancing acrobatic pirouettes of "Fuck you!" across the ravaged, black landscape. In fact, one might even call it-

_Loathing.  
Simmering, pitch-black loathing, for_

"Your horns."

"Your fucktarded voice."

"Your swearing!"

_Let's just say-_

_I loathe it all!_

_Every little trait, however small,_

_Makes my very flesh begin to crawl,_

_With simple, utter loathing,_

**Be Karkat. ===+**

So this was what it was like to have a kismesis, Karkat reflected as Kanaya handed him a frog for the day's lesson. Even though that imbecile John didn't recognize blackrom when he saw it…

Karkat scowled at his frog. It was red (oh, haha you hemoist twats) and fat, shimmering with the light of an entire galaxy. He read the instructions. There was a line drawn on the paper for them to give their frog a name.

Who cared if John was a human and not a troll? Karkat thought as he quickly jotted down the name _Bilious Slick_. That didn't change the fact that he hated the windy boy. John could learn about caliginous romance, and if he was too dense to understand it, well that would only made Karkat burn blacker. He had to stop. But addiction was a powerful thing. Fucking stupid son of a leaking pus-hole…

_There's a strange exhilaration,_

_In such total detestation,_

_It's so pure, it's so strong!_

And here Karkat had begun to suspect that he would never hate anyone more then himself. He still despised his past and future selves, but it just wasn't practical to be in your own quadrants. Besides, that would be strange. And he was already strange enough.

A true kissmesisitude was built on mutual hate between two individuals. Unlike with "red" romance, kismesises would make each other stronger by tearing each other down. It sounded backward at first, but by critiquing and challenging one another they helped each other become stronger.

Matesprits desired to assist their partner toward their goals out of an emotion (or whatever it was) called love, wanting only the best for the person they liked. There were attributes, physical or nonphysical, that they found pitiful about one another. That pity led them to care about the other person and their well-being. With troll culture being what it was, inexplicably caring about somebody without any ulterior motive or reason was the kind of insanity that could only be attributed to romantic pity.

But those same qualities could also inspire hate in a troll instead. If you had a kismesis they encouraged you to push the limits of your abilities in order to prove them wrong. In this way you would also strive to become the best you could be. It truly was supposed to be more of a potent arch-rivalry than mutual bullying. To have someone who understood you on such a deep level and cared enough about you to pour countless time and energy into hating that fact…it was so touching.

They gave you a reason to fight and to get angry about things you supported. And you would do the same for them, thereby strengthening the very qualities that you hated about that person. It was glorious…as long as you didn't kill your partner.

Karkat had seen enough romcoms to know what he was talking about.

He channeled his chosen Aspect, Blood, to cast the healing spell on the frog while still distracted by thinking about John Egbert. Beside him, Kanaya gasped. "Karkat, you finished abnormally quickly, are you quite certain you replicated the procedure-"

FWOOOSHHH. Kanaya was interrupted by a small magical explosion.

The two trolls paused, still as stone. Karkat blinked first in surprise and then to clear the glitter from his eyes. After a few shocked seconds the pale smoke faded. Bilious Slick could be seen still alive on the table. Behind him, Karkat heard Kanaya heave a sigh of relief—she had been the one in charge of breeding these frogs, as an extra credit assignment from the professor. Karkat too slowly relaxed, unable to see any harm done to the amphibian.

Slick opened his mouth and let out a vast CROOOAAAAKKKK. Many students covered their ears. Kanaya put one motherly hand on Karkat's shoulder as they watched. If all went well, they should be able to see images that looked like galaxies in the frog's belly. That was the sign the spell had worked.

And there it was. But that wasn't all. Red tendrils pulsed across Bilious Slick's belly, tangling with the images of a universe. The frog's eyes were lidded too, as if it had suddenly come down with a fever. Kanaya touched it with a medi-wand in one pale hand. She viewed the results with wide eyes. Karkat's heart sunk. He had given the frog cancer.

_Though I do admit it came on fast,_

_Still I do believe that it can last,_

_And I will be loathing, loathing you,_

_My whole life long!_

**Everyone: Be on John's side. ===+**

"Hey John, how do you do it?" a student asked.

"Do what?" John said, surprised. It was Aspect Class, the most important class of all. From Space to Time and all areas in-between, pupils were supposed to gradually find their calling to major in. Rose had finally decided that she wanted to pursue Light and was discussing it with him and Dave. Dave had chosen the path of Time almost immediately on the first day.

"Stand living with _that_ freak over there of course." The student pointed over to another part of the large room. Karkat sat at a desk, surrounded by books on sorcery. He looked up when he heard the mean-spirited remark but simply grimaced and looked down when he saw that it was John's group.

"I know!" A female student piped in from a nearby table, "He's so mean and scary. You must be a really Good person, having to put up with him all the time," she complimented John. "I don't think I could stand it."

" _He's a terror_." said the first student.

" _He's a swear-er_."

" _We don't want to be unfair,_ " they both said. " _But we think you're the best friendleader!_ "

John looked at their happy faces with surprise. It was true that he and Karkat were not getting along. But he didn't think that other people would get involved, and besides, it was a strange relationship that the two of them had. The names and teasing…it had become almost like a game that they played. And apparently they both liked playing games. He just disliked the red troll on automatic now. After all, if someone was mean to you, you would be mean back. But he did not wish Karkat any serious harm… "Well," John said.

This was…actually kind of cool, the way people gazed at him with admiration and respect. It was almost like he was some sort of hero! A hero of Good, forgiving to all, willing to be kind to even the most sinful villain despite most peoples' misgivings. Quick, what should he do?

" _These things are sent to test us_ …" he began in a grandiose voice. Oh gosh, he loved being a hero.

"Reeeeally Tavros?" Vriska shrieked from a table to the left, stretching out the e. "That's why you're majoring in Breath?"

"Shh! Um, not so loud, please...if you don't mind." Tavros held a finger to his lips.

"But you can already commune with animals." The spidergirl continued, in a volume loud enough for others to hear. "You'd think that would be enough but noooo, Pupa Pan here wants to fly too!" Tavros gave a shy smile, glancing around timidly. He had large horns that were shaped like a bull's, and they traced a circle in the air as he turned his head.

Vriska's smile was like a row of needles. "That's always been your biggest dream, huh? To soar with the fakey-fairies and featherbeasts? I think you need to trade your legs in for wings then."

Tavros played nervously with his shirt. A dull-orange symbol for Taurus was on the front. His bashful face contradicted his tough-looking Mohawk. "Hey Joooohn!" Vriska called over, "Aren't you studying Breath too?"

"Hm?" said John. "Oh, yeah!"

Tavros gaped at the boy in awe. "R-really?" he stuttered, "Um, do you find it hard? Because I, well, I'm not very good at it. At least uh, not yet…" he trailed off. "It's always been my dream to fly, ever since I was uh, little. I think it'd be um, pretty great…"

"Hehe, well I have been climbing the echeladder really quickly with help from Vriska," John smiled at the two trolls. "And if it's flying you want, I did manage to do this windy thing one time…"

"You're being modest," said Rose from across the table. "Why don't you demonstrate your aptitude, John? Your skills are most impressive."

"Yeah Egbutt." agreed Dave. John shot a look at his friend, unsure if the nickname was for ironic purposes or not.

John shrugged his shoulders. He may as well. He stretched out his hands and concentrated. Tendrils of air began to bend to his will, flowing together into light blue streams. The students halted in their work to watch. That was high-level Aspect powers for their age. Slowly, one voice joining after another, they all began to chant "DO THE WINDY THING, DO THE WINDY THING, DO THE WINDY THING-"

John did the Windy Thing.

Tavros gasped as he felt himself being lifted by a column of air. He threw his arms out wide, desperately trying to balance on…on nothing! The students cheered and applauded.

"Fly, Pupa Nitram, flyyyy!" Vriska laughed at Tavros hovering above her.

Tavros couldn't believe it. He was flying. No wings were on his back but the air itself was supporting him high, high above the ground. Nobody could reach him here! His horns felt weightless. He was too stunned to stutter. Here, he floated safely, above all possible worries and faults. He could almost taste the sky. Up in the air, he could fly around with animal friends, know what it was like to be a bird. He felt so free. Absolutely free.

It was a dream come true.

Below, firmly grounded to the earth, a nubby-horned troll grumbled while trying to catch his papers. This stupid blue wind was blowing them everywhere.

Karkat grabbed the biggest book near him and placed it on top of a small pile of papers that he had managed to retrieve. Goddammit. How inconsiderate of that grubstaining showoff. He huffed and turned to the enragingly happy crowd. John sat at the table, grinning as he concentrated on coaxing the Breeze to let Tavros down more-or-less gently. Around him everyone else began to congratulate him and laugh. Even Karkat's sister, Vriska, completely ignored him and was pandering to John instead. He was alone.

_Poor John Egbert forced to reside,_

_With one troll so disgusti-cified,_

A few days later they were working with sleeping poppies in Biology class. The red plants reacted strongly to Karkat's care, flowering and putting his partner, an olive-blood named Nepeta Leijon, to sleep.

Of course, John's jibe of "Maybe they like you because you're the same color!" got much more approving laughter then it probably should have.

_We just want to tell you,_

_We're all on your side!_

**Karkat: Sign on to Trollian===+**

Trollian was a thing. Well, technically, it was Pesterchum. Skaia University allowed chat programs to be on peoples' computers, and pesterchum was the most popular among students. However, Karkat was blocked so often (especially by a certain windy blue asshole) that he usually messaged people from the Trollslum. He had learned a few helpful hacks from another asshole, one with a lisp.

Karkat groaned and rubbed his forehead. It had been another tiring day. The other students were completely enamored with John, it seemed, and not a single one had come to Karkat's aid. Well, at least Kanaya was mostly neutral. And then there was that one blind girl who probably only liked him because he was "the most delicious color, heeheehee!". Sure, that was fine, better than expected goddammit.

_We share your loathing,_

_Pitch-black, passionate loathing,_

_For his face, his voice, his clothing,_

_Let's just say…we loathe it all!_

_Oh, what is this feeling?_

Karkat signed on. Pavement-gray text shone back at him from the screen. Huh, not many idiots were on right now. Pity, yelling at people online might make him feel better…

Oh wait. John was on. Ecto-assfucker-Biologist. Karkat couldn't believe it. Such a rare opportunity! Operation hateflirt, GO!

**-carcinoGeneticist [CG] began trolling ectoBiologist [EB]-**

CG: HI AGAIN, IDIOT.  
CG: HAVE YOU STIMULATED YOUR DISGUSTING HUMAN SHAME GLOBES YET TODAY?  
CG: I AM CONSTANTLY AMAZED BY HOW MUCH I HATE YOU.  
CG: YOU SEEM TO UNDERESTIMATE THE MEASURE OF MY ANTIPATHY FOR YOUR SORRY ASS.  
CG: AND YOUR FUCKING MORONIC HERD OF FRIENDS.  
CG: ONE DAY I WILL BE THE ONE FLYING HIGH ABOVE YOU, JOHN HUMAN.  
CG: LIKE A WRATHFUL GOD WHO DESPISES YOU MORE THAN YOU COULD HAVE POSSIBLY DARED TO FEAR.  
CG: YOU WILL PLEAD FORGIVENESS FOR BEING SUCH A WRETCHED DISGUSTING FAILURE ON EVERY CONCEIVABLE LEVEL.  
CG: BUT YOUR PRAYERS WILL NOT BE ANSWERED.  
CG: THERE ARE NO MIRACLES IN STORE FOR YOU, HUMAN.  
CG: ONLY MY HATE.  
CG: IT IS A HATE SO PURE AND HOT IT WOULD CONSUME YOUR SAD UNDERDEVELOPED HUMAN THINK PAN TO EVEN CONTEMPLATE.  
CG: IT IS A HATE THAT TO FATHOM MUST BE PUT INTO SONG.  
CG: SHRIEKED BY THE TEN THOUSAND ROWDY SHOUT SPHINCTERS PEPPERING THE GRUESOME UNDERBELLY OF THE MOST WICKED BEING. CG: IT IS A HATE THAT WAS CREATED FOR YOU AND WILL SURELY DESTROY YOU.  
CG: MY HATE IS THE LIFEBLOOD THAT PULSES THROUGH THE VEINS OF OUR VERY UNIVERSE LIKE THE CANCER THROUGH THAT FROG.  
CG: IN FACT, I MIGHT EVEN GIVE THAT REPULSIVE CREATURE TO YOU AS A GIFT.  
CG: FUCK YOU.  
CG: YOU UNGRATEFUL PIECE OF SHIT.

EB: hi karkat!

Fuck. Karkat took a moment to execute a double facepalm combo.

_There's a strange exhilaration,_

_In such total detestation,_

_It's so pure, it's so strong!_

CG: HAVE I EVER TOLD YOU HOW MUCH I HATE THE WAY YOU TYPE?

EB: you say that pretty much every time we talk, yeah. :B

CG: NO. NO STUPID TEXT-FACES.  
CG: I WAS USING THOSE SHITTY BUCKTEETH FIRST, AS HORNS.  
CG: D:B  
CG: SEE?

EB: haha, you're so funny karkat!  
EB: especially all of the weird things you say, although I can never totally understand them.

CG: I WOULDN'T EXPECT A DULL-PANNED FRIEND-FARMING PERSON LIKE YOU TO UNDERSTAND MY RAGE.

EB: hey, what do you mean "friend-farming"?  
EB: people like me because im nice to them. you should try it sometime, grump-grump.

CG: NO. HELL NO. WHY WOULD I EVER WANT TO BE INCLUDED IN YOUR DISGUSTING HAPPY SHAME-GATHERING?  
CG: I LIKE IT ALONE, WHERE I DON'T HAVE MISS SMARTASS LALONDE TALKING TO ME.

EB: rose isnt a smartass!  
EB: shes really intelligentical.

CG: AND THAT BASTARD DAVE. OOH LOOK AT ME IM SUCH A COOLKID, I DON'T EVEN SHOW EMOTIONS BECAUSE IM TOO FUCKING COOL TO CARE.

EB: you take that back!  
EB: see, this is why people dont like you.

CG: FUCK YOU AND FUCK YOUR FUCKING BRAINLESS INANE FRIENDS.  
CG: FRIENDSHIP ISN'T EVEN AN EMOTION, FUCKNUTS.  
CG: THEY'RE STUPID, AND YOU'RE STUPID AS WELL.  
CG: …  
CG: HELLO?

EB: you  
EB: did  
EB: not.

CG: WHAT?

EB: you did not.  
EB: no one insults my friends like that.  
EB: i gave you a chance to stop, karkat. but you didnt.  
EB: you can talk crap about me all you want.  
EB: but i wont let you say shit about my friends.

CG: HAHA, OH YOU'RE ANGRY NOW? I'M CURIOUS, WHAT WILL YOU DO?  
CG: GO RUNNING TO YOUR PRECIOUS FRIENDS, CRYING AND COVERED IN SNOT? LET THEM HEAL YOUR WOUNDED FEELINGS WITH HUGS?  
CG: HOW UTTERLY SICKENING.

EB: SHUT THE FUCK UP!

CG: …WOW.

EB: now its personal! don't include my friends in your bullying schemes!

CG: …  
CG: DO YOU…HATE ME?

EB: YOU FUCKING BET I DO!  
EB: I HATE YOU SO MUCH RIGHT NOW!  
EB: ITS ON, FUCKTROLL!

Yes. Yes. YES HE FELT THE SAME. They continued on.

_Though I do admit it came on fast,_

_Still I do believe that it can last, and_

__

_CG: I SWEAR, I WILL BE LOATHING_

_CG: FOR-FOREVER LOATHING,_

_EB: truly, deeply, loathing youuuuu!_

The next day, Karkat caught sight of John at the other end of the hall. John must have seen him also, judging by the uncharacteristic scowl that began across his face. He stood in a large group of friends, glaring back at the troll without apology.

Karkat advanced towards him, feeling his bright red heart begin to beat faster. The rest of the hallway quieted as the surrounding students watched the distance between the two rivals shrink. They locked eyes. A stern silence followed.

"FUCKASS!" Karkat suddenly yelled. John flinched back at the booming noise with a shriek. Cackling at his success, the troll swaggered slowly away, taking the time to wave his middle finger at the young boy and his friends.

_My whole life long!_

It was no secret that the roommates of hivesuite 413 hated each other.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Karkat.
> 
> Karkat you predicted this, didn't you. :| "CG: IT IS A HATE THAT TO FATHOM MUST BE PUT INTO SONG." He SERIOUSLY said that in this conversation, of which I lifted from heavily, among others. mspaintadventures.com/?s=6&p=004528
> 
> Also, this song just SCREAMS blackrom.


	5. Something Bad

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> IMPORTANT NOTE: Crabdad does not have a proper name in-canon. However, I decided to give him a name for this chapter. I hope that choice doesn't bother anyone. :/ *NOTE: I chose his name BEFORE Little Sebastian aka Li'l Seb was introduced in-comic. There is no relation.*
> 
> And I think we could all learn a little something from Gamzee's "Dancing through Life" philosophy. :)

**Class: Begin ===+**

"Settle down, class!" The students' murmuring slowly receded to whispers as their teacher crab-walked into the classroom.

Pupils began to dig out books and pencils to place on the desk in front of them. Three rows of elongated rectangular benches and matching desks filled the room, save for one clear walkway down the middle. A large lessonboard was displayed at the head of the room, still streaked with white chalk marks. Any other teacher would be able to use a regular, more technologically advanced board, but Professor Sebastian was not quite…suited for expensive and precise equipment.

John continued having a whispered conversation with the Striders, blissfully unaware of a scathing glare from Karkat. Karkat was seated down and to the left of the boy, and often spent the dull moments in class thinking up tricks that would bother John enough to turn around. Would it kill John to just glare back and hate him once in a while? But the troll had to stop and look up when his favorite professor spoke again.

"I have graded your most recent essays," the teacher said, holding a few crinkled papers in his spiny claws, "And am pleased to scree some improvement!" He handed—well, tossed—back papers as he walked sideways down the walkway.

The crab lusus nodded in approval, as his white head had no lips to smile. Instead, a few sharp teeth poked out from the smooth edges of his mouth. He stood upright on two segmented white legs on which he sometimes walked sideways. His plated body was slightly darker than his spindly arms, to almost a light gray. Large, formidable claws clacked in place of hands. Spikes jutted out from his shoulders and the top of his head. Despite his intimidating appearance, Karkat knew that Professor Sebastian wasn't anything to be afraid of, even if he could be a bit grumpy (crabby?) at times. Besides, Karkat knew most of all to not judge by appearances.

The professor continued down the walkway on clawed feet. "Although," he grumbled, "Some of you still depend on looks over skill. Mister Egg-bert…" He blinked his four white eyes at John.

John blinked back and frowned. The professor had done it again—stuttered on the "g" in his last name with that hissy-clicky speech of his. Everyone knew that "Egbert" was spelled with a single g!

"Egbert, one g." He reminded the professor. "I am not a breakfast food."

"Ah, yes," said Sebastian. He tried again. "Eg-g-g-bert."

John took a deep breath and accepted his paper. He told himself (again) to remain polite, even though his friends had told him that the unfortunate mispronunciation was the funniest thing ever. "You know, I really don't see what the problem is. All the human professors are able to say my name correctly."

The lusus opened his jagged mouth to speak, but Karkat had already jumped to his feet in outrage. "Maybe the pronunciation of your fucking name isn't the only purpose of the professor's life! Oh and let's use our poor, sickly think-pans to do something called thinking for a moment. _Maybe_ he's not supposed to be like 'all the human professors'. Maybe some of us in this damn room are different!" He glared around the room as if daring anybody to speak.

John stared straight at Karkat, tight-lipped with anger. He sat still in his seat. "…Looks like the chili pepper is steamed," he finally said.

The students roared with laughter. John's face relaxed into a grin while Karkat struggled to keep his face from turning any redder. The human laughed with his friends. Then he leaned toward the troll, cupping one hand to his mouth and shouting: "Beep beep meow!"

The class exploded with a fresh round of merriment, every harsh sound like the echo of a machine gun in Karkat's aural sponges. "Beep beep meow" was a well-known nickname for the mutant troll derived from his first name, 'Car' and 'Cat'. Rumor had it that John and his close friends had come up with it themselves. Slowly, Karkat sat back down with a searing scowl on his face.

"Class! Class!" the Professor screeched and clacked at the laughing students to get them to quiet down. "Mr. Vantas has a nub, er, point." He turned to the lessonboard, even though his almost-slip-of-the-tongue had caused a few more chuckles from people.

"As all you shrimps know, I am the only lusus on the staff. But that does not impair my ability to screech." He turned toward the class and waved his arms for emphasis. "In fact, I can screech just as good as any other screecher, lusus or human! I have hopes that you will all learn from my screechings." The students shot confused looks at each other. A troll with bicolored glasses raised his hand to speak.

"You mean 'teach', right misther sthebasthtian?" Karkat knew who that troll was: a yellow-blood named Sollux Captor, psychically gifted but moody. He was majoring in Doom and was practically apeshit bananas at computers. The troll had simultaneously helped and taunted Karkat in technology class, with a smug smirk on his face as permanently as his twin set of horns on his head. That listhp was unmisthakable.

"Er, yes." The crab lusus's arms fell in embarrassment. "…But it wasn't always this way!" He said, moving on quickly. "My dear students, I wish you could all have seen the things I once claw. Even a trip down the hall was an adventure, with a hoofbeast halogenating a molecule, a dragon deciphering a document, all lusii listened to and loved."

Some students began to get bored of the familiar rant. A few started to doodle while others lay their heads down on the desk to get some rest.

The professor rapped one large claw on the front desk to get their attention. "When more lusii were on the faculty, no one cared much about blood color because everyone was different. I myself have red blood. Don't you see how the Lands of Oz have become less exciting, less…colorful?" He pleaded. A few moments of silence passed as he swung his head around, searching for any signs of agreement. There were none.

"…Now, who can tell me what caused everything to snap?" The white lusus said as he walked back to the lessonboard, apparently giving up.

"According to our books, it began after the initial integration of trolls with humans." Karkat answered, not even bothering to raise his hand.

"Exactly." The professor clacked, pleased. "Both sides were confused and turbulent. Many felt that permanent peace between the two species would never be fully accomplished. Then lusii became the third, biggest issue. They meant different things to the different groups. People and trolls grew angrier and Wickeder, and the roles of lusii were never the same again."

He paused. "Can anyone tell me what often happens to hated minorities…" He clicked one claw together for emphasis. "In a pinch?"

"How about someone besides Mr. Vantas for once?" Karkat was interrupted before he could speak. Sheepishly he closed his mouth, only to glare black spades at John when the boy raised his hand. "Yes, Mr. Eggbert."

"…Egbert, one g, I am not a breakfast food." John grumbled. "And I don't see why you keep talking about the past when we're supposed to be learning history instead!"

From his confused expression and tone of voice, it was obvious that the boy was completely sincere in his concern. Karkat couldn't believe it. His mouth fell half-open in shock. For once, he could find no scathing words. How could John be so…so stupid? Was he really that naïve? Karkat became even more dismayed when he saw a few humans nodding in agreement. Didn't these rot-pans think for themselves? Blindly following the leader would get you nowhere! He gave a low growl and clenched his fists in rage.

Karkat was so furious that he barely noticed the professor had moved back to the lessonboard, telling John that all his questions would be answered in a just a click…

**Lessonboard: Reveal Message ===+**

Karkat looked up at the board just in time. The students all gasped as one in horror. A single piece of pale chalk fell from the lusus professor's claw and shattered on the floor.

There was a message on the other side of the board. Each letter was written in sloppy, startling red paint. Together they read: LUSII SHOULD BE SILENT LIKE TRUE ANIMALS.

Karkat winced. The paint was bright red, a shade similar to his own, but thankfully not quite the same. The words were large and violent; it made his pulse quicken just to look at it. They were written with so much hate…

The professor stood still, staring at the board with wide white eyes. The gasps and murmurs from students faded away and were replaced by a heavy silence. Sebastian didn't say a word. He shuffled to the side and then back again, reading over the accusing letters. After a few moments, he slowly turned around. The professor gazed slowly around the group of students with a bewildered gaze. Karkat's heart lurched. Professor Sebastian could not frown, but the confusion in his eyes shone through just the same. Goodness, he looked so hurt and lost…

"…Who is responsible for this?" The lusus professor finally spoke, with barely a click. No one replied.

"I demand an answer this instant!" he shouted and strode down the aisle. The shock had worn off, and anger had taken hold. His two big claws clacked together and teeth snapped. A few students leaned back even though they were not near the center walkway. When a minute had passed by with no reply of any kind, Sebastian's hissy fit came to an end.

"Alright then…" He said with his head tilted downwards. The lusus's arms sank low, claws limp with surrender. "Everyone get out."

No one said a word or made a move. Many still stared at the board, wide eyes endlessly rereading the painted letters.

"You heard me! Class is dismissed!" Sebastian screeched. Students grabbed their bags and hastened out the door, fleeing from the crustacean's fury. John followed his friends after shooting one last look behind him.

"Vriska, go on ahead." Karkat said to his sister at the door. He bent down to the floor and frowned, pretending to be searching for a missing item. Vriska shrugged her mismatched shoulders and exited the classroom. Karkat Vantas was the only one left.

The room was much quieter with just the two of them. Sebastian had sat down on one of the benches farthest away from the vandalized board. His two claws clicked together sadly in his lap.

Karkat held his bag underneath one arm as he walked forward to the board to get a closer look. "LUSII SHOULD BE SILENT LIKE TRUE ANIMALS." He read aloud.

Too late, he realized Professor Sebastian probably did not need to hear the hateful message again. He ranted at his recent past-self. Way to go slimeskull, no wonder nobody likes you…

"Karkat," The troll looked away from the board at the professor's voice. "Don't worry about me…go and join your friends." Professor Sebastian's voice was forcefully cheery.

"Oh it's alright, I have no friends." Karkat replied lightly. He moved over to sit with his favorite professor. "Want to share my noonmeal, Crabdad?"

At the start of the year, Sebastian had said that all students could call him 'Crabdad', if they felt comfortable with it. However, most students had not been used to having a lusus for a teacher or were still frightened by his appearance. The nickname hadn't stuck. But Karkat often saw the professor outside of class. If anyone ever asked, the troll would claim to hate all of his teachers, including Sebastian, but it wasn't really true. The professor had praised Karkat for his hard work when the troll asked to study in his classroom at lunch (Karkat had no one outside to sit with). And the lusus had freely complimented Karkat on his intelligence in class, unlike the other teachers. They couldn't seem to see past his red skin and horns.

"Oh, thank you, Karkat. That's very Good of you." So when they were alone, Karkat was the only one to call Professor Sebastian 'Crabdad'.

Karkat pulled a small gray lunchbox out of his schoolbag. He set his bag down on the ground and unzipped the lunchbox. The troll had just started to rummage around for a napkin when he noticed the look of horror on Sebastian's face. Dismayed, Karkat looked down at his meal. The lunch of the day was shellfish. Quickly, Karkat slammed the top of the lunchbox shut.

An awkward silence followed. "I…seem to have lost my appetite." Sebastian finally said.

Karkat gritted his teeth, fuming with embarrassment. Duh, Crabdad wouldn't want to eat fucking _lobster_. Stupid stupid stupid!

"Ignorant statements like that one on the lessonboard are shouted from the million stinky squawkblisters of every single shithole on this campus. You shouldn't let them tweak your horns." Karkat said, trying to change the subject. Briefly, he wondered if Crabdad would understand the troll metaphor he used.

The lusus blinked thoughtfully at Karkat. "But you always let it get to you …"

"Yeah, well you shouldn't." Karkat retorted. He knew that Crabdad was right. But he'd rather have the hate directed at him then his professor. Crabdad, at least, didn't deserve those harsh words.

Sebastian hissed, "Normally I wouldn't be concerned. But Karkat, I wish it were just words on a lessonboard. There are some terrible things happening these days…" He leaned in closer to Karkat, his voice taking on a conspiratorial tone. "Wicked things."

" _I've heard an old friend, from just down the bend, is no longer permitted to teach...and has lost all powers of speech."_

"What?" Karkat exclaimed. The professor placed one claw lightly on the troll's shoulder, signaling him to be quiet, and glanced hastily around the empty room.

" _And a featherbeast in Lowblood Hills, a banker of unparalleled skill, forgotten to talk…now he only can squawk,"_ he continued. _"Just rumors but still they're enough to give pause to anyone with paws,"_ he clacked his claws to illustrate. _"Something bad is happening in Oz."_

" _Something bad…"_ Karkat repeated, in disbelief. _"Happening in Oz?"_

Crabdad got up and began to pace a short way down the aisle. _"Under the sea-surface,"_ he clicked, segmented legs motoring, _"Throughout the land, ssssssomething bad-"_

His speech trailed off into a hiss. The lusus snapped his mouth shut and covered it with both claws. Karkat had risen from his seat at the feral noise and now stood still, not daring to move.

"C-Crabdad, are you alright?" Karkat asked. He reached out a concerned hand. That hadn't sounded good at all. The professor had never slipped out of English before, unless he got very, very mad.

"I'm fine!" Sebastian said, waving off Karkat's hand. "Maybe a glass of water…" The troll opened up his lunchbox (making sure not to let the offending meal of lobster show) and gave the professor his thermos of water, glad to be useful.

"So what you're screeching—er saying, is that there are lusii that have forgotten how to fucking speak?" Karkat said as the lusus drank. "How is that possible?" He folded his tinged arms over his chest, as if to hide the alarm he felt within.

Hundreds of sweeps ago, when all young trolls grew up on Alternia, lusii acted as 'custodians' to them. Speech was the only way that the young could commune with their caretaker. Even though that ability was no longer needed on this planet, there was no reason for the guardian beasts to forget how to speak! Lusii worked jobs just like humans and trolls, especially jobs that neither of the latter two species wanted to do. They weren't always as smart or advanced, but they were still members of society at least.

"Well there's a lot of pressure not to. With enough discouragement you can keep anything silent." Sebastian set his claws on his hips defiantly. "But I for one will never stop-"

He stopped talking. The lusus looked toward the door. An authoritative echo of high heels was coming down the hall.

As expected, Headmistress Feferi Peixes walked into the classroom a few moments later. She smiled girlishly and leaned against the doorframe with one graceful arm. "A guppy or two told me there had been a titanic disturbance in class." She said excitedly.

"Oh! Karcatfish…you're still here." Her shark-toothed smile remained but her tyrian eyes glittered cold as an ocean chasm. Karkat checked the clock on the wall. Shit, it was almost time for lunch to end. The Headmistress walked over to him, holding her golden trident in the crook of her left arm. An immense amount of black hair billowed out behind her. "You should be swimming along to my seminar right now."

Sebastian had taken the opportunity to rush to the lessonboard and flip it over. Its vicious message was once again hidden from sight. Karkat tried not to look at the board out of the corner of his eye. The Headmistress now stood right in front of him.

"Yes Madame, I was just about to but…uh…" He saw Crabdad standing near the board, watching Feferi warily. Karkat babbled a bit more, not sure what to say or why Crabdad was so suspicious. Madame Peixes was the Headmistress of the university! She was his boss for Goodness's sakes. There were many reasons to trust her, and none not to.

"I do hope you will not disappoint me." Feferi sighed. "Sorcery is a demander-ating Empress." She stroked her trident with her free hand and smiled. "But if one wants to meet the wwizard...Oh I'm shore Professor Sebas-crab seas my point." Feferi giggled and turned to leave. Sebastian nodded politely when she waved to him on her way out the door.

The room relapsed back into its previous serious demeanor.

"I'd better go." Karkat said, gathering his stuff. Nobody kept Madame Peixes waiting. He was halfway to the door when a thought struck him.

"Crabdad, if something bad is happening to lusii then someone has to tell the wizard. That's why we have a wizard for fucks sake. _So nothing truly bad…_ " he called over.

The lusus looked up in surprise from where he was cleaning the board. "I suppose you're right." He responded. _"Nothing ssssssssssseriousssssly…"_ Both troll and Lusus froze. The professor hurriedly clamped one claw over his mouth. " _Ss_ sorry. 'Bad'." Sebastian waved goodbye and turned away with a clack.

But it was too late. Karkat had heard. That had been more of a hiss than a word. His heart lurched as he clutched his bag tightly, ignoring the slight shiver in his hands. What was happening to Crabdad? To the lusii? And more importantly, could it be stopped?

" _It couldn't happen here…in Oz."_ He headed out the door with a worried heart.

**Gamzee: Enjoy Colors. ===+**

_Honk._

It was a few days later. A cart rolled along leisurely heading to Skaia University. Vibrant trees lined the pathway, displaying their glorious colors of the season. In front of the cart a strange troll rode on a unicycle.

Black hair fell to just below his shoulders and ended in a perfectly straight line. He wore shorts with black leggings, shoes, and a sleeveless shirt. A dark blue symbol for Sagittarius was on his shirtfront. The troll's eyes were hidden behind dark, cracked sunglasses. His right horn was broken with only half of a jagged orange edge remaining. He scowled, revealing cracked and missing teeth, as he flung his arms out to the side for balance. The troll was sweating noticeably, either from trying to balance and pedal at the same time or from some other cause. Still he continued on, pulling the attached cart behind him.

A second troll was inside the rolling vehicle. He lounged on the seat, turned sideways so that he could look to the sides and up at the sky. In his left hand he held a bottle of purple beverage labeled "Faygo" and took sips from it at whim. He smiled lazily and watched the world go by, seemingly unconcerned with where he was being taken. Long, curved horns stretched up from his disastrously tangled hair. They almost looked like horns from a certain kind of goat. But strangest of all, his face was painted. The gray skin was coated white with a darker gray around the eyes, mouth and cheekbones. It looked like a clownish mask—one that was smiling all the time.

The troll nodded his head to an invisible beat as the cart rolled on. His other hand held a bicycle horn. He moved it through the air capriciously, floating along with the breeze and tapping it against the back of the cart. Occasionally he would squeeze it, chuckling and _honk_ ing at the noise. But mostly he just watched the trees in a daze. It was so beautiful. Life was motherfucking beautiful.

All together, they made for a strange sight. A muscled and broken troll riding a unicycle and pulling a cart that was carrying a second troll who was completely out of it. It was a sight that would surely send anyone into strong fits of mirth.

At last, the two-troll circus act reached the back gates of Skaia. Classes had finished but no students had wandered over to their point of arrival. The troll who had been pedaling stopped and dismounted the nefarious one-wheeled device. He took a soft white towel out of his sylladex, glad to finally wipe off the sweat. The troll mopped his forehead up to his widow's peak, looking over to his companion from under the cloth.

The other troll continued to stare off at nothing with glazed purple-gray eyes. He had finished his drink and lost interest in the bottle, but continued to fiddle with the rubber horn. He appeared to not know or even care that the cart had stopped. His companion frowned.

"We have arrived, highblood." He put exceptionally strong emphasis on the double-o sound.

The troll in the cart dropped the horn in surprise. It landed on its back end, causing a loud HONK. He yelped, jolting backwards in fright from the sudden noise. His driver strongly reminded himself to not facepalm—he did not want to lose any more teeth.

Shocked out of his reverie, the troll rolled over on the cart seat. He looked around at their surroundings in wonder, as if only just beginning to comprehend where he was. "Mother _fuck_ , Skaia University already? Time flies when you're chilling…" He stretched, lanky arms reaching up over his horns.

"I'll all and see you later then, Equius," he said cheerfully, stepping out of the cart and onto purple shoes. The bicycle horn was captchalouged. He seemed to hold no resentment towards the other troll for the recent vast honk that had startled him.

"Don't worry man," he smiled at Equius. "They'll have me get kicking the Wicked shit back home real soon, same as all the other schoolhives." He engaged Equius in a short and elaborate secret handshake. Equius looked visibly uncomfortable.

The troll began to wander off aimlessly, pulling a crumpled piece of paper from the pocket of his gray polka-dotted pants. Equius grabbed another towel and inspected the cart. He had begun to sweat again.

**Be the Good boy ===+**

"Um, John?" Two students walked out from Prospit hall and onto the high balcony, a troll following a human. "I uh, I have a question. What would you do if a troll uh, had feelings for you? I mean um, uh, I know that humans have different quadrants…"

Tavros blushed brown-orange. "They don't um, actually have quadrants really. That was kinda, stupid, and maybe I'm uh, stupid for saying that, but…"

He tried to calm down. "I…am a person with feelings, like everyone else. So I thought I'd be uh, brave like Vriska always said and, and, um…" He had finally gotten enough "encouragement" from Vriska to talk to John. Ever since that day when John had made his dreams come true for one moment, Tavros had been in awe of the boy. He wished that the Breeze were as easy to handle as John made it look. Plus, John was always friendly towards him. Tavros knew what a crush was, and this was the first time he had flet he might actually have a chance.

He sighed. "But sometimes I don't think you really uh, know how I feel…"

"That's not true, Travis." John said, turning around and grinning.

"Um, I'm Tavros…"

Tavros's voice trailed off when he noticed that John was staring down towards the back gates. Following John's gaze, Tavros was surprised to see a troll. They were tall and wore a dark purple symbol on their black shirt. Peering a little closer, Tavros recognized it as the sign for Capricorn.

Tavros touched the Taurus symbol on the front of his shirt, part of the same zodiac. How bizarre. It wasn't classelecting or enrollment time, so why were they here? And was that…facepaint? He watched the troll puzzling over a piece of paper a few steps from the back gates. Tavros was confused. The troll did stand out, but he didn't see why John was so fascinated…

Tavros gasped as John suddenly lept closer and grabbed him, blue eyes never straying from their target. Unfortunately, John had grabbed the closest and easiest thing he could reach: the troll's head. Specifically, near his horns.

"Travis," John whispered, leaning in even closer. "Do you know who that is?"

"T-Touching my horns…"

John let go of the overwhelmed troll, running down the nearby staircase. "It's Gamzee Makara," he said, eyes still trained on the troll's symbol. "The master prankster from a very rich bloodline. He's wearing their indigo symbol. They call themselves subjugglators, and although they are powerful and respected, they've also been known to clown around and appreciate a good joke. His reputation is so…"

He couldn't believe he had a chance to meet the indigoblooded troll…just imagine the shenanigans the two of them could pull! "…scan _delirious_." John's blue eyes gleamed with imagination.

Tavros followed after him, being careful of the treacherous stairs. "Oh, is he a guy that you um, like? He sounds impressive but he seems a little," Tavros searched for the right words. "Dopey. Do you think he'll even notice us?"

John whirled around to scold Tavros for thinking that Gamzee would treat them badly. Just because he came from a higher family didn't mean that he was a snob. He might even be really nice, anybody could be a friend, and I bet he'll like you too Travis! And he's not dopey, just really happy to be here or something. But oh gosh… John swallowed nervously. How would he prove himself to the troll? He would have to come up with a really great prank to meet him with…

" _Honk,_ heeyy could you two fine-looking motherfuckers help out a brother?" A fluctuating voice said. Gamzee Makara slid an arm around John's shoulders and smiled lazily.

John froze, hardly daring to breathe. _It was Gamzee Makara Gamzee Makara Gamzee Makara was at his school and talking to him holy cow was this a prank what was he supposed to do…_ Tavros stuttered out "um"s in surprise, glancing jealously at the arm around John.

"Were you looking for something or someone?" John squeaked. His face turned red. That wasn't like he had imagined. He probably should have challenged Gamzee to a trickster's duel or something. His father would have been ashamed.

Gamzee didn't reply. He continued to smile, purple-gray eyes gazing at John's face. He seemed fascinated by the color on the boy's cheeks. "Hm? Oh yeah. I was all up and getting my search on for…" he checked the piece of paper in his hand, "Professor Sebastian's History class?"

"Uh, that class is, over there…" Tavros said. He grabbed Gamzee's arm from around John and began to pull the troll away.

"Classes are done for the day though," John said, stopping the two trolls before they left. "So you can stay with me, er, us."

"Motherfucking miraculous timing, bro." Gamzee grinned. He easily shrugged off Tavros's grip. "So what do you guys do to get your enjoyable chucklevoodoos all up and happening here?" His eyes swept over the school, hands in his pockets, as if judging how much fun the students had inside. Shit man, to do that he'd need some sort of motherfucking jury…

"Nothing much," said John. He wasn't quite sure what Gamzee was talking about, but "chucklevoodoo" sounded like a great name for a prank. "But I'm sure you and me can get this place 'all up and happening'," he giggled.

Gamzee's eyebrows rose. Desperately, Tavros interjected. "We uh, study! Yeah you were going to um, show me that Windy Thing again, right John?" Things were not going his way. He had wanted to talk to John alone, find out how John felt about him, and maybe be impressive or brave a little. Instead, this new troll had turned up and caught John's interest with no effort at all.

"Chill, brother." Gamzee chuckled. "I see that once again it's up to me to be bringing the motherfucking mirthful miracles of liberation to my human and troll brothers." John and Tavros gave him quizzical looks.

"Don't worry about it, guys." Their confusion only seemed to further his amusement. "In fact, that's all being the main motherfucking point of all this noise."

"Chill like a fucking bitchtits bottle of Faygo. Relax and bake yourself in the oven of friendship like you were a delicious motherfucking pie. You're the ringmaster in your own carnival, so do what makes you happy, when it makes you happy. Roll with whatever wonderful shit floats down your way on the rainbow motherfucking river, it's all cool. Life is like that, giving you lemons and other things. And it's all up to you whether to take the opportunity to make lemonade or not, brother."

The troll smiled. "In fact, make some motherfucking orange juice! Let science and all it's joykillers wonder how the fuck you did it. Don't be all like worrying and stressing about school and stuff; they never measure the really important bits of a person. The only thing a bro or sis has gotta know is how to be happy." He spread his arms out in a shrug after his speech. "Just be chill man. Life is like a dance."

"Like…a dance?" John blinked, trying to work through what Gamzee had said. It had been confusing but it sounded pretty good. Less stress and more bliss? As a college student, he liked the sound of that idea.

"Yeah my bespectacled brother. See…"

**Gamzee: Sing the song, be the bard. ===+**

_The trouble with schools is, they always try to teach the wrong lessons,_

_Brother I've seen enough of them to know,_

_They want you to become less callow, less "shallow",_

_But brothers, why invite stress in?_

He ripped up the piece of paper that was his schedule. John gasped—whether in admiration or shock, Tavros couldn't tell.

_Stop studying strife,_

_And learn to live the more rewarding life,_

Gamzee absent-mindedly patted John on the shoulder. Tavros hurried to pick up the scraps of paper from the ground. He collected them all and smiled, holding up the salvaged pieces in triumph for John to see.

Smirking, Gamzee ambled over and pinched his nose. " _Honk."_

_Dancing through life, skimming the surface,_

_Gliding where turf is smooth,_

John laughed. Gamzee was really getting into it now, walking a few steps in a glide. The troll's arms floated lightly, tracing swirling patterns in the air. What a clown. Tavros flushed as he saw John's eyes shining in…admiration? What did this guy have that he didn't?

_Life is painless, for the panless,_

_Why strain your brain, guys it's so soothing,_

Other students had started to wander over, attracted by this new face and his performance. Gamzee nodded, waving them over and smiling. All motherfuckers were welcome; the more friends the merrier.

Over near the cart a girl with a blue hat, a furry cat tail, and a long green coat was laughing and trying to convince the driver to join in the crowd. Equius hadn't ridden away yet. He had been there the whole time. Watching.

He would always do that. Just stand there…and stare.

_Dancing through life, no need to tough it,_

_When you can laugh it off like I do,_

Tavros slowly raised his arms. Concentrating hard, he tried to move them in the same flowing way that Gamzee had. John glanced back at Tavros out of curiosity. The troll kept trying, starting to move his feet a little.

Members of the crowd began to follow, gradually, as if accepting the troll's strange philosophy into their lives. They tapped their fingers and tried to match his rhythm. They wanted to move like him, think like him, be like him—without a care in the world, without stress, and without embarrassment. Not all of them were good, but Gamzee just laughed and encouraged them all regardless. His facepaint enhanced his grin as he saw John twirling.

_Nothing matters, but knowing nothing matters!_

_It's just life, so keep dancing through…_

Soon, news of Gamzee Makara and his ideas began to spread throughout Skaia University.


	6. Dancing Through Life

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AAAAAAAHHH I'M SO SO SO SORRY THIS IS LATE. ;A; I sincerely apologize. I swear, if February had 30 or 31 days this would be up on that month. I had to go back and re-write some crap that I wrote, and that probably took up a whole day. Explaining Gamzee's philosophy is harder than you might think. :D;
> 
> All the Dance outfits (John, Dave, and Rose) are taken from the Homestuck wiki if you would like a better visual. :)

**Students: Fondly regard miracles ===+**

The playful honk of a bicycle horn danced through the lecture hall. Gamzee Makara reclined back in his seat, purple-and-gray shoes propped up on the desk. He lazily tapped out a tune on his knee with one hand. The other dangled down towards the ground, clutching the horn. A smile was on his face as he looked through the window with glazed eyes. The troll appeared to be one of the few people in the room who were actually glad to be in class. However, despite his relaxed attitude Gamzee seemed to have brought none of the necessary school supplies. Only a single pencil lay on his desk.

Laughing and shoving, John and his friends hurried through the doors. They were almost late. John gave Dave one last Good-natured push as a goodbye before going to catch up to Rose. Dave continued on down the hall to his Knight class, cool as a plush-rumped penguin from Pluto. There were advantages to studying Time. With a light tap on John's arm, Rose pointed out the last two seats available. She walked over to a vacant chair in the front while John shyly sat down next to Gamzee.

Gamzee was shaken from his preoccupation with the miraculous clouds outside the window. The troll's face brightened as he recognized the human next to him—it was his friend from yesterday, the one with eyes as blue as the Breeze. He _honk_ ed at John in greeting. "What's all being up and up, motherfucker?" He said, giving the boy an inter-species high-five.

The surrounding people gasped. John knew this weirdo? And he called John a _what_? With discreet glances they waited to see what would happen next.

John laughed happily after their high-five. "Yeah, nice to see you too, Gamzee. You're also taking this class?"

The troll shrugged leisurely. "I guess so, brother." His painted lips settled into a small smile.

Hmm. Briefly, John wondered if Gamzee really was in his assigned class or if he had just wandered into the lecture room and decided to stay. John glanced at the troll's pockets, hoping to find the piece of paper with his course listings on it. _Oh wait_ , John remembered. _He ripped it into scraps._

Maybe it didn't really matter? John remembered the trickster troll's words from earlier, about miracles and other confusing things. They were strange but sounded wonderful at the same time. He decided to give Gamzee's advice a try, and just roll with it. "Are you liking Prospit Dormitories so far?" he said with a bucktoothed grin.

The students poked the people next to them with their elbows and stared. Now John and the new guy were talking. It looked like they were friends. How improbable. The two of them seemed an unlikely match. The pupils whispered to each other, ignoring their open textbooks. Who the motherfuck was this douchebag?

_Dancing through life,_

_Swaying and sweeping,_

_As always being chill,_

It did not take long for the news to spread.

Gamzee Makara was a new student, a purple-blood bearing the Capricorn symbol. You couldn't miss him. The troll was often found honking in the hallways and during classes, or laughing at a good joke. He was surprisingly friendly for a highblood, goofy and laid-back. Indeed, he seemed to not know or even care about what color other people were on the inside. No matter human or troll, low or high, he would give the same advice to anyone who was stressed out or unhappy: "Chillax and slam a cold drink". Due to his unique personality he fit in easily with everyone, bringing the miracles of laughter and slam poetry wherever he went.

And John liked him too! That meant a lot. John was often seen sitting happily next to Gamzee during class, or talking to him as he would to a friend. If the most Good young man at Skaia University liked this troll, then Gamzee must be a Good person as well. More and more often people would talk about how quirky and silly Gamzee was, and not about how weird or bizarre he could be. Unbeknownst to John, the human's friendship quickly raised the social status of Gamzee up to his own level of popularity.

"Hey, Gamzee!" A male student called. Gamzee paused in his heated rap battle with Dave and looked up to find the source of the voice. He _honk_ ed and waved the person over, switching from slaughtermurder-mode to palhoncho-mode with baffling speed. The student hurried over, honored to sit with the class clown and a Strider.

Gamzee smiled. This was exciting. He was always willing to spread the Wicked harshwhimsies with whoever would put up with him. He and Dave made the student their referee to judge and scoring their sicknasty rapoff. A crowd of people began to gather, cheering them on. Gamzee grinned at the sight—he was making lots of other friends too. What a miraculous happenstance. He'd never had this many people to share the clownblessings with before.

The quirky new troll had become a hot topic on campus in recent weeks, spreading his radical philosophy to open ears. Through his lilting words and gratuitous swearing, the student body began a slow conversion to Gamzee's tranquil philosophy. Gamzee would often talk about how schools and science stole the miracles up from life. In fact, he talked about miracles a lot. He would say that it was much better to learn what you _wanted_ to instead of what you had to. Fun and happiness were the primary goals of life anyway, right? According to him, the people in charge often forgot that. They wanted you to learn everything, but you'd end up forgetting the really important things to make room in your pan for the factstacks.

Stop mindlessly slaving away at shit just like everyone else because someone who isn't you got up at their highhoofbeast and told you to. This world and life were made for us to enjoy, so ride the carnival rides however you please. Laugh. Love. All that worrying and stressing messes a brother up. And that just ain't cool.

His talks began to cause a change in the school. The themes of happiness and not worrying struck a chord with the college students. They had to work hard, toiling under grueling pressure to achieve good grades and please their professors. After listening to Gamzee's words they realized that sometimes they didn't even know why. Were they really doing what they wanted, or just what they felt they had to? Did long hours of anxiety and stress bring them the fulfillment that they desired? Gamzee never seemed worried, and he was always happy. Perhaps being chill with life was just what they needed. After all, they wouldn't be alone—everyone else was already doing it. And if everyone else was doing it, then it had to be okay, right?

By fate, chance, or a miracle in itself, the philosophy of Gamzee Makara spread like a disease through Skaia University. At his direction, the students slammed their books shut and tossed them away as one, like a conductor and his symphony. The student body began to shift from a mindset of academic achievement to one of liberated bliss. Gamzee was adored and respected, as popular people were. Besides, everyone likes a class clown—they make people laugh and can get away with things that other people wouldn't. His fanbase grew weekly, up to a level comparable with John Egbert. Skaia's two unaware darlings, they were known to be great friends.

_Life is fraughtless,_

_When you're thoughtless_

Karkat Vantas gritted his sharp teeth as he watched from the shadows. Gamzee had just done a spectacular swan dive onto the dirt after doing an acrobatic motherfucking pirouette off the handle. Literally. His most recent act of mischief had been to ride through the halls on a unicycle, powered by Vriska's rocket pshoooooes. Of course, it hadn't worked. Any dullpanned moron could see that the one-wheel device was size extra-extra-large; Gamzee's feet couldn't even reach the pedals.

Karkat's hands clenched in anger as students began to crowd around the idiot. He looked so…so stupid! Stupid and disruptive and reckless. Karkat scowled in the direction of the group. Why couldn't anybody else see what he saw? Gamzee was just a crazy rodeo clown with shitty facepaint. And what was the point of that anyway? Was he covering up some pitiful facial scars or something? _Coward_ , the mutant troll thought as he tugged his gray hood down over his bright red horns. That purple shitstain didn't have anything he needed to hide.

Furthermore, the other troll had no right to be going around filling people's heads with steaming heaps of putrid garbage. Hard work was the only reliable way to get places, but Gamzee never seemed to take studying seriously. Karkat was sitting here at a table working his ass numb to prove something while everyone else was getting along in a big friendly schoolwrecking fuckheap.

Karkat cursed as he swiped pencil over paper. Most of the school now had something in common, something that connected them together. It made him feel…stupid. His writing hand slowed. Like he was missing something. Like everyone else was enjoying themselves while he just let opportunity and joy pass him by.

Karkat thought for a minute. Everyone was repeating the same shittastic dogma: to enjoy oneself, and not let anything (including schoolwork) get in the way of being truly happy. His red eyes stared dully down at his paper. Maybe he should ease up on the stress. He didn't need _all_ that extra credit, and he was already excelling in every class. Looking down at the table, Karkat slowly lowered his pencil. Just what was he trying to prove? They all looked so happy together…

Then the red skin of his hand caught his eye.

"…" Karkat _No, fuckhead_ , he answered himself. Karkat brought up both hands and lightly slapped himself on both cheeks. Then he reclaimed his pencil, returning to his work. They would never accept him, even if he wanted them to.

After a few seconds of furious scribbling, Karkat looked over again at the mirthful crowd of idiots. All of the students were laughing at Gamzee's antics. But it was appreciative noise, not the jeering kind that he was used to. Karkat's heart lurched when he saw John among the bunch. The boy was laughing as well, one arm extended to help the dizzy clown up. Gamzee accepted his offer with an embarrassed grin. Karkat frowned, feeling suddenly as if he were looking at them from behind a thick wall of glass. It didn't make any sense.

_Those who don't try,_

_Never look foolish!_

Skaia had not turned into a complete madhouse. But the values of the student body had shifted from pursuing academics to doing what felt right at where your heart was up in, you know? The teachers were not as happy—the quality of pupils' work began to go down, and some did not attend every day. When interrogated, they shrugged and said that they did not enjoy the class as much as other, more important activities…like sleeping in. Professor Sebastian, too, was no exception.

"WHO LEFT THESE FUCKING BICYCLE HORNS ALL OVER MY FUCKING CLASSROOM?" Karkat flinched and covered his ears as the professor screeched and clacked. Another prank. _Gee, I wonder who the fuck did it_. He glared at the window, ducking when Crabdad accidentally kicked a horn. It flew past with an injured _honk_.

Outside the window, a boy and a troll laughed and high-fived, enjoying their increased prankster's gambit.

_Dancing through life,_

_Mindless and strifeless,_

_Be all at where less_

_Trouble is rife!_

"Miss Benelli…Miss Crocker…Mr. Hussie..." The schoolfeeder read off roll-call, recording the students absent from class. "Miss DuBridge and Miss Baran, you were late today but thank you for coming, at least." She sighed and clicked her tongue as she reached the end of the list. "Mr. Vantas…"

"Here." Karkat said, eyes roving around the hollow room. A little over half the pupils were missing. That was an absolutely preposterous amount of students. Resentment rose in Karkat's throat like bile. He knew where they were—off abjuring from class with Gamzee Makara when they should be absorbing the information from their lessons into their stupid shallow miniscule thinkpans! Karkat fumed over his notes. He could picture them now, untroubled and irresponsible, claiming together in chorus:

_Woes are fleeting,_

_Blows are glancing,_

_When you're dancing,_

_Through life!_

**Be Gamzee ===+**

Today's place to be was the courtyard fountain. Gamzee laughed as he waved over another small bunch of students coming their way. The large group of people was enjoying the courtyard sunlight, far away from their classes and troubles. Everyone was talking and joking around. From his high perch on a statue close to the fountain, Gamzee could see John sitting on a bench near-by. That shy peanut-butter-brown troll with the large horns had shown up too. He was sitting next to John and getting all flustered. Heh heh, motherfucker was blushing.

Gamzee looked around. Everybody appeared to be having a great time. He hummed a carnival tune softly to himself. While in the middle of recalling the song, a miraculous idea occurred to him. Things just kept getting better.

"So!" He yelled, jumping down from his perch. "What's the most swank-ilicious place we can be all like to get to?"

"Oh, uh…" said John, familiar with Gamzee's strange speech by now. His conversation with Tavros came to a sudden end. "The Ozspeck Dancehall!" John declared after a pause, pointing at Gamzee in triumph.

"Ozspeck Dancehall." Gamzee repeated, pointing back. "Haha yeah, that sounds like the motherfucking shit's bitchtits!" He turned around to call the group in closer so he could explain his idea.

John blinked in surprise as people began to crowd around the troll. He turned to Tavros and forced a laugh. "It sure is hard to ignore the strange things he says sometimes." Smiling softly, Tavros mustered up a small nod.

" _Let's go down to the Ozspeck Dancehall, we'll meet there later this month."_

The students began to buzz with excitement. A ball! An actual dance party! They cheered at Gamzee's words and turned to babble to their friends. A few humans slung their arms around each other's' shoulders, hooting and hollering, "Par-ty, par-ty!" John laughed and pulled Tavros off of the bench and into the fray, not wanting to miss any important information.

" _We can dance with Good fun."_ Of course dancing would be the main focus. It was a ballroom! Gamzee spun in place, acting out a slow dance to fit the mood. Couples giggled and began to copy him, moving to the beat of a silent orchestra.

" _Find the best motherfucker, sister or brother."_ Gamzee continued, choosing a girl from the audience, then twirling her to the side and letting go. With one smooth motion, he turned his head back to catch John's eye and winked.

John felt his breath hitch as he stumbled a step backwards. He raised his hands to his cheeks. Why was he blushing?

"John, uh…" The boy was distracted from the heat on his cheeks by Tavros's quivering voice. The troll had one hand extended awkwardly, as if to request a dance. John shook his head rapidly, trying to get rid of his previous thoughts.

"Oh." Tavros was disheartened. "That's okay, I mean, if you don't want to dance I understand…" He was cut off when John took his hand and deftly twirled under his arm. The troll was so surprised that he couldn't even stutter.

John tried out a few more moves with Tavros, but soon found his eyes slipping back to Gamzee. That guy was a great dancer. Moving his arms around to an invisible beat, Gamzee all but sang: _"Right! On! Down! To the Ozspeck Dancehall..."_

Gamzee dipped down and sprang right back up like a cat. His feet flew by each other so fast it was a miracle he didn't trip. The final move he did sent the students into "ooh"s and "ah"s—the troll leapt high into the air, bending his upper body backwards and kicking his heels towards the back of his skull. The tops of his wavy horns nearly touched his toes. He came back down to shrieks of delight and applause, landing perfectly.

Gamzee barely paused for breath, springing towards John and Tavros. He grabbed the human's arms and whirled him into two tight spins. _"You'll be happy to be there…"_

_Dancing through life!_

_Down at the Ozspeck,_

" _If only because specks are what we come to,"_ Gamzee laughed. He looked around with approval, admiring his work. Every member of the audience was energized now, ready for the big event. Excellent. That chessboard-patterned ballroom floor would become the battlefield of Skaia. Haha, whoa, it sounded pretty dope when a brother put it that way.

_Nothing matters, but knowing nothing matters,_

_It's just life,_

_So keep dancing through…_

Plans were made in a flurry of activity. Someone volunteered to make the reservations. Gamzee casually announced he'd pay, claiming that he had more than enough money from his family. People were discussing all aspects of the big dance: what food should be there, what drinks, and who would procure them. The biggest debate was about the music, of course. As for the dress code, a determined coalition of troll girls convinced the others that fancy would be fun. Now, would it be better to make the decorations or buy them? Someone should ask Kanaya. Girls squealed with their friends about who would be their date.

"Gamzee, who are you going to take?" One girl asked. A few ladies quickly shushed their friends in order to hear his response. Who would be the lucky date of the popular class clown, the troll who had suggested the ball? Did he even have anyone that he liked?

Gamzee opened his mouth to respond, but then paused. He could hear expectant giggling all around him. Girls and some guys throughout the surrounding circle were watching him, waiting like a pack of wolves for their prey. Shit man, he didn't want to be all like to disappoint these fine brothers and sisters. The troll slowly looked from side to side, eyes drifting around the circle before lifting up to gaze over their heads. After few seconds of spacing out, he was shocked back to reality by the first girl clearing her throat. She gazed imploringly into his eyes.

"Eh…I got somebody in mind." he lied. ' _Not you,'_ was probably a bad thing to say.

**Gamzee: Chill. ===+**

Time had flown by on wings made from special stardust and starlight. Gamzee zoned out behind the courtyard statue, enjoying the peaceful surroundings. A light spring breeze ruffled his tangled hair. He took a sip from a bottle of grape Faygo, feeling as chill as the fizzy beverage itself. His sylladex was open and he just sat watching it blink, bright colors flashing hypnotically over his facepaint and in his eyes. Two green pies rested on the grass beside him, the multiple hues dancing over their tins.

He lethargically put the Faygo down, eyes staring blankly ahead. The bottle scraped roughly against a pie tin, snapping the troll out of his daze. He gave the pastry beside him a quizzical look as if he had forgotten it was there. Gamzee's stomach growled—he must have been planning to eat them as a snack. The troll shrugged and closed his miracle modus. He helped himself to a slice and took a large bite. Man, this stuff tasted like Goodness.

Gamzee balanced the pie slice in his hand, looking at it thoughtfully. Key lime pie—his favorite. _Maybe it's the color_ , he wondered. The sopor slime pies he baked when he was younger had been green too, although they had been a much darker shade and…glowed a bit. Gamzee remembered that he had loved those pies, but then one day his guardian got his harsh on about it. Said that it messed with a troll's thinkpan. He tossed Gamzee's whole recooperacoon out and left the young troll to deal with the nightmares.

Gamzee shrugged to himself, caught up in the memories. He didn't really understand, but you gotta show some faith in people, y'know? They're all the ones who are being to look out for you. Now what had he been thinking about again? Gamzee chewed his lime-green pie thoughtfully. Oh yes. Motherfucking magnets, how do they all and do like to work?

**John: Get Spidertroll a d8. ===+**

Gamzee had just begun to formulate an answer to the Eternal Question when he heard two people approaching. Peeking out from behind the statue, he saw John talking with Tavros near the fountain. He reached for his second pie, keeping an eye on them. Those two motherfuckers hadn't left with everybody else?

"Uh, John?" Tavros stuttered. Shakily, he took a deep breath. "Would you um, dance with me again at the Ozspeck? I mean, if you want…" He met John's eyes with a sudden determination, his enthusiasm making him lean forwards. "I'll, I'll be right there, nearby, always, whenever you want, all night!"

John gave a nervous laugh. He'd never seen the troll be so insistent. Tavros's orange eyes were fixed on John's with an intense stare. The boy stepped back under the sudden pressure, surprised and a little frightened. "Um, that's very kind Travis." His eyes flicked rapidly to both sides, searching for a way out.

They landed on a figure on the other side of the fountain. Vriska was sitting alone on a bench, rolling her eight dice glumly.

"My name's Tavros…"

"But you know what would be incredibly kind?" John continued. He pointed over to Vriska. John sighed in relief when Tavros looked, glad to be rid of the troll's piercing gaze.

" _See that tragic-al cerulean gal, with the arm and the patch?_ " Frowning, Tavros nodded. _Alright_ , John thought. Time to put his plan into action. He wanted to hang out at the dance with his friends, and Vriska didn't look like she had a date yet. So… John had to stop himself from giggling. He'd set them up! It would be sort of like a prank, and both of them would be happy. Surely nothing bad could happen.

" _I'd feel like such a wretch_ ," John said sadly. " _…if we had fun that night, and not her, right?_ " He sighed. " _It would be heroically Good,_ _if some brave person were, to go invite her…"_

Tavros was silent, wheels appearing to turn in his head. John felt a flutter of worry—had he laid it on too thick? Dammit, Nick Cage made acting look so easy…

"Um, maybe…I could invite her?" Tavros said timidly. He pointed to himself and looked at John for approval.

"Oh Travis, really? You'd do that for me?" John gushed happily. Yes! All was going according to plan.

"I would do anything for you, John." Tavros whispered, as brave as he dared. He stood up straight and walked to the other side of the fountain. He hoped he looked confident.

Vriska looked up at the sound of approaching footsteps. She watched him, surprised, as he came over and stopped in front of her. Tavros had never been so nervous, but he swallowed his fear down. John had said that he would be brave.

"Uh, excuse me Vriska. I um, have something that I want to ask you…" Her lips split into a blue-colored smile and she nodded to the bench. Tavros took the empty seat beside her and smiled back. He glanced over his left shoulder—did John see how courageous and Good he was being?

"Yes?" Vriska asked. She turned to follow his gaze, looking back around the fountain. The girl frowned in confusion. There was no one there.

**John and Gamzee: Be the trickster duo. ===+**

"Man, that was great!" Gamzee called as he emerged from behind the statue. He left the two empty pie tins on the ground and wiped his mouth with his hand as he approached the human.

Embarrassment and shock flared in John's stomach. Had Gamzee been watching the entire time? "P-Piece of cake." he laughed. He crossed his arms and tried to look confident and composed.

"Nah, brother. Quadrant shenanigans require a certain sort of miracle to do right. You're motherfucking special, John." Gamzee chuckled. "Best human prankster-pal I've gotten my seen on to yet. You got that mirth inside you all up and getting its delirious bubble on like you were the master clown himself…" He trailed off. John's blue eyes had flashed slightly for a second with…fear?

"Something wrong, brother?" Gamzee asked, his smile diminishing. "You don't like clowns?"

"Well…not really, no," John replied. His dad always had the most bizarre taste in interior decorating. Harlequin figures, paintings, and the inevitable only-slightly-a-prank gift of a maniacally grinning doll on his birthday... It was understandable that one would develop a dislike for clowns of any kind after all that. He shivered and the memory faded.

John noticed that Gamzee had become quiet. The painted troll seemed sad, or at least not as cheerful as he usually was. "Oh, but um, I like you!" John hurried to say. His cheeks turned red as he realized what he had said. "I mean, with your facepaint and juggling and stuff, you're like a clown, so… I didn't want you to think that I…" he sputtered.

Gamzee remained silent for a moment. Then he smiled through John's hurried apologies. "Heh heh, that's real sweet of you John. I like you too. Tell me, what else do you get your like on for?" He looked at John expectantly.

"Um," John said, surprised by the capricious conversation change. At least things wasn't as awkward anymore. "I like movies, video games, webcomics," he listed his interests on his fingers. "…But mostly magic tricks and pranks," he smiled.

The troll nodded enthusiastically at the last hobby, grinning largely. He withdrew a bicycle horn from his sylladex and honked it happily once.

John laughed. Gamzee was so silly. "I play the piano too!" he said eagerly. Immediately, he wished that he could take his words back. Gamzee slowly dropped the hand holding the horn down to his side and stared silently at him. His expression was one of bewilderment and awe. John chewed his bottom lip in nervousness. _Stupid stupid dumb!_ _You don't need to tell him everything about you all at once._

"Really?" Gamzee said. A large grin had returned to his painted face. He looked positively thrilled. "You're like a real-life mirthful messiah!"

John all but flinched, startled by the volatile change. "Um, what's…that?" he asked.

Gamzee took the opportunity to recite a rushed description of this cult ("motherfucking religion") that he adhered to. He described two rowdy and capricious minstrels that sang rap songs about miracles on a mythical planet. But apparently the paradise planet did not exist yet, which greatly confused John. Gamzee talked about how the prophesied "Vast Honk" would occur, lifting the curtain to the Dark Carnival. The messiahs ruled over that circusland as ringmasters. Although it sounded Wicked and scary at first, Gamzee promised that it was prophesied as a land of tents and mirth, full of laughter and entertainment.

Nobody hated anybody for anything. Sisters, brothers, humans and trolls alike would spend their days rapping together and kicking back the chosen elixir under the big top. From their veins would drip the new world's miracles. Their bones would sparkle like special stardust. And to each faithful delivered, Gamzee and the rest would say: 'Welcome to the Dark Carnival, brother!'

It was all a lot to take in, and hard to understand with all the "motherfuck"s. Yet, John did his best to nod through it all and show that he was listening.

At the end, Gamzee laughed. "Shit, man. I like you even more than I did all at first! I feel like we could really be something, you know?"

"You mean like…friends?" John asked. Officially friends with Gamzee Makara? This was either a dream come true or a real-life miracle.

Gamzee's grin faltered slightly. "That too, brother, but I was really being to feel a little bit more…"

John searched his brain, not wanting to disappoint Gamzee. What other relationships did trolls have? The answer came to him. Quadrants. "Oh! You mean like Moirallegiance!" He beamed happily at Gamzee.

Gamzee blinked, surprised by such a bold solicitation. "…I guess, John. But still not quite-"

"Oh don't worry! Karkat's been yelling at me all about them. Especially that kissy-thingie."

Gamzee's eyebrows rose. "Has he now?" He had heard of Karkat Vantas from various students around the school. So, that infamous troll had black aspirations for this windy motherfucker. Gamzee's content smile returned. He wouldn't mess that up.

 _BRIIINNGGG._ Both human and troll jumped as the school bell rang. John gasped in surprise. It was that time already? Oh crap, he had somewhere to go.

"Um, can we talk later?" he asked. "You have pesterchum right?" Gamzee nodded and John quickly fetched a piece of paper and pencil from his sylladex. "My username is ectoBiologist. I used to be ghostyTrickster, but my roommate kept trolling people from my account, so I shut it down. He's so mean!" John held the scrap of paper out to Gamzee after he finished writing down his chumhandle.

Gamzee accepted it. "Heh heh. He sounds real motherfucking entertaining."

John gave the troll an inquiring look and then shrugged, deciding to not let it bother him. Nothing Gamzee did was surprising to John anymore. If anyone could think that Karkat was "interesting", it would be Gamzee. The boy turned to leave.

"Oh, uh." John faltered. Embarrassed, he looked back at the troll. "We're both in Prospit dormitories," John fidgeted. "So…will I see you again?"

For a moment Gamzee was silent. Then he chuckled, looking at John with a curious gleam in his eyes. "Speckdance is at 10, bro."

**Trickster Duo: Be in cahoots. Cahoooooooots. ===+**

The friendship between John and Gamzee grew deeper, and people around the school soon began to notice. At first it only made sense for the two most popular students to be seen together, but then rumors began to spread. It was obvious that John didn't like clowns—the whole dorm had heard his yells of alarm when his dad sent him an armless Jester doll for his birthday. And Gamzee was as clownish a troll could be without wearing a rubber nose. So there must be something more tying the two of them together…

Karkat snorted from a few rows back and took a bite from an apple. This gossip was ridiculous. A group of three girls near him continued chattering on about the two boys. Everyone was huddled together in friendly little groups for lunchtime.

Karkat put his snack down for a moment and scooted out one of the empty chairs next to him. Perfect. Now he could put his feet up. He took another bite to celebrate. There were advantages to sitting alone.

His new position had put two people conversing on the other side of the classroom into his sight. Karkat frowned. There they were—John Fucking Egbert and Gamzee Motherfucking Makara. Karkat sunk his teeth into his apple and flipped them off with both of his red hands. They were too far away to see him, however, and too involved with each other. Karkat couldn't hear much of their conversationbut the two seemed to be progressing into a heated debate about baked goods, of all things. Gamzee pointed to the empty pie tin besides him (the remains of his "lunch"), and John shook his head crossly. The human mimed having a pie thrown in his face, wiping the fake filling off of his glasses.

The group of girls near Karkat resumed their giggling and whispering. Karkat turned his head their way, wondering what all the fuss was about. One girl pointed a hand towards John and Gamzee but the others quickly swatted it down. The troll huffed in annoyance. What was all the fuss about? Gamzee was weird, but at least he wasn't trying to blackrom John. That was the only reason he cared about the two of them, Karkat told himself. It wasn't like he and John were friends or anything.

Now John was trying to tell Gamzee that it wasn't healthy to eat only pies and Faygo. Karkat scoffed at the two of them, feeling the black fires within his heart burn brighter. Together they formed the most brain-dead couple in the history of paradox space!

**John: Answer Troll. ===+**

_Ping._

John looked up from his homework. An insistent pinging noise was ringing out from the speakers of his Crosbytop. Someone was trying to chat with him over Pesterchum. John glanced at the pile of assigned homework to his left and frowned. Not even close to done yet. He chewed his bottom lip in thought as the alert notification continued to chime.

 _Oh, what the heck_. He didn't feel so stoked to take on that schoolwork. And talking to a friend might be a Good break. John smiled at the screen as he leaned across the surface of his yellow desk to reach his computer. Maybe he could multi-task, too…

**\- terminallyCapricious [TC] began trolling ectoBiologist [EB] -**

TC: HoNk.

TC: hOnK.

TC: :o)

EB: hi gamzee!

EB: :oB

TC: hAhA fUuUuCk, YoU gOt My FuCkInG nOsE bRo!  
  
TC: WhAt EvEn GoT iNtO yOuR pInK hEaDbUlB aBoUt To AlL fUcKiNg Do ThAt ShIt?

EB: i don't know. maybe…a miracle?

EB: honk!

TC: FuUuUuUuUuUcK.

EB: haha, yeah. so hey, gamzee…

EB: why are you messaging me from the trollslum?

TC: YoUr MoThErFuCkInG rOoMmAtE aLl DiD tO pUt Me On ThE bLoCk LiSt. :o(

EB: oh my goodness.

EB: that asshole.

TC: Haha, YoU'rE nOt UsUaLlY bEiNg ThE oNe To AlL uP aNd DiRtY yOuR sPeEcH lIkE tHaT, bRoThEr.

EB: this is the last straw. i've been telling him to stop doing that almost every day now.

EB: i don't know why he likes to mess with me so much.

EB: hey.

EB: gamzee…

EB: i've got an idea. wanna help me out with a little trick?

TC: I tHiNk I cOuLd Do To Be ClEaRiNg OuT mY sChEdUlE fOr A bRoThEr, SuRe!

EB: good!

EB: (hehehehehehehehehehehe)

**Be Gamzee. ===+**

"This prank is going to be hilarious!"

John was rummaging through one of the janitorial closets while Gamzee waited on the side with a lazy, constant grin. John had led them to an unlocked closet while the custodial lusii were away. He had declared that he knew a simple but effective prank that they could use to get back at Karkat. "Remember, you're talking to the pranking _master_ ," he had said.

However, John hadn't really told Gamzee what they were doing yet, so the troll sat down to wait. He leaned his back against the wall and listened patiently to the sounds of John navigating the strange confines of the closet. Gamzee relaxed, staring off into space. The dance was in a few weeks and everyone was looking forward to it. Although, he realized, he still hadn't decided on who to take.

John cursed as a pile of materials fell down from a shelf. The harsh crash echoed in the corridor. Gamzee looked to both sides but nobody came swooping down the halls to find them and demand to know what they were doing. With no danger in sight, Gamzee returned back to his thoughts. Maybe he could just go solo, and dance with everyone. He nodded to himself. Yeah, that sounded good. Then everybody would be his date.

"Yes!" John gave a cry. There was a sound like him pulling out an item from the collapsed junk heap. Sure enough, within a few seconds the human's head poked out from around the closet door. He was grinning triumphantly. "I found one. Here, hold onto this, we'll need it!" John tossed Gamzee the item he had found and ducked back into the cluttered void.

Gamzee caught the plastic object with both hands, barely looking at it. It took him a few moments to realize what it was. When he recognized it he froze, fingers clutching the smooth plastic sides. Oh mother fuck. Oh mother _mother_ fuck.

It was a bucket.

Gamzee nearly dropped the indecent object in shock. John had tossed a bucket at him. What in Oz did this mean? He stared at the obscene pail, extremely embarrassed but unable to tear his eyes away.

"I'll see if I can find another one!" John called. Gamzee shut his eyes tight, having not been fast enough to shut his ears. What in the name of the Dark Carnival did John mean, "another one"?

The words repeated through his head like a religious chant: _Hold onto this, we'll need it…we'll need it…we'll need it!_ He continued to sneak embarrassed glances at the bucket in his hands. This was…a very, very forward solicitation. Was John trying to tell him something?

Gamzee exhaled slowly. He tried to think of any way for this to make sense. _Now calm down, motherfucking self_. _Let's use what's all that's left of our rational pan for a clocktick. Buckets aren't all meaning the same thing at humans._ _It's probably just a honest little mistake_. Still though, didn't humans know by now what buckets meant to trolls? Either way, Gamzee couldn't stop his bloodpusher from leaping high into a giddy whirl. _Don't start_ , he scolded his heart. _Just don't._ And don't assume either, this could all be a misunderstanding, you don't know his intentions for sure…

John reappeared from the depths of the closet. He grunted, arms struggling with a large hose. "Gamzee, help me fill this bucket."

"WHAT?!" Gamzee yelled, flushing indigo through his thick layer of facepaint.

**Gamzee: Assume. ===+**

EB: and then he said, "i told you dog", but it just kept hapening!

TC: HaHaHaHa.

TC: ThIs Is BeAuTiFuL, dUdE, i FeEl So At ChIlL wItH yOu.  
  
EB: yeah, i'm really glad that we're friends gamzee.  
  
TC: HeY...  
  
TC: tHe BalLrOoM sHiT's AbOuT tO aLl Up AnD gEt ItS wIcKeD sElF kIcKeD tHe DaY aFtEr ToMoRrOw.

TC: HoW aBoUt BeFoRe ThAt YoU aLl AnD cOmE tO gEt YoUr HaNg On At My HiVeSuItE—nUmBeR 612?  
  
EB: really? that sounds great!

EB: thank you for inviting me!  
  
TC: wE cOuLd SpLiT a PiE tHaT'lL bEaT aNy CaKe, BaKeD uP aLl NiCe AnD sPeCiAl FoR yOu.

TC: HeAvY oN tHe MiRaClEs.  
  
TC: AnD ThEn mAyBe,

TC: mAkE OuT A LiTtLe.  
  
EB: uh.  
  
TC: ;o)

EB: …

EB: …

**\- ectoBiologist [EB] is now an idle chum! -**

TC: ...DiDn'T mEaN tO sCaRe YoU oFf, BrO. :o(

**\- ectoBiologist [EB] sent turntechGodhead [TG] the file " <3?.log" -**

EB: dave?

EB: do you think he's being ironic about this?

**Karkat: Rant. ===+**

"It's so stupid that I want to flip cartwheels of I-don't-give-a-flying-shit right off the fucking roof of this terminally moronic establishment!" Karkat raved to his sister. "It'll just be me, spinning and spinning and spinning into endless nothing, screaming. Maybe I'll flip off all of those dull nookstubs on the way down. Think they'll give me a fucking round of applause when I'm done?" he finished another impressive speech. Vriska just hummed softly to herself, smiling.

The big event down at the Ozspeck Dancehall would be later that night. Signs for "Rainbow Rumpus Partytown" had been plastered all over the school. It was impossible to miss them. "It's more like 'Rainbow Rumpus Asshole Factory'," Karkat sneered. His sister didn't react.

Undeterred, he went on. "It's absurd, to say the least. That dullpanned highblood appears and suddenly everyone turns into fucking clown worshipers, going off to a cultish social gathering to drink piss and throw shitty cheap glitter around. There is no way, not in the Wickedest fucking circle of the Furthest Ring, that I-"

"I'm going to the dance!" Vriska blurted. She beamed at her brother. "It's going to be wonderful. Tavros was too shy to ask me at first. But then John encouraged him…"

"John?" Karkat shouted and grabbed Vriska's good arm. Suddenly all the puzzle pieces fell into place. No matter what, if John had something to do with this dance then it was practically guaranteed to bring bad things. "No. Fuck no. Fuck fucking-"

"Oh would you just _stop_." Vriska practically spat. She shook him off. "Don't you dare speak against him. I'm about to have the happiest night of my life, all thanks to John," she said as Karkat sputtered into silence. His arms waved in protest as he mentally ran through a million ways to convince his sister that this was a Very Bad Idea.

_Finally for this one night,_

_I'm about to have a fun night,_

_With this lowblood troll,_

_John Egbert found for me,_

Karkat crossed his arms in a huff. He was still obstinately against Vriska attending the dance.

_And my one and only whim,_

_Is to do something Good for him,_

_To repay him!_

Karkat rolled his scarlet eyes. His sister talked about John with such affection. But he hadn't even asked her to the dance—this Tavros troll had! Quadrants were complicated, Karkat thought.

_Karkat, don't you see?_

_We deserve each other, and John Egbert helped it come true,_

_We deserve each other, me and Tavros,_

Vriska sighed as she said the troll's name. "Please, Karkat. Could you try not to hate him, at least for tonight?" she gazed at him with wide eyes, calculatedly sorrowful.

Her brother was silent, with his arms dropped to his sides and head lowered. Slowly, he looked up at her. "…I understand," he intoned. Then he turned and strode away, his gray cloak flapping behind him.

**Kids: Prepare for the party. ===+**

John adjusted his sky blue tie. He and his friends were almost ready. For the dance that would be happening in just a few hours he would be wearing his Wise Guy suit. The jacket and pants were dark teal with white buttons. Underneath it he wore a black shirt, matching his shiny black shoes. Butterflies of nervousness fluttered lightly in his stomach. "So, have you thought about that file I sent you?" he asked the young man across the room.

Dave had just finished dressing. He was wearing his red plush suit tonight, with gray-and-black shoes and a white bowtie (of course for "ironic" purposes). His signature round shades were still on his face.

"Oh yeah. About the juggalo troll? Beats me, man. I can't tell what goes on in that horned head of his. Shit's more obscure than the raps of ten thousand enlightened scholars from Jupiter."

John frowned, halfheartedly studying his reflection in the mirror. That "Strider wisdom" didn't help much…

However, all Gamzee-related thoughts were soon chased out of his head. "John," Rose announced as she stepped through the door. She was wearing her velvet dress—the skirt was lavender and her top was vertically divided into purple and black columns. Dark netting covered her shoulders from one arm to the next. Fastened at her waist was a skull pin. A yellow headband pulled her blonde hair back. "Might I inquire as to what in the name of Oz this may be?"

Smirking, she held up a bundle of gray cloth and shook it out. It unfolded, revealing itself to be a pair of extra long pants. The drab gray material reached past the belt line up to where the wearer's chest would be. Stretchy and supple, the top third of it seemed meant to function as a shirt—albeit a tight and incredibly garish one.

Silence swept through the room at the sight of the shocking leggings. All three young adults were silent, observing the pants with different levels of confusion, amusement, and embarrassment.

Eventually, John broke the spell. "Oh hell no." He said, disgust tainting his voice. "Guys, pretend you didn't see this. My father sent me it as another one of his jokes, I just know it." He walked over and took the pants from Rose's arms. How completely embarrassing. His old man probably thought that this was hilarious. Mr. Egbert was always one step ahead, never failing in a trick or a prank. Despite his humiliation John felt a small flash of pride in his dad.

He held the pants by his fingertips, slightly elevated and at arm's length as if it were cancerous. He wrinkled his nose in distaste. This thing was guaranteed to make its wearer the laughingstock of any establishment!

"I dare you to wear that, man." Dave smirked.

"No way!" said John. "I can't pull off that level of irony. I wish I could give it away, but there's nobody who I hate that much," he joked.

Dave stared back at him from behind his sunglasses. He tilted his head in thoguht. "Yes, you do."

John frowned, confused for a moment. Then recognition dawned over his youthful face. His eyes snapped back to the gray pants. "I couldn't," he whispered.

"…could I?"

**Karkat: Enter. ===+**

"There you are, you pink shitslurping sack of dragon dung!" Karkat yelled as he stormed into the room. The troll was breathing hard, as if he had been running through the halls. John's two friends hurried out the door to avoid the mutant troll's wrath. But more than that, they didn't want to be late—the dance would start in just under an hour. Dave paused at the doorway before he exited the room, pointing once at the pants and nodding towards Karkat.

John looked at the troll, taking in his appearance. Normal cloak and gray clothes…Karkat wasn't dressed for the dance at all.

"Hey bulgemuncher, Vriska was just talking my ear off about you…I mean," Karkat paused and took some deep breaths. John watched, holding the pants in his arms. Was Karkat…trying to calm himself down? How strange. "We were talking about you just now and-" Karkat continued.

"And we were just talking about you." John gestured to the door to signify his friends. He grinned happily at the red troll. The human walked forward with the pants bundled in his hands. "I wanted to give you this to wear to the party tonight."

" _It's really uh, cool, don't you think?"_ John asked, holding the leggings up to the light. He looked at them admiringly. Karkat blinked in confusion. Well, if John thought so. He didn't know fuck about fashion, so maybe. What was so desirable about that one article of clothing anyway? This was stupid. Nevertheless, Karkat fixed his eyes on the pants, intrigued.

" _You know, gray is this year's uh, thing."_ John rambled. Karkat watched, silent as midnight. John grinned and gestured at the pants like a car dealer showing off the newest model. _"You deserve each other, these pants and you. You're both so…smart._ "

"…" Was John suggesting he was only as intelligent as a pair of pants?

" _You deserve each other so, here!"_ John forcefully shoved the extra-long pants into Karkat's arms. Karkat tightened his grip in surprise and John took the opportunity to let go. The exchange was complete. The human turned and walked briskly away before Karkat could shout out an appropriate insult.

Before he left, John rested one hand on the doorframe and looked back with a reassuring smile. _"Just from the Goodness of my heart."_

Karkat was left with words caught in his throat and his feelings caught in conflict. Numbly, he stared down at the comically large pants. He had been given a gift. John Egbert had given him a gift. He looked up, red eyes searching the empty space in the doorway.

"…Fuck." He suddenly didn't understand anything.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So who guessed my OTP right? 8D; Yes, it is Gamzee<3John. I hope you all don't think I'm weird.
> 
>  
> 
> And yes, that’s right: Gamzee is not on sopor slime. Here, he had a family/ancestor/lusus to all and tell him not to be doing that. But sopor slime will definitely play a role. Very soon, in fact... ;3 wink wonk.
> 
> Bucket scene heavily inspired by this gif, created by bana on tumblr: http://27.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lsipqeLojs1qfcr73o1_500.gif


	7. Popular

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THIS. THING. IS. HUGE. 8U I do hope you all enjoy it, because I've never typed anywhere near 10,000+ words and 25 pages of stuff for anything any time before. ^^; Oh lordy lordy.
> 
> As always, outfits of Kanaya, Vriska, and Tavros are from their wiki pages. Gamzee and Terezi's are made-up. Karkat's capelet would look something like: http:/ tiny.cc/kkcapelet , minus the ribbony bow.

It was a truly magical night.

The Ozdust Dancehall had been completely transformed. Elegant curtains, soft and dark, draped over each towering wall. The inky black of night glided in through a few unobstructed windows while the cold was kept out. Decorations were arranged thoughtfully around the large room to set an enchanting mood. Spotlights from above illuminated the room. The checkerboard-patterned linoleum shone softly under their glow. Small sequins sewn into the drapes and other objects sparkled in the light, glittering like stars.

Tables strewn with food and drinks adorned the two longest sides of the room. Respitetables and chairs waited near the back wall for tired dancers who needed a rest. There was plenty of space for socializing with friends or a date. But the majority of the ballroom had been cleared away for the most important part of a dancehall.

The dance floor was like a cauldron—filled with magic. Humans and trolls moved across the smooth floor in time with the music, dancing with romantic partners and friends. Colors from every outfit blended together, creating a twirling dance of their own.

The music was lively and carefree, floating on the air and into people's hearts. Dancers bent low and sprang up again in rhythm. Their arms waved and feet kicked. They guided their partner around as they glided into each step, making the whole floor seem awhirl. With each step they made the dance floor come alive.

Some couples were especially daring. One would leap up as the other held their waist for support and lifted them into space. Together they could reach greater heights than one of them alone. And then the beat would end, along with their glorious jump. Defying gravity was only possible for a few magical moments, unless you had wings.

Romance of all quadrants was in the air as well. Nearby classmates and friends cheered as Sollux struggled through his lisp to ask a troll named Aradia Megido to dance. At first she looked surprised. However, she accepted his proposal with a shy smile. They walked off to the dance floor hand in hand.

A freshman human, clearly drunk, shouted slurred congratulations their way. Then the same girl slung her arms around the two boys next to her. "C'mon Jakey, you 'nd your boyfriend r' gonna miss out, right Dick?" She giggled and tried to steer them to the dance floor.

"I think you've had too much to drink, Roxy." The blond boy sighed. "And my name's Dirk." The other boy wriggled out of his green suit jacket trying to escape the girl's clutches.

**Be John** ===+

_Crap_ , John thought. His friends had to be here somewhere. Convincing Karkat to take those awful pants had taken slightly longer than the one second he scheduled for it. John's blue eyes searched through a small bunch of conversing trolls. The one named Nepeta had just pouncetackled the troll who had pulled Gamzee's cart. His name was Equius, right? _Maybe he came to escort Gamzee_ , John frowned. But the purple-blooded troll was nowhere to be seen…and neither were Rose or Dave.

John executed a small lad scramble around the group. Now where _had_ those guys gone?

Finally, John noticed a familiar shade of blonde hair. Rose! What was she doing over by the assortment of rainbow drinks? John momentarily sped up, but slowed to a halt when he noticed that she had a companion. Rose was in the middle of a delightful conversation with a female troll John recognized as Kanaya.

She had managed to even make jade green lipstick look good. As John watched, Kanaya's classy red dress shimmered and changified to an elegant black and white ensemble. After half a minute more that one switched to a pink shoulder-hitched gown, followed by a blue flower-print dress and then a spring green one.

John blue eyes widened in surprise. Was she using a wardrobifier or something? Also, now that he was closer he could see that Kanaya's makeup was glowing a pasty white. The unearthly sheen from every bit of exposed skin, including her arms. It was a very striking effect.

Distracted by the bright fashion statement, John was startled by the sound of Rose laughing. Kanaya must have responded in an especially witty manner. John watched from a distance away, completely still. He almost never saw Rose laugh like that.

Although he was glad to have found one of his friends John decided to leave the two girls alone. Rose was having a great time and he didn't want to ruin their fun. Half of their conversation would probably be way over his head anyway. John gave them one last look and a smile before turning to go find-

"'Sup John," said Dave. He smirked at John's startled yelp.

"STRIDER! Where did you come from?" John said. Dammit, that had been so uncool.

"This awesomesauce Knight was off investigating the punch-soaked Ozspeck caverns for a synesthesiatic dragon."

John gave Dave a quizzical look.

"Terezi," Dave clarified, "I was looking for her. She said she would dance with me if I wore my 'delicious' red suit." He shrugged, plush sleeves squeaking. John groaned inwardly. Why were all of his friends going off to have troll-human sloppy makeouts?

"But Terezi said that there was somebody else she wanted to find first. A troll."

"Who?" John asked. Dave's suit was exactly the sort of thing Terezi liked. And it was eye-catching as well as apparently nose-catching. John frowned. He couldn't think of anywhere else she would find a brighter shade of red.

Dave repeated his shrug. "Dunno." He kept his face expressionless as he looked back over the dance floor.

**Skaia: Elect prom king(s) and queen(s). ===+**

The air rang with cheers and applause as the Royals of the ball were revealed. The Black King and Black Queen were announced, and the lucky male and female from Derse dormitories received their titular rings. The same was done for two lucky Prospitians, who were crowned a White King and a White Queen.

Then the real fun began. The two Dersites elected an Authority Regulator while the White Royals chose their Parcel Mistress. It was all sort of a joke—the AR was supposed to become a bouncer-of-sorts and guard the integrity of Rainbow Rumpus Partytown. He accepted this honor with a snappy salute. The PM's job was easier: fetch any drink or food item the Kings or Queens desired. This was completely silly and was only meant to be a bit of stupid fun.

However, tonight there was a disturbance. Right after the AR and PM were chosen, a Dersite barged in wrapped head to toe in a sheet, followed by a glowing firefly. The students erupted with laughter when he loudly proclaimed himself to be a Wayward Vagabond who would lead a rebellion to regisurp the kings and queens. He waved a yardstick wildly above his head and declared that he would form a free society known as the Land of Cans and Nationalism. Democracy for every citizen can, led by the light of Serenity the firefly! Free Tab soda for all! There would be no discrimination in Can Town.

While the elected royals laughed, the AR and PM teamed up to take on the wacky vengeance-seeker. Together the three of them struck a deal. The rulers could not give up their thrones, but perhaps the WV would like to be a Mayor of someplace instead?

John grinned in amusement, watching everything unfold from the sidelines. Dave stood beside him. Once the excitement had died down, he turned to ask John a question. "Why aren't you out the dance floor with someone, man?" he said. "Can't dance or something?"

John's ears caught the teasing tone in Dave's voice. He set his hands on his hips in defiance. "I believe that when it comes to dancing you will find that I am simply the best there is!" He declared, tilting his head back to look down his nose at Dave.

"You're so full of shit, John."

"Am not! I've only stepped on someone's foot like, once."

"Liar liar sick fires. I bet you've stepped on all of the toes in this room. They should call you 'Dorky-Mc-Treads-a-Lot'. In fact, we all should. There, boom, it's official. Some judge just whispered to me over the Breeze, saying he slammed down his huge-ass gavel on the issue. I now pronounce you man and nickname."

They continued their lighthearted bickering. John insisted that he was a perfectly good dancer, he just hadn't had much practice yet. Dave then teased John about who he wanted to practice with. Was it Rose? It was Rose, wasn't it? Hey man, if you date my sister then I get to date yours. It's only fair y'know.

Dave smirked, leaning to avoid a light shove from John. He looked out over the dance floor as the other boy protested indignantly. This was completely hilarious. Then Dave noticed a gray figure standing a few yards away, watching the both of them with captivated purple eyes.

The troll stood on the edge of the dance floor, partner-less for the moment. He was dressed nicer than Dave had expected, in a suit as black as midnight. He wore a dark purple dress shirt underneath the jacket of his suit. A black tie with gray polka dots hung down loosely from his neck. Not a speck of his facepaint was out of place. It even looked like his hair had been patted down. A Capricorn sign was stitched in royal purple on his right lapel. Despite the formal attire, he had managed to add on some farcical features like ruffled cuffs.

Dave smoothly caught John's flailing right arm without looking. "Dave, what-" John said as he struggled in the taller boy's grip.

Gamzee Makara began to step towards them, a shine zipping across his indigo shoes. The blond human smirked. It looked like the clowntroll had actually put forth some effort on his appearance.

"So, you say you're a good dancer?" Dave interrupted John, letting go of the boy's hand. John held his released arm close, massaging his wrist. Dave nodded over to Gamzee and pointed subtly with one finger. "Well here's your chance to prove it."

**John: Dance ===+**

_This is always such a horrible idea_ , thought John.

Gamzee had suddenly appeared out of nowhere and invited him to dance. Dave had thought it was the most hilarious thing ever while John had just stared stupidly at the troll's outstretched hand. He had been encouraged by Dave to accept, probably due to the max irony levels. Like an idiot, John cursed himself, he had given his friend was watching them from the sidelines with a huge grin. _Not cool Dave,_ John fumed. _Not cool_.

Gamzee had walked them to the center of the dance floor and now began leading the human through some simple steps. John followed along, careful to not tread on any toes. He looked up into Gamzee's face. The troll's eyes were a familiar shade of purple, but the smile he gave John seemed curiously uncertain. Embarrassed, John looked away. He didn't know what to do. All his movements felt stiff and his heart was in his throat.

_God, this is so awkward,_ John thought, staring hard at Gamzee's left shoulder. He hadn't talked to his troll friend since the pesterlog from two days ago. John was still confused about that. Had it been one of Gamzee's jokes? Or maybe a Freudian slip? It was hard to tell.

John had never gotten a message like that from anybody else. He remembered staring at his screen for almost half an hour, not knowing how to react. Gamzee had probably been hurt, but John's heart and mind had been fluttering too hard for him to think about anything at all. He had hoped that it he might know what to say given time, but nope.

Gamzee shifted his grip on John's torso. And now he felt all jittery again for some reason. Great.

John gasped as Gamzee gave a forceful tug. The troll lifted up his left arm and spun John under it until the human turned all the way around to face him again. Apparently they had moved on to the next level of difficulty. John briefly marveled at how easy it was for him to slip underneath Gamzee's arm. That had been kind of fun. Maybe…this wasn't that bad.

All of his worries flew out of his head as he slowly let himself surrender to the dance. The music was their conductor. The language of instruments told them when to step and twist. Gamzee liked to twirl a lot, and soon John found himself lightly dizzy. The mild disorientation made him laugh and he clung to his partner's arms for balance. He was really having fun now! John looked up and saw Gamzee smiling down encouragingly at him. Beaming, he smiled back.

The troll paused for a moment, their dance gliding to a halt. Slowly, John felt Gamzee pull him in closer. He thought he heard—or maybe felt—a noise. It was quiet and rumbling. It almost sounded like…a purr? Or maybe a chuckle? Before John could ask, he felt his left foot being swept out from under him as he was dipped down…

And then Gamzee Makara kissed him.

Dave's face was priceless.

**John: ????? ===+**

This wasn't funny anymore.

"Gamzee what…what?" John stammered as soon as his lips were free. Gamzee leaned back, pulling them up to their feet.

"It was a motherfucking kiss, John." Gamzee was breathing hard, John noticed. The dance hadn't been _that_ strenuous. Had the kiss been just as surprising to him? Gamzee looked straight into John's eyes and smiled. "Means I'm red for you."

The meaning of Gamzee's words surged through John's mind. The troll terminology translated in a flash: _I love you_.

"Hopey shit…" said John softly. The jitters were back full-force. Gamzee's past actions suddenly made a lot more sense. "Er, oh Gog I meant-"- _Holy shit_. He couldn't even talk right; much less get his thoughts in order.

Plus, John was still confused about what exactly he felt. He wasn't ever sure what he _could_ feel for Gamzee, being probably heterosexual and all. And it didn't help that Gamzee hadn't let go, holding securely to his right hand and waist. John blushed more as he became highly aware of how close they were. "I just…didn't really have any idea that you felt like that, so I am kind of caught off guard…"

Gamzee frowned. "You didn't? Brother, I all and did to think it was obvious." John's heart clenched.

"So, what you're saying is 'no'? I mean," Gamzee looked away. "It sure wasn't a motherfucking yes, so that must mean it's a no." _Oh God,_ John bit his bottom lip at Gamzee's expression. He looked so hurt.

The troll's anguished expression remained for a few seconds. Then Gamzee laughed and stepped back, letting go of John's hand and hip. That laugh scared John—it was fake and forced, not like Gamzee at all. "Yeah, I all and thought so bro. But I just motherfucking had to try. Miracles, y'know?" He waved a dismissive hand. "And I guess I got understanding on to why you'd up and feel weird about being matesprits with a troll…"

"No!" John said, surprising both himself and Gamzee. "I don't even care that you're a troll!"

"That doesn't matter at all to me, and it shouldn't to you. Humans and trolls can like each other enough to be friends, so I guess it's possible that…" John trailed off, blushing and looking to the side. "And anyway, matespritship is basically the same thing as love," He managed to glance up at Gamzee. "Right?"

Gamzee was silent. John could hear his heart pounding loudly in his ears. Slowly, Gamzee took one small step back towards the human. "If you're feeling for me what I'm motherfucking feeling for you, then it is." he said.

John didn't reply. He felt all mixed up.

"It's just that, uh…" He finally said.

"What?"

John took a shaky breath and shut his eyes tight. "I am not a homosexual," he all but whispered.

He waited for an explosive reaction. When John dared to open his eyes again, he felt like sighing in relief. Gamzee wasn't mad. Instead the troll had his head cocked to the side and was staring at John. His eyebrows tilted in confusion. "Man, what even is that?"

John blinked back. "It's like, when a boy likes another boy."

"There's all being a fucking _word_ for that?"

"Yes."

"How the motherfuck is that a thing?"

John didn't really have an answer, so he just shrugged.

"Brother-" Gamzee started. Then he shook his head and began again. "John," he said. "Does it even motherfucking _matter_? Shouldn't you let yourself go with what all does to feel right? Y'know, choose whatever makes your heart dance and sing?"

"You mean…you don't _care_ that we're both guys?" John had never heard anyone say something like that. Well, he knew that trolls had homosexual relationships. But things were different with humans…right? Or was it something else that really didn't matter? John had never tried to picture himself with a guy, human or troll. His mind was in a jumble. What would it mean if he said yes to Gamzee now?

Gamzee shrugged. "It nothing to be losing your chill about. I mean, I'm just getting my mirth on what about you not thinking that a human and troll together would be…motherfucking strange." He chuckled. "I all did to think that would be pretty weird."

"That's not strange at all!" John giggled.

"How is two guys being together motherfucking stranger than two different fleshcreatures red for each other?"

They were both laughing now. Gamzee even honked to add to the silliness. John relished the feeling of relief as all the tension drained away from the two of them. It felt amazing to laugh with his good friend again. _Although maybe they were more than friends now_ , he realized as the merriment subsided. If he wanted to be, that is. He looked at Gamzee thoughtfully. _Did_ he want to be? Gamzee stopped laughing as well when he noticed John staring at him.

John's mind raced to find an answer. After a few moments, neither of them had said anything. The troll smiled unsteadily, waiting for John to speak first. So speak John did. "I don't care," he eventually whispered. "…And you don't mind."

Really he had been talking to himself, but Gamzee must have heard. His face lit up into a smile and he reached forward to grab John's shoulders. The boy's eyes grew wide as he felt himself pulled in for a tight hug. "Just do what feels right, John." He heard Gamzee whisper in his ear.

_Do what feels right… follow you heart…_ Shutting his eyes, John decided to do just that.

His heart led his lips right up to a second kiss with Gamzee.

**Be Tavros. ===+**

He had done everything John asked.

He had been brave for him. He had pretended to have courage, hoping that if he believed in something hard enough, that would make it slightly less fake. He had invited Vriska to the Dancehall to show John how Good he could be. He had even brought Vriska up to the dancefloor's edge, hoping that it would impress John. Maybe the human would look over, smile, and then give him a dance or five.

And now John was kissing Gamzee Makara. The human hadn't even bothered to look for Tavros once. Or even notice him at all, really. Tavros watched them from what felt like miles away. Oh God, he felt so _hurt_.

He wrenched his head back around. Vriska stood across from him in a simple white dress. The dress reached down to her knees and ended like a cobweb, gossamer and silky. On the front of it was her cerulean Scorpio sign. An eyepatch covered her left eye while her mechanical left arm was on full, pitiful display. With her injuries, the blue fairy wings attached to her back seemed like a bitter joke. Her red shoes and black socks stated that she was clearly not planning to dance tonight.

Tavros was wearing his boy skylark outfit to match her, green from his cap to his trousers. He wore socks and sandals instead of dancing shoes. With the feathered cap and silly costume, Tavros would normally have felt very embarrassed. _But maybe John will like it_ , he remembered convinced himself.

" _Vriska…uh, Vriska? I've got something to confess-ah, reason why, well…_ " Tavros glanced back over his shoulder at John. " _Why I um, asked you here tonight. Now please don't be upset…_ "

"Oh Tavros, I know why." Vriska said. She fluffed her long black hair and tossed it over her shoulder with a needlepoint grin. " _I've been waiting to hear it since sunset. You pity me, right?_ " She beamed at Tavros, forming a heart with her fingers.

"What? No!" protested Tavros.

Vriska's smile died. "No?" She said with confusion eightfold.

Tavros scrambled to come up with an answer. "Well, I, I didn't mean… V-vriska I…" He cast a hurried look over his shoulder and came back to see Vriska's hurt expression. Tavros took a deep breath as crazy words came to his mind. He didn't know what else to do. He couldn't hurt Vriska now and nullify all his Good deeds. He had to keep it up. How else would John notice him?

" _I asked you because…BECAUSE YOU ARE SO BEAUTIFUL!"_ Tavros practically shouted. A few nearby heads turned at the noise.

"Oh, Tavros!" Vriska squealed in delight. _"I think you're wonderful. And we deserve each other, can't you feel this is our chance?_ " Her smile was back as she grabbed his hand and came in close to him. _"We deserve each other, don't we Tavros?"_

"Uh." Tavros looked back one last time for John. Dancers swayed every few feet, but the spot where John and Gamzee had been was empty. There was no one there.

"You know what?" He said to Vriska coldly. "Let's dance."

The other troll's blue eyes grew wide. "What?" He must be joking. She _couldn't_.

Her vision was impaired and her left arm looked too strange and everyone knew that a cripple couldn't dance-

And then she was tugged out to the dance floor by her good arm, Tavros declaring all the while "Let's _daaaaaance_!"

And dance they did. Vriska stood still in shock, taking in the new surroundings until Tavros tapped her shoulder from behind. She turned around and he grabbed her good hand, placing his other hand on her shoulder. He guided them in a few steps to the right, then back to the left. She followed his lead through a few more improvised paces. Then he let go and they just danced solo next to each other.

Vriska was in a state of wonder. She danced surprisingly well without her eye—Tavros gently guided her away from obstacles. And her prosthetic arm never got bumped or strained. When Tavros lifted his arm up she twirled under it with a joyful laugh. Then he let go again and danced around Vriska like a Spanish toreador. She watched, a healthy blue spreading across her cheeks. Vriska Serket was well and truly flushed.

**Be the other troll couple. ===+**

Sollux and Aradia had taken two respitechairs over to a quieter corner of the room. They had danced for a while and decided to take a break.

Aradia sipped the drink that Sollux had gotten for her from the long table nearby. Sollux lifted his gaze up into the crowd surrounding them, trying to stop himself from staring at his date all night. He thought he saw snatches of Nepeta with some unfamiliar troll and what looked like John and Gamzee disappearing around a large jester doll.

Sollux shook his head. What a wild night.

_Stop smiling, doofus, you're going to look like a complete nubskull,_ Sollux told himself. But he couldn't help it. He could hardly believe that Aradia had accepted his confession. The night was going great, and it wasn't even half over! Sollux snuck another look at Aradia from over his own drink. She was examining the contents of her cup.

"What's in the punch?" Aradia asked, smiling at Sollux.

"Uh…" Sollux tried to remember. "Applesth and lemonsth and pearsth."

"Oh my."

"Hee hee hee! Smells like you finally got the guts to ask Aradia out, Sollux." A sudden burst of laughter drew their attention.

Sollux scowled when he recognized Terezi. Dammit, he and Aradia had just barely managed to ditch their teasing group of friends from before! But Terezi had already come over and sat down next to them with a plop. She wasn't even using her cane to help navigate. Aradia said hello.

"What do you want, Pyrope?" grumbled Sollux, starting off as his usual self. But then he noticed something that made him change his tone. "Is there sthomething wrong?"

Terezi's lips, usually open in a perpetual grin, were twisted down into a rare frown. "I can't find him," she burst out. "I've been sniffing all night!"

"You mean 'searching'?" asked Aradia gently. She put down her cup. "For who?"

Sollux had the same question and so just stayed silent. Terezi's dress tonight was very beautiful, he noticed. It was made with teal dragon scales and shimmered under the spotlights. She had on elegant crimson gloves that matched her scarlet boots. Sollux realized that Terezi was wearing a surprising amount of red in her outfit tonight. He wondered why. Was it to match her tinted glasses?

He was jolted out of his thoughts when Terezi spoke again. Apparently he had missed her entire explanation.

"I guess Mister Grouchyhorns really did decide to not show up. Oh well." Terezi's cheerfulness sounded slightly forced.

"Have you guys seen Dave Strider then?" She grinned, blind eyes staring blankly from behind her glasses. "Because _I_ sure haven't."

**John and Gamzee: Sloppy Makeouts. ===+**

John's head was spinning and he didn't care. He had kissed a troll and he liked it. And now they had snuck away behind the largest decoration for some… _alone time_. They were taking a break from dancing to _get some peace and quiet._ He couldn't remember when the makeouts had begun but he didn't care to be honest, not anymore. Because Gamzee didn't care and John didn't mind or maybe it was the other way around but it didn't really matter, nothing mattered but knowing nothing mattered when you were dancing through life with-

"Mr. Egbert!" shouted Feferi Peixes. John yelped in surprise. He quickly separated himself from Gamzee with a light shove. The troll stumbled back before staring at the Headmistress in a daze. John's pulse skyrocketed as he recognized who their intruder was. _Caught kissing by the big fish herself!_

Flustered, John took a few small steps forward. His cheeks burned with embarrassment. "Madame Peixes…what are you doing here?" He said as he straightened his rumpled teal suit. She wasn't dressed any differently so she must not be here for the party. He didn't even know that the Headmistress was allowed to come. Gamzee politely moved a small distance away to let them talk in private.

John wilted under Madame Peixes's stern look. The adult troll tapped her trident with one disapproving finger. He could hear the _clack clack_ of her rings on the pole. One of her eyebrows was raised, arcing above her fuchsia goggles. _At least she doesn't look too angry_ , thought John. _More like just disapproving to remind us of her supervisory role as staff. She has to enforce school rules after all._

"I have a somefin for you." Feferi fished around in her sylladex and effortlessly exchanged her trident with another item. She held it out to the boy. John breathed a sigh of relief. So she wasn't going to kick them out. Then he saw what was in her hand and he followed the sigh with a gasp.

"The…Warhammer of Zillyhoo!" Held in the Empress's webbed hands was one of the most powerful hammerkind weapons. It was said to have been forged in a fire by the smiths of Pipplemop, commissioned by the sage Lord of the Wozzinjay Fiefdom in the Realm of the Snargly Fruzmigbubbins. It was almost the stuff of legend. Bedecked in a rainbow of colours and mayhem, only true masters of their Element were allowed to wield it. The warhammer's bizarre design of blue and candy colored stripes was unmistakable.

Feferi handed it to John. He grasped it tightly as fearing it would disappear. He touched the handle reverently. John knew that Skaia University had some incredible weapons hidden away, but he never expected to be given something like _this_. He felt like singing a Gregorian chant dedicated to the hammer's might. "How can I ever express my gratitu-tion?" he murmured.

"Don't thank me," Madame Peixes said. "This was your hivemate's idea." She wrinkled her nose in distaste.

"What?" John couldn't believe his ears. "Karkat?"

"Karcrustacean demanded I enroll you in sorcery class with the other buoys and gills. He threatened to quit my seminar if I did not alert you by tomorrow." Feferi glared to one side, as if hoping to find the red troll right there. "I can't afford to lose him," she muttered.

"We studied Ultimate Weaponry a perigee ago. He must have remembered the Warhammer from then, and that you use the Hammerkind specibus," the Empress sighed.

"But…why?"

"Go fish." Feferi shrugged. She leaned in closer and whispered "Honestly, I'm not too _excited_ about your chances. I hope you'll prove me wrong…" Her tone sent a chill sliding down John's spine.

Feferi's shoes tapped on the smooth floor as she turned to walk away. Her trident appearified back in her hand. The Witch looked back at him one last time with an eerie grin. "I doubt you will."

John watched her fade into the crowd, holding his oversized hammer tightly with both hands. The dancers continued their dizzying movements close by, accentuating his feelings of confusion and bewilderment. John's head swam with the Headmistress's words. Sorcery class! The Warhammer of Zillyhoo! For him! Both of them were the highest of honors…and from the person he would least suspect.

"What did she up and tell you?" asked Gamzee. John looked up, startled. In his daze he had failed to notice the troll's return.

John brought a convincing smile to his face. "She wanted to give me this." He lifted up the hammer for Gamzee to see. He nodded when the troll honked in admiration.

But inside, John felt…confus-ified. It was all thanks to _Karkat,_ Feferi had said. He had thought that the mutant troll hated him. Both of them had participated in this spiteful little game of theirs and maybe even sort of had been equally horrible to each other. And now Karkat was trying to make amends? What was this feeling?

"Man, I thought she was all about to get the Wicked banishment on at you and me." Gamzee said. "That's all being a motherfucking relief. So, there's nothing wrong?"

John felt his smile falter. "Yeah, nothing," he lied. He looked down at his hands, pretending to admire the Warhammer of Zillyhoo. Hopefully, Gamzee didn't notice his internal turmoil.

He would have to thank Karkat, John decided. Maybe he had misjudged the troll. Karkat had done a very Good deed tonight. And Goodness should be repaid, after all!

"Sweet. Then let's get our motherfucking dance on." Before John could think further, he felt himself pulled back into another dance with Gamzee. He laughed as they tried to maneuver while still holding the weighty hammer. John followed Gamzee's lead and spun away for a few beats. He felt the handle leave his grip. Somehow, Gamzee had managed to snatch it away. John looked back. The troll's eyes glimmered with mischief.

"Hey!" John laughed. He moved in close to Gamzee and reached for the Warhammer. The troll held it up just out of his reach, easily hoisting it above his head. But the weapon became John's again when the human jumped up, pushing down on Gamzee's shoulder in order to achieve lifdoff. John held the hammer tightly to his chest and stuck out his tongue. Gamzee's only response was a grin.

They were just leaning in for another kiss when…

**Karkat: Enter. ===+**

The sound of a hundred students gasping at once swept through the room. Drinks were dropped in surprise. The music hit a sour note. The dance floor stopped swaying. Within a few seconds, everyone had turned to see the cause of the commotion. Someone had appeared at the top of the stairs.

The mutant had arrived. The spotlights shone down upon Karkat's cherry-colored skin, making it almost appear to glow. His two horns stood out like the red claws of a demon. He squinted under the uncomfortably bright lights, sharp teeth resting nervously on his bottom lip. He stood alone on the peak of the Grand Staircase with everyone in the dancehall staring at him.

And his outfit. His outfit was just atrocious.

Karkat had obviously never tried to dress himself for a ball before. The troll was not wearing a suit, having chosen instead what seemed to be enormous gray leggings. The elastic material stretched from his ankles to his hips and then reached up to under his armpits. It hitched at his waist in a line of gray thread. Two more pleats stretched up horizontally to the top from there. He wore no shirt, only a short, dark gray capelet tied securely in front to cover his back, shoulders, and the top of his chest. He had even come in his normal black tennis shoes.

It was mortifyingly bad. Indignant whispers had already started. The first peals of mocking laughter could be heard from the far side of the room. All eyes in the dancehall were on the red troll, their gazes becoming more scathing by the second. They all relayed a unanimous message: This didn't belong in a ballroom. This didn't belong anywhere.

Karkat looked down at his clothes, alerted by the others' reactions. Realization emanated outward from him. He must look like a total fool. John watched from the dance floor as recognition dawned on the troll's face, followed by familiar rage and then unfathomable shame. _Oh God_ , thought John, he looked so _hurt_.

John turned his head away. He saw Gamzee right next to him, standing with his mouth open in surprise as he gaped along with all the others. "Whoa what the motherfuck, who's this motherfucking motherfucker?" he asked John.

"He's my hivemate," John replied.

His hands tightened around the handle of the Warhammer. It was the best gift. A huge, selfless gift. A gift that Karkat had given simply as part of an effort to rise above their past feuds and show appreciation…and for what? John realized with a chill.

He had done it to thank John for the pants that he had given only as cruel prank. Karkat had honestly tried to thank the human and make amends. He had thought that John had actually wanted to help him attend the dance. John bit his lip out of shame. Suddenly his little prank didn't seem so funny. He felt so Wicked inside.

"Please don't…stare." he begged Gamzee.

But the whole room was already staring at Karkat as he descended down the Grand Staircase. He held his head high, resolutely doing his best to ignore everyone. The mutant troll kept his face expressionless as he reached the end of the stairs and stepped out onto the dance floor. No sound could be heard but the tap of his footsteps. Finally, he stopped.

Karkat slowly looked from side to side. No one moved. His teeth were bared slightly at the enraptured mob and his hands trembled with emotion by his sides. No one spoke a word. Utterly alone in the center of the dance floor, Karkat Vantas lifted his arms.

It turned out to be the start of an unimaginable bad dance. Karkat's movements were stiff and jerky, without any hint of grace. Every step was unconfident, awkward. The routine was completely foreign and original, with no familiar dance moves. He waved his arms in front of his face, contorting all ten of his fingers. It kind of looked like he was trying to swim—or drown, rather—in thin air. Then he took a step backwards and stumbled into a single off-balance spin. He leaned over to each side with arms spread wide. His feet shuffled around with no particular rhythm. Then he crouched down lower to the ground and repeated some of the nonsensical movements.

The "dance" should have been funny coupled with his absurd attire, but no one laughed. Their criticizing silence and disdain hung in the air like an array of knives, all aimed toward the mutant who glowed brightly in their midst.

**Be Karkat. ===+**

He started dancing, not knowing what else to do. After all, that was what _normal_ people did at a dance, right? It was fucking _named_ for it. And he had come here (god-fucking-dammit) to dance with all of the normal idiots for once in his sorry excuse for a life. But nobody else was dancing, instead staring at him like a horrorterror with a million eyes.

He gritted his teeth in anger. Just like he had told Vriska, trusting John had been a bad idea. There was only one word for someone as stupid as himself. It burned on his red cheeks and pulsed through his mind, as if hurled at him through the mocking glares on all sides: Sucker. _Taken in like a wriggler stupidly grabbing licorice Scottie Dogs from a white candy bowl_ , Karkat ranted angrily inside his head as he danced.

Shuffling from side to side, he pinched his hands together like crab claws. He waved his arms like windshield wipers. He even pretended to be swimming through the air, but it was hard to dance without any music. He hopped up and down, in an impression of what he hoped to be moderately-more-rhythmically-gifted popcorn, viciously cursing himself for ever believing that John's intentions had been Good.

He been foolish to believe that the pants were an actual invitation to a night of fun from everyone's favorite insufferable shithead. He should have known. He _should have fucking known_ and he had and that only made him more of an idiot. Fuck this, he pinwheeled his arms. Fuck that, he stumbled over his right foot. Fuck everything, he staggered in an oblong circle. Most of all fuck him for being so _fucking stupid_.

"Well, gotta admire the motherfucker for not being to give a fuck about what others think." Gamzee sounded a bit impressed, although he was still staring at Karkat in rapt fascination.

"No. He really does…" John said sorrowfully. The two young men watched the mutant troll flail around. Karkat remained defiant in the face of such a predatory atmosphere, just dancing and ignoring everyone, never giving the audience the satisfaction they were waiting for. "He just pretends that he doesn't."

It was almost unbearable to watch. "I feel terrible," John whispered.

"Chill, John," Gamzee said. He patted John on the shoulder. "It's not like you had anything to do with it."

A bolt of pain ran through John's heart at Gamzee's words. He felt as if it had twisted into a knot.

"…Excuse me, could you hold this a moment?" John held the Warhammer of Zillyhoo out to Gamzee. The troll took it from his hands with astonishment. He gave the human a worried glance. Why would John just hand over such a rare and valued weapon?

Taking a deep breath, John turned and walked out across the dance floor. He didn't want this…not anymore. He hadn't meant this to happen. So, he had to fix it. No, he _would_ fix it.

The crowd murmured and shifted their gaze to John as the human walked over. The boy shivered under the weight of a thousand eyes. _Was this what Karkat had to feel every day?_ John kept walking, hyperaware of every move he made.

Soon he found himself right next to the troll. John cleared his throat politely. "Mind if I join?"

The troll halted, stopping his horrible dance. Either he had not seen the human approach or had chosen to ignore him. Karkat's stare was the hottest of all, burning like a heat ray on John's skin. After a short pause, Karkat nodded and stepped to the side. He gestured to the open space with one red palm. _Be my guest_. He did not glare or act hostile to John, just silently gave in to the human's request.

John slid into the cleared space. Taking a deep breath, he began to mimic Karkat's dance.

He swept his arms in front of his face, tracing patterns with his fingers. He stretched his arms up to the ceiling and leaned backwards in an arch, bending over and then sweeping down low to complete the circle. He spun quickly around on his toes once. John shifted to his left and pointed up with one hand, then did the same to his right. He crouched down and tried to repeat the movements but couldn't, and simply hopped back up to his feet. Somehow it ended up looking like a planned drop. John shuffled around to a silent beat.

All of his actions mirrored Karkat's but with an element of style added. The dancehall watched as John twirled his arms. Karkat stood, silent as stone, as John did a small kick with his right foot. Finally, he stepped onto the leg and pivoted, turning around to do it all again. The human kept Karkat's original moves recognizable, but they became smoother with every repetition, flowing together after a time to create an unmistakably original dance.

Occasionally John caught glimpses of Karkat. The mutant's eyes remained cold. But after a little while, his guarded gaze softened just a touch as he began to realize that John was not sealing his personal coffin of shame. Surprisingly, John was instead…supporting him?

And then John stopped. He breathed deeply from the exercise, standing in front of everyone like a felon before the jury. The he turned to Karkat.

John's expression looking at the troll was clear and devoid of any blame. Slowly, he raised his arms and started the hand motions. It felt almost as if he were asking if he was doing it right.

Karkat stood still for a moment. Then he mirrored John, lifting his arms. He copied the motions and then waited, hesitant to begin. John smiled at the encouraging sign and moved on to the next part of the dance.

By the third bit they were both in tune, Karkat moving his arms and legs in time with the human. John adjusted his steps to whatever Karkat showed him. In response, the troll successfully picked up on some of the sleekness of John's movements. Both of them watched and learned from each other, shaping each other's dance and making it better.

At some point a soft strain of music began to play. The tentative, solitary notes floated through the air, guiding the two dancers. Having a beat to follow made everything much easier. Soon the two of them had altered their steps to include each other, turning it into a partner dance. They sprung off each other's hands and kicked to opposite sides. They even managed to turn the awkward crouch into a playful dip. When they both spun, they spun in circles around each other.

Gradually, it spread to the crowd. First one human tried to copy them, then more people. Trolls soon followed. Social conformity took care of the rest. People began to flit around to find their dates and friends and see if they wanted to try the dance as well. More and more couples began to stumble through it until almost everybody was trying out some form of the new fad.

"Um…" Aradia turned to her left, surprised to hear Sollux speak. "Aradia…eh…would you like to dance with me again?" Sollux asked, blushing.

Aradia smiled. "I think I would be okay with that." They stepped back out onto the dancefloor together.

Karkat looked around in disbelief. Students were swirling around them, laughing and enjoying themselves. Everyone was doing the dance that he had invented. He kept looking around in shock. Beside him, John laughed. The troll looked so surprised. This must be the first time anything like that had happened to him.

The two boys found themselves gently sucked into the center of the now-friendly dancehall by a mob of smiling people. Karkat's heart pounded as couples passed by closely around them, all adding their own take on his once-pathetic dance. His gaze found John and saw that the human was looking at him as well. They shared a glance of mutual amazement and respect before looking away again to watch what they had created.

Gamzee watched them both from the sidelines. A smile was on his painted face. It was moments like these that made him believe in miracles. Karkat and John stood close together on the dance floor, the gray and teal-blue center of a multicolored hurricane. It was beautiful, Gamzee thought. Both of them were, actually. It was such a beautiful thing, this miracle called friendship.

_Dancing through life!_

_Down at the Ozspeck,_

_If only because specks are what we come to,_

Gamzee's smile spread into a grin. Maybe he'd stay at this school a while longer.

_And the strange thing,_

_Your life could end up changing,_

_While you're dancing…_

_Through!_

**John and Karkat: Return to Hivesuit. ===+**

"That was your first party ever? Your very first party!" John laughed giddily as the two boys returned to their room. "You never told me that!" They barged thought the golden doors and sprawled out on top of John's bed. Karkat was smiling and John was laughing. This magical night had left them too happy to stay enemies.

"What other stuff haven't you told me?" John teased. "Man, I can't believe how little I know about you. That's got to change."

The boy sat up, swinging his feet over the edge of the bed. "Hey, I know! We should tell each other a secret. A reeeaaally big one that we haven't told anybody else. I'll start!"

Before Karkat could protest John inhaled deeply. "Karkat, I'm starting to doubt that I am not a homosexual!" He blurted. He grabbed a yellow pillow and shrieked into it to release his distress.

Karkat rolled his eyes at the human's theatrics. He sat up and began to undo the tie on his capelet. "What does it even matter, nookstain? You'd be lucky if there was anyone crazy enough to be flushed for you in the first place-"

"Yeah, that's what Gamzee said!" John chirped happily. Apparently he had only heard the troll's first sentence.

_What?_ "Um…okay. Wait, you're red with Gamzee?" Karkat wasn't sure what to make of that. He hadn't known that the tricksters' bond was that close. He hadn't even considered it a possibility, actually. The two of them being together seemed as unlikely as…as…well as him and John becoming friends, Karkat realized.

"So, what are you guys gonna do? Get married or something?" he asked, feeling incredibly awkward.

John stuck out his tongue. "No! We have to date and stuff first, Karkat. And trolls don't even really get married." John kicked his feet. "But humans do..."

"Well…fucking congratulations then, I guess. I'm surprised your family and friends are okay with this, though." Karkat said, surprised. He couldn't stop wondering what could be so great about the highblood. Gamzee wasn't amazingly handsome or anything, although it was hard to see due to that absurd facepaint. He could see how Gamzee could be pitiful, however. Everything that the troll did made Karkat wish someone would appear and _shape this poor idiot's shit up_. But he had never imagined that person could be John.

If Karkat really thought about it, he supposed that Gamzee did have his endearing moments. But those thoughts had always been overshadowed by the hate he felt for John.

"Oh, they don't know about it yet." John chirped. "Now…" he bounced up to sit cross-legged and leaned in closer to Karkat. "It's your turn to tell me a secret."

Karkat's heart began to pound. He opened his mouth to say that he didn't really want to share any secrets, even if he had them, and it was his fucking decision not to…

But John was staring at him with those patient blue eyes. The human had already shared something from his heart with Karkat, and was now waiting with a small smile for the troll to share as well.

Karkat looked down at his hands. At his red, red hands. This whole night had left him very confused. Him and John seemed to have drifted out of kismessisitude for a few moments, and now Karkat wasn't quite sure what they were to each other. Maybe he should just see how John felt about things? In that case, he had no choice but to go along with this revoltingly inane self-interrogation.

"My father hates me…no turdlord, that's not the fucking secret!" Karkat snapped. John had gasped audibly after the first revelation. "The secret is why." Karkat continued. "He has a good reason…it's my fault." His voice became low.

"What?" breathed John. The boy scooted closer to Karkat's side. "What is?"

"It's my fault that my sister is..." the troll hesitated. "The way that she is." Inside his head, Karkat argued with himself. Why was he telling this to John Egbert of all people? But it was too late, and now the words came pouring out like his sealed lips were a dam, burst for the first time in years.

"When my mother and father decided to have another grub in order to _replace_ me my father got worried. He thought the wriggler might be…uh," Karkat trailed off. He looked at John and gestured to himself with one ruby finger.

John nodded. "Red?" He asked carefully.

Karkat nodded. "He made my mother take sopor slime for its rumored 'medical effects'. She did it for him. But one day we got word that something had gone wrong. The shell of Vriska's egg came out too thin and she didn't develop quite right. Her left arm got twisted during the hatching process, and she had a wonderful ocular gift called vision eightfold…but in only one of her eyes."

"That… _abnormality_ caused painful disorientation for her and we were told that one of her eyes would have to be culled. After a sweep, the medicull trolls came and removed almost all her sight from the left one." He explained. "And my mother…died."

The troll gently took out his sylladex and chose one card near the back. A small, dark bottle appeared in his palm. "This is all I have left of my maternal Ancestor," he said.

John listened in stunned silence. Karkat's voice was sad, the softest that John had ever heard him speak. "They culled her for producing two offspring that were…damaged. It's an honor for a troll couple to be allowed two grubs in a lifetime. Vriska had been their second chance. This sort of failure was unacceptable, and my mother paid the price."

Karkat stared straight down at the bottle in his hands. "None of that would have happened if not for me… which makes it my fault," he finished.

The two of them sat in silence. Karkat waited for John's to react. The human hadn't moved away during his whole talk and now sat watching the troll with wide eyes. He must have been shocked, Karkat realized. Oh well done, you mutated freak, now you've scarred the windy idiot for life.

"...But," John finally spoke. "That was the slime's fault, Karkat, not yours."

Really? Karkat looked up in surprise. John slowly reached with one hand to pat the troll's bare shoulder. "That might be your deep secret Karkat, but that doesn't mean it's true." he smiled reassuringly.

Karkat felt strange. He felt light, as if a huge weight he never knew he was holding had suddenly sprouted wings and flew away. Was this…relief? He had never even considered the possibility of being blameless. All of his life he had been scolded and hid, as if the color of his skin marked him for Wickedness. Everyone seemed to agree on the matter. So he had begun to believe it too.

But here was a human, and even someone who had been his worst enemy not 12 hours prior, daring to tell him otherwise. John said that he had nothing to worry about and nothing to apologize for. Karkat's head was filled with unfamiliar thoughts and feelings, but inside of it all there was one thing he knew for sure…

This was not what he would expect from a maybe-kissmessis.

He came out of his musings to find John standing up next to the bed with both hands on his hips. "Hello, Oz to Karkat? You missed my big speech." John grinned. He struck a heroic pose. "I've decided that I'm going to help you out with your people-problems."

"You really don't have to do that-" Karkat snapped. He captchalogued the small bottle.

"I know. That's what makes me so awesome!" John grinned back.

**John: Educate Karkat on Popularity. ===+**

_Whenever I see someone less fortunate than I,_

" _And let's face it,_ " he sighed, " _Who isn't less fortunate than I?"_

_My tender heart tends to start to bleed,_

_And when someone needs a friendleader,_

_I simply have to take over,_

" _I know,_ " John pointed to himself with a grin. " _I know exactly what they need."_ He swiped Karkat's untied cape from his shoulders, causing the troll to let out a startled growl.

" _And even in your case,"_ John's speech paused. Karkat sat without flinching as the human's eyes focused on him. He seemed to be taking in the full disaster of the troll's gigantic pants. " _…Though it's the toughest case I've yet to face_." John murmured the conclusion, tossing the capelet onto his desk. He raised one arm and made a fist, " _Don't worry! I'm determined to succeed."_

Karkat groaned to himself. It was times like the when he remembered why he hated John Egbert. The idiot was smiling at him now, beckoning him over. When Karkat made no move to get off the bed John's waving became more insistent. _"Follow my lead."_

Grudgingly, the troll stood up and walked over. John grabbed him firmly by the shoulder and leaned in, whispering to him as if they were in cahoots, his blue eyes flashing. _"And yes indeed."_ His voice was a hiss. _"You. Will. Be…"_

Karkat held his breath in suspense.

_Popular._

_You're gonna be popular,_

Karkat's ruddy eyes grew wide. He couldn't be serious. But John was grinning back at him with a buck-toothed smile, like he had meant everything he said.

_I'll teach you the proper tricks,_

_About talking to chicks,_

_Ways to impress and wow,_

" _Oh!"_ John gasped. He led Karkat over the desk and pulled out a chair, caught up in the excitement of his new plan. Karkat plopped down after some insistence. It would be impossible for him to jump in and interrupt John now.

The bespectacled human had apparently decided that the best way to help Karkat was to propel him up to the top of the social rankings. _Oh God_ , Karkat's mind buzzed with apprehension. _This is happening too quickly. John, what are you doing? Fuck!_

The troll did his best to quiet those panicky thoughts. Karkat barely understood what John was talking about as the human zipped around from one topic to another, but perhaps he should give it a try. The top of the social ladder looked like it was a nice place, and apparently John was going to give him a rare free pass.

_I'll tell you what clothes to wear,_

_How to fix that hair,_

_Everything 'till you know how,_

_To be popular,_

There were a lot of rules about being popular, Karkat discovered. He tried to add all of them to a steadily growing mental list as John whirled around their room. There was so much to remember. And John told him that the rules could even change within a week!

Briefly Karkat wondered how all the well-loved humans and trolls managed. But John seemed completely carefree as he continued searching for something, pulling all adequately stylish clothes out of the closet as he went.

_I'll help you be popular,_

_You'll hang with the right cohorts,_

_You'll be good at sports,_

_Know the slang you've got to know,_

" _So let's start,"_ exclaimed John. _"'Cause you've got an awfully long way to go."_ Karkat shifted on the yellow chair at the critique. John giggled at the troll's reaction. He waved a dismissive hand.

_Don't be offended by my blunt analysis,_

_It's just part of me being magnanimous!_

_Now that I've chosen to become your pal-_

_-honcho and adviser,_

_There's nobody wiser,_

Having previously made a remark about fixing Karkat's hair, John triumphantly returned from his whirlwind search with a hairbrush. He stopped to check his own short black hair in front of the full-length mirror before turning to attack Karkat's slightly longer and messier hair. The troll wriggled around in discomfort before being forced to sit still.

_Not when it comes to 'popular',_

_I know about popular,_

_And with an assist from me,_

_You'll be who you'll be,_

  
_Instead of surly_ _who-you-were,_   


"Well, 'are'," John considered. Karkat yelled as the brush yanked at an especially painful knot.

_There's nothing that can stop you,_

_From becoming popular…Lar!_

Karkat's mind began to wander as his hair was untangled and brushed. What would he be like if he really did become popular? Mentally, he tried to picture himself as part of the "in-crowd".

Eventually a fuzzy picture began to form of him surrounded by a doting group of miscellaneous friends. He was smiling as they all talked about normal things like the latest gossip. There was not a single book in sight; they had more important things to do than homework, like talk and follow trends. Karkat imagined himself having to turn down yet another invitation to something because he already had three events for that weekend. Everyone complimented him on how his snazzy outfit perfectly complemented his skin color. Right before the mental image disappeared, he saw his popular self let out a joyful laugh.

Meanwhile John continued humming and messing up Karkat's hair. " _La, la, la-laa. We're gonna make you pop-u-lar!"_

Had his imagined-self been happy like that? Karkat wondered. It seemed so. It must make a person really happy when they didn't need to worry about things like getting partners for projects or keeping track of who hated you the least. And he would probably still ace all of his classes too, powered by the engine of friendship. Yeah. Probably.

That would be the perfect life, Karkat daydreamed.

John put down the hairbrush, having achieved hairstyling victory. The Heir briefly played the wind, floating over a small bag on the Breeze. It was Rose's makeup satchel. Karkat watched warily as the human dug around inside.

_When I see unlucky creatures_

_With nothing special 'bout their features,_

_I remind them on their own behalf,_

John finally picked out one small…boxy-looking thing. Karkat really didn't know what it was. Karkat was reminded of his ignorance about cosmetics while John opened the container and tapped the inside with his fingers. With a satisfied nod John removed his powder-covered digits and turned to smear them on the troll's cheek.

What? What-what-what? Karkat wasn't even sure how to begin asking all the questions in his head. Then in a flash, he realized what the substance must be: foundation. Karkat gently raising one hand to brush his cheek. Then he brought his fingers in front of his face to have a look. The fine powder matched the color of Rose's human skintone.

" _To..think…of…"_ grunted John as he rubbed at Karkat's face. After a firm press he removed his fingers for inspection. The human frowned. It hadn't stuck. Karkat's red skin still showed through.

So much for that idea. John snapped the case shut and replaced the foundation in Rose's bag. He chucked the pursey-looking-thing back across the room. Then he smiled at the bewildered troll to reassure him that he wasn't crazy. John grabbed Karkat's hand and pulled him off of the chair, leading him back towards the bed.

_Celebrated heads-of-state,_

_Or especially great communicators,_

_Do you think they had brains or knowledge?_

" _Don't make me laugh,_ " John said with a chuckle when Karkat tried to speak. " _They were popular_." He lightly shoved Karkat's shoulder and pointed for him to sit down. Karkat sat.

_Please, it's all about popular,_

_It's not about aptitude,_

_It's the way you're viewed,_

  
_So it's very shrewd_ _to be,_   


" _Very-very popular like…_ " John struck a pose and pointed to himself. _"Me?_ " he asked with raised eyebrows. It was so stupid that they both had to laugh.

"This is never going to work!" said Karkat, struggling to subdue his laughter.

"Oh Karkat," John scolded him. "You can't keep up that bad attitude." John puffed up his cheeks to make them red and wiggled a finger on each side of his head as if they were tiny horns. He bared his teeth and growled. Somehow Karkat managed to keep a straight face throughout the ridiculous impression.

"Your whole life is going to change and it's all thanks to me. Now," John said. Karkat watched as the other male become suddenly serious. "I've got some final pieces of advice for you. Do you want to hear them?" Although the human's voice was solemn, Karkat caught sight of a twinkle behind his black glasses.

"Well? Are you going to trust me or not?" John grinned. The astounding events of the night flashed through Karkat's mind: the treasonous gift of pants, the shame and his impossible savior, then the dance. After a pause he nodded, looking straight into John's eyes.

"Alright, ready?" Karkat nodded again.

John leaned closer in a conspiratorial manner. "Karkat, everyday you must remember to…" The troll leaned in as well, listening intently for the first piece of wisdom.

"Shower." John finished. He smiled mischievously, enjoying his companion's confusion. When Karkat stopped being confused and began to give John a harsh glare the boy laughed. "Who knows, maybe that will improve your crabby tendencies!"

John cut Karkat off when he tried to speak. "Deodorant, Karkat." He mimed putting some on. "Welcome to the 21st century."

Alright, now the nonsense was beginning to tickle Karkat's absurdity palate.

"I think we've conquered your hair…but we'll get back to that later." John said with convincing sincerity. The corner of Karkat's mouth twitched.

John fixed the troll with a stern look for the next point. "And finally: clean underpants, Karkat. That's all I'm gonna say." He spoke in a comically serious voice.

And Karkat laughed, folding forward to catch his head in his hands. "Look at your posture! That's not going to make you popular," teased John.

Taking a deep breath, Karkat cleared his throat and straightened his back until he almost leaned backwards. Was this good enough? he wondered, chuckling at the thought.

But John was looking around the room now and not at him. "Make the bed and tidy the room…we've done that." Karkat looked from side to side. Their beds were a disaster and the floor was covered in clothes and accessories.

"Color coordinating your outfit…" John trailed off. He looked at Karkat. Karkat looked at him, blinking his red-tinted eyes.

"…" They both said.

Karkat cracked up again in the pregnant silence. John moved on to the next topic.

"And finally, the most important thing that will make you popular…" Both of the boys were grinning largely now. "Is to have confidence in who you are. Just be yourself."

Karkat's grin receded in shock as the meaning of John's words set in. A few moments of quiet ensued. Slowly, very slowly, John saw Karkat's expression change. When the troll next looked him in the eye he had a tiny, but honest, smile on his face. Karkat nodded.

John was delighted. His silly antics had worked! He declared happily, "Then that settles it! Starting tomorrow you are 'Karkat Vantas, Knight of Popular'."

"I can show you the best way to roll your eyes tomorrow if you'd like," John offered. "It's actually a really important thing to know when you're super-popular. You can get out of doing work, give your opinion on stupid teachers, agree with your friends when you all do it at the same time…"

Karkat shook his head, still unable to speak.

"No? Well then, will you help me in Sorcery class? I bet I'm really far behind."

Surprisingly himself, Karkat smiled at John more gently than he ever had before. "Only if you promise not to roll your eyes at Madame Peixes. She'll turn you into a cuttlefish," he joked. John rolled his eyes drastically to agree.

"Oh," said John. He reached deep into a teal pocket of his suit jacket. "Some troll girl wanted you to have this." He held up a silvery-gray necklace. Hanging from the chain was a small rendition of Karkat's surrogate sign—the Cancer symbol.

Karkat looked at the necklace for a moment before reaching out to take it. He held it in his palm, examining it in attentive silence while John sat down on the bed next to him. After turning the symbol over to view it from all angles, Karkat ducked his head and put the necklace on.

He looked over to admire his reflection in the mirror. Karkat adjusted the chain and turned his head from side to side. He had never really had a necklace like this to wear before. No troll clothing was made for his symbol.

After a few moments of taking in his new appearance, John spoke. "Hey Mr. Vantas, see that?" John asked with a smile. He pointed at the mirror. "You're the best-looking troll in Oz."

Karkat didn't know what to do. His heart was thumping and the signless necklace felt heavy and cold against his neck. He didn't know what to think about his maybe-kismessis's pitying remark. His head was reeling with dancing and popularity and pants and being called handsome by someone for once in his life even with his skin and horns and now he felt so many FEELINGS all at once and maybe even friendship but most of all _this wasn't what a kissmessisitude was like at all, aaaaaaaah!_

"I-" he couldn't talk. His heart was too full. "I have to go," Karkat stammered and rushed out of the room. His forgotten capelet fluttered on the desk in the resulting gust of air.

John sat alone on the bed, staring at the already-empty door. "…You're welcome." he called after Karkat.

Slowly, a knowing smile grew across his face. _"And though you protest your disinterest,"_ he hummed, looking at himself in the mirror. _"I know clandestinely..."_

John laughed softly, remembering the look on his new friend's face. " _You're gonna swear and bear it, your newfound popularity!_ "

The rest of the night was spent in good spirits and planning how to explain to his friends what had happened.

_La, la, la-laa,_

_You'll be popular!_

_Just not quite as popular,_

_as…_

_Me!_

:B

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry, no Sollux/Feferi. :( With her as Headmistress, not to mention that huge age gap, it just wouldn't work.
> 
> Hey. Hey-hey-hey. If you guys like Gamzee/John in any way, feel free to check out clownshippinglove.tumblr.com . :oB Send an ask and tell me you say hi!


	8. I'm Not That Boy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I AM SO SO SO SORRY THAT THIS CHAPTER AND THE LAST ONE ARE SO LENGTHY. Hopefully it will make up for me taking so long to write it. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE take the time to read it all and savor it!
> 
> Also, I would like to apologize for not updating sooner. D: Constantly working on a big fic is surprisingly taxing. I've learned that I have to take a break in-between chapters or I get burnt out. Rest assured this fic is going to be finished! But it has to be fun, first and foremost...for both you and for me.

**Karkat: Be Popular. ===+**

This was harder than he had thought.

A few students milled about inside of Professor Sebastian's classroom. Their lusus teacher/schoolfeeder hadn't shown up yet and his pupils were taking the opportunity to pursue the best kind of Social Studies. Idle chatter filled the air as friends shared how the big dance had gone for them. Meanwhile, one red-skinned troll was trying very hard to not look anxious.

The sun had set behind the horizon and risen up for a new day, dragging along a newly-remade Karkat Vantas kicking and swearing behind it. John had woken him up early to help him get a head start on his popular life. Usually Karkat would have unleashed a barrage of acidic words targeting the human, the human's sanity, and the ungodly hour of morning, but this time had been different. Excitement over what they were about to do had possessed them both and banished all thoughts of sleep. It was a jolt even better than troll caffeine. After an hour of bugging and fussing and meddling, John had finally declared his new friend's outfit "sufficient" and sent him off to class with a thumbs-up and a bucktoothed smile.

Karkat's mind wandered again through the hazy memory of his morning as he picked at his sleeves. His new "people-friendly" outfit was much more and ordinary and open. It consisted of a long-sleeved black shirt with his gray Cancer sign on the front, and neutral-toned dress pants. John had let him keep his usual footwear: black tennis shoes with white soles. With this new socially-acceptable armor, Karkat's new friend had sent him off to war.

Karkat leaned against his desk and tried to face the most crowded section of the room. He told himself to relax and loosen up. Maybe even look casual. He shifted around and uncrossed his legs, only to cross them again after two seconds. Dammit, he felt so wrong in these clothes.

It wasn't the most radical of changes but he was getting noticed. Nothing but odd stares yet, though. Nobody had even tried to approach him. Karkat felt his pulse quicken as a small group of students passed nearby, heading down the aisle. He could see them shoot glances of slight bewilderment his way. Karkat took a deep breath, _Oh fuck oh fuck here goes…_

He attempted a gentle smile, even a friendly wave of one red hand. Most of the students just kept staring and walked on in silence, stepping faster to get away from him. But after they had passed by, one human male gave a hesitant wave back. Another person's wary expression seemed to soften just a tad. Karkat rolled his eyes at them vigorously to show his appreciation.

He let himself enjoy a short moment of optimism. That had been a Good sign. One random act of Goodness down, a zillion more to go. Maybe…he could actually do this, Karkat thought. He was doing this grubslop, he was making this happen!

Karkat's sharp troll ears picked up whispering across the room. The students he waved at must have merged with other people and spread the news. Karkat Vantas was…different today. From the doorway to the formerly-vandalized lessonboard (which Karkat had checked before class), news of his transformation would soon reach everyone.

Leaning back against his desk again, Karkat sighed and closed his eyes. For the hundredth time he resisted the urge to cross his arms. John had told him it was important to look open and approachable. That had been just one of the million-or-so other "important" rules to remember. And that wasn't even counting the "very important" ones. Karkat sighed in exasperation and opened his eyes.

Nothing had changed. No one stood in front of him or had even wandered closer. The students remained snug in their chummy little herds like a flock of woolbeasts. Karkat glared around the room impatiently. He wasn't swarmed by smiling people yet? Where were his admirers, his adoring followers, his willing friends? They should all be welcoming him into their hearts by now…right? What was he doing wrong?

Karkat kicked at the ground and scowled, taking joy in the sight of his shoes damaging the floor. _Fuck_. This outfit must be broken or something. Or maybe _he_ was screwing things up, as motherfucking usual-

" _Honk."_ And speaking of the word "motherfuck"…

Karkat turned around, already knowing who he would see. Seated behind him was circusfuck extraordinaire Gamzee Makara, facepaint and all. The purple-blooded troll sat on top of the desk behind Karkat, resting his head in both hands. Mild interest gleamed in his lidded eyes. His assigned seat for this class was all the way across the aisle, Karkat remembered. What was Gamzee doing here?

The initial jolt of surprise was fading, but Karkat's mind continued to race. Why was one of the most popular trolls within the school suddenly so interested in him? Karkat wished he had prepared a list of insults beforehand. That would surely wipe the painted grin off of the clown's face. He didn't feel like being a stupid windup doll today, meant to serve as twisted amusement for the highblood. _Although,_ Karkat grudgingly thought, _it was nice to finally get some attention._

Karkat's frown deepened as Gamzee's vacant stare continued. The other troll's perplexing gaze felt like a laser beam piercing through Karkat's formerly-secure personal walls. Soon, Karkat couldn't take anymore. His mind was screaming at him to act, so act he did, with his best popular-person-talk.

"Yo…" Karkat faltered. "Yo what's up and happening, homie? The fuck are your lookstubs gawking at…I mean,' he corrected himself. "I didn't notice you there my fine gray, uh, fellow-dude. It sure is nice having no schoolfeeding supervision for a 'spell', haha! Adults are stupid and lame! What in the seven inner puke-spewing rings of hell do you want, dickhead…ah, geez."

"No, um," He forced the words out through clenched teeth. "I meant 'what can I _help you with_ , my grape-blooded brother'?"

Gamzee's only response was a faint look of surprise. Karkat couldn't blame him. It must be quite surprising to be called a grapeblood, especially by somebody the color of cherry cough syrup for wigglers.

"Mister…Grape Trooll-Aid?" Karkat tried to think of other suitably-endearing nicknames to use instead. "Royal Grape Jelly. Aubergine-blood. Plumbunch." One nickname tumbled out after another, only serving to make Karkat more and more embarrassed.

Eventually Karkat managed to halt his unruly tongue. He glared at Gamzee in humiliated silence. "Mister Eggplant" was still staring at Karkat, although he did look slightly more amused.

"What?" Karkat finally snapped. This was stupid! Gamzee was stupid! He was stupid! Everything was stupid! It was all stupid!

"Nothing, my fine invertebrother." Gamzee's mellow voice responded. Karkat's anger seemed to have no effect on him. "It's just…you've been up and John-ified." His face and demeanor were lighthearted, but Karkat thought he saw a small shadow hiding behind the cheer in Gamzee's eyes. Not that Karkat was looking closely at Gamzee, or Gamzee's eyes. Not at fucking all.

"John-ified isn't a word, grimegrub." Karkat grumbled. He got only an indifferent _honk_ from a bicycle horn as a response. "Decided to show up today, hmm? I'm surprised you even managed to find your way to class without culling yourself with a dull spoon." The words fell out before he could stop them.

_Oh fuck.._. Karkat cursed to himself. That's right—he was trying to be nicer and likable now. Why the hell was he turning into a babbling idiot around Gamzee? No one else had made him so stupidly nervous before. He must be making out with himself to be a complete idiot.

Wait no, "making himself out to be"!

Gamzee laughed in reply. "Well, it took nothing less than a motherfucking miracle, I'll admit." Slowly, Karkat felt the jitteriness inside his heart melt away. The two trolls relaxed into more normal, friendly conversation. Or at least as close to friendly that Karkat could get.

"The real miracle will be if you pass this course. I have a pretty good idea of your grades at the moment-"

"Grades are just motherfucking letters all done at the top of a fuck-flimsy piece of paper, bro." Gamzee declared. "Ain't got shit to do with who I really am."

Karkat continued through the philosophical interruption. "Whatever, 'bro'," he snorted, ignoring Gamzee's chuckle in response. "Are you even planning on graduating sometime this century?"

"I'm sure I'll be getting some sort of bitchin' diploma all handed at me someday, man. Maybe even by the motherfucking Wizard of Oz himself." Karkat scoffed in disbelief.

Soon their conversation settled into a natural rhythm, fueled by each other's responses. Karkat was surprised at how quickly he got used to joking around with Gamzee. As their conversation went on, Karkat slowly became aware of a new, foreign feeling. It was warm and fuzzy, like a basket of meowbeasts in sunshine. That simile seemed appropriate since Karkat wasn't sure he'd know what to do with a basket of meowbeasts either. Anyway, just what was this feeling?

"Friendship," Gamzee spoke. "Is the best kind of motherfucking miracle emotion. I up and got my discovery on to that a few sunrises ago, let me tell at you bro."

"Oh no, don't." Karkat groaned. "Don't start with the miracles again. And friendship isn't even an emotion, fucknuts! We even studied why the ancient trolls used to classify it as a disease. It spreads rapidly from person to person, 'infects' entire populations given time, can cause irrational and destructive behavior, and some extremists have even called it 'unnatural'…"

Gamzee gave a euphoric sigh. "It's such a beautiful thing, isn't it? This troll disease called friendship."

Karkat could only stare at the ecstatic troll in disbelief. He could think of a million responses but Karkat doubted if any of them would be strong enough to penetrate Gamzee's thick-as-a-boulder skull. So in order to avoid babbling like an imbecile again, Karkat just shut his chewhole.

Yes, the highblood was undeniably an idiot. He was probably so stupid that he didn't even realize how stupid he was, poor guy. And sometimes the nonsense he regularly spewed out became tiresome to hear. But for the most part, Karkat realized during their chat, he wasn't that bad. Gamzee may have been foolish but he was also kind—far kinder than anyone would have expected him to be. His neverending attempts at friendship were almost pitiful. Almost.

It was obvious now to Karkat that Gamzee's blatant interest in him had just been due to genuine curiosity, and not meant to be mocking. The guy was just pitifully lacking in subtlety. Creepy clown douche.

In conclusion, Gamzee was an annoying, pan-dead moron. But he could also be a weirdly endearing pan-dead moron.

"Hey, yo…" Karkat's thoughts were interrupted when the other troll spoke. Gamzee leaned in closer and whispered with unexpected seriousness. "You don't have to do that, you know."

He waved a hand at Karkat's outfit, or maybe at Karkat in general, before continuing. "Changing for people when you're all what's fine being your own motherfucking self." Karkat blinked in surprise as his mind tried (and failed) to formulate a suitable response.

Before Karkat could answer Gamzee's cryptic smile, however, the door opened with a bang.

**Crabdad: Enter ===+**

"Al-right!" Professor Sebastian scuttled hastily into the classroom, yelling as usual. "Take your seats, shrimps!"

The lusus marched to the head of the classroom while the students rushed to their chairs. Karkat quickly sat down and faced the front of the room. Gamzee calmly stayed seated behind him.

"Listen to what I'm going to say!" Sebastian's large claws clicked together roughly. His white head swung as his pale eyes flicked back and forth towards the door. The spines on his back rattled in nervousness. "I don't have much time…" He muttered, shuffling sideways.

His shell expanded with a deep breath. "My dearest students," began the professor. "This is my last day at Skaia University. It may be the last time that you ever see me. I am…no longer allowed to screech." His voice rasped with emotion. "I mean, 'to teach'. They are…removing from me my position as schoolfeeder."

"What?!" Karkat shouted in disbelief, rising to his feet.

"I'm so sorry, Karkat." Sebastian replied. He shook his head with genuine sadness before hurrying to continue.

"Our time together was just a click, but I hope that my lessons will turn out to be invaluable. Thank you all from the core of my bloodpusher for sharing with me your hearts, your minds, and your essays—no matter how flawed," he said, strolling forwards as he addressed the class. "—and also, occasionally, your lunch." Karkat watched as Sebastian pointed towards him with one grateful claw. He swallowed around the sudden lump in his proteinchute.

"Professor Sea-bass-tian!" The Headmistress barged through the doorway. Her hair streamed out behind her. "I'm so glubbing sorry, I reely hope that you'll forgive them-"

"Madame Peixes, what the fuck is happening?" Karkat yelled. He stepped out into the narrow aisle.

"Don't do anything foolish Karkat," warned Sebastian as he placed one strong claw on the troll's shoulder. "They can take away my job, but they I swear they haven't fucking heard the last of me." He hiss-whispered in Karkat's ear.

Karkat protested vehemently, every words sounding infuriatingly weak and senseless to his ears. This was completely insane. The madness that had descended so fast upon the classroom had quickly progressed into a nightmare. Something terrible was happening and he felt powerless to stop it.

He tried not to tremble when the lusus's white claw left his shoulder. Three strange people had just marched through the door.

All three of the men had black skin that was hard like an insect's shell. They wore black coats with white buttons and moved with the cold efficiency of an experienced team. One of them was so huge he barely fit through the doorway. A heart decal was stitched into his ebony hat. Another one wore a white tie and a fedora with a diamond on it. The two of them followed behind one who must have been their leader. He was a slick-looking figure, with an eyepatch marked by a spade over one eye and a Wicked-looking scar. Their expressions were rough and focused.

Karkat recognized them. They were carapaces.

Carapaces were not native to the Lands of Oz, and their origins were a mystery. Most lived far away and the species as a whole was usually more prevalent on other continents. They were often involved in business and jobs related to public service. However, it was not unheard of to discover some of them immersed in various underhanded schemes throughout Oz. They seemed to have a knack for certain kinds of shenanigans, and not all of them legal. There were plenty of nasty rumors about. From the looks of these guys they were little more than criminals, hired thugs even. But what were they doing here, in a classroom?

The carapaces were loaded down with various tools carried on their shoulders or hanging off of their belts. Karkat could see an assortment of bundled-up nets, heavy police batons, and what looked like tranquilizing darts. In addition, the slick spade-y guy was carrying lots of knives. They did not carry guns, or if they did, at least not in plain sight.

The leader of the trio pulled out a thick noose from a bag. He scowled, as if disappointed in the rope's failure to be a knife. Carefully, the carapace approached Sebastian and flung the loop over the lusus's head. His two accomplices retrieved similar cords and quickly lassoed Sebastian's two front claws. "Hah! Easy job 'n easy pay. Us three'll be more than enough to handle this one. Have fun staying behind, Clubs," he gloated to thin air.

"Move it you overgrown crab," he growled and began to yank the ropes harshly back toward the doorway. His compatriots assisted.

Sebastian screeched as he was forced out of the room: "You're not being told the whole story, everyone! Never the whole story! Remember-"

Finally, something clicked in Karkat's brain. "CRABDAD!" He screamed. The young troll would have rushed forward if not for Feferi. The Headmistress blocked his path with her golden trident and shook her head. She brought her other hand up, putting one ringed finger to her lips and mouthing "no". Once she saw that Karkat had stopped she turned back to watch the departure of the former professor.

The crimson Knight, held back by the Witch, could only stand and stare as the men hauled away his beloved lusus.

The door slammed with a final echo. Crabdad was gone.

No longer needing to block Karkat, Feferi took back her trident and clutched it tightly in her hands. She sniffled wetly and wiped her eyes against the back of her hand. Karkat didn't move. Some of the students had tears in their eyes also. They had just started to murmur about what had happened when Karkat whipped around.

The mutant had gone from sorrow to anger. "Well?" Karkat snarled, "Are you all just going to sit here?" He lunged around the room at the shocked students. Their passivity made him sick. Would they not stand up for anything, ever? Think for yourselves once in your lives, fucking dammit!

"In silence?" he demanded, this time stamping towards Gamzee. Gamzee looked positively stunned as his gaze snapped up to the approaching mutant. Fury burned hot in Karkat's eyes as he waited for a response.

"I'm afraid there's nothing we can do, Karkat." Feferi said gently. Her usual puns were gone for the moment as a show of respect. She touched his shoulder with one hand. "Please don't make this any harder than it has to be. Return to your seat."

He wanted to protest, but the room was crushingly silent and Feferi's hand had a surprisingly strong grip. She subtly pushed Karkat in the direction of his desk until he obeyed. As the Headmistress cleared her throat and began to speak, Karkat stood sullenly by his desk. He would at least refuse to sit down.

"Our deepest apologies for the interruption. Explanations will be offered at a later tide. Class will now resume with no further inconsistence-seas. Students, please welcome your new temporary schoolfeeder!" Feferi said with cheer. "Let the past rest in the past, and look toward a hopeful future. I expect all my little urchins to behave." With one last whale of a smile she was gone.

The room seemed hollow and empty without Professor Sebastian. No other student had stood at Karkat's side. No one else had said a word to stop what had happened. Nobody had answered his shouted question either. Their silence reminded Karkat of all the mute lusii. His heart felt twisted.

**Clubs Deuce: Teach ===+**

"Good afternoon, boys and girls!" spoke a strange person from the lessonboard. It was another black carapace, with short stature and high spirits. He was "Clubs", judging from the symbol on his hat. He must have entered the room behind the other three carapacian Lususilencers.

The students stared as the new teacher wheeled a large trolley towards them. He was barely tall enough to see over the edge. The wheels shrieked and the floor creaked under the weight of a large object on top of the cart hidden by a shroud. Cheerily, Clubs started talking about "progress" and "the beauty of silence" progressing throughout "our great Oz". His speech sounded obviously rehearsed.

Karkat grimaced and crossed his arms at the grandiose words. He hated this guy already. Bluh bluh, huge brutes.

"For example," the short carapace proclaimed. He unveiled the object on the cart with a flourish, "Behold the beast inside of this cage!"

The class shifted around while everyone tried to get a better look at the mysterious object. From Karkat's standing position by his desk he could easily see over their bobbing heads.

Inside the iron cage lay a pearly-white creature. As they all watched, the animal lifted up its head and squinted its purple eyes against the sudden flood of light. The front half of its body was covered in white fur and consisted of the legs, torso, head and neck of a goat. But a scaly tail, looking appallingly dry, swept behind it. Aquatic fins flopped feebly at its cheeks. A scraggly beard hung from its chin.

The animal was too large for its iron prison despite the cage's massive size. Its curved horns scraped against the ceiling bars whenever it moved. The creature brayed weakly and kicked out with two front hooves.

Karkat gasped at the abominable sight before him. It was a lusus.

And not just any lusus naturae. There was a seagoat trapped in that awful cage! Seagoats were one of the proudest and most regal demi-aquatic species of lusii. They were rare within the Lands of Oz. Only a few had ever been known to willingly venture much further than the shoreline.

Even adult trolls admired their strength. Most of the time seagoats were mellow creatures, but almost nothing could stop them when they were threatened. They were infamous for their brutality and rage, whether the fight was large or small. Anyone with a functioning brain would flee to a safe place while the animal went completely fucking crazy. Their frenzy could continue for hours. Eventually the seagoat's wrath would eradicate itself, along with anyone and anything in the unfortunate area.

And here was a seagoat kid, one of those majestic and admired lusii, confined to a cage smaller than an exsiccated pond. What did these people think they were doing?

"This one's not full-grown yet, as you can see." said the imposter teacher. His gleeful tone made Karkat want to punch him in the teeth. "Soon there will be many lusii undergoing the same treatment! You see, this wonderful contraption is actually for the animal's own Good, I've been told. Now…"

"If it's for his own Good, why is he trying to escape?" Karkat shouted.

Clubs looked down at the seagoat in surprise. The poor lusus was biting at the bars of its cage. It seemed to be desperately trying to eat its way out.

"He's, ah…just a little hungry that's all." The "teacher" flashed Karkat a brief smile. He slammed a heavy police baton against the bars of the cage, as high as he could reach. The seagoat shrank back with a tortured bleat. Karkat stepped towards the suffering animal.

He was stopped by a glare from Clubs, far more withering than Karkat would have expected. The carapace's eyes threatened everything from physical punishment to expulsion if Karkat continued walking forward.

Karkat glowered harshly back but slowly halted his feet. He couldn't make a scene here. This was school. This was a _classroom_. Rebelling against a teacher (even a cheap imposter) would not be tolerated. He would only succeed in cementing his fate as an outcaste and bringing further shame to his family…and to his father.

"Now as I was saying," Clubs smirked, "A most amazing phenomenon has been discovered. Caging lusii can lead to many benefits, it seems. But if you cage a lusus while it is still this young then, amazingly, the beast will never, that's right, never-ever-ever learn how to speak!" He beamed happily at the class. "Everyone gather around!"

"That…can't be true" Karkat murmured. The room filled with chatter from the other students. But their voices were rife with curiosity as well as shock, and they sounded more fascinated than appalled. Some even seemed…excited?

First one student stood up, then another. Soon they were all following their friends or the growing crowd across the room.

"No…" Karkat watchedas his classmates began to surround the abominable cage. "This isn't right!" He yelled to no avail. A few students gave the mutant weird looks as they passed, but no one stopped. Karkat gritted his teeth. Dammit! He felt so helpless. Wouldn't anyone listen to him?

Then he remembered Gamzee. The highblood was standing just a few feet to his right. Karkat grabbed Gamzee's arm before the other troll could leave too. "Can you imagine a world where animals are kept in _cages_ and never speak?" Karkat demanded.

Karkat's crimson eyes flashed with resolve and made Gamzee flinch. "It's…not all being to sit too well in where my mind's at, now that you motherfucking mention it," he muttered.

At least someone hadn't completely bought into the shit this carapace was selling. Hell, Gamzee really didn't look alright with it. His normally docile eyes were troubled and his jolly facepaint was thrown off by a frown. It was almost pitiful. But seriously, of all the people in the room it was the spacey clown who decided to show even the smallest, shittiest scrap of fucking autonomy! It was a miracle. Either that, or perhaps Karkat had misjudged Gamzee…

"Ooh, this dumb beast may be getting a wee bit cranky," Clubs said. The seagoat had indeed tried to rear up its head once the students began crowding around it. Those nearest to the cage backed up in fear.

"But don't worry children. That's why we have this!" Clubs climbed on top of a stool and withdrew a syringe from his bag of equipment. Inside of the tube was a sickly green slime, glowing softly.

Clubs inserted a long, sharp needle into the neck of the syringe and lightly pressed the plunger down. A few small droplets dribbled out of the tip. Satisfied, he shoved the tool past the cage bars while the students crowded around to watch.

Karkat looked away. "They won't stop! We have to do something," he hissed, eyes squeezed shut.

"We?" Gamzee objected.

"Well someone has to stop this madness! Fuck, I just, we have to…" Karkat felt his heart pounding in panic. Everything was turning red in his vision. All of his anger felt like it was swelling up and somewhere in his head.

"JUST DO SOMETHING, FUCK!" Karkat roared.

The last word he said was more of a scream than a swear, exploding through the room in a burst of power. A furious ambiance saturated the classroom as the Vast Expletive raged free.

The overhead lights shattered and went dark, sending glass raining down from above. Even the natural light shining in through the windows faded and warped, mutating into a red haze. The whole floor appeared to be stained crimson.

Amid this nightmarish scene, the trolls and humans all gasped as the air was forced from their lungs. An invisible power grabbed onto their limbs and began to act. Their legs moved without consent, stomping and kicking tirelessly. Arms twisted and whipped around as if possessed. Their necks flopped at the mercy of their perpetual stumbling.

It wasn't even clear if they knew what was happening to them. Their faces were obscured and none of them spoke, save for groans and whimpers. Their screaming had been forcefully silenced.

All of the students jerked around like puppets on strings. Their wild flailing combined to form a convoluted choreographed dance routine, writhing to the same inaudible tune. They pitched forward and then arced backwards as if under the most sadistic curse.

Clubs Deuce suffered the worst of them all, with his small round body yanked wildly around and hitting the walls. He slammed against pieces of furniture and the terrible cage before tossing himself into the trash can.

As if the demented dancing weren't bad enough, another horror took hold of some students. Part of the trolls and a few humans began to bleed. Blood oozed from their eyes and pooled out from their lips, even the smallest cut trickling with liquid. The afflicted humans became awash in red. Each unfortunate troll, highbloods and lowbloods alike, bled their personal color. Multicolored drops from the macabre rainbow dripped on to the ground and mixed together into oily black. Although perhaps only an illusion brought on by the bizarre light, it was still incredibly terrifying.

"What the motherfuck did you up and DO, Karkat?" Gamzee shouted. He stared in horror at the other students as they danced and bled. The Vast Expletive seemed to have no effect on hi.

Karkat tore his eyes away from the nightmarish scene. "I don't know! I was angry and-" another pang of rage seized his heart. The puppets convulsed as a fresh wave swept through them.

Gamzee cursed. "Alright Karkat, try to get your motherfucking chill on. Karkat, bro, calm down friend and just don't MOTHERFUCKING MOVE!" His last words were a command, shouted with such sudden authoritative force that Karkat instinctively obeyed. The red troll halted and froze where he stood. The cursed students thrashed once more and were still.

"And don't get your rage on at me..." said Gamzee. Slowly, he walked forward and began to traverse the forest of hanging arms and awkward poses. He gracefully dodged each pointed elbow and strode over each outstretched foot. The horrendous illusion of blood didn't seem to bother him at all.

Gamzee barely paused once he reached the cart, throwing the dark shroud over the top of the seagoat's cage. He grasped the top handle before lifting the whole thing up in his lanky arms and absconding from the room with surprising strength and speed.

"Yo Karkat, you coming, bro?" he shouted behind him. Karkat gazed around the room one last time before running out the door to follow Gamzee.

Behind them the students were finally free to scream.

**Karkat and Gamzee: Escape. ===+**

Featherbeasts stopped their chirping and flew, startled, from the trees as two trolls rushed into the grassy clearing. They were breathing hard. The taller one leaned against a tree trunk and held a large, cloaked object in his arms. His companion looked around, scrutinizing every shadow with anxious red eyes. Eventually, he relaxed. "I think we'll be safe in this glade…"

Karkat sighed in relief and took a moment to catch his breath. It felt so nice to finally stop running. Some of the panic left with every calming breath Karkat took and his mind was just beginning to clear. He could feel himself slowly beginning to process recent events: Crabdad's removal, the seagoat being revealed, the horrifying Vast Expletive, and the event of an unlikely ally.

The confusion began to bubble into hysteria and Karkat pulled his mind out of its perturbing thoughts. He could think through all of that later. The memories of recent events were still frightening, but at least now Karkat was a little farther away from them. Right now he needed to focus; it wasn't over yet. Karkat took one more deep breath and looked over to check on Gamzee.

Behind him, Gamzee was leaning against a tree. He seemed to be struggling with the cage—his arms were trembling slightly and he kept shifting it around. The seagoat wasn't making things any easier. Presently, it was thrashing at the bars with its tail. Gamzee groaned and adjusted his grip again.

Karkat felt a flash of concern. It must have been difficult to carry that heavy cage with the juvenile seagoat inside. Not to mention running with it through dense forest. Why hadn't he tried to help Gamzee, or at least notice the state he was in? God, he was so stupid!

Slowly, Gamzee slid down the smooth trunk and let himself sit down with a heavy thud. The cage bumped against the ground beside him. A startled bleat burst from the trapped lusus.

"Careful!" Karkat snapped.

"What? What? What?"

"Don't hurt him!"

"I'm not!" Gamzee threw up his hands and scooted away from the cage.

They had run through Skaia's Prospitian hallways in a golden blur and soon found themselves outside. Gray clouds loomed overhead in a gloomy shroud, tinting the world abnormally dark for afternoon.

Gamzee had paused as soon as his feet hit the grass. He had frowned in confusion and looked around for where to go next. Karkat had screamed at him to "Keep going, shitstain!" and ran like hell into the surrounding forest. Gamzee had followed. And now they had reached the end of the school grounds.

Karkat hadn't planned to lead them to this secluded glade…or anywhere at all, really. His great leaderly plan had been pretty basic: "Run away from here very very fast oh hey a forest let's run very very fast into there and hide behind a rock or something".

"We have to let the goat go," Karkat said. "But not here. I mean, it's got to be someplace safe. Preferably with water." Karkat looked around as if searching for a river. Finding none, he turned to address Gamzee. "Hey dullsponge, you better not unlock-"

"Uh, _duh_ the seagoat would be like to'prefer' someplace with water," said Gamzee incredulously. Next to him lay the cage, its shroud moved to only cover its back half. A bottle of Faygo hissed in Gamzee's hands as he snapped open the cap.

He was surrounded by a multitude of Faygo drinks in varying colors and flavors. The amount of soda currently contained inside them differed. Gamzee had filled two pie tins with his favorite fizzy beverage and placed them near the bars where the lusus could reach them. A handful of grass and a flower lay on the cage floor, but they hadn't been touched. The seagoat cowered in the back, most of it hidden from view.

Yet another bottle of Faygo had been shoved in-between two of the top bars. This one was empty, but angled so that its contents dribbled out beyond sight, presumably onto the parched seagoat. Gamzee took the spent bottle and tossed it on to a growing pile of empty containers next to the cage. Timidly, the seagoat poked its lips out from the covered part of its prison and munched on the nearest plastic bottle.

"Motherfucker needs to stay wet," he explained. "Seriously bro, do you think I'm motherfucking stupid or something?" Gamzee glared at Karkat. He actually seemed insulted.

"Take a guess, bulgewhiffer." Karkat rolled his eyes. The most intelligent thing he had ever seen Gamzee do was sell potions made of Faygo and some sort of glitter for 420 boondollars each in the courtyard. People had actually bought those terminally ridiculous things! Whether that day had been a testament to their stupidity or Gamzee's hidden talent as a salesman, Karkat hadn't yet decided.

Gamzee frowned. He stood up, brushing the grass off of his dotted pants. "Well every motherfucking time _your_ bad self all gets at doing something shit just gets wrecked into the most Wicked calamitous noise that a clown ever did to hear…"

"I _am_ a calamity!" Karkat yelled back. "And I'm Wicked too! In fact, I was pretty much hatched with a throbbing Wicked-red heart, if you HAVEN'T FUCKING NOTICED."

"Do you think I like being like this?" he demanded, stomping over to Gamzee. "Do you have to live with others always talking shit about who you are, what you look like, how you act, and know that you can't fucking change it? But that's not even the worst!"

Karkat ranted on, interrupting Gamzee before the other troll could speak. "The worst thing, and the reason why I fucking know that I really am a horrid mistake of nature, is that I _care._ I STILL CARE ABOUT WHAT OTHER PEOPLE THINK OF ME, AFTER ALL THIS GODDAMNED TIME. You'd think I'd be numb to that sort of shit by now, but NO! The universe wants me to suffer in eternal agony and it's doing its damned best to make that happen!" His voice steadily increased in volume.

"Kar-"

"It would be so much easier for me to stop. To just stop _everything_. To stop caring, to stop trying…Hell, to just spontaneously stop existing and drop dead! But seeing as the first option is impossible and the last is viable but depressing as fuck, all I can do is keep trying. I'M DOOMED TO TRY AND NEVER SUCCEED IN A MESSED-UP GAME PLAYED AND INVENTED BY A FUCKED-UP WORLD. MEANWHILE I HAVE TO DEAL WITH THE EMOTIONAL SHITSTORM FROM THE OTHER TWO. AND THAT'S-"

" _Honk_."

"WHAT? WHAT DOES HONK MEAN THIS TIME YOU WHIMSICAL PIECE OF SHIT?"

"May I speak?" Gamzee held up one finger, gesturing for silence. A few quiet seconds passed while Karkat's brain processed the request.

"Uh…sorry." Karkat said sheepishly. He brought up one hand to scratch his face, feeling slightly mortified. He had probably gotten way too worked up there. As exhilarating as it was to go off on the occasional rant, that wasn't the smartest thing he could have done right now. It certainly wasn't the coolest thing to do either. He seemed to be having a lot of interesting conversations with Gamzee today. "Yeah, go ahead," Karkat grumbled.

Gamzee nodded in acknowledgement. "To be motherfucking honest…I wish there were more people like you in the world," he said with a smile.

What?

When moments passed and Gamzee hadn't taken back what he said, Karkat looked away and scowled. "Liar."

If everyone were like him then they'd all go deaf from the yelling and become suicidal due to being stuck with endless copies of moronic red hopeless maniacs. They would all fuck everything up always and never stop making life miserable for each other. The universe and all its countless instances would probably implode due to immeasurable levels of self-loathing.

This world barely tolerated _one_ of him. Why would anybody wish for more than that?

"It's not a bad motherfucking thing to care a whole damn lot." Gamzee rambled on despite Karkat's protests. "I'm all being glad that you still got those feelings, in fact. Although I think I can be getting my understanding on as to why it'd be tempting for you not to, though." He frowned.

"Anyway, you'd be all dead inside and shit if you could stop feeling," Gamzee continued. "Might make your heart safe from Wickedness, but you'd be all like to hide it from stuff that's Good too. The two of those things are connected like the most holy of twins. Life's a bitch, bro, but there's enough miracles and stardust to go around. I know that you might not be able get your see on to 'em now, but Karkat I swear those beautiful motherfuckers exist. I'll all and prove it to you some day. Give you the biggest miracle of all." His last words were as soft as a promise.

Gamzee tilted his head back and looked at the heavens. When Karkat didn't reply, Gamzee began talking again. "Plus, your hard work isn't a waste. I'm all sorts of admiring your dedication to what you want to achieve, man. Kinda motherfucking envious, to be for serious here. I'm the kind of troll who sits and waits for a miracle but you're already working hard to make one happen yourself. Reminds me of those stars up there-" He pointed up at the sky that was hidden behind a layer of clouds.

"…Ah, they're getting their snooze on right now, but whatever. I'm hoping and praying and wishing for any one that would all and happen to fall my way. Meanwhile you're building a huge-gigantic ladder to climb up and pick one out yourself!" He grinned with humor. "That kind of willpower combined with all the pity for folks you've hidden deep down is the motherfucking mystical elixir for incredible things."

"That confidence and spirit that you're all doing to have in the face of everything is all kinds of impressive. Way to dance your own dance when the rest of the world wants you to stop. It's like I'm always telling people," Gamzee spread out his hands. "Life is like a dance. So hey, bro, 'be the mutant, wear the pants'!"

Karkat seriously doubted that Gamzee actually said that to people, but at least he could agree with that part of the silly clown's philosophy.

"Mother _fuck_ bro, I didn't do to stop and think about it before but…" Gamzee smiled and looked Karkat straight in the eye. "You might just be the bravest and strongest motherfucker I know."

He chuckled at Karkat's stunned expression. "So you really don't have to wear those clothes someone else picked out if you don't like 'em."

Karkat's mind whirled. Had he really been that obvious about the clothes? Wait, his clothes weren't important! Everything else that Gamzee said had been…unbelievable. Karkat waited for his usual automatic reaction of "LIAR" to kick in, but instead he felt something else.

It was like…a soft sense of calm, dense and pleasantly fuzzy around the edges. Karkat felt like he could breathe easier while at the same time not being able to find any words to speak. It was like a weight had disappeared from deep inside of him, but he couldn't remember when it had been first placed there. Even though his mind continually repeated Gamzee's words back at him, they seemed ephemeral and he kept having to think through them again. What _had_ sunk in was a tone of warmth, acceptance, and something else too. Karkat wasn't sure what it was. Sympathy, perhaps?

He felt like he was in a dreambubble, but Gamzee's smile was far too real.

"Uh, now may I say something?" asked Karkat. Fuck, he wasn't used to feeling so flustered.

Gamzee shrugged. Well, that didn't mean "no", so it must have been a "yes". Karkat shifted from foot to foot as he tried to translate his thoughts into words. How the hell did normal people say things like this so easily? Gah!

"I…want to thank you," he began. "Nobody else spoke out or tried to stop those horrid people. I didn't expect…someone like you to help. Shit, I barely knew you before this morning."

Karkat took a deep breath. "So, thanks. Thanks very much you-" He mumbled an insult or two under his breath out of habit. "Thank you for carrying the cage, for helping both me and the seagoat, and for being less of an idiot than expected. If it weren't for you the lusus would probably still be in that classroom."

He glanced at the seagoat. The poor animal had curled up for a nap in the shade. Karkat wondered what it would say if it could speak. It would probably complain about being doused with shitty soda.

"Maybe…you're a better person than I thought you were at first, alright?" conceded Karkat. "I guess I can't call you totally stupid after all this. And what you did back there was far from apathetic…"

"Excuse you?" proclaimed Gamzee. "I'm motherfucking aware that I'm stupid and I work hard to be lazy!" He was trying to look serious, but Karkat could see his lips twitch with the effort of holding back a humorous grin.

"No, you're not. You hide your unhappiness…just like me." Karkat spoke softly. "Normally, people might be a bit scared to interact with you because you're so high on the hemospectrum. But you act so contrary to their expectations that it shatters their prejudice towards how you should be. Then you're free to get them to form their own opinions of you. If you obviously don't give a shit about you being a highblood, why should they?" Karkat's own words surprised him, but every word that he spoke felt undeniably real and true.

"So, your 'foolish and chill with everything' act is just a way to get people to like you. I must say that you're a brilliant actor. Much better than I am, or ever was." He shot a glare at Gamzee and added, "But _I_ personally wouldn't want to act more stupid than I already am."

"You've also probably got a shit-ton of responsibilities and expectations from your ancestry," Karkat remarked. "That's a lot of pressure, but you can't run from it forever, moron! You waste your days away with soda, pies, and friends while shirking class for outings with friends…God, it's like you're _trying_ to get people to think you're a failure. Like maybe someday somebody will come over and go 'That's it, you're done. This big, intimidating destiny wasn't meant for a fool like you.'"

"Yeah, good luck with that," Karkat sneered. "Some advice, as well as a news flash, barfsponge: Your life is your own, no matter who your ancestor was! Just take the shit given to you by life's cruel hands and use it to follow whatever path you want." He shrugged. "Gamzee Makara can be any kind of goddamn highblood he wants to be, even a stupid one."

"Also, fuck you," Karkat huffed. "At least you've _got_ a legacy."

"So in short, the painted-on smiles, the jokes…it's all a curtain." Karkat's voice became quieter as he finished. "To tell the truth, Gamzee…I think you might be very lonely."

"Hey now," Gamzee grumbled after the shock had warn off. He seemed a little embarrassed. "I don't need your pity."

"Well I don't want yours!" Karkat stuck out his tongue. _Bluh_.

Gamzee cocked an eyebrow. "Fine then, if you don't like my company…" he turned to leave with a playful grin.

"Wait no, fuck, Gamzee I do like you-" Karkat exclaimed as he quickly reached out to grab Gamzee's arm. Gamzee stopped, pulled back by Karkat's frantic grip. He stared at the mutant with surprise in his purple eyes. They stood in silence for a few moments while Karkat desperately fought against the blush rising to his cheeks.

_Fuck. Everything._ That was not what he had meant to say.

But now that he thought about it…maybe it was true. Karkat still couldn't put his finger on what exactly Gamzee meant to him, but these events had made him realize that he cared about the other troll, at least. He cared a lot more than he thought he had.

"Um, sorry." Karkat stammered, not knowing what else to say. His internal neurons seemed to have shut down due to sheer embarrassment.

Gamzee shook his head and gently removed the troll's hand from his sleeve. "Don't be giving at me any of that apologizing noise, brother. It's not motherfucking bad to admit what you're feeling," he said.

"And if we're doing to get our motherfucking confessions on here, then I guess that I like you too, Karkat." Then Gamzee's eyes became unfocused and he stared blankly at the empty space between Karkat's horns. "Come to think of it, I like most of the motherfucking people I've met."

"Oh." Karkat frowned. Disappointment pierced him like a blade. He prepared to let loose the most impressive internal stream of self-bashing thoughts in the history of the world, and so failed to notice that Gamzee had not let go of his hand.

Suddenly Karkat felt himself tugged forward by one arm. Before he could shout in surprise, Gamzee had closed the distance between them.

Karkat met a wall of facepaint as Gamzee swooped in and kissed him on the cheek. "…But I think I may like you more," Gamzee said and pulled away with a smile. Their gazes met.

Immediately, Karkat felt something strong and hot go rushing through his system. It sped up his heart, constricted his breathing, impeded his mind, and for some reason all he wanted to do was stare further into Gamzee's eyes. It was as if he thought that he could see past them into Gamzee's mind or even his very soul and find every little bit there was to pity about him. That was it, Karkat realized. This was pity.

Some trolls believed in a phenomenon called a "pity-flash". It was basically the same as human "love at first sight"—the afflicted suddenly developed (or perhaps just abruptly realized) romantic feelings for another. There were many theories: it happened at random, it happened only under specific and unknown circumstances, it happened when you met your true love. Some even used the term "fate".

These flashes were usually for the concupiscent quadrants—red or black. Although some trolls doubted the existence of these "flashes", others believed in them whole-heartedly. Cartoonists would often portray a troll "flashing" on somebody by drawing them awestruck and lovestruck with hearts (or spades) in place of pupils.

Even though the realization of this flash was a little belated, Karkat thought that he finally knew what they had been talking about. For a few sweet, silent moments Karkat could have sworn he had hearts in his eyes.

Though neither troll said a word, an immense amount of emotion rushed between them. They might have stood there for even longer if the seagoat hadn't woken up.

"BwAaAaAaAaAaAaAaAhHhH!" The seagoat's loud, honking cry startled both of the trolls. Karkat flinched and covered his ears while Gamzee swore and stumbled backwards.

The romantic atmosphere vanished and was quickly replaced with an awkward awareness that they had probably been staring at each other for at least a half a minute. Karkat stumbled on shaking legs over to the caged seagoat, taking the opportunity to escape.

"Heart…pounding." Karkat managed to say, crouching next to the animal. "I guess something must have scared him."

Gamzee sat down a few feet away. "Speaking of scary shit…what the motherfuck did you do back there?" he asked as he checked the pie tins. "The Vast Scream or something? And why didn't you do it all at me?"

"Oh," Karkat's tone became morose. He reached one hand through the cage bars and began to stroke the seagoat's fur. "First of all, that 'thing' is called the Vast Expletive. It's like some sort of hidden power that I have, activated by extreme anger. I can't really control it, obviously," he admitted. "My father thinks I'm going to kill a person with it someday. You saw what it did though. Mostly it just scares people. It hasn't seriously harmed someone…yet."

"I hate it almost as much as I hate myself," Karkat growled. "Fucking useless magical ability. I'm beginning to suspect that its only purpose is to create trouble for me. Really, it's just one more thing that makes me the biggest freak to ever-AAAAAAGGHH!"

His explosive scream was mixed with a cry from the seagoat. Karkat wrenched his hand back out of the cage and held it close. "Fuck, fuck, fuck…" He hissed in pain. Slowly, he held his injured hand up to the light and stretched it out. Gamzee moved closer to inspect it as well.

Sharp puncture wounds dotted his hand in a curved arc. "What the fuck? Why do these things need such sharp teeth?" Karkat yelled. Then he felt something drip. Bright red liquid was welling up from most of the perforations, flowing into tiny rivers and cascading down his wrist before staining the ground.

He was bleeding.

Fear rolled over Karkat like a storm cloud, dark and heavy. He twisted to the right to hide the injured hand from Gamzee. He tried to wrap it up in his sweater but the material began to stain. Cursing, Karkat uncovered his hand and simply settled for hunching over it, relying on years of self-conditioning to hide it from the world. There was no place to run to and it was too late, his blood was already all over the ground! What if Gamzee had seen it?

"Oh god, don't look!" Karkat shouted. He frantically searched through his sylladex for bandages, spare clothes, towels, anything!

"Karkat, man, it's-"

"I know! It's abhorrent and disgusting and marks me as a complete freak! My existence is a disgrace to all of trollkind. I'm mutated inside and out! I don't know why they didn't just send me back with a culling drone when I showed up at the fucking door. I'm a joke of nature…you think that's funny, don't you? A _joke_?"

He roared. "WELL, GO ON AND LAUGH, OR RUN, YOU-"

" _Honk_." Karkat felt a cool sensation touch his wrist. It was Gamzee. The highblooded troll gently coaxed the mutant's injured hand back out into the air. Karkat winced as the bite marks stung.

Gamzee stopped when he saw Karkat flinch. Slowly, Gamzee let go of his wrist. Karkat gingerly touched the hurt area, wrinkling his nose as more blood fell. The blood was an even brighter shade of red than his skin. He lowered his bleeding hand and let it rest on his knee.

"It's alright, bro," Gamzee murmured. "Do you think you can trust me, just a tad?" his eyes searched Karkat's face.

Karkat stared down at the grass. He gave a single, sullen nod.

Gamzee disappeared past the edge of his vision for a minute. When he next tapped Karkat's shoulder he was holding a pack of light green napkins. "Were you looking for something like this?" he asked.

Karkat grabbed the small cloths in response. He wiped away the crimson rivers and dabbed at where the seagoat's fangs had pierced him. The holes weren't too deep. He felt a bit silly for freaking out so much. For fuck's sake, he had suffered much worse.

Gamzee sat with him in respectful silence. Although he did not say anything, Karkat could see him staring at the red blood on his hands. But Gamzee's gaze was more fascinated than disturbed.

"Why aren't you afraid?" Karkat whispered. His voice sounded loud in the quiet clearing.

"You seem to be the motherfucker who's most scared around here," remarked Gamzee. He reached over and began to trace calming circles around the wounds on Karkat's hand. Karkat decided to let him, taking comfort in the repetitive motions. He tried to relax, and concentrated on breathing. In-out. In-out.

Gamzee's fingers felt pleasantly cool running over his own. Trolls' body temperatures differed by the slightest degree according to their place on the hemospectrum, Karkat remembered. He shivered, but not with discomfort. His temperature was probably abnormally high, then. But...Gamzee didn't seem to mind, if he had even noticed at all.

Karkat let his eyes close for a moment. The difference between them actually felt rather nice.

At some point he became aware that the motions had stopped. Karkat opened his eyes to see Gamzee sitting next to him. The other troll was no longer stroking Karkat's hand, instead just letting it rest softly in his own.

He smiled when he saw Karkat looking at him. He leaned over to whisper in Karkat's ear, soft as if they were wigglers sharing a secret for the first time. "I never knew red could be such a pretty color."

Karkat felt himself start to blush again. But this time he let it happen, feeling the color from within rise to his cheeks.

They sat side-by-side, sharing each other's company for a while. Only an occasional rumble from the seagoat broke the cool silence of the glade. Eventually, Karkat's hand stopped bleeding. After a few more minutes, he reluctantly pulled it out of Gamzee's grasp and began to clean it with the rest of the napkins.

Gamzee shook himself and stretched, as if awakening from a dream. "I…think I better go. Madame Peixes will be looking for him," he pointed awkwardly at the seagoat.

"Right," Karkat agreed, standing up much too quickly. He tottered backwards and ended up getting some assistance from a nearby tree.

Gamzee seemed a little befuddled too as he almost walked off without the seagoat. "Better get all like to be the motherfuck to safety," he muttered. "Eh, get the seagoat to motherfucking safety that is…"

"Right," Karkat repeated himself. "Preferably some place with water!" He gave Gamzee a light shove toward the correct direction, provoking a frown from the other troll.

Gamzee collected all the Faygo-related paraphernalia back into his kaleidoscopic sylladex. He _honk_ ed softly to keep the lusus calm before bending down to pick up the cage, seagoat and all. Then he walked off farther into the forest, heading past the edge of campus.

Right before he was swallowed up by the trees, Gamzee cast one last look behind him. He and Karkat met eyes once more, and then the highblood was gone.

Karkat watched the spot where Gamzee had disappeared out of sight. The shadows of the glade reached out towards him in dark spikes, gaining strength with evening's approach.

Absentmindedly, Karkat brought his damaged hand up to touch his cheek. He rubbed at a particular spot and then drew his fingers away. A smear of facepaint had been left where Gamzee had kissed him—a smudge of gray on his red skin. Karkat felt a warmth that had nothing to do with his blood color spread through his heart as he looked off into the gathering darkness.

_Hands touch,_

_Eyes meet,_

_Sudden silence,_

_Sudden heat,_

"Gamzee…" Karkat whispered. He ignored the twinge of humiliation brought on by saying the troll's name out loud.

If magic was a feeling, this must be what it felt like. Or maybe the true meaning of a smile, melted down into liquid and then swallowed. It was thrilling, it was wonderful, it was invigorating, it made no sense but he felt Good and happy like never before! Karkat's mind wandered through thoughts of Gamzee and everything the other troll had done today. His cherry-red fingertips tingled and he doubted that it was from blood loss.

Karkat didn't know how or why but he felt like something important and precious had just begun to breathe.

He had to…he had to get back to somewhere, and…yeah, there was something he should be… Karkat wobbled aimlessly in a stupor for a few paces before realizing that he had no idea what the fuck he was doing. He placed one shaky hand on a tree to steady himself. (Good tree. The trees had been very helpful lately. Very helpful for standing and hiding seagoats and kisses. Good, helpful trees, Karkat thought in a daze.)

Goodness, he felt like loving everything. A lifetime's worth of angst and ire had been liberated from his soul. What a feeling, he marveled. It was almost like the rush that he felt for John, only…lighter.

_Wait_. Cold realization flashed through his mind. John. John and Gamzee. Gamzee and John. The two of them were matesprits.

_Hearts leap,_

_Full of giddy joy,_

" _He could be that troll_ ," Karkat murmured to himself. " _But I'm not that boy…"_

**Karkat: Fall in love. ===+**

It started like a flame, blazing up from a single spark. Soon it was like a wildfire burning out of Karkat's control. He thought about his adventure with Gamzee annoyingly often. He tried to keep up his efforts of black courtship with John, but they were lackluster and tainted with a feeling other than caliginous yearnings: jealousy. And nothing could change how Karkat felt.

As if that weren't bad enough, Gamzee and John had become a celebrity couple. Their relationship had done the improbable, actually managing to _boost_ their popularity. Of course, it was originally met with much amazement from the student body. There had been some gossip that Gamzee had been seen with John during the big dance, and even that they had kissed, but the confirmation of those rumors still caught most people off-guard.

Many of the humans found it fascinating for a human to be in a public relationship with a troll, even more so a same-sex or "homosexual" one. It wasn't unheard of, but there hadn't been many troll-human romances in all of Oz's history. It was exciting to think of this as a symbol of both species' successful integration and cooperation with one another.

And the fact that they were the most popular troll and human in the school definitely made others more accepting. Some even started to say that it only made sense. In no time at all a troll named Nepeta had added it to her famous "shipping chart"—an official record of all the "canon" relationships throughout Skaia University.

**Karkat: Oh god why did you have to walk around the corner. ===+**

There they were. Two capricious pranksters dead ahead.

Karkat swiftly retreated back behind the corner. After a second he poked his head out into the corridor to watch them both. A few students gave Karkat strange looks as they passed by, but he failed to notice.

He scowled, nails scraping against the wall. Didn't those two shit-for-brains have any shame? They were practically making out in the hallway for Goodness's sake! His heart roared with scorn and anguish. Karkat glared at the two of them with crimson eyes, but not too hard lest they feel his scorching gaze on the backs of their necks.

"You're my little miracle." Gamzee whispered with a smile into John's ear.

"Get to class, silly! You promised me that you'd try to go more often." John laughed. He made a weak attempt to escape the troll's embrace. "And you're waaaay too huggy today, Mister."

_Don't dream too far,_

_Don't lose sight of who you are,_

At last, Karkat couldn't stand to watch anymore. He turned around and leaned his back against the wall, angry as well as hurt. How stupid. What did he expect? Gamzee obviously liked John, so why the hell would he settle for someone like Karkat? Dumbass, freak, mutant, idiot, strange…those were all words that Karkat recognized. That was who he was.

Dejectedly, Karkat stared at his red hands as they tightened around his books. _This_ was who he was. He would be a thrice-damned fool to forget it. Karkat hugged the materials to his chest and walked away without looking back, this time headed in the opposite direction.

_Just be sensible and remain coy,_

_He could be that troll,_

_But I'm not that boy,_

He fell fast. He fell hard. He fell so fast and hard that his puny red body hit mach speed on its way down from happily-single space before smashing with the force of a thousand bursting planets into the mile-deep concrete below. The resulting force should have been enough to break his heart. And yet it remained just as functional and self-destructive as ever.

Even worse, he loved every moment of it…in some backwards, messed-up, mutated way. He really was a freak.

As the days went on things began to slowly creep up towards unbearable. While Karkat became more and more sure of his feelings for Gamzee, he watched his not-kismesis become the object of Gamzee's affections. And no amount of wishing or hoping or imagining would change things.

_Every so often we long to run to,_

_The Land Of Sighs and Delusion,_

_Despite the aching of our heart,_

_When reality sets back in..._

**Karkat: Write. ===+**

_Blithe smile,_

_Lithe limb,_

The pencil scratched as Karkat made further additions to the list titled "Gamzee". A piece of paper lay on top of his annoyingly-yellow desk. Karkat had made two columns and written their titles across the top: "Gamzee" and "John". One of them was much longer than the other.

Karkat stared down at the paper intensely. He remained silent for a few contemplative seconds before slowly starting to write again. Beside the list that was titled "John", he jotted "Karkat" and made a single bullet point. Then he stopped.

He thought. He thought again. Karkat ran everything that he knew about himself through his mind, but could not come up with more than one desirable quality. He frowned and looked at the lengthy list under "John". Hesitantly, Karkat picked up his pencil and recorded the one trait that Gamzee could like about him.

_He who's winsome,_

_He wins him,_

He had written " _I love h-"_ when the pencil broke. With a cry of frustration, Karkat ferociously crumpled up the piece of paper and added some rips for good measure before throwing it towards the junkreceptacle. It hit the bottom of the trashcan so hard that it bounced up, hit the lid, and fell onto the floor. Karkat shoved his face into his folded arms and refused to get up for it.

_Blue eyes with a bright sparkle,_

_That's the boy he chose,_

_And Goodness knows,_

_I'm not that boy,_

**Karkat: Dream. ===+**

He couldn't dream. He couldn't even sleep. It was past midnight and Karkat was lying in bed, twisted hopelessly in the sheets. Of course he wasn't sleeping in a recuperacoon. No one used those anymore, not since the nightmares had been cured.

And he was thinking about _those_ things. Again.

_Don't wish. Don't start_ , Karkat ordered himself. He gritted his sharp teeth and rolled over again. It was turning into a long night.

_Wishing only wounds the heart_ … But when it came to _this_ shit his heart seemed determined to tear itself to shreds.

_My life was not meant to be enjoyed,_

Who was he kidding, Karkat fumed. He was never destined for romance. Roses and pearls and gray-smudged kisses should mean absolutely jack shit to him. It would be a mistake to get his hopes up.

Suddenly Karkat became hyper-aware of John sleeping in the human's bed a short distance away. In the midst of his self-loathing Karkat had twisted over to face the boy's side of the room. Karkat could see John slumbering peacefully like a fairy-tale prince. He cursed trolls' amazing night vision.

John had been his hivemate, his one-sided-maybe-not-kismesis, and his popularity-coach. This human had him beat in almost everything without even really trying. And now John was his rival for love.

Karkat rolled over again and twisted himself deeper into his self-inflicted fabric cocoon of misery.

He wanted John to be his kismesis. But he wanted Gamzee to be his matesprit much more.

_There's a boy I know,_

_He loves him so,_

  
_I'm not…_ that _boy_  


But sometimes, Karkat thought quietly to himself. Sometimes he wished he was.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So how did you all enjoy the Homestuck flash a while ago that had Gamzee and John kissing? ;) I LOVED IT, I MUST SAY.
> 
> Psst, By the "pity-flash", I meant this thing that we’ve seen happen. http://i53.tinypic.com/15nkvaw.png. I apologize if it wasn't clear.
> 
> Good news- I will try to make the next chapter shorter. Bad News- I'm going on vacation so it may be a while before I can write it. GOOD GOOD GOOD news: I'M GOING TO SEE WICKED (THE PLAY) ON MY VACATION! :D Hopefully it will inspire me for this fic.


	9. One Short Day

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The musical was an absolute joy to behold. If you've never seen Wicked, I really encourage you to go! The cast we saw was perfect. :) I'm so glad I got to see it again. And yes, it did give me an idea or two.
> 
> However WARNING, school starts again for me tomorrow, so expect that to factor into my writing time. :(

**Karkat: Handle this beautifully tragic turn of events in a dignified manner. ===+**

Nope. That wasn't about to be a thing that would happen.

Instead, Karkat sat at his favorite respitetable in a remote area of the school grounds. He would often come here when he wanted to be mad at the world or if he had been harassed away from his usual eating places. But today, for the first time in his sorry excuse for a life, Karkat had come because he wanted to be alone.

Karkat Vantas was a freak, but not a fool. He knew what his feelings were telling him. But it didn't make it any easier.

_I love him_ , Karkat thought. He said each word softly and slowly, trying to get the feel of them. They were foreign, clumsy in his mouth and yet captivating once they reached his auricular sponge clots.

However, they were confusing as well. A familiar argument started up again between his head and his heart. Karkat decided to indulge them once more. The silence was a perfect companion as he progressed further and further down the slippery mental slope into self-loathing-land.

First of all, love was a human thing. It was based off of their version of pity mixed with mating fondness, and a healthy dose of something that no one seemed to understand, or even want to understand. Sometimes there were also pacifying elements to it, as if human love was a blend of both the red and pale quadrants. Humans sure were weird.

Troll romantic pity made much more sense. It basically was understood to mean that you cared about that person. You either felt a strong emotional pull to keep them safe and in line (moirailligence) or your feelings were stronger than that, strong enough to make you want to kiss them and other stuff (matespriteship). You liked them and the things that they did, and enjoyed their presence.

Sometimes you wanted to make them "better", but in a more nurturing way than a kismesis would. Kismesises would build each other up by challenging each other and acting as complementary enemies. A matesprit would like you for who you were, but often wanted to improve you out of personal concern for your well-being. So basically, red feelings also meant that you wanted to help a certain special someone. That was a great thing to have in an often-cruel world.

Scientists and other assorted brainiacs loved to debate over whether humans and trolls simply had contrasting views of what role "pity" played in romance, or if they just called two different emotions by the same word. Karkat's favorite arguments were about questions like 'can trolls fall in "love"'? Perhaps they already experienced "love", but separated it into two distinct quadrants instead? Did only matespriteship count as "love", or could the definition extend to moiraillegence as well? Furthermore, most humans did not truly consider Kismessisitude to be "love" while trolls freely used the l-word when referring to a strong connection in any of their quadrants.

Maybe it was grossly egotistical (and stupid) for Karkat to say he was in "love", then. But he liked the sound of it. After all, "love" wasn't normal for trolls, and he was not a normal troll. It also seemed to fit better with what he was feeling rather than just cookie-cutter "red" or "pale with red leanings". It was like both but neither at the same time. It was a pity that went…beyond all of that. So, his flushed feelings were kind of weird, and "love" was definitely a thing weird enough to describe them.

Yeah. He really was just a total freak, wasn't he?

Karkat sat there for a while, morosely watching storm clouds collect in the distance. It looked like rain was on the way.

A new thought occurred to him. Maybe he could go visit the glade again. Gamzee wouldn't be there and neither would the seagoat, but the more Karkat thought about it, the more his desire to go grew. He wondered if going back would help to clarify his thoughts. Perhaps it would be easier to sort through his tangled feelings if he revisited the scene.

With those thoughts in his head, Karkat stood from the table. He stepped out towards the Emerald Forest.

"Krabpinch!" a lively voice called from behind him.

Karkat jumped at the unexpected sound. Fuck, he had let his guard down. His shock was accompanied with a slight, tingling sense of panic. God, how could he have been so monumentally stupid? Karkat hadn't even checked if anybody was around before he started wandering off towards the woods. What if somebody had seen him? At least he hadn't really gone anywhere yet.

Karkat turned to see who had called out to him, his heart beating like a drum.

**Feferi: Enter. ===+**

It was Feferi Peixes, hurrying across the grass in a flurry of pink. While Karkat waited for her to catch up he noticed that the Headmistress was not carrying a trident in either of her hands. She must have been in quite a rush to find him, Karkat thought.

"There you are, Mr. Vantas," Feferi said as she realigned her golden tiara. It had fallen crooked during her search.

"Good afternoon, Madame," Karkat greeted her in return.

"I have some eel-lectrifying news!" Feferi beamed at Karkat and clasped her hands in delight. "I fin-ally got a reply from the wwizard."

Karkat's mouth gaped open. "Oh my Goodness…"

Feferi nodded, pleased at his awed expression. "He wants to meet you."

"Me? Really?"

"I know how low your spirits sunk when poor Professor Shell-bastian left." Feferi shook her head mournfully. Then her usual upbeat attitude returned and she gave Karkat a wink from under her goggles. "But if as long as you don't give up on life…"

Feferi withdrew a pearly white envelope from her sylladex. It was as big as a troll's hand and shimmered like a dragon's scale. A stamp of angelic wings, outlined in gold, graced the official document. "You will always have hope," she finished.

Karkat stared at the ticket as if the wizard himself were handing it to him. A few moments of silent awe passed before he stretched out one red hand. Karkat's fingers took the white paper from the Empress and held it tight. He seemed unable to look away. God, it felt so _real._

"…I can't even fucking believe it," Karkat managed. He didn't know what to say. So he screamed instead.

It was a victory scream, or maybe even a shriek—the kind heard when peoples' dreams come true. It was the kind that channels all of someone's joy and elation into one big noise. Karkat's scream was one that makes a mutant hug an Empress tightly, causing her to _glub_ in surprise. It was the sound of patience paying off, of dreams becoming reality, and of hard work bringing the reward of happiness at last.

"Madame Peixes, you're amazing!" Karkat laughed, still hugging her. He couldn't remember a time he had felt this happy. He simply couldn't be happier!

Karkat tried to lift the Headmistress off the ground but failed. Her hair alone probably weighed more than he did. "Oh crap," he said and released his arms from around her waist. "Sorry Madame, I don't think I really know what I'm doing at the moment," he confessed, still smiling the biggest smile of his life.

"It's alright dear," Feferi said, although she had been a bit startled. "I think you're just happy. After all, isn't happiness what happens when your dreams come true?"

"That's right," Karkat agreed. All of his dreams and hopes and wishes might now become reality. His head swam with emotion.

_And there we'll finally be,_

_The 'wwizard' and I…_

"Make me proud, Karkat. Keep your chin above water!" Feferi cheered. She shook Karkat's hand—an Empress with a mutant.

Then she frowned and looked up at the stormy sky. "No reely, we should go inside. One of us isn't waterproof and it's not me," she teased. "Plus, you'll want to start packing."

"Yes Madame Peixes. I swear I'll do my best!" Karkat promised. He read over his ticket one more time as Feferi began to walk on back towards the school buildings. Wait…huh? Was that a typo he saw? On an official document related to the wizard himself?

"Hey Madame?" he called over to Feferi. "Why do they spell his title as "the wwizard", with two 'w's?"

Feferi's response came with a cheerful wave. "You'll sea!"

**Karkat: Begin journey. ===+**

"The next fast-train will be arriving shortly….all passengers please-"

The announcement echoed from above and bounced through the shiny hallways of the fast-train station. A steady drone of footsteps and conversation hovered under its noise. People were everywhere, walking towards or away from the tracks or standing around in impatient clusters waiting for the train to arrive. Lusii pushed carts loaded high with luggage around the platforms, struggling to maneuver around the crowds. One lusus passed by on janitorial duty and picked up trash that others had discarded. Most people didn't even look at them, as if pretending that the animals weren't there.

In a quiet corner of the station away from the hustle and bustle a troll with red skin received goodbyes from a boy in a blue shirt. Two other trolls were there as well. One had rather large horns while his companion, a female, wore an eye patch. She gave the red troll a congratulatory smack on the back. Judging from his expression, her mechanical arm had made the gesture more hurtful than heartwarming.

"Remember your fake-Good manners," John advised. "And try not to swear at him! Well, not as much as usual, anyway…"

"Gee, thanks." Karkat shot John a glare that on any other day would have been burning with caliginous hate. But today was different. Thoughts of meeting and impressing the wizard made all of his harsh feelings fizzle. Besides, it had become exhausting to keep sending seemingly futile black-rom hints to John.

"Make us proud, oh fearless one," Vriska cackled. "I can't wait to tell our father you got an actual invitation from the wizard. He'll freak!"

Karkat didn't say anything, but secretly he too wondered how their ancestor would react. Maybe Jegus would refuse to even believe it. Maybe he would get mad at Karkat for some reason. Or…maybe this would finally make his father proud of him.

"Vriska, are you sure you'll be okay without me?" Karkat asked.

"She'll be fine, stupid!" John said. "Travis is right here to help her." He pointed to Tavros who had been standing next to him.

"…My name is uh, Tavros," Came the troll's reply, soft but sure. He took a deep breath as if summoning strength buried deep within him. His brown eyes were filled with hurt as he looked at John one last time. "And I don't think I want to do this anymore," Tavros announced.

He walked away, continuing to be sad and alone. For once he had said something with complete confidence.

"Tavros?" Vriska called after him. "What are you talking about? Get your stupid butt back here!" But her yelling was useless. Tavros didn't turn around.

Karkat and John watched, stunned and confused, like two people who had just witnessed a sudden car wreck. "Um, did I say something wrong?" John asked weakly.

"No! Him running away is what's wrong here." Vriska's fists were clenched. She stared after where Tavros had disappeared up the stairs (without tripping for once). "Don't leave…" she whispered.

After a short pause she hurried away after him. "Don't worry about me, Karkat. I'll sort him out," Vriska called back over her shoulder. "Have a fun time!"

"Wait, what the fuck-" Karkat said as he started after her. How the hell could she expect him not to worry after that confusing debacle?

Then Karkat felt a hand grab his arm. It was John.

"Karkat, let her go," John said. "I don't know what the heck happened back there, but it's got nothing to do with you. Your sister will have to solve her own problems. I mean, she can't depend on you and other people forever."

John gave Karkat's hand a comforting squeeze before letting go. "We'll be okay, all of us. I promise." He smiled and round teeth peeked out from beneath his top lip. "I'm sure gonna miss you though."

"You'll be fine," Karkat said. He pretended to inspect his traveling bag for an unspecified inconvenience. "I bet Gamzee will keep you company. Where is that blistering black hole of feculent shitpiss anyway? He's probably buried himself inside of a pile of horns and Faygo so deeply that we'll need to hire a professional spelunker crew to rescue him. Or did he just not want to show up?"

Karkat felt his mood sour despite his attempts to sound indifferent. "Fuck, I…I guess that must be it, huh? Yeah, Gamzee wouldn't want to say goodbye to me." He tried not to sound disappointed. "We don't really know each other, anyway."

"...I don't think I know him either."

Karkat looked at John with surprise. The human looked troubled, and his blue eyes became increasingly uneasy as he spoke further. "Well, not anymore. I thought I did once but…"

"Gamzee's been...different lately. He's even more distracted than usual, and all moody-ful. I wondered if it was just my imagination but now I'm certain that something's up. And he's even been, like, thinking more." John sounded genuinely distressed. "That really worries me. I'm not sure what happened, or if I did something wrong, and…and I miss the old Gamzee," he confessed.

"Is he sick?" Karkat asked.

John shook his head. "That's what I thought too, but no. I asked Gamzee and his answer was really confusing. He said that he wasn't ill, but also that he was feeling 'a certain kind of affliction to the pump-biscuit' and that it was 'almost like' a disease." John made a face. "Does any of that make sense to you?"

Karkat's emotions roiled beneath his carefully concerned expression. Gamzee had been feeling weird too? What did that mean? But first, he had to help John. "John, I'm gonna throw your own words back in your face. 'I don't know what the hell happened, but it's got nothing to do with you'. You've been a great matesprit. Something else must have gotten twisted in his thought sponge."

John frowned. "Thanks Karkat. Maybe it was something I wasn't there for…" Then his eyes lit up with an answer. "Oh, Karkat, it must have been Professor Sebastian! I had no idea Gamzee cared about the old crab that much," John gasped.

Before Karkat could refute this new idea, they both heard a _honk_ from behind John _._

**Gamzee: Enter. ===+**

"Whoa, hi Gamzee!" John turned around and waved. "Over here you silly clown!"

From his appearance, Gamzee didn't seem much different, Karkat decided. The other troll was wearing the same black logo t-shirt and spotted pants as always. Hell, he probably had a whole pile (literally) of that outfit somewhere.

Gamzee looked startled to see John call him over. Karkat's eyes barely managed to catch the blur of Gamzee's fingers moving lightning-quick to hide something behind his back. Gamzee gave John a timid smile and a small one-handed wave. But his gaze slid past the human and over to Karkat.

John smiled when Gamzee walked over to join them and held out a hand. He must have been expecting Gamzee to hold hands with him. But Gamzee didn't stop by his side, instead moving forward to talk to Karkat face-to-face.

"Hey…what's up, my invertebrother?" said Gamzee. "I heard you've got a bitchtits Wicked impressive situation going on here. The wizard's all clamoring like you were such to be the star of his miraculous circus and he's the motherfucking ringmaster. I'm all kinds of happy for you." He was still holding something in one hand, hidden out of sight.

"Yeah, both of us are happy about it," John rushed to say. He took hold of Gamzee's arm and lightly pulled him a step or two backwards.

"So, Karkat, man…" Gamzee persisted. "I gotta tell at you something. I've been thinking…"

"Yes, I've heard. Don't strain your thinkpan," Karkat retorted. His sarcasm cut through the air like a whip.

John tried to hide his amusement but couldn't hold back a small chuckle. Even Gamzee had to give an awkward smile. " _Honk_. Hahaha, no bro, but for serious here." Serious? That was something Gamzee almost never was.

"About…about that motherfucking lusus. Y'know, uh…back then?" Gamzee quickly glanced at John and then back to Karkat. "And um, all the miraculous events what followed?"

He looked earnestly into Karkat's eyes. It seemed like he was trying to say something but wasn't quite sure how to say it. "I get my remember on to that day a lot. It's…motherfucking important to me."

Karkat was quiet for a moment before speaking. "I think about it as well."

"Me too!" chimed John.

Both of the trolls stared at him, baffled. A few awkward moments passed until John felt compelled to speak again. "In fact, the memory won't leave me alone. I feel really terrible for Professor Sebastian. It sure would be impressive, and maybe attractive, if someone would do something! Actually," he paused. "I think that someone…might be me."

"…Really?" Karkat sounded skeptical. If John felt this strongly, why hadn't he done anything earlier?

"Yes!" John said. "The Professor had a very, um, special way of pronouncing my name. So with your support, and to express my disgruntle-ation, I hereby declare that my last name shall no longer be spelled with a single 'g'. Instead I will be…" He took a deep breath.

"John 'Eggbert', with two 'g's, like the breakfast food." The newly renamed John Eggbert bowed, as if expecting applause.

The two trolls stared at him, even more bewildered now. "Well, good luck with that righteous change to your name, bro." Gamzee finally said. "Although I'm not really hearing any motherfucking difference between the twos of 'em."

He turned to Karkat before the disappointment began to show on John's face. "Here, best bro." In a motion so swift Karkat couldn't even follow Gamzee grabbed his hand, pushed something into his palm, and closed Karkat's fingers over it. "Motherfucking good luck to you too," Gamzee said. Then he hurried away, disappearing into the crowds.

Karkat looked down at his hand to see what gift Gamzee had given him. It was a single flower, red as cherry candy. Each petal looked like a drop of blood. A curly purple ribbon was tied around the plant's slender stalk. Although it was just a flower, Karkat found himself unusually captivated by it.

"Wait, Gamzee!" John called after his matesprit. But Gamzee was gone. "Darnit, that wasn't how it was supposed to go," he muttered.

Was it a fake? Heck, Karkat half expected it to be one of those joke flowers that sprayed you with water. He bent the green stem. He ran his fingers through the petals. Karkat even brought the flower to his nose and sniffed it. No, Gamzee had given him the real deal. But why?

He looked back up to see John utterly crestfallen. "There…you see what I mean?" The boy's voice was tight.

Karkat quickly captchalogued the rose away. "Oh fuck John, it'll be okay-"

"No it's not okay!" John burst out. "That was the stupidest thing I've ever…why did I…" he trailed off.

"John, you could spell your name 'I-M-A-DICK', and everyone would still love you!"

"I don't care if everybody loves me, I just want him to!" John retorted. "He's not perfect, but that doesn't matter at all to me; it never did." He sniffled. "Just like it didn't matter that we were both guys, or even that he was a troll. I felt like I was becoming a better person with him, and now…"

"Are troll relationships always this complicated?" John tried to joke, but ended up fighting back tears instead.

Karkat didn't have a real answer to that. So he just gave a weak shrug in response.

"...How do you stand it?" John asked.

Karkat stepped forward and pulled his former enemy into a hug. It was mostly due to automatic instinct. The poor kid was really upset. But also, he had kept John waiting long enough.

John flung his arms around Karkat and held tight. They remained like that for a minute, with Karkat patting John's back and whispering comforting things until the only thing John heard was a soothing rush of "shoosh".

This was completely pitiful. So pitiful, in fact, that an idea came to Karkat's mind. It was stupid and crazy, but with John in such a state, Karkat felt a strong urge to say it. Fuck him for being a fucking fool for pity. He took a deep breath and spoke.

"Fuck. Come to the Ruby Cityhub with me, John."

They pulled away from each other. John's sad expression was now perplexed.

Karkat understood. Why would Karkat give him, of all people, such a huge offer? It was the opportunity of a lifetime! Didn't Karkat want to experience it alone?

The troll just smirked, the closest to a smile he could muster. "It will be even harder to be 'popular' in the city. I wouldn't be able to manage without you."

John needed a moment to regain his composure. Going from serious relationship drama to maybe seeing the wizard was a huge swing. Eventually though, John nodded. "I've always wanted to go to the Ruby Cityhub," he confessed.

Karkat almost laughed. John's familiar smile had returned.

**Karkat and John: Visit the City. ===+**

"Oh my God, John, did you _have_ to wear blue?"

"I wasn't planning to come, geez!" John protested. He stood out like a single blue fish in an ocean of red here. They had entered the Ruby Cityhub.

_One short day, in the Ruby Cityhub…_

The Ruby Cityhub was Oz's pride and joy, an immense capital city shining like a jewel for all to behold. Its name was a combination of both troll and human influences, symbolizing the two species' cooperation and harmony within the city streets and throughout the Lands. It was fondly regarded as a center of Goodness, and its people took great pride in living there.

"If Oz itself had a face, it would be the Cityhub." – Troll Mark Twain. People were almost certain Mark Twain said that.

It was just as grand as it looked in pictures, maybe more. Buildings of every shape and size crowded together, competing for space. Shops and businesses lined the roads while apartments took up miles and miles of land behind them. One walk down a narrow street was worth a college semester course in troll-human architecture. Some buildings were triangular, some had nothing but bumpy walls, and then others looked like normal square human hives…aside from the rainbow paint pallet. The main road was yellow and lined with faux rubies.

People were everywhere and streets were packed. It was soon obvious that you only took a car if you wanted to sit in traffic all day. Tourists took pictures of silly things like lamps. Businesspeople walked with their heads angled down, serious and purposeful in their stride. Humans and trolls who actually lived in the Ruby Cityhub passed by wearing all sorts of outlandish fashions. Everything seemed to project an intoxicating air of luxury.

John and Karkat took a moment to savor this experience. The view from the famous Beat Mesa commercial intersection was splendid. And red! Everything was red. People's clothes were crimson, cars were scarlet, and a revolving army of flashing-red advertisements hung on the sides of dark maroon skyscrapers. Just one look around could cause your heart to beat faster.

The two students' gazes eventually circled back to each other's. "Well?" John asked with a grin. "Where should we start?"

_One short day,_

_In the Ruby Cityhub,_

_One short day,_

_Full of so much to do,_

As embarrassing as it was to admit, the first thing both of them did was fall into shitty tourist traps. ("Goodness John, you don't need an 'official' Cityhub mug…well, if you're getting that, then I'm gonna get this cool 'collector's edition' hat. Fuck, where are the horn holes? Ah whatever, I'll get it anyway.")

Then they ate food and had the Ruby Cityhub's best ice cream for dessert. It only came in cherry, raspberry, and strawberry flavors, of course. ("This is delicious!" "Yeah, buy me more, barfbreath.")

While they ate, the two of them watched people pass by. ("Wow, everyone here looks filthy rich." "Hahaha, look John, there's some human wigglers on a schoolfeeding trip. I bet they're almost as lost as we are.").

Strange vehicles chimed, beeped, and whirred. ("Hehehehe, Karkat. There's one for you—that little gray one with red trim." "Shut the fuck up or I'll compare you to that three-wheeled-device over there. How the fuck does that thing even work?")

Once, a troll rode past them on a vermillion two-wheeled-device that had an enormous front wheel and an even bigger umbrella open above him that attached to the handlebars. He squeezed a bicycle horn as he whisked past, making Karkat jump at the _honk._ The noise reminded him of Gamzee. Karkat felt especially foolish when his next thought was that it must be a miracle any troll could ride that preposterous contraption.

Finally, throughout the day they were both indoctrinated into gaining appreciation for new, bold statements from the world of fashion. ("Dude, her hat is like, twice the size of her head. And oh come on, are those feathers really necessary?" "Is everyone required by lawor someshit here to wear outfits that are 90% red? Everyone looks like they're bleeding the fuck out. It's as if they're all perpetually hemorrhaging and proudly letting their gross bodily fluids soak into their clothes until they've been dyed an acceptable shade of _ugly_.")

After a whirlwind introduction to city life, Karkat and John felt slightly more grounded. They continued on their way. It was time to have some _real_ fun.

_Every way,_

_That you look in the City,_

_There's something exquisite,_

_You'll want to visit,_

_Before the day's through!_

" _There are buildings tall as skywood trees,_ " Karkat gasped, craning his neck to look until it hurt.

" _Gaming centers!_ " John shouted with glee when he spotted a whole group of them.

" _Romance movies!"_ Karkat pointed at an advertisement and grabbed John's arm as if to tug him along.

The two boys glared at each other for a moment. " _Landmarks!_ " John protested and tried to tug his arm away.

Karkat shook his head. " _City tours!"_ he argued.

They glared at each other again. Then they both collapsed into laughter. " _Our whole day long,"_ they agreed. There was more than enough stuff in this place for them both.

Yes. Fuck yes. Hell fucking yes!

_More wonders lie just straight ahead,_

" _It's remarkable,"_ John said for the hundredth time. Fun things waited for them around every corner. Wherever they went, they were surrounded by magnificence and leisure. He loved this place.

" _And it's all red!_ " Karkat had a huge, genuine smile on his face. The lights overhead sent out a rosy glow, making everything blush with the color. For once, Karkat didn't feel like he stood out. He hadn't gotten a single dirty look yet. And no one had asked about his skin and horns, even in this unfamiliar city. He loved this place!

Karkat looked over to find John smiling at him. Maybe he had been thinking the same thing.

_I think we've found the place where we belong,_

_I wanna be in this marvelous mess,_

"You're so lucky, Karkat," John said wistfully. "I mean, you've practically got a job with the wizard already. You'll probably get to do all sorts of weird stuff with Aspects for him. God, I wonder what Aspect the wizard uses. And besides, this cool place will be your home!"

"Well at least I'll never be bored," Karkat replied, raising his eyebrows at a couple having sloppy makeouts on a nearby bench.

John laughed. "Yeah, that's for sure. But hey, you'll fit right in. You already look like a native." He smirked as Karkat tossed a very large insult his way. "I want to live here too," John continued. "Just think…then I might be able to see you from time to time. When you're not busy with the wizard of course."

Karkat grumbled, "Yeah, you say that now, but I bet this place isn't really that great once you've been here a while. It'll lose its spark, just you wait. And ha! The only time you'd ever get to see me would be during city parades. I'll be too busy waving to my adoring public and holding the wizard's mysterious, clammy hand. But maybe I'll use my free hand to flip you off. A tender gift to you, John, from somebody who's finally risen high."

"So you _would_ like to live here, then."

Usually these kinds of squabbles were the grubloaf and tuber paste of John and Karkat's conversations. But today they were cut short. They had a strict schedule to adhere to after all, and here was their list: Fun.

_So I swear I'll be back one day,_

_To make my life and make my way,_

_But for today we'll wander and enjoy,_

Late in the afternoon they found a store called What Pumpkin and ended up spending lots of time (and money) there. It had a strange selection of beautiful art parchments, trinkets, music albums, logo t-shirts, and hoodies of every aspect. Apparently there were people who wanted this stuff though, because the place was packed with eager patrons.

Karkat read through some bizarre signs posted just inside the entrance. This place was " _especially proud to serve those who are stuck at home_ ", with " _everything you need to feel suitably housetrapped!_ " How weird. But not as weird as the final sign: " _We do not sell Hamsteak merchandise. That is the deli next door._ "

While Karkat puzzled over the signs, John made the mistake of asking an employee why the store was named "What Pumpkin". After all, there were two of the orange gourds right there by the front door. The man told him to check again. John turned around and, just like that, there were no pumpkins to be found. In fact, there was no indication that any had ever been placed in that spot. John looked back with a confused expression, but the employee just laughed and then smugly asked him, "What pumpkin?"

John's pride had taken a bit of a blow, but at least he could appreciate the 'great prank', as he called it. Anyway, he ended up buying mostly music in addition to more Breath-related finery.

Karkat picked out a pleasing print and was later convinced to buy a Hero of Blood t-shirt. ("I fucking look like someone's slashed me with a goddamn sword, John." "Oh quit whining. I'll catch your mutant guts if they start to fall out, okay?")

Somehow they managed to keep track of the items they wanted to purchase. Almost everything in the store seemed to vanish when you weren't looking.

_One short day,_

_In the Ruby Cityhub,_

_One short day,_

_To have a lifetime of fun,_

Of course, they couldn't resist messing around and causing a bit of trouble. John's prankster's gambit had taken quite a blow from the pumpkin event so he wanted to set up a revenge-prank. With Karkat's help, they attracted a hapless employee over to be their victim. The poor person's face had been priceless when John's fake arm dropped off while shaking their hand.

Apparently their shenanigans were not appreciated though, so they had…left. Maybe gotten kicked out. Oh well. That place had too many prices and values anyway.

_And we're warning the City,_

_Now that we're in here,_

_You'll know we've been here,_

_Before we are done!_

**Karkat and John: Refocus. ===+**

"The fun never ends!" John crowed, still enjoying the feeling of a successful prank. The two of them were now making their way towards the center of the city. It was approaching evening-time and Karkat had to be at the wizard's soon.

To be honest, Karkat was starting to feel nervous about the whole thing. What if he got the jitters and messed up? What if the wizard actually thought he was disgusting and just wanted to research a mutant? No, he wouldn't do that. But what if he would refuse to look at Karkat, or even touch him? No, no, but…what if, what if, what if, Karkat's mind worried.

So while John bolted ahead with a cry of ,"Whoa, street performers. They've got a magician!" Karkat found his feet dragging behind. And that was when it happened.

"Whooooaa! Hey, you there, the troll with red skin!" Karkat looked to the side and into the street. A city dweller was grinning at him like an idiot while stuck in traffic and waiting for the light to change (in this place, red meant "go" of course).

_Great_ , Karkat fumed. He couldn't even escape persecution in the capital city with an express ticket to the wizard in his sylladex. Karkat took a deep breath and prepared to hold his head up high. He would try not to snap back this time. That behavior might get him reported, and Karkat was determined to have a sparkling clean record when he met the wizard. So what shitty hoofbeast-slop did _this_ fucker want to throw at him? It seemed like there was nothing Karkat hadn't heard before.

Instead, Karkat was utterly floored when the "idiot" finally spoke. "You look awesome! Way to go, man. That's so cool!" the troll shouted across a lane of traffic. "Is that all like, body paint or something? I wish I had thought of that. Wow!"

Then the light changed and he pedaled away, shaking his head in amazement. "That's some dedication right there," he mumbled.

Karkat was left in state of utter shock on the sidewalk. _You look awesome,_ the troll's words repeated in Karkat's nearly comatic mind. _You look awesome! Wow!_ He had…gotten a compliment. He had gotten a compliment on how he looked, from a complete stranger. That was…that was a thing that had happened just now. He knew he hadn't imagined it because his enraged defenses had suddenly become flimsy as spider webs and the words had shot right through them straight into his heart. _Is that dye? I wish I had, so cool, so cool, cool, you look awesome!_

He had never gotten a compliment on his skin color before, Karkat thought dully. It felt like his brain was trying to float right up and leave his body behind. Suddenly he didn't care if his hood didn't cover enough of his face from the crowd. It was as if a ball of hot fire had plunged into his belly and continued to warm him from the inside. Everything seemed a little bit brighter, even his ruddy skin.

This must be what other people felt like. How did they stand it?

"Karkat? Are you okay?" Slowly, Karkat became aware of John standing beside him. He must have realized that Karkat stopped and had come back. "The Wiz-stravaganza starts soon," John gently reminded him, looking concerned.

Karkat stepped forward and grabbed on to John's arms, making the human "um" in surprise. "I want to remember this moment, John. Forever," he said. His eyes shone bright and clearer than ever before. "Nobody's staring, or pointing, or laughing. For the first time I…I feel like I actually belong. I belong here."

John smiled and carefully removed Karkat's arms from his own. "You're the biggest and best ruby in this place," he said.

They laughed like brothers and headed onwards.

**Wiz-stravaganza: Begin. ===+**

_Who's, the, prince,_

_Who, has the, princ-iple passion of,_

_Ensuring our prosperity?_

"Oh hell no," Karkat heard John murmur beside him. Privately, Karkat agreed.

The Wiz-stravaganza was a short show put on in front of the wizard's hiveblock. It was supposed to serve as an introduction to and a summary of the wizard's accomplishments, the idea being that you would see it before going in to meet him. But even Karkat was unnerved by these grotesque clowns and their dancing.

_Who's, the, guy,_

_Who gaily,_

_Sailed in to save our derrières?_

The people inside the fat costumes leaned over, presenting their behinds to the audience. Most of the surrounding crowd laughed. John looked a comical level of unnerved. Karkat had the sinking feeling that Gamzee would like these clowns. He might even mimic their bobbing little dance, and ask where they got their outrageous outfits after the show was over. The thought almost made Karkat smile.

_Whose enthuse about magic wands,_

_Has all of us feeling so fond?_

_Oooooo~_

Right then, to Karkat's horror, the clowns' hips swiveled around in a motion that brought emphasis to their sewn-on codpieces. Apparently it was supposed to be funny. Instead it was just plain disturbing. He couldn't wait until this was over.

_Wizn't he wonderful?_

_Our wonderful wizard!_

**Karkat and John: Prepare to meet the wizard. ===+**

Although the clowns continued to sing the wizard's praises, Karkat and John decided to leave early and go inside. One inspection of Karkat's white ticket was enough to get them through the entrance. Thoroughly traumatized by now, both of them sat in the Opening Hall and waited in silence until all images of wagging codpieces faded from their minds.

After some time had passed they began to converse with each other. It started out as nervous chatter to keep their minds off of what was about to happen. Because the wizard! Was going! To see them! In like! A few minutes!

So they talked about what they had seen, what they had liked and hadn't liked, and discussed each other's opinions. They had a short competition to remember the strangest thing they had witnessed (Both of them eventually settled upon the clowns). Then they tried to recall their favorite and least favorite people of the day—humans and trolls only, as they had seen no lusii or even carapaces.

At the end both boys felt much more relaxed and agreed that the Ruby Cityhub was simply beyond description. But they were glad they had come.

_What a way,_

_To be seeing the City,_

_Where so many roam to,_

_We'll call it home too,_

"Thank you for inviting me, Karkat. I'm sorry I didn't say that before," John apologized.

"Ah, don't worry about it. It's not that big of a deal."

"No, really! You didn't have to invite me here, but you did. That's a really Good thing to do, and I haven't been treating you very well for a best friend-" John realized what he had said and quickly shut his mouth.

"What? Whoa there, that's…that's a pretty big thing to assume," said Karkat.

John nodded and looked away. He wouldn't meet Karkat's eye.

"Oh don't be like that John, I'm not gonna chew your nub off. It's just that I, I can't believe you'd really want to…" Karkat couldn't even begin to list the reasons why he was not best friend material. All the emotions of the day started to swirl inside him like a tornado. The silly moments he had with John from today, the days when they were almost-kismessises, and every time one of them had made the other laugh all blurred together into a tumultuous storm.

But through it all, the happy memories from today outshone all the others like a ray of light. Once Karkat noticed that, nothing else seemed to matter.

"Fuck it!" Karkat declared and relaxed back into his seat. "We're in the Ruby Cityhub, far away from Skaia University where everyone knows who we are. Anything, especially crazy things, can happen here. Call me whatever you want. Why should I give a flying fuck? If you really want to think of me as your 'best friend' for now, however stupid that may be, then I guess I'm flattered. Besides, today was fun."

"I guess what I mean is," Karkat admitted. " _Just for right now we can say, 'We're just two friends'_."

John's face brightened up and split with a smile. " _Two good friends?_ " he asked.

Karkat took a moment to consider his offer. Finally, he said with a very small smile, " _Two…best friends_."

Karkat thought John was going to hug him out of happiness. Before anything could happen however, an official marched into the room. He was dressed in a purple uniform and looked at the two of them with a gaze direct as a fired arrow before speaking.

_Sharing one wonderful,_

_One, short,_

"The wizard will see you now," he announced.

John shot Karkat an encouraging smile and thumbs-up. With a nervous glance at his new best friend, Karkat stood up and prepared to meet his destiny.

_Day!_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Was I the only one who got really disturbed when those clowns extended their necks and waved them around during that part in the play? Seriously, it was weird as hell and freaked me out!
> 
> Also it took all of my willpower to not sneak "50 Shades of Red" anywhere in this chapter. I imagine it would be the best-selling book of all time in the Ruby Cityhub though. (Its success would be mostly due to the wwizard liking them).


	10. A Sentimental Troll

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WOW OKAY TIME TO SPEED UP UPDATES YES INDEED.
> 
> Oh and happy holidays everyone. :D

**Karkat and John: Seek the wizard. ===+**

It had come as a surprise to John when the official gestured for him to follow Karkat through the pearly white doors. Apparently John's status as a "friend" allowed him to accompany Karkat for moral support reasons. If he wanted to, that is.

John had sheepishly risen from his seat and rushed over to Karkat's side. The troll waited for him to catch up before leading onward past a thick red curtain. Behind them, the doors were pulled shut with a solid _whump._

The next obstacle was another red curtain. A third one draped beyond that. Then came a blue one, quickly followed by a final one in red. Karkat walked resolutely through them all like a man on a pilgrimage who knew that his place of salvation was only a few minutes ahead. John was right behind him, walking so close that he only had to duck an inch when the troll pulled the curtain fabric up and over his small horns. Neither one of them spoke.

The hallway stretched out in front of their eyes, its length and width expanding until it approached the dimensions of a room. Karkat caught sight of more curtains up ahead, colored a lime green. But this time the curtains drew back when they approached.

Six sets of cloth withdrew one after another to let the two young men proceed. The final veil opened slower, tantalizing them with a slow reveal of what lay beyond. And then suddenly there was nothing left to block their sight.

Karkat and John were standing in a large room, as expected. There were lavishly-decorated desks and drawing tables clustered near the sides, all covered in what looked to be topographical maps of Oz. Two whole bookshelves stood at the far wall, packed with books. Many of them were recognizable as famous works on strategy and ancient war heroes. Far to the right rested a table holding up advanced equipment and machines with bizarre designs. Unfortunately, none looked to be involved in Aspect-related tests at the moment.

The northern wall was indented with two large cases. One contained wands of all shapes and sizes from olden days to new. A large collection of impressive weaponry—mostly harpoons and firearms by the looks of it—ruled the neighboring display. One harpoon-rifle in particular had been left on the floor. Its blue chassis gleamed all the way up to its laser-pointed barrel. Karkat wondered if the gun's owner had been cleaning it right before they came in. They must have dropped it in an exceptional rush.

There was a certain degree of luxuriousness to practically everything in the room. The weapon and wand racks had obviously been maintained by someone who took great care with them. The lighting was at a level comfortable for Karkat's troll eyes, and the floor was as smooth and white as lusus hide.

Before Karkat and John could make a move, they were startled by a sound.

**Wizard: Activate majykks. ===+**

_GONG_

_GONG_

The opposite wall was inlaid with the most enormous and extravagant grandfather clock Karkat had ever seen. And it was GONG-ing louder than Karkat would have thought possible. The troll winced and covered his keen ears. Beside him John looked around the room, face tensing at the loud noise.

The clock struck thirteen times before falling eerily silent. Its hands spun rapidly around and around without a sound, as if possessed.

Then the lights went out.

John let out a small scream but was cut short by a captivating scene. The clock in front of them began to glow neon green before flashing scarlet, then bright blue, then scathing yellow and moving on to a blinding purple. The colors pulsed outward from the clock's face as the needles spun and whirled. Each tint followed the other so fast that it hurt Karkat's eyes to look at it. The whole spectrum of color collided and vacillated in a way that was impossibly chaotic while the cycle sped up until it was almost hypnotizing, casting a dazzling array of light over the human and troll's skins.

The clock continued its epileptic fit while the door in its chest opened. A thick fog hissed and spilled out into the room. It covered them in seconds. The flashing colors were absorbed into the mist, dulling slightly but pulsing all around them now. And then out of the fog something else appeared.

It was an orb, smooth and sleek as a cue ball, but several feet in diameter. Karkat could see dull shapes moving behind the fog—machinery working to wheel the heavy sphere out from the wall. The clock's psychedelic lights dimmed low as blazing cracks began to spread out over the huge white surface.

The orb shattered and burst with a blinding light. Karkat was forced to shut his eyes. He heard a yelp from John at his side and imagined the human doing the same.

After a few moments a gust of freezing cold air whooshed past his auricular flesh flaps. Karkat shivered as he felt the fog being blown away from them. Finally the glare through his eyelids faded to black. Slowly, Karkat opened his eyes…

And saw the face of what could only be a demon.

An enormous green head stood where the white cue ball had been. The orb was gone, likely broken into dust during the birth of its enormous occupant. Veins stretched over the bald scalp, showing through a non-existent layer of skin. The head's cheeks were horribly pronounced and jutted out like the bones of a skull, each marked with a blood-red circle. It had no nose. A single gold tooth protruded from the left side of its mouth followed by a row of scythe-like green fangs.

But its eyes. Its eyes struck panic deep down into Karkat's bloodpusher.

Heavy brow bones sagged over sunken eye sockets, much like those of a primitive human. But the sockets were full. Inside of them flashed a rotation of spheres in every color. Each had a number on the inside from one to fifteen, like billiard balls. The two "eyes" danced with different rhythms, at once more hypnotic than the clock and a million times worse. Karkat found it impossible to look away from the confounding sight. He was sure that those eyes were staring right into his soul.

The demon's skeletal jaw lowered and a Wicked voice boomed throughout every inch of the Main Room.

**B O Y.**

This was completely terrifying.

 **Y O U T H E R E,** it said. **B O Y.**

Karkat suddenly regretted letting John follow him.

**H O W  D O  Y O U  E X P E C T  T O  S E E K  M E…**

****

Was this…the wizard? Karkat tried to keep his hands steady as he held up his official letter of appointment, crumpled in his sweaty palm. He hoped that it would save their lives.

"I…I am Karkat Vantas!" he shouted at the demon head as loud and as brave as he could. "Come to see your, uh, Goodness by official invitation-"

Suddenly everything stopped. The head stopped its slow advance and froze still into one static image, like someone just had pressed "pause" on a film. Its horrible eyes spun dully in place. Even the throbbing pulses in Karkat's ears died down. The crazy patterns of color faded further until finally blinking off. After a few moments, normal ceiling lights flickered on and shone down through the green fog. Muffled clanking could be heard from somewhere out of sight.

"Karkat? Shit, I can't see vvery wwell from here…" came a voice.

And then came a troll, emerging from somewhere beyond the head's left cheekbone.

From the fins on his face Karkat could tell that he was a sea dweller. The new troll squinted at them through thick-rimmed black eyeglasses. His hair was slicked back and up in a dramatic hairstyle. His horns were jagged like lightning bolts and matched the violet symbol on his shirt. Karkat recognized the double crooked lines. It was the sign of Aquarius.

The sea dweller was scowling when they first caught sight of him, but soon flipped his expression into a wavering smile. He stepped forward to meet John and Karkat.

The troll's clothing was ridiculous: a long-sleeved shirt, horizontally-striped pants, bicolored shoes, and a striped scarf around his neck for some inexplicable reason. In addition to that, he also wore a majestic cape that reached down to the floor. The colors of his outfit were divided between blue, black, and a particular shade of violet.

He reminded Karkat of the asshats in school who flaunted their rank on the hemospectrum. Many trolls who were proud of their ancestry or personal identity would wear clothes or makeup in their blood color. Doing so projected an image of self-confidence and pride in who you were. Plus, for many it was just easier. You had to wear your designated symbol anyway, and that was almost always in your own color anyway. Clothes in your hemotone would also match your eyes and blush (or so many troll girls claimed). Even lowbloods did it, although they were usually much more sensible and subdued. Highbloods were notorious for going overboard.

Such thoughts were brought to Karkat's mind as he stared at the other troll and his pompous cape. Yup, that had to be his own personal shade of sea-dweller-blood purple. There was even a violet streak in his hair!

"Wwell wwell wwell…" the troll began.

Oh Goodness that was a terrible word to use three times in a row with that accent. At least, it sounded like a seadweller's accent.

Many seadwelling trolls had unusual-sounding speech compared to landwellers. Their vocal systems were built to be functional (more or less) in the ocean, and talking underwater was very different from talking above ground. It involved certain muscles and required particular sounds that landwellers either could not or did not make use of as often, if ever.

It was equivalent to someone from a foreign country speaking with their native accent for a period of time, due to the influence of their mother tongue. After a few years seadwellers could begin to reform their accents to the native dialect. But most seadwellers took their out-of-water speech patterns in stride, treasuring the extra stutters, pops, clicks, and glubs from their highblood-exclusive language. They took pride in the fact that a general sea dweller's accent was often described as "wavy".

Still, this terribly dressed sead weller had a "vvery wweird accent" indeed.

"Sorry for startlin' you," the troll said. "Didn't realize wwho you wwere. Noww…" he peered at the two visitors through his glasses. "Wwhich one 'wwiz' wwhich, eh?"

Either by skin color or by species, he soon recognized his actual visitor. "Kar!" The seadweller gave Karkat a welcoming handshake. "So _wwonderful_ that you're here. I can't wwait to get started wwith you. An your…companion is?"

"My name is John!" John said as he thrust out his hand for the same greeting. "John Eggbert, two 'g's like the breakfast food, future Heir of Breath, almost-best friends with Karkat!"

"Oh…." The sea dweller's voice carried a clear hint of resentment towards this unexpected company. But John's enthusiasm buried his disapproval under a tidal wave of admiration. After a few moments the new troll broke away from John's very hearty handshake, saying something about a fogging device that needed to be shut off.

Karkat and John moved a few steps over to watch as he slipped around behind the giant head. From this side they could see a glimpse of one huge pipe, thick as a tree trunk, connected deep into the back of the skull. The seadweller tossed aside a green curtain hanging down from the large metal shaft and stepped through. The cloth swept back into place behind him, camouflaging whatever hidden chamber he had withdrawn to.

With that, Karkat and John were left alone to stare at their surroundings.

The room looked dramatically different with the lights on. Now Karkat could see that the white ball hadn't shattered. Instead, it had opened up like an Easter egg to reveal the horrifying puppet-like head. A row of spotlights hung over them. No doubt some had been used to project down images of fiery cracks splitting across the orb's surface. Then the giant green skull had erupted while they were blinded, born from a masterful illusion.

Karkat gave it a brave poke with his sickle. The head remained sinister and demonic even after the grand unmasking. He could see that wires and gears were responsible for most of its movements. Working from inside the skull, they created the appearance of autonomous activity. He could see some wires running back out of sight, connecting to all of the largest and most complex equipment hidden away behind the cranium.

A section of the back wall had actually moved out to follow the display. The large metal pipe pierced out from the blackness and straight on through the moving section of wall as if it were a lance. Just a few yards behind the head stood this large backing of machinery.

No longer hid by the disorienting lights and other distractions, the dramatic technological display seemed almost…pathetic now, to be honest.

Still, Karkat thought, that had been like nothing he had ever seen. He could understand why rumors said that the wizard was really powerful and scary. It was strange that no Aspect-related skills were involved in this facade, but that must simply be a credit to the wizard's magnificent abilities. Maybe he didn't want to show off. Or perhaps the mysteries of machines had become more appealing to him after a lifetime of magic tricks.

Karkat's ears registered the loss of a faint whirring noise. In all of the confusion he hadn't noticed the sound begin. Although the fog machines had been turned off the tinted mist still hung low around the edges of the room. With a swish, the other troll reemerged into their sight.

Karkat eyed him with scrutiny. But apparently this…sea dweller just orchestrated it all from behind a curtain?

**Eridan: Be the wwizard. ===+**

"I knoww wwhat you wwere thinkin'. 'A bit much', isn't it?" the sea dweller said, looking morosely at the giant head and its wires. Apparently he had seen Karkat and John staring at the room's wonders. "But people expect this sort a thing from a great an powwerful wwizard. It's necessary, really. An I aim to please my loyal subjects…"

"Actually," he added. "I almost nevver meet land-, er, meet people as myself. But this is a special exception."

Karkat and John looked at each other in confusion.

The sea dwellet adjusted his scarf and continued, "Noww that that embarassin' fiasco's ovver, wwe can get on wwith our livves. I hereby officially wwelcome you to the Wwizard's Hivveblock, an my owwn glorious Ruby Cityhub—the most magical place in all a Oz!" He swept one hand around the room, palm up. Multiple golden and violet rings encircled his fingers.

"An I am the one and only, greatest magician in the land…your vvery owwn Wwizard a Oz." He took a bow.

So it was him! "It's…It's such an honor to finally meet you," Karkat found the words to say. All his misgivings about the troll's strange, mechanical welcome disappeared. He was with the wwizard! At long last!

Karkat's grubhood idol beamed at him. "An I'm so happy that you're happy to be here, Kar. See, that's wwhat I'm here for—to establish hope and progress throughout Oz!"

The wwizard began to explain:

  
_I am a sentimental troll,_   
_Wwho alwways wwanted to be…lovved,_   
_So it's unavvoidable that I,_   
_Treat each troll an man of Oz,_   
_As my owwn child or grub,_   


Karkat had to elbow John to stop him snickering at the "wwizard's" bubbly pronunciation.

Then the sea dweller extended a hand towards him. Karkat looked up to find the wwizard's eyes locked on him with an intense gaze.

  
_Noww Kar it's time for you to Rise Up high ,_  
' _Cause truly, evveryone deservves to hope they'll fly!_  
 _An helpin' you, Kar, to Ascend,_  
 _Wwould be somethin' so…monumental_  


_For I am,_

  
_A sentimental troll_

He allowed his words to hang in the air, even closing his eyes for a moment. He seemed very pleased with himself.

"What's does he mean, 'sentimental'?" John whispered to Karkat.

"I think that's like…getting stupidly emotional about things. Or people. Or about people's potential success in this case, I don't really know jackshit," Karkat whispered back before turning to address the wwizard.

"Your Ozness," he began. "Being here is the best thing that's ever happened to me in my whole sorry shitheap of a life. And I…I'm so grateful for your help. I promise that I won't let you down. But me and John didn't come here just for us, you see."

"Yeah!" John exclaimed. Then he looked at Karkat in confusion. "Wait, what?"

Karkat ignored him. He took a half-step closer to the wwizard. "There is something fucking terrible happening to the lusii in Oz-"

"Oh, please," said the wwizard. He waved Karkat's warning away with a dismissive flick of his hand. "Just wwho do you think I am?"

When they did not answer, he went on. "I'm the great Wwizard a Oz, a course! Howw can you expect to explain your quest to me… _wwhen I already knoww wwhy you're here_?"

Karkat and John both let out impressed "Ooooh"s at the same time, making Karkat feel very stupid.

"I can solvve all a your problems quick as a spark," the wwizard promised. "But first…you must do somethin' to provve your wworth."

Karkat was caught off-guard. He hadn't been expecting a test _now_ , after so much.

But John spoke ahead of him. "Of course, Mister Wuhwizard!" The human clapped Karkat on the back and stepped away to give them space. "Prove yourself, Karkat," he said.

Karkat felt a pleasant rush of energy stir in his chest. He never had a friend encouraging him from the sidelines before. It felt almost like a little candle, giving him hope and strength with its light.

Karkat had come so far and the time was at hand. He could not imagine failing now. "How?" he demanded. "How should I prove myself to you?"

"Oh, I don't knoww," sighed the wwizard, obviously just pretending.

Maybe Karkat could cure his ridiculous stutter.

" _Some sort a somethin',_ the seadweller mused. " _Just for showw. A spell that wwill test your adeptness…"_

His eyes gleamed. " _I knoww._ Fef, bring us the book! _"_ His cape snapped as he turned to address the far door.

**Feferi: Bring them the book. ===+**

The white doors opened to reveal a slender figure. "Right here, Eridan!" came a voice punctuated by a thrilled _glub_. The person advanced at an energetic pace, the floor echoing slightly with each step they took.

John and Karkat whipped around to gawk at each other. That voice …the glub…their excitement…" _Fef_ "...

"Madame Peixes!?" Karkat yelped, while John cried out "Headmistress!?"

Feferi Peixes smiled at them with pink-painted lips. Her outfit had changed. She had gone from pastel-and-fuchsia school robes and skirts to a sleek black bodysuit. Her royal purple sign was incorporated into a design curving down her sides. A mass of black hair flowed freely behind her back and onto the floor. It looked to be even longer than when Karkat had last seen it.

For once, she was not carrying her trusty golden trident. The Headmistress's left hand was instead occupied with a book even thicker than the standard Encyclopedia of Classes and Aspects. It looked like it was heavy enough to knock a person out, or at least give them a pretty good blow to the head. She kept the tome tucked securely under her arm. In her right hand Feferi clutched a small white animal.

"Shello!" she greeted them. "It's fintastic to catch my two minnows out of school." Feferi shifted her grip on the book, wedging it between her hand and elbow and pressing it to her chest. Despite its colossal weight she seemed to have no difficulty holding it.

"The lovvely Miss Fef an I are…quite close you see," said the wwizard. "She's been wworkin' wwith me, helpin' out wwith all sorts a important poofy magical business. Also, she's been supportin' me through all a our 'improvvements' to Oz's internal affairs. Fef's the best business partner I could ask for."

He was staring at Feferi meaningfully now. "An maybe evven…somefin _moray_."

Karkat had to suppress a shudder. He still respected the wwizard very much but the way this guy was looking at Feferi was…embarrassing. It was a gaze brimming with desire of the quadrant kind. His affections for her were so blatantly obvious that it was making _Karkat_ feel awkward. And had he been making fish puns before? He must have been trying to gain her favor with them. It was a common thing between quadrantmates to absorb small bits of each other's speech patterns.

Even worse, the sea dweller seemed to think he was being totally smooth and subtle. Ugh. Karkat couldn't blame the Headmistress for looking uncomfortable.

"We're moirails," Feferi snapped. She quickly softened her words with a smile. "Anyway, you two here are the first to know—I'm planning to move into a connected Royal Hiveblock within the sweep. Eridan here insists," her expression became resentful again. "…He _says_ that it's about tide I take a higher position as my reward for everything. So, reel soon I'll be stationed here with the wwizard! And everyone will call me their 'Empress'," she gloated.

John and Karkat gave their congratulations, the human saying that he would miss having such a cool Headmistress. Moirails, hmm? Karkat had watched way too many romcoms to be fooled by that steaming heap of sliced lunch-meat (also known as troll bologna). Feferi could say whatever she liked. Karkat had a huge hunch that Eridan's pale feelings were tinged with another color the shade of Karkat's own mutant blood.

"What I mean, Carpkat, is that I shore hope you serve the wwizard well," concluded Feferi. "He is a most generous master. Master of Aspects, I mean." She giggled. "You cannot hope to beat Eridan in a wizard-off. He is shrimply the best there is!"

The wwizard stood to his full average height at her words and puffed up with pride.

**Karkat: Prove yourself already. ===+**

Karkat had made his decision long ago. He felt like he been dreaming of this moment since the day he was hatched. He was ready. Nothing would stop him now.

"What do I have to do?" Karkat said, getting them back on track.

"Howw wwonderful a you to ask, Kar," said Eridan. "Givve it here, Fef." He took the small white animal from Feferi. It let out a soft 'moo'.

"Say hello to our domesticated lusus, Tinkerbull." Eridan patted the bull lusus on the head as he spoke. "Poor, swweet, dear, precious Tinkerbull. He's been such a good companion for us through all a these years, an I think it's time wwe givve him somethin' in return." His smile was more like a smirk. "Just a little rewward, really."

"Eridan was hoping you could use this—" Feferi held up the colossal book, "To cast a certain Breath spell. Just a little windy thing, reel-ly."

"Jeepers," marveled John. "Is that…the Daunting Text?"

"Yes, a complete copy."

John gaped at the book like it was a minor god descended unto Oz. _Colonel Sassacre's Daunting Text of Magical Frivolity and Practical Japery_ …the original, largest, and unparalleled best guide to the most complex and deepest use of the Aspects. Modern-day sorcerers still consulted it and attempted to decipher its wisdom long after the master's time had passed.

Of course the wwizard would have a personal copy. Never before had the boys seen another tome to rival its might. John could hardly believe his eyes. It brought back memories of his father telling him that their family, the Egberts, was distantly descended from the Jokesmith. It wasn't yet clear to John whether his father had been telling the truth, or just telling a joke worthy of the dead master himself.

John reached out for the holy text of wizardry, fingertips trembling in awe. " _Can I touch it?_ " he whispered softly, tenderly, reverently, the words echoing far and true into the darkness upon the face of the deep.

The Empress's grin never faltered as she leaned towards the human. She whispered back, " _No_."

Karkat found an extremely heavy book suddenly unloaded into his arms.

The troll had to set down the Daunting Text on a nearby desk before he was able to open it. After a few moments of page turning, he found the selected entry. "What…the fuck is this supposed to be?"

"Wwritin'", said Eridan.

"Illegible, incomprehensible writing," Feferi clarified. She frowned. "As bad as the language of Horrorterrors from the Furthest Ring of nightmares. Even extremely gifted Seers of Void cannot reed it fluently. Most of these spells will pike-ly never be fully deciphered. But we _can_ kelp you with the one we want you to cast," she offered. "Sea my translations at the stern of the book."

While Karkat flipped through pages, Feferi continued. "Don't get discouraged after the first few tides trying it, dear. I had a unique hereditary psychic link with the most dangerous of sea monsters when I was young, on Alternia. My lusus's whispers gave me a very limited under-sand-ing of…" she trailed off as a new sound filled the air.

Karkat had started to chant.

" _Glub_ ," went Feferi.

**Karkat: Read the Text. Be the Sorcerer. ===+**

Eridan gave a little shriek and placed the bull lusus down on the floor before backing away. "Tinkerbull…wwhat wwonders awwait you?" he said, looking over Feferi's shoulder.

  
_Since one day I myself came from the sky,_   
_I think evveryone should hope one day they'll-_   


" _MooAEI-_ " A cry of pain leapt from Tinkerbull's throat. The small lusus kicked its four hooves and began to writhe terribly on the floor. Its tail lashed wildly and its horns knocked against the ground with each swing of its head. The lusus fell over hard onto its back, on purpose it seemed, more than once.

"Oh god," Karkat shouted. "Goodness I…what did I do wrong?"

"Nothing, it's perfect!" Feferi responded. "He's changing."

"Tinkerbull, what hurts? Answer me! …Why can't you talk, dammit?!"

"Good God, Karkat, look!" John yelled. Tinkerbull had flopped over one final time, exposing his back to them. Sprouting from his shoulders was a pair of quadrusected fairy-like wings.

Karkat screamed at the unnatural sight. He turned back to the Daunting Text and began frantically searching through it. "Empress, tell me how to stop it!"

"You can't!"

"What?"

"You can't reverse a fin-ished spell, Karkat! It's a thing now! I told you," Feferi's voice became silky and smug with pride. "I told you that he had enough power, Eridan. I knew he would do it-" Her voice was the sing-song tone of a siren.

Karkat stared at the two other trolls in disbelief. "You…wanted me to do this?"

"It's for the everyone's Good!" Feferi exclaimed. "And that means your Good as well, _Karkat._ " Her voice twisted with scorn. It became an unfamiliar sound, ugly to Karkat's earcaverns. Her sweet grin had become warped and Wicked, lined with teeth like knives.

"An that's not all," Eridan announced. "Take a fuckin' look!" He drew a slim white wand from his sylladex and pointed it upward. A blast of white light shot from its tip (mechanical light, Karkat thought dimly, not magical light), and Karkat recognized the terrible clang that followed as that of a cage door being opened. It had become a familiar sound to him by now.

A few seconds passed before the first lusii began to fall from the sky.

They came from a sort of chute high up above, tumbling out of the metal hole and crying out in surprise. A whole cloud of Tinkerbulls descended towards them. Karkat's instincts screamed at him to catch them but before he could, the sight of many small white blurs all buzzing to life at once stopped him. All of the bull lusii…they all had identical tiny wings, flapping clumsily but luckily with just enough lift to break their fall. Their chorus of confused and anguished moos was like a blade carving up Karkat's heart.

Eridan and Feferi were giddy with glee at the sight.

"Ahh, one mutation has given us another," The Empress sighed dreamily.

"Simply amazin'…a _may_ zin'," Eridan repeated. "No one wwill be able to doubt my powwers wwhen I shovve a bona fide miracle like this in their face."

"Oh, quit carping about your stupid bluffing magic tricks! I say we make them spies." Feferi's eyes gleamed with delight. "They'll just fly around Oz…and they're so cute, no one would suspect them."

"Spies?" Karkat cried out.

"You're both right," Eridan agreed. "Let's call them 'wwatchers' instead. They can fit right in wwith the enemy. They'll be able to easily report any subvversivve activvity a those _filthy_ animals."

"I shall spread our Tinkerbull spies around the Lands like frosting!" Feferi laughed triumphantly.

"…What are you saying?"

Karkat's soft voice cut through their celebration. The two trolls turned to face him.

"It was…it was you. It was both of you behind all of this fucking madness," Karkat said, eyes wide with revelation. "How…how could you fucking do this? How the fuck…you…you…"

Another revelation caught his breath again. "You can't…read this book at all. That's why you needed me. And you can't use Aspects either, you have to pretend, and use spies and enemies and, and fucking _cages-_ "

"Kar." Eridan the wwizard looked at him with disapproval. "You're bein' stupid. Wwhen I arrivved in this land, trolls an humans wwere at odds. Tensions wwere risin' more evvery day. Confusion an turbulancy wwere so bad that many felt any kind a peace at all wwould nevver be possible. Kar, I swwear wwe wwere headin' towwards wwar. An you can guess howw bad for both sides that wwould havve been."

"I savved this planet from obliteration," declared Eridan. "It's been demonstrated ovver and ovver again through history by the most successful a conquerors that the best strategy for unitin' people…is to givve them somethin' to unite _against_."

But Karkat was beyond his words. "I understand now!" Karkat roared. His cherry red eyes flashed with pain. "You're one of _those people_. The ones who don't believe in Aspect powers, who think it's all some assbackwards, BULLSHIT version of science! You…"

All of his rage evaporated in an instant. The storm blew itself out. "You have no power," said Karkat in a hollow voice.

" _Ding-ding_ , correct," the wwizard admitted easily. His violet eyes were cold behind the frames of his glasses. "An that's wwhy I need you. Don't you both understand?" Eridan sauntered over to where John stood and held out a hand.

"I'm givvin' you the wworld. By my side, your opportunities wwill be unlimited. Nothin' is too much. Aren't I generous?" He no longer looked like a wizard to Karkat. Instead, he looked entirely like a mad scientist.

"Uh…" John stammered. His eyes flicked with concern over to the flock of taurean lusii. "Thank you, Mister Wizard?" He reached out tentatively.

Eridan smiled and grabbed John's hand in his own. "Then let the past rest in the past, and look towward a hopeful future."

He kept hold of John and extended his other arm for Karkat to join them, saying:

  
_The twwo of you, it's time you Rise Up high,_   
_Yes! The time has come for you,_   
_To finally-_   


" _NO!"_ Karkat bellowed. A small magic shockwave rippled through the room, making the others flinch. He ran from the room in a blur of red and gray.

"Karkat, STOP!" Feferi withdrew her trident and tossed it at the troll's cloak, but was too late. She missed.

"Karkat- oh my Goodness," John gasped, slipping out of the wwizard's grip. Their former Headmistress had just tossed a _weapon_ at his friend! "I'm so sorry, Mister Wizard! I…I should go get him." He also left the room running.

"Fuck!" Eridan swore. He turned to Feferi. "Wwe can't let them escape. They knoww our plans."

"He thinks he'll be the big fish that got away," The Empress hissed. "Call the guards, Eridan!" With a blast of genuine Aspect powers and some prodding from her retrieved trident, she corralled the swarm of Tinkerbulls up out of sight. Then she fled out the door.

As soon as Feferi left the lights dimmed. With a shudder, the terrifying Wizard of Oz awakened once more.

 **G U A R D S,** it howled in vengeance. **G U A R D S.**

"Yes, your Goodness!"

**A  T R A I T O R  I S  W I T H I N  O U R  W A L L S.**

**F I N D  H I M.**

**A R R E S T  H I M.**

**A N D  B R I N G  T H E  M U T A N T  T O  M E.**

****

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Major major thanks to "green_sweater" on here for finding me some Wicked scripts. Without them this fic would have been discontinued. I owe you a huge thing!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
> 
> "Of course, some people still stubbornly insisted that there was no such thing as "magic", and that it all could be boiled down to simple science instead. But no one really believed them." –Chapter 3


	11. Defying Gravity

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Updates will hopefully be more speedy, but the quality and in-depthness might suffer. And I’ll be in a rush to finally finish up this whole darn thing, just to let you know.
> 
> But I hate it when authors abandon really good fics, and don’t want to do that to myself and my readers. So I think I’ll try to reach the end. :) We’ll see how it goes.

**Karkat: Suddenly understand everything. ===+**

 “ _No one wwill be able to doubt my skills wwhen.._.”

The wwizard was a fake.

“ _I told you that he had enough power, Eridan. I knew he would do it…_ ”

The Headmistress was his Empress.

‘ _The best strategy for unitin' people…is to givve them somethin' to unite against_.’

The lusii were being silenced.

‘ _Let the past rest in the past, and look towward a hopeful future_.’

The wwizard was their enemy and had been all along.

No matter how frantic and fast he ran, Karkat couldn’t escape the pain. It couldn’t be true. It shouldn’t be true. This was worse than any chucklevoodo nightmare brought to life and he _couldn’t believe it was fucking true, dammit._ But it was, it was, with each beat of his mutated heart pulsing in his ears and through his brain, with each ragged sob, Karkat knew that it was.

The wwizard, Eridan, had said so right to his face. Literally looked straight into Karkat’s eyes with his own stone cold violet ones and admitted to everything. Karkat had seen no softness, no doubt hidden there. There had been no trace of a guilty conscience for his deeds. Eridan’s belief in his battle plan for Oz was fueled by reasoning as heartless and analytical as the machines he relied on.

What had happened back there? For a few minutes Karkat’s pathetic, cursed life had been complete. The wwizard had offered him a place in his care. A sea dweller with one of the highest blood colors openly recognized his skill and praised him. He had even known the encouragement of a friend. And then the lusii’s transformation had exposed their true characters like drawing back a thick curtain. Those poor, poor lusii… and the sick joy of Eridan and Feferi.

Everything had gone from so good to so wrong in so little time. He had run.

It was wrong, it was wrong, it was all so wrong! Karkat’s foodsack twisted with a red-hot mixture of bitterness and rage. Tears of deep regret seared his eyes shut to block out what they had seen. He had known anger many, many times but never had his fury been interwoven so closely with sadness. A singly question ripped through his head: “ _Why?_ ” The word pounded through his body and mind, striking as heavily and regularly as a hammer and yet never losing strength. _Why, dammit why, goddamn it WHY?_ Karkat felt wounded right down to his soul despite not having suffered even a single scratch.

His dreams had all burst right before his eyes like a glass balloon. For most of his life Karkat had been sure that the wizard would help him and be his savior from a life of ridicule and persecution. Karkat just had to prove that he was more than a walking mistake of nature. Once he did that then he would be worthy. The wizard would be his reward for all the times he had apologized for being hatched. The wizard would be able to fix everything. Karkat had _known_ that he could. Karkat had believed the wizard could do anything. The wizard was…he was…he was supposed to…

Karkat choked on what might have been a sob. The wwizard was a fake.

The mutant troll raced through the bone white palace halls. His eyes scanned for side routes and alternate pathways. He had to get out of this place! He couldn’t stay any longer, knowing what he did now and with the wwizard himself as an opponent. At least Karkat thought he was getting farther away from the wwizard’s hivveblock.  Maybe.

“Fuck!” Karkat exclaimed as he pounded on the doors to a dead end. There were a flight of stairs to his right but they lead upwards and not onwards. He had already made two completely blind decisions between intersecting hallways. Where was the grubshitting exit? Karkat almost imagined the wwizard using his Aspect to disappear-ify all the ways to escape, but remembered that Eridan had not a single shred of those powers. It all hurt again.

“Karkat!” A voice made the troll jump. Karkat dashed over to the staircase with the speed of a deserter and began to ascend.

“It’s me! Don’t run, I want to help-” John’s voice finished behind him.

On the staircase Karkat clenched his mouth tightly shut to avoid screaming out his panic and frustration. Especially here, he couldn’t risk releasing a Vast Expletive. But how could they all—himself and the people he knew included—have been fooled so easily? Eridan and Feferi appeared to have everything under their control. Eridan truly was the man behind the curtain, pulling the strings of Oz from behind his fireworks and manufactured magic. And Feferi…Karkat didn’t even want to imagine what she would do as Empress.

_How could people live like this?_ Anger blazed inside him again like the battle cry of a beast. Feelings of wrath began to take shape against this world, this hiveblock, and this city where it was all allowed to happen.

The Ruby Cityhub was not a paradise. It was built upon lies and deception! Karkat was currently inside one of the major cogs in the wwizard’s machine—the biggest part of his terrible mask. The noticeable absence of lusii within the city now made horrifying sense. The people pranced about in their vain fashions and absurd vehicles, happy because they knew their city was free from worthless, inhuman lusii. And maybe carapaces too. Trolls and humans felt great pride in their successful interspecies city, but prejudice was still alive and cruel. It remained in their society, with the wwizard both fueling and directing such actions.

The Ruby Cityhub was enchanting at its surface but this red apple was rotten to the core. _Fakey-fake-fake,_ as his sister always liked to say. If Karkat managed to escape from this place alive he knew that things would be different. He couldn’t possibly keep silent about what had happened.

But at the moment Karkat was lost, stunned and alone, perhaps being chased by all the forces at the ‘wizard’’s command. The world around him that once seemed so stable now shifted and spun. Even Karkat’s environment seemed to be twisting and breaking down around him, falling away to reveal the ugly truth hidden underneath. Everything within sight appeared painfully different to his peepholes.

At last he came to a door, burst through it, and stood panting inside of some simple, dimly-lit room. Karkat leaned back against the wall and waited for his head to stop thinking.

The wwizard had promised to help them with all his power. But his true power was nothing.

**Karkat and John: Now look at what you’ve done. ===+**

Karkat soon became aware of someone shuffling around outside the door. A puff of air ghosted underneath the barrier, blowing past Karkat’s feet. “Just open the bilgebarfing door, dickhat,” Karkat sighed. “I didn’t lock it.”

The breeze dissapated. For a moment all was quiet. Then the door slowly swung open. Timidly, John’s head poked into view. “…Oh,” he said.

The human moved into the dark room and shut the door behind him. “Hang on, I’ll just lock it behind us,” John muttered. Once he had set the lock he looked over to Karkat. His blue eyes brimmed with concern.

“Karkat…are you okay?” John asked. The troll turned away and refused to look at him.

“Well, I mean, obviously you’re not, but…Goodness I just wanted to help,” he explained. “At least the Breeze was able to trace your path for me.”  

John looked towards the black edges of the room and frowned. “We’ve got to get you out of here,” he declared, suddenly all-business. He walked further into the room and peered ahead. “That guy sent the guards after you, Karkat. Do you know how serious that is? You are literally becoming a criminal within minutes of meeting the Wwizard of Oz. And then there’s also the sorcery stuff, and book-stealing, and then running away...” He shrugged. “Well, that didn’t look good.”

John’s remarks were probably meant to be compassionate, but Karkat was practically a powder keg.

“Shut up!” came the explosion. “Just shut the fuck up, John! You _know_ why I had to do those things. You saw what happened. Didn’t you fucking hear what he said about Oz? I couldn’t stay there after all the shit they spewed about ‘hope’ and ‘progress’ out of their slimy chewholes at us with a mutated lusus right in front of them. And you shouldn’t have either!” He snarled. “There’s more important things out there to wet our diapers over than someone’s oh-so-precious reputation.”

“Hey, I ran after you!” John said, hurt. “I excused myself from the wwizard in a very rude manner and rushed off because I didn’t want something terrible to happen to you. If that-”

“Whatever,” Karkat snapped. He actually didn’t want to argue with John. He didn’t need another person angry at him. Karkat took a moment to take a breath and said, “Let’s just go.”

He strode off. John followed behind him, although clearly still resentful. “I think we’re almost out-” Karkat said.

…and then came face-to-slab with a solid concrete wall.

It took a moment for his think pan to process this information. Karkat held a two-second staring contest with the gray surface before finally comprehending.  “No way,” he muttered.

Karkat turned his head from side to side. His crimson eyes flicked over the smooth expanse, scanning for something, anything that was noteworthy. When nothing was found Karkat leaned over to look into the corners. He was still trying to cling on to a tattered shred of hope, but his eyes pierced clearly through the darkness and saw no clever secrets.

“You’re shitting me.” Karkat slapped both hands to the wall and began to feel around. There had to be a lever here somewhere or a button to push. His groping became more frantic, getting desperate for maybe a doorknob instead.  “You’re _shitting_ me,” Karkat repeated.

There were no more stairs.

“There has _got_ to be a way forward. We can’t go back the way we came!” The initial shock of realization was starting to buzz into an overwhelming sense of panic.

“Oh no no no…” John groaned. He began to copy Karkat in searching the wall and examining all four corners. But there was no further path. They were stuck at a possibly very literal dead end. “The guards are gonna catch us. Karkat this is all your fault!”

“I WILL HATE A HOLE RIGHT THROUGH THIS WALL IF I HAVE TO,” the troll bellowed. He pounded on the wall with one red fist.

“I told you not to run this way,” John moaned. “I warned you about the stairs. I told you, man!”

He continued to shout at the troll while Karkat rushed back over to the door and began to block it with heavy equipment.  “If you had just stayed calm then we wouldn’t be in this mess! Look at your life, these are your choices!”

_I hope you’re happy,_

_I hope you’re happy now,_

_I hope you’re thrilled now that you’ve,_

_Fucked your cause up over,_

_Forever and forever,_

_“I hope_ you’re _happy!”_ Karkat snapped back. He whipped around and stomped in John’s direction. “ _I hope you’re happy too.”  
_

_I hope you’re proud of how you’d,_

_Choose your own ambition,_

_Above others’ suffer-tation,  
_

Karkat gestured emphatically towards the door. “I mean, what _was_ that back there? ‘Thank you Mister Wizard’? Oh, ‘Thank you dear mister wwizard for BEING A MASSIVE FUCKING TOOL IN DISGUISE, MAY I JOIN YOUR EVIL LEAGUE OF DOUCHEBAGGERY’? Would you actually have agreed to follow him if I hadn’t absconded the fuck out of there?” asked Karkat. “You’re as big a fakey-fake nice guy as _he_ is!”

The two boy’s already damaged nerves broke again. Within seconds they were shouting over each other, accusations and defenses hurling back and forth.

_Although I can’t imagine how!_

_I hope you’re happy,_

_Right…now_

All of these “I hope you-” insults were making Karkat’s eyes burn with emotion-droplets. It reminded him of the wwizard’s bullshit claims about bringing hope for “all” of Oz. Hah! He was more like a destroyer of hope.

**Feferi: Seek the mutant. ===+**

But Karkat and John’s fighting was soon interrupted.

A strong psychic wave pulsed through the room, bringing a vision to the front of their brains and words to their head. It was the Empress.

‘ _Trolls and humans of Oz,”_ she announced over the psychic broadcast. Her pink eyes were as hardened and focused as those of a predator. ‘ _Something horrend-ible has happened. A mutant troll has betrayed the wwizard’s trust. He invaded our Ruby Cityhub and used illegal sorcery to harm numerous innocents. Look!’_ The vision blurred and refocused upon a dozen bull lusii with gossamer wings. They twitched pitifully on the ground and moaned in distress.

‘ _Sea what the mutant has done to these poor, gentle lusii!_ ’ The Empress reappeared. She was using her more formal voice for this, but behind her act of concern was a subtle gleam of confidence. Karkat would not last long with all of the lands after him.

‘ _He has declared himself anemone of the wwizard, and threatens both you and your hive! Our society must protect itself against this crimson cancer. His repulsive red skin and horns are the mark of a corrupt soul. Everything that he says is a lie as hideous as his own face! We must all seek to eliminate this enemy. This distortion,’_ Her voice curdled like sour milk.

‘ _This…abomination,’_ she shuddered. ‘ _This…WICKED MUTANT!’_ The last words were shouted loud enough to split their heads it seemed, and echoed long after the wave had passed.

It was enough to halt even their heated argument. Karkat and John were both silent in the wake of Feferi’s mental attack.

John could only imagine how horrid, how unspeakably painful it must have been for Karkat to hear. Feferi had never used words like those when she acted as their Headmistress. But now that was just a tainted memory in their past. And to call someone Wicked…it stung John’s heart to hear such a despicable insult. Plus, that had been a large-scale public psychic broadcast. Almost everyone in Oz would have heard it.

John snuck a sideways look at Karkat to judge the troll’s mood. He was silent and still, like a mountain after enduring a vicious storm. Wow. John was starting to feel terrible for blowing up at his sort-of-friend.

“They _should_ be afraid,” spoke Karkat. His fists clenched. “Those shitskulls better be afraid of me.”

“Wait Karkat, don’t do anything stupid,” John said. “The lusii weren’t that bad before. You saw them yourself. I think they were…drugged or something. So you don’t need to…to…” he floundered for words. “I’m here for you,” he said at last.

John breathed in deeply and then exhaled slowly. His element seemed to give him composure and help him to refocus. “Listen,” he began. “I’ll-I’ll make it work. I’ll go back to those…to _them_ and totally humble myself out. I’ll apologize for everything. I can say that you and I were just not ready yet and needed some time to think,” he offered. “Maybe I can change their minds. I’ll make them forgive you for running off, and we can all get along again. It’ll be alright.”

No answer.

“Karkat,” John pleaded. His eyes squeezed shut in emphasis. “You’ve worked so hard for this, for a place with the wwizard and a chance to help change the world. And no one deserves it more than you do. It’s just _not fair-_ ” he broke off.

_You can still be with the wwizard,_

_What you’ve worked and wished for,_

_You could have all you ever wanted….  
_

“Yes,” Karkat admitted. His voice was soft, softer than John could have imagined it could be. But it was sure. “ _But…I don’t want it. No, I_ can’t _want it…anymore.”_

**Karkat: Defy Gravity. ===+**

_Something has changed within me,_

_Something is not the same,  
_

Karkat spoke as if in a trance. His eyes searched the red palm of one of his hands.

_I’m done obeying all the rules,_

_Of someone else’s game_

_Too late for hesitation,_

_Too late to close my eyes,_

He was speaking mostly to himself, but Karkat’s words held John silent with their power. _  
_

_It’s time to trust myself now,_

_Take a breath…_

_And fly_

The troll looked up towards the veiled heavens, his eyes focused upon some far away point. An uncanny calm had descended upon him.

It was the sort that often comes to people who no longer have a choice but to follow their instinct against the weight of the world. It comes to all leaders who strive to bring a kind, immense change. It is a song woven into their hearts that lights their uncommon path and drives them to keep going even despite the threat of oppression and the shackles of the past. It is inner faith wholly united with themself and their cause.

_Almost like I’d,_

_Be defying gravity,  
_

“ _I think I’ll try, Defying Gravity_ ,” said Karkat with the air of someone either enlightened or insane. “ _And they can’t hold me down,_ ” he finished with the beginnings of a smile on his lips.

John watched stunned as Karkat suddenly sprung into action. The troll strode over to the most open part of the room and started rifling aggressively through his sylladex. What? What was Karkat saying? It was impossible to act against gravity, just as impossible as defying the wwizard!

“ _How can I make you understand,_ ” John pleaded. “ _Some visions aren’t meant to come true-_ ” He stepped forward to argue with Karkat and was met with a gentle _shoosh_. Karkat spared a few seconds to silence his pestering with a few soft hand pats to the face. John stood stupefied in confusion as the troll returned back to his task.

“ _I’m through accepting LIMITS,”_ Karkat yelled as he selected the Daunting Text. “ _That someone else has set,_ ”

_Some things I cannot change_

_But damned if I’m not beaten yet!_

_Too long I’ve been afraid of,_

_Feeling love in case I lost,  
_

_“But if that’s love,”_ declared Karkat. _“It comes at much too high a cost!”_

John gasped. What a brash thing to say. And yet… His time with Gamzee floated to the front of his mind. John’s heart filled with sorrow. John almost wished that he could do the same—be confident enough to take love on his own terms and demand nothing but the best. But he was afraid of taking the risk. He didn’t want to live through life alone.

John wondered which way of thinking would hurt people the least. _  
_

Meanwhile, Karkat knew he should be full of despair and resignation at the moment. But that seemed impossible with this glorious feeling running through him. It felt less like he was breaking his chains and more that he was becoming synchronous with them, his wants and his limitations humming together at impossible speeds until they melted into one and merged into boundless energy. Karkat felt that his soul could hardly contain it.

He heaved the book into his arms, triumphantly declaring:

_I’d sooner try,_

_Defying gravity,_

_Bid me goodbye,_

_I’m defying gravity,_

_And you can’t pull me down!_

Karkat set the large volume on the floor because the desk was busy blocking the door. He turned to a page near the back and began to read.

**Karkat: Ascend. ===+**

“What are you doing?” John exclaimed when Karkat started to chant. “That’s how we got into this whole mess!”

The spell began to weave together, mixing and twisting into a tapestry of words. Sorcery magic activated at Karkat’s command to perform the ancient and powerful rite, guarded since ancient times by an Eldritch language.

The book began to glow and Karkat with it. He chanted through all of it as spirographs formed and began to entwine together in a circle beneath him. Sparks ignited and were absorbed into the sublime light of candy red and rusted brown. John brought up his arms to shield his face. By squinting through the gap between them, he could see the outline of Karkat’s body rising a few inches up off the ground.

The effects became more intense. A vivid heat was now being added to the mix.

The spirographs lept off the ground one by one and drew close around the floating figure. The glow now radiated from his skin, a ruby color so pure and mesmerizing that John wondered if he would ever see anything like it again. The sparks and temperature reached a peak as the dancing designs convulsed one final time and imploded into the being that was once Karkat.

John screamed, “STOP!”

And the spell completed. A final, victorious blast of air swept through the room and escaped. Carried with it was the scent of fresh blood.

The two figures stayed frozen still in silence. Karkat was kneeling down in the same position that he had been at the start. He wore an expression of shock on his face.

“I told you this was a mistake…” John said once the final sparks had faded. “Well? Where’s your magic carpet, Karkat?” He sounded exhausted, almost too tired to joke.

Karkat did not say a word and just stared off into the distance. Slowly, he turned around.

On his back was a pair of wings.

They were small and nubby like his horns. The back of his shirt was ripped at where they had come through. Their color was the exact same red as the blood flowing through Karkat’s veins. They were shaped strikingly similar to butterfly wings, with two large upper sections and two slightly smaller connected sections below. Each one looked like a large drop of blood. A single darker eyespot decorated each of the top two sections. From those, a stripe curled and bent away opposite from each other, mimicking the c6nc9r sign. Slowly, the wings unfurled like a human baby opening its eyes.

John’s shock could not be expressed in words. He had gasped loud as a gale wind when Karkat turned around but seemed unable to do anything beyond that but stare.

 Karkat looked back over his shoulder with eyes wide as coins. “I told you,” he said.

“That’s not fair!” John exclaimed belatedly.

Before they could react any further there was a loud pounding outside the door. “We’ve found the intruders!”

Oh no. John took a step back from the fortified doorway. Karkat snatched the Daunting Text up into his sylladex and hurried over to his side. “You are ordered to open the door in the name of His Wizardly Goodness, or face his wrath!”

Karkat growled at their reverence for the figure who was actually Eridan. He let a defiant silence serve as his answer.

“Fine, then,” came the scornful reply. “There will be no further chance for surrender.” Karkat and John listened in horror as the all-troll guard began to call for someone with battering-ramkind weapons.

“We can’t let them find you,” John said. He looked towards Karkat’s back meaningfully. “Especially not now. I don’t know if you can really fly with those…small wings,” he said apologetically.

Karkat did not respond to his words. Without a word, he withdrew a sickle from his strife specibus. The tricolored blade flashed in the low light as he turned to John, radiating a menacing aura.

John flinched and drew back in fear. Was Karkat actually going to hurt him? His mind raced. What had he done to deserve this-

And then Karkat flipped the sickle around, presenting the handle to John. “Not alone, I can’t,” he replied.

John looked up in disbelief to meet Karkat’s fiery red eyes. “Come with me. Imagine what we could do, John. Think of the world we could create.”

_Unlimited,_

_Together we’re unlimited,_

_Together we’d be the best leaders,_

_In history,_

_John…  
_

“ _We’ll make all our dreams come true._ Fuck!” Karkat offered, swearing with excitement.

John’s own eyes began to light up with a spark of the visions Karkat was describing. “ _Both of us, me and you…_ ” A smile finally broke through the gloom on his face.

_There’s no fight we cannot win,_

_With you and I,_

_Defying gravity,_

_Both you and I,_

_Defying gravity,  
_

“ _They’ll never keep us down,_ ” Karkat promised.

A resurgence of activity from beyond the doorway alerted the two that they were out of time. Karkat held his sickle at the ready and shook the loose fabric away from his wings. He started to walk off towards the far end of the room. “John, are you coming or-”

He was cut off by the sight he saw over his shoulder. John hadn’t moved to follow him. Instead, the human was standing with his eyes cast down towards the ground and his teeth biting down lightly on his bottom lip. The air around him seemed chilled and quiet. His fists were clenched and arms tense. Karkat almost couldn’t believe it.

After all that, John’s answer was a no.

“Karkat,” John began. “I _can’t_ leave. Some people still need me here. Especially with what we know now, someone should stay and…and look after them. I think they’d need you too.”

Struggle filled his sky blue eyes. “But I know that you can’t stay, so…I will. I can help by telling Dave and Rose what really happened with the wwizard. I’ll tell anyone who will listen. If I make myself into a great Heir of Breath one day, with even half of your skill, maybe they’ll listen to me. And then there’s my dad to think about, and all our classmates…”

“Karkat,” he confessed. “I think I may be able to do more Good by staying here. I won’t forget you, though,” he promised. “And I won’t forget what you’re fighting for.”

John gave him an apologetic but relieved smile. His refusal itself felt like a blow, and Karkat could already feel the bruise spreading across his heart. But the troll had neither time nor words to refute it. The door thudded with the force of the guards beginning to break in.

“Here,” John said to him. “I, um, don’t know if you’ll want it or not, but…”  He withdrew a dark bundle from his sylladex and unfolded it. A dark gray cloak stretched itself out and reached down to the floor. “This was supposed to be a thank-you present for inviting me to the Cityhub,” John explained. He approached the troll gently. “I bought it in secret while we were out and thought I’d give it to you after we got back. But I guess it’s now or never.”

Karkat took the clothing from John when it was offered. He pulled the fabric over his head, letting John help to pull up the hood. As it draped around his face, Karkat felt he could guess why John seemed so solemn. Karkat now had the look of a true outlaw.

And still the human smiled at him. “Now you have a disguise,” John said. Although his tone was light, a trace of worry remained in his eyes.

_I hope you’re happy,_

_Now that you’re choosing this,_

Karkat muttered thanks as he drew the cloth around himself. Suddenly everything felt surreal, as if it were happening to a red-skinned puppet and not actually to him. Only the thoughts inside Karkat’s head felt solid enough for him to grasp. This was the third thing John had given him. There had been the necklace, the long pants, and now a cloak. Not to mention the gift of his friendship.

“ _Yeah,”_ he managed. “ _I hope that you find bliss._ But can I just…fuck, can I just say something before the grand shitfest bonanza hits the whirling device?” Dammit, he was always saying things too fast and too late. Karkat took a breath.

“I don’t hate you. In fact I don’t think that was ever really it. I was being stupid and…and deluding myself,” he confessed. “Deep down I’m pretty sure I was always, actually, almost okay with you.”

“Aw,” John said. “Thanks, Karkat.”

“It wasn’t a fucking compliment, barfslug,” Karkat replied, sounding exhausted. It just wasn’t worth the effort to correct John on the intricacies of troll relationships.

_BOOM, BOOM._ The door cracked and buckled under the guards’ battering-ram barrage. Each enormous knock shook its frame and rattled the paltry furniture blockade.

Karkat and John turned to each other in a rush, all of their words and warnings and feelings all coming out at once and swirling over each other like a whirlwind.

“Good luck, Karkat,” John shouted over the banging while at the same time trying to push the troll to the far end of the room. “I believe in you! I’ll be fine so don’t worry! Everything will be alright. You can do it Karkat, I know that you can do it better than anyone-”

Karkat shouted back his own assurances and swear words and hurried well-wishes to John as they shared one final encouraging hand-squeeze goodbye.

_I really hope you succeed_

_And don’t regret all your deeds,_

_  
_

_I have you’re happy in the end!_

_I hope you’re happy,_

_My…friend  
_

Karkat had called John his friend before, just once before they were called in to meet the wwizard. But this time he truly meant it. He meant it so much more than he could have ever imagined.

**Refrigerator: Level up for holding the barricade. ===+**

Unfortunately the barricade was not held.

The long-suffering door burst half-off of its hinges and broke into a pile of jagged pieces as the post was finally driven through. Yells of victory came from the guards. The boys’ enemies began to force their way into the room, shoving aside two desks and a chest of drawers which fell to the ground with a splintering crash. One brave human thermal hull was sliced in two by a swordkind weapon. The guards were delayed for all of three seconds.

“Go, Karkat!” John screamed before turning to face their attackers. “Stay away, you dumb brutes!” He began to summon the Breeze to his aid, ephemeral strokes of blue curving through the air and circling around him.

The lead guard barked an order to a troll behind him. The troll nodded and brought both arms up to her head, spreading her fingers at the base of her horns. John had a split-second to recognize the pose as one used by psychically-gifted trolls to enhance their powers. Then an invisible force crashed down upon him, forcing him to his knees and dissipating all of his Breath powers.

John gasped for air, feeling his lungs struggle under the weight of what felt like a huge, imagined boulder. He looked up at the guards closing in and could barely feel it when they grabbed hold of his arms and yanked him roughly to his feet. This was it; he had been captured. John just hoped that Karkat had gotten enough time to escape…

“ _HEY SHITSTAINS, OVER HERE!”_ came Karkat’s voice. The guards’ focus switched over to their real target—the mutated troll standing by the far wall and yelling at them.

“Wrong guy, douchewaffles! I’m the one you’re after,” Karkat declared in open defiance. His scarlet eyes were devoid of fear. “He’s not involved in any of this. It’s just me! Now look at what I can fucking do as the dark master of forbidden sorcery I am! It’s me,” he cried as magic power began to collect around him.

And then, still clutching his sickle, Karkat began to fly.

_Look at meeeeeeeeeee!  
_

**Karkat: Rise Up. ===+**

He ascended slowly at first, but then started to steadily gain altitude. The guards around John one by one began to gape at the figure before them, jaws falling open and eyes going wide as they tipped their heads back more and more to see Karkat lifting into the air.

A sorcerer flying would not ordinarily have surprised them. Humans and trolls had advanced technology far beyond the usual planetary-bound airplanes. Aspects like Breath could also be used to give a person the appearance of autonomous flight. But it wasn’t Karkat flying that struck the elite Wizard’s Guard into inaction and ineptness. It was what they could see on his back.

Karkat’s wings had become surrounded in a twinkling red haze that added strength and lift to every flap, making them functional. The red fog grew, expanding their shape and spreading further out behind him into a big, heart-stopping backdrop the color of crimson blood.

Down below, John secretly called upon a wisp of Breath. With a whisper he directed the Breeze to help speed Karkat on his way. The guards were too caught up in the miracle in front of them to notice.

**Karkat: Rise Up. ===+**

It was an awe-inspiring sight to behold. Fury and power blazed in Karkat’s eyes as his gaze seared down upon those below. His sickle was raised and pointed in challenge toward the heavens. His impossible wings beat sure and strong to lift him high above any troll or human’s reach. His entire being brimmed with extraordinary energy from within.

The grounded audience listened in a stupor as Karkat decreed to them with a determined scowl and righteous heart:

_If you fuckers dare to find me then,_

_Look to the Land of Pulse and Haze,_

_As someone trolled me lately,_

_“Everyone should hope one day they’ll fly”,_

_-They say and though I’m alone,_

_At least I am still free,_

_  
_

_To those who’d stop me!_

_Take a message back from me,_

He snarled and pointed a finger sharp as a sword down to them below. Stuck on the ground, each person felt it almost as a jab to their own heart. Some of the guards had even fallen over onto their backs from the force of Karkat’s dramatic reveal. They trembled before him, unable to look away. The mutantblood was now the one up high, glaring down at them and damning them for what they were. His voice bit through their ears:

_Tell them how I,_

_Am defying gravity!_

_I’m flying high,_

_Defying gravity!_

_So tell them I don’t want their crown,_

“ _And nobody,_ ” Karkat growled, just loud enough for them to hear. “ _In all of Oz,_ ”

_No wwizard that there is or was,_

_Is ever gonna bring,_

_Me down!  
_

He yelled out clear and sure, raising one triumphant fist up to the sky.

The guards finally snapped out of their trance at the sound of his final screamed word. A handful stayed to brandish their weapons uselessly at Karkat while the rest hurried out of the room to alert the wizard. They dragged a human dressed in blue along with them. As he was taken away, John fought to turn around and yell out one final wish to his friend: “ _I hope you’re happy!_ ”

A hole was blasted through the roof and Karkat ascended upward and through, followed by the echoes of his treasonous vows. He was off, free from the bigotry of society and using the power of his own wings to fly away to do whatever the hell he pleased. And right now that was fighting the wwizard and exposing Oz for the beautiful lie it really was, even if it meant he was an outlaw.

Karkat imagined the news beginning to spread behind him. Alarms would soon begin to sound throughout the lands. The wwizard’s forces would race to warn every Good citizen of this new, terrible, mutant enemy. But he wasn’t afraid.

_Look at him, he’s Wicked!_

He wasn’t going to run.

_Get him!_

_BRING ME DOWN!_

He was going to make them pay.

_No one mourns the Wicked!  
_

Even if he had to do it alone. _  
_

_So we’ve got to bring him…_

Even if it made him Wicked.

_AHHH!_

**_DOWN!_ **

 

Let them come.

 

 

**Wickedstuck: End Act 1. ===+**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Defying Gravity is and has always been my favorite part of the play, so I hope I managed to do it some justice here. :) Oh god, just look at all of the in-jokes that I’ve been waiting to make… 
> 
> Also I’ll be sure to change Karkat’s wings once they’re revealed in-canon.


	12. Thank Goodness

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think that many people tend to disregard this scene in the musical, or think that it's boring. But I actually love it. Glinda feels so agonized deep down, although she's forced to smile constantly under the lights for the sake of her public. And that line of "there's a couple of things get…lost" hits my heart every time. Hopefully spending a whole chapter on this song has helped other people to realize its deeper significance and emotions as well. :)

**Curtains: Happen. ===+**

**Wickedstuck: Begin Act 2. ===+**

**[Years in the future, but not many…]**

It had been 3 years since that fateful day. For one and a half solar sweeps now the people had been aware of an evil cancer growing within. Its Wickedness tainted the Lands and their hearts, frightening the innocent as it carved a virulent path through Oz. Even the oldest trolls could not remember a worse scourge. This was truly Wickedness in the form of a troll.

It started with a rumble and rushed over the hills to spread far and wide. A chorus of voices carried the news across Oz with each adding new warnings and information. Did you get the psychic broadcast? Is the capital safe? The wizard says to remain calm but check that our loved ones are alright. How can I remain calm when he says that?

Did you know that the Wicked troll is a mutant? He's got see-through skin and the most revolting blood color, and has short red horns. Yes, I said _red_ horns… Make sure everyone you know has seen the photos so you're able to recognize him. He can't hide from us for long… Why is he doing this? How horrible a person he must be to repay the world's kindness this way… I hear he's targeting areas with lots of lusii in them. We should banish them all for our own safety!

All over Oz the message spread. The terrified whispers became louder, surer, and stronger with each new person they reached. Before long, all humans and trolls had been informed. Karkat's name was known throughout Oz as that of a pestilence upon the Lands.

_Every day the Wicked,_

_Every day the terror grows,_

_All of Oz is always on alert,_

The Knight of Blood was an irredeemable troll of betrayal. Everyone had heard of his infamous revolt against the wizard in the heart of their biggest city. He had unleashed the dark forces of forbidden sorcery against the palace guards and even maimed some lusii. Lusii, the original guardians of his kind! Fortunately, the wizard's leadership and supreme skill with the Aspects had been enough to drive the invader away.

The descriptions of this Knight of Blood were enough to alarm even the highbloods. All reports agreed that, most importantly, he was a mutant. The Knight was a mistake of nature whose faulty blood had finally gotten to his thinkpan and rotted out his sense of reason and Good. It was because of this mutation that his skin and horns had turned red, and not the usual troll-blood maroon but red like Alternian Swedish Fish candy. Rumors spoke that his heart was full of neverending anger and he would not rest until all the Goodness in Oz had been pounded into dust.

The people feared him. They feared their morning news telling them that _he_ had been sighted in the next town over. They feared Blood powers from _him_ targeting people they knew. They were afraid that _his_ limitless hatred would never be defeated. The rumors were all so outlandish that some had to be fake. But what if they weren't? Just…what if? Besides, no matter which ones were actually true, the citizens knew that the truth had to be bad. None of the speculation about the Knight was Good.

Ever since that day, the Knight of Blood had withdrawn to the Land of Pulse and Haze. Aides from the wizard claimed he had mentioned it in a direct quote. That made sense. It was indeed easy to imagine Wickedness taking refuge there.

LOPAH was an area that seemed to be straight out of the old age troll nightmares. No one ever went there unless forced to or if they were crazy enough to journey through it on a high-paying quest. It was the closest thing in Oz to the human idea of Hell.

The land was most (in)famous for its trademark ocean of blood. The pool seemed to extend into forever, flowing thick and red through cracks in the stone surface of the ground. Its smell was hot and heavy enough to overwhelm the senses. Breathing while in LOPAH meant tasting smoke and the iron of blood upon your tongue.

Shards of craggy rocks as tall as a man jutted up towards the sky. Looming ruins were scattered across the landscape, sometimes situated halfway out into the ocean of blood as if trying pathetically to cross. Of those, many were long-abandoned bits of castles. Often embedded in their walls would be a throbbing section of what looked like heart muscle, dripping blood into the crimson sea. A gray fog hung over everything. Some described it as attempting to smother the land's scarlet stain. At the horizon line, gray and red mixed together into nothingness while light purple clouds hung like wisps of poison in the sky. Once in a long while it would rain, bloody droplets coming down like tears.

Out of all the Lands of Oz it was one of the least popular. Almost no one lived there. The people were almost relieved when they were told that was where the Knight had gone.

_That's the way with Wicked,_

_Spreading fear where ever he goes,_

_Making sure that no one's left unhurt,_

They encouraged their loved ones to take extra care on long trips. They kept their distance from unsafe places and far-off Lands more likely to be under his control. Mothers scared their children and grubs back inside to dinner by reminding them of who lurked out there in the shadows. The wizard even sent troops out to some towns and cities. The people tried their best to cooperate with them and do their duty as Good citizens. They huddled underneath the wizard's caring wings, trusting in him to protect them against this terror.

Occasionally, news would come. The Knight would have been sighted flying over a town, or destroying a small shop and stealing everything they had. Often the reports spoke of him freeing lusii and running away with them. People whispered that he wanted them for slaves, and that he would practice dreadful sorcery on them until they were almost as vile and mutated as himself.

Again and again they would read about him preaching new slander and heresy throughout the Lands . But the people knew better. They would not be deceived. He would never taint the Goodness in their hearts. Their Heir of Breath had told them so.

One troll made a disgusted face as he clicked on the home page for their family's news service. His kismesis looked over his shoulder with concern in their eyes. The troll shook his head and leaned back to discuss the latest Knight bulletin with them.

_Like some terrible red blizzard,_

_Across the land he flies,_

_Repaying our Good wizard,_

_With his cruelty and lies,_

All of Oz cried out:

_He lies!_

_Save us from the Wicked,_

_Shelter us from being vexed,_

_Warn us all,_

_Before he strikes next,_

_Where will he strike next?  
_

But these were troubled times, and one question lurked always in the backs of their minds.

_Where will he strike…next?_

**Be John. ===+**

"Ready, Gamzee?"

"Motherfucking definitely, my miracle man."

The lights rose. Levitating cameras swiveled over to an elevated stage as their lenses clicked into focus. Spotlights activated to illuminate the platform. On it stood a queenly sea dweller in pink and another troll to the side wearing a purple uniform. Between them both was a man in blue.

In front of the young man was a large crowd of humans and trolls, packed together tightly in the Ruby Cityhub's Main Street. They screamed and clapped as the cameras began to roll, shouting out to him as if he were an interplanetary movie star. The young man smiled at them and spoke into the center stage microphone.

"My Good people," he announced. The Good people responded enthusiastically to their new title. "As tempting as it is to give in to terror, we shall not be terrified. You have proven your courage and loyalty many times over during these arduous hours. For that, the wwizard and all of Oz thanks you dearly. But that's enough of that."

"As you know, today has been decreed a day of celebration! Let's forget our troubles and enjoy a day of Good fun. Plus, we have a very special announcement coming up soon!" John addressed the crowd. " _Oh what a celebration we'll have today…"_

" _Thank Goodness!_ " they cheered back.

" _Let's have a celebration the 'windy' way!_ " said John with a spark of mischief in his eyes. With one flick of a hand he sent a small gust blowing through the front of the gathered crowd. Ladies gasped and clutched their hats to their heads. Children laughed and giggled when it ruffled their carefully-combed hair.

Feferi beamed at the sight. " _Fin-ally a day to be totally Wickedness free,_ " she joined.

_We couldn't be happier,_

_Thank Goodness!  
_

"But thank Goodness for _you_ most of all, John," Feferi said into the microphone. And also for your matesprit, our wonderful High Subjugglator. What a lucky troll he is to have you, and how lucky we are to have you both here with us."

She turned to address the people below. "Ever since becoming Grand Highblood, your officer has been searching for the Wicked one. Highblood, tell us," she asked Gamzee. "How do you find such tireless motivation?"

Gamzee looked surprised, obviously not expecting to be drawn directly into the limelight. He shuffled forward to the microphone. His eyes, now a lush shade of purple, darted around the crowd as stifled one nervous _honk_.

"Uhh, well, I guess it's motherfucking due to my knowing in him not really being so 'Wicked' as talks are-"

" _So_ , Highblood, how does it feel to lead the search?" Feferi interrupted. Her eyes smoldered with warning.

Gamzee balked. "It's all up and being to get to a place in my pump at where it don't motherfucking feel mirthful as all other brothers think it do to be…" he rambled before changing the subject. "But I motherfucking got entrenched in this shit to find him, and I got my attendance on today to tell all yous that-"

"No!" Feferi shrieked happily. "You came to…get engaged!"

Festive music burst from hidden speakers around the main street. A shout of "CONGRATULATIONS!" erupted from the gathered flock. Humans and trolls cheered in delight and waved banners painted with messages. A decent amount brought out noisemakers that, appropriately, honked. They had obviously been in on this.

Finally the meaning of it dawned on Gamzee. He turned away from the microphone to talk to John. "…We're getting married?"

"We are now! It's a mutual-proposal party." John said, bouncing on his heels with excitement. "Are you, uh, surprised?"

"… _Very_ ," Gamzee hissed out the word. He paused to flash another plastic smile back at the crowd. When he turned around again his eyes bore harshly into John.

John avoided a full, obvious wince in front of the cameras but did at least look away in shame. He actually _was_ embarrassed that Gamzee had been practically trapped into this. Hopefully Gamzee would forgive him for it being so sudden. But the wwizard and Empress had suggested it. They said it would be a way to help reassure and unite the people. Such a high-profile troll-human red romance marriage would further strengthen the bond between the two main social groups of Oz.

John…hadn't had much choice in the matter, really. But the idea of having such a bond with Gamzee, aside from the usual troll ways of romance, did appeal to him. And didn't Gamzee want to get married eventually? John had thought Gamzee had seemed alright with the human concept in the past.

"Good!" said John. "I mean, the wwizard and I hoped you'd like it," he said. Maybe Gamzee would get the message that this hadn't been all John's idea.

"I mean, isn't this the best prank ever?" he laughed.

**John: Be happy. ===+**

_We couldn't be happier,_

_Right, 'dear'?  
_

He said as if teasing Gamzee. The people chuckled in appreciation. Always a trickster, their Heir of Breath.

_Couldn't be happier,_

_Right here,  
_

John smiled at the cameras and stepped forward so that he was in the limelight again. Shouts of elation over the wonderful announcement swelled up to wash over him like the tide. He waved to them all, reaching over the guardrail towards a few sections at random. John knew whoever was there would feel like his hand had been meant specifically for them. A wall of eager hands stretched back in shrieking delight. It was like he'd begun handing out high-fives and they'd known nothing but years of bitter high-five famine.

He pointed into the masses as if crediting them personally with the successful proposal. The shouts just never stopped. John laughed and mouthed "thank you" before blowing them all a kiss and continuing:

_Look here we've found,_

_There's love all around,_

_Our very own new beginning,_

_Where we couldn't be happier,_

" _True, Gamzee?_ " John reached out to give the troll a loving touch on the arm. Secretly, he added a small pinch. Gamzee got the message and nodded agreeably. _  
_

The words of gratitude spilled from John's mouth like a waterfall. It was times like this when he could almost imagine himself as an answering-machine, spitting out recorded messages. And the people below just ate it all up.

By now John had been working under the wwizard for almost three years. The two sea dwellers had decided to make him their figurehead, chief celebrity, and idol of adoration in Karkat's place. Apparently the people needed someone to look up to in this war on Wickedness.

He had become fluent in political-speak, that is to say, bullshit. All of the subtle ins-and-outs to social events read like a script for a play inside his head. John knew all of the handwaves and when to use them. He had learned how to nod and laugh properly. Compliments and jokes were a tricky area in politics, but still he had learned them too. He knew ten different ways to smile and could now easily hold one for up to half an hour straight in front of the cameras. John knew how to lie.

He also knew how to keep a friendly sparkle in his eyes. Even when on visits to children who begged him to protect their family from the mean, nasty, Wicked Knight of Blood.

_Couldn't be happier,_

_And we're eager to share,_

_The miracle that we have here,_

_With all of you,  
_

He gestured to his adoring public. A field of joyous faces rippled down below. Humans and trolls of every age stood cramped together. They jostled for a spot just one step closer and swarmed in front of the large magivision screens set up every few blocks. Many waved colored flags. John could see sky blue, indigo-purple, stark white, and the City's favorite shade of ruby. The entire herd was elated at his presence. Their clamors for attention overlapped so much that they just became incomprehensible noise to John's ears.

John ignored the shiver down his spine and gave a delighted laugh. None of them had any idea.

_He couldn't look handsomer,_

_I couldn't feel hopeful-er,_

_We couldn't be happier,  
_

John twittered, bouncing around to Gamzee, the other side, and the microphone in turn.

_Because happy is what happens,_

_When all your dreams come true!  
_

He finished with a flourish. A blue tendril of wind gusted up and formed the shape of a heart at his command. The people roared with applause.

**Feferi: Narrate the past. ===+**

Feferi smiled and gave a few gentle claps. Then she moved forward to take over the mike, smoothly edging John away. He stepped back, surprised, and found himself standing next to Gamzee. The troll reached an arm around his back to hold his waist and smiled. Well then. John guessed that he was supposed to just stand here like this for the cameras while she talked.

"That's right, John," she said without looking at him,. "And you truly do make us happy! I remember back when one of my first jobs as Empress was to inform Oz of what happened that fateful day. Do you all remember?" Feferi asked.

She nodded, pleased, at the horde's affirmative screams. "I whale never forget it!"

_That day you were first called here,_

_By the great wwizard of Oz,_

_And proved to him your Aspect talents—skillfully,_

_He requested you be trained,_

_And decreed you'd hence be named,_

_As "John Eggbert the Good"—o-fish-ially!_

John tried to look proud and just the right amount of modest at choice moments. Feferi was taking the opportunity to remind the people of the "official" story of John's ascent into the wizard's care and tutelage. When she reached a pause he stepped forward to give a small bow. Then he settled back into Gamzee's arms.

But the troll's smile was gone, and John realized with a start that Gamzee had never heard the full-and-complete government version like this before.

"That's not motherfucking right…" Gamzee mumbled.

"No," John whispered back, "But I'll explain everything after."

He reached over to take Gamzee's hand, eliciting a soft "aww" from some of the audience. But really it was to help keep Gamzee calm.

_Then with a vengeful SWEAR,  
_

Feferi shouted at the top of her lungs. People below winced and reached for their ears.

_The Knight of Blood came from the shadows,_

_Where he had been waiting,  
_

She narrowed her eyes.

_—Surreptitiously!  
_

The audience gasped perfectly on cue. John wanted to roll his eyes. How many of them even knew what that word meant?

" _I hear he has a third horn and, from the back of his head it's grown!"_ yelled a woman near the front of the crowd. Her outburst sparked a slew of murmurs among the masses.

_"I've heard his skin is see-through down,"_ added a man's voice. _"To his gnarled heart and blackened bones."_

The murmurs increased in volume as everyone began to turn to their neighbors and express their revulsion. All began to ask, increasingly paranoid, "is it true, is it true, could it be true….?"

From the back someone else called " _I hear his army of lusii, will soon march on us for slaughter!"_

Some people gasped and one screamed. Now everyone was talking, desperate for more news and yet scared to hear more. The horde started to writhe among itself, searching and searching for something comforting, something not so bad, something that they could do, anything…

" _I know his sins can be washed away_ ," spoke a troll woman in a green dress. Her voice was hollow and monotonic. " _With a bucket of water."_

"WHAT?" Gamzee shouted and surged forward.

The mob twisted and turned to find the speaker, but no one seemed to know who had spoken. It didn't matter. Their excited chattering soon filled the air as they discussed and considered this new information. They seemed to be open to it. After all, the Grand Highblood himself had recognized it.

A bucket? Of useless water? Who would have such a thing, or use a pail for that purpose? The humans had changed to less-scandalous containers for cleaning long ago…which made it the perfect weakness to have, since your Achilles heel was hidden away!

And it was fitting in a symbolic sense too. A tool of birth would equal the Knight's death, effectively reversing his existence. It was almost as if they were replacing the mutant slurry he came from with impotent, cleansing water. It would be like washing away a blood stain.

Their excited voices built up and joined together. It must be done! It could be done and it would! People began to seek out people they knew, asking who would be willing to try this trick on the Knight. It was so refreshing to no longer be strictly on the defense. A chant began to rise and fall over their heads: " _Melt him, melt him, please, somebody go and melt him!_ "

**Gamzee: Rage. ===+**

"You all and hearing this in your soundbits?" Gamzee snarled to John. "Water from a motherfucking _bucket_ to kill Karkat? You can't just let them be doing this!"

He stormed past John and down the platform stairs, despite the human's desperate shushes and cautionary hand waves. "These idiots ain't got their understanding on to anything, and they don't want to either," he growled.

Oh no. That didn't sound good. John knew he had to go after Gamzee—the troll was extremely hard to calm down if he was too angry for too long. "Excuse us for a small while!" he called over to Feferi. The Empress looked surprised but did step forward to take command of the microphone. John disappeared down the steps, his blue hood trailing behind him.

The group of people only grew more excited. The Heir and Highblood had walked offstage? They must need to discuss this new information right now! That settled it; this _must_ be important.

"Gamzee, wait!" said John at the bottom of the stairs. "You can't just run away when things start to go wrong."

His matesprit stopped and whipped around. "Well I can't just stand here either, getting my mirth on. NOT UNDER ALL THAT UNRIGHTEOUS NOISE AND HERETICAL HARSHWHIMSY!" Gamzee's voice snapped like a twig, becoming a rough bellow. Then it just as suddenly sank to a chilling whisper. "I'm not motherfucking stupid, you know." Somehow both volumes were equally menacing.

John stopped in his tracks. Fuck, Gamzee was doing the voice thing. Why did he have to do that voice thing? It was the scariest thing John had ever heard, although he'd only experienced it twice before. Experts weren't able to give him a straight answer about that weird quirk. They only recited warnings about things he already knew, like highbloods having more violent tendencies, and some of their lineages being disturbingly prone to insanity.

Then there were also the mysterious traits of Gamzee's particular caste. Originally the highest-blooded landwellers worked as a race of enforcers. The Subjuggulators of old secretly possessed psychic powers over nightmares and fear-manipulation (as well as, to a lesser extent, emotions). This had proved to be an extremely effective way to control the lower bloods and maintain social order according to the troll Empress's command.

But John knew from the many times Gamzee had woken up in a fit that the chucklevoodoos were a double-edged sword.

"You're, um, getting really angry dear…" John said. Geez, even Karkat hadn't been this scary when he got mad.

"Remember what I told you," John said. "Just breathe. Calm down. Focus on the Goodness. That's right," he soothed as Gamzee tried to do as he was told.

John often worried about what the wwizard had been making Gamzee do as head of the Knightsearch. He was certain that Eridan was trying to use the troll's psychic powers for his own schemes. John had noticed that Gamzee was now much more familiar with his abilities. Back in school the troll had acted like he had no clue that he had any latent psychic abilities. The revelation felt like it had been a shock to both of them, John thought. Gamzee would sometimes offer to protect John's dreams (sweet) and once used fear to incapacitate a trouble-maker at the last Cityhub carnival (frightening).

John couldn't help but feel that something within Gamzee was being dug up that should have stayed buried. He knew the troll was more than his ancestral inheritance. But Gamzee had spent so long running from his nature and creating a mask for himself that John feared it would hit him triply hard if the troll ever had to confront it head on.

So John had worked hard to preserve Gamzee the way he was. He had told the troll that Gamzee was stronger than his ancestry, and that his genes did not control him. All Gamzee needed to do was ignore it and not let it become a part of him, because it _wasn't_ a part of him, honestly. There was Good within him, Gamzee just needed to stay with it. Just stick to your real face, John had begged, the one happy like that facepaint—a comedy mask over one of tragedy. That was the troll John had fallen in love with, he had said. Gamzee had smiled and told John that he would try.

It was tough finding a balance between the rage and the mirth. But Gamzee seemed to get a little bit better with each passing sweep. And John hoped that with him by Gamzee's side, he might one day be able to pull him towards Good. Maybe if they were married that would be even easier.

And that was why John didn't like the alternating voices. It was too much like hearing Gamzee's inner struggle out loud, rage and calm both twisted by and into madness.

After a few minutes of bared teeth and fists clenched tight enough to bleed, Gamzee's shoulders finally relaxed.

Whew. He had been able to do it this time. "Easy there," John spoke as he took another step forward. "I don't like how they talk about him either. It makes me angry too," he offered in sympathy.

"Then why. Don't. We. Motherfucking. Stop them?" Gamzee demanded. "All and hit them with a truth pie right in the face?" He _honk_ ed for a sound effect.

"We can't!" John said. He looked back towards the low wall separating them from the crowd. "Not now. I'm here to help make them happy…"

"No. You can't bring on the raucous truth because you motherfucking _like_ this!" Gamzee accused. He barely managed to keep from breaking into the dual-voices again. "Karkat wouldn't let people get to rotting in stupidity just to keep them happy. He wouldn't give a shit about all being at the center of some unfunny popularity contest. Karkat is out there right now in the most secretive of hideplaces, and you're just sitting here and getting a motherfucking smile on for the cameras!

"Well I'm sorry I'm not Karkat!" John shouted. "Maybe I am enjoying being a hero, is that what's wrong here? My job is the most important one given by the wwizard to anybody! I give the people of Oz a breath of fresh air. While I'm here, they have hope. I help to keep everyone from panicking. As long as I'm around they get to feel a little bit safer from someone I once called my friend! And I'll gladly smile my own teeth out if it will lift a single frown from someone else's face. These people need me."

John wasn't able to stop himself in time. He braced for the rant to set Gamzee off again. But John's own fury soon faded. He had expected Gamzee to get angrier after all that. Instead, the troll just looked sad. His eyes were downcast and lost, with a frown dragging down his gray-painted smile.

"Gamzee…" John said. "I know that you miss Karkat. I miss him too. A lot."

Gamzee frowned even more and shifted ever-so-slightly away.

"But we have our own lives to live," John continued. "And we're doing everything that we can. You're doing your best with your job and so am I. Gamzee," he sighed. "I'm starting to think that…if Karkat doesn't want us to find him, then we're not going to. We'll keep trying but…"

He shrugged. "Well, you remember what he's like about things."

A gloomy pause stretched on before Gamzee nodded. " _Honk,"_ he said and came over to meet John. He leaned down to give the human a kiss. "Whatever you say, bro."

Gamzee started to walk away, in the opposite direction of the platform. "Uh, wait!" John called. "What about the um, the wedding announcement?"

The troll stared back. "…Whatever you want, bro," he said at last before continuing on.

**John: Back to your job. ===+**

' _JOHN!_ ' The Empress's voice zapped through his head.

Argh. His time was up. He'd have to talk more with Gamzee later. John turned and rushed back to the stairs, pausing to reassemble his upbeat expression before emerging back into sight.

"Hello," he said sweetly. The spotlights were bright enough to make him squint. Underneath their beams his breath-themed outfit from the wwizard blazed blue as an autumn sky. "Gamzee was just telling me he needed to report back to the wwizard," John explained. "You know, about the many interesting ideas we heard today. Honestly, he's so dedicated…"

John stepped forward towards the microphone and into full view of the masses again. Deep in his heart he felt the automated machine-o-bullshit start to whir to life, bringing empty words to his tongue and a distance to his thoughts. " _That's why…_ "

_I couldn't be happier,_

_True, I couldn't be happier,_

_Though it is, I will say_

_In some tiny way,_

_Unlike what I expected…  
_

John faltered in his speech. His blue eyes looked down from the crowd and lost some of their sparkle. Over to the side, Feferi shifted her grip on her trident. She stared at the back of his neck.

_But I couldn't be happier!_

_Simply couldn't be happier,  
_

John managed a smile and lifted his arms out to the people of Oz. He felt the icy doubt melt away under the warmth of the responding lights and cheers. It receded and collected somewhere as meltwater in the back of his head.

" _Well, not 'simply'"_ Then his arms fell to his sides again.

_Because getting your wish,_

_To come true like this,_

_Is rather complex-icated,_

His eyes grew cloudy, trapping the light they once held like a firefly caught in amber. The people hushed. The Heir of Breath almost seemed troubled. And his words were laced with something like…sadness. Or perhaps even regret.

_There are times you can get con…fused,_

_There just might be some things you…lose,_

His voice hitched on the last word. Then John's voice rose to a shout, as if trying to broadcasting a message across Oz.

_There are choices you chose,_

_You didn't know you'd chosen,_

_'Till you choose,  
_

The people bustled in surprise at what admirable passion their Heir held.

_"And if that joy,"_ John continued. " _That…thrill,"_ he forced out. A shadow drifted across his face again.

_Doesn't make your heart feel fulfilled,  
_

He stopped to collect himself. The people all held their breath. But in a moment John was back, with that old familiar smile, practiced to perfection. " _Still…"_

_With this cheerful wherewithal,_

_This love, and all of you,_

_Whooooo wouldn't be happier?_

_So,_

_I couldn't be happier,_

_Because happy is what happens,_

_When all your dreams come true,_

He spoke as if it were a math formula—this plus that equal perfect happiness. As if it was only that simple. He _must_ be full of joy right now, as a result of his situation. There was no other choice.

As the people roared their approval, John let his grin slip for a second. He whispered to himself, " _Well, isn't it?_ "

He had to be happy for them. They expected it. Needed it.

So he gestured out to them with even more vigor than before and tried his best to bring them joy.

_'Happy' is what happens,_

_When your dreams,_

_Come true,_

_Thank Goodness!  
_

" _We love you John, if you'd please let us say,"_ the crowd resounded." _For all this joy we know who to thank today: Thank Goodness!"_

_"Because the wizard,"_

_"And our Heir!"_

_"And Gamzee too,"_ added John. There were a few shrieks of excitement and longing from below.

_They couldn't be Goodlier,_

_He couldn't be better-er_

_We couldn't be luckier,  
_

_"I couldn't be happier,"_ John lied through his teeth before them.

_Thank Goodness,_

_Today!  
_

_Thank Goodness for today!_

 


	13. Thief of Light

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I curse February for having 28 days and not 30. :/ This would have been up on time otherwise.

**Be Vriska. ===+**

"Uh, Miss Serket, may I leave?"

"Wait!" said a troll woman. She stood in front of a full-length mirror. A strand of hair was twirled between the mechanical fingers of her left hand. She frowned, her lips colored with blue lipstick.

"I've told you before, Tavros. Only _I_ get to dismiss you. Honestly, what's the deal? Geez, always bugging and fussing and stammering. A girl could almost think you didn't _like_ being her personal aide."

Tavros chose to answer with silence. He stood tall, dressed in a black short-sleeved shirt with padded shoulders and upturned sleeves. The Taurus symbol graced its front. His pants were striped with small tufts of lusus fur as a tribute to his psychic powers.

"Besides, we're not finished yet," Vriska said and turned back to the gold-framed mirror. "I still need to choose a dress for the upcoming Carnival. I need to make an impression on those highbloods in order to keep Lowblood Hills on their not-so-shit list. And guess who's going to be my date?" she giggled.

Tavros glanced over to a large calendar displayed on the far wall. "Aren't there any other important things that need to get done, Miss? You know, uh, instead of going to a party? Maybe I should stay um, so that people won't take the chance to, criticize you in a false and demeaning way…"

"It's not a party!" Vriska replied. "And you're tooootally coming. I bet the Carnival will be great, and you'll even get to enjoy it with me. Maybe you'll even have fun for about two seconds! That should bring some light back to your gloomy moods. Make sure to thank me later for being such a generous and thoughtful boss- Oh!"

Vriska's clothes blurred as her wardrobifier activated. Suddenly she was dressed in a simple white gown instead of her work clothes. On the straps was a pair of small blue wings.

"Oh my, how did _that_ get onto the settings list?" Vriska said in mock surprise. "Stupid wardrobifier malfunction. Hey wait, I remember this dress! I wore it over a sweep ago for a school dance. You had just asked me out for the first time ever. Oh Tavros, do you remember me from back then?"

"Well, my dear 'pupa'…" Vriska tossed her hair over one shoulder and glided a step towards him. "Since it's here now, how do you think I look?"

The surprise faded from Tavros's face, replaced by a strained look of approval. "You um, look very…uh, actually, I don't think it matters, because you're not planning to wear that to the dance, or party, or, Carnival of a party-like nature anyway. It wouldn't suit the occasion or, be very proper at all really. And that's exactly what you didn't want so I guess I, don't understand why you're asking me about it..."

Vriska's fanged smile fell.

Tavros backed up a few steps towards the door. "If that's all, well, then I should probably go assist the Cavalreapers, I think…"

"No you shouldn't. You're not even a Cavalreaper, dummy!" Vriska snapped. "I removed your name from the conscription list sweeps ago, and you know that. But you're still playing pretend and trying to get involved in other things when you should really be perfectly happy and safe with me. What about your legs, Tavros?" He winced as she pointed at his metal limbs.

"Remember that time when you jumped off a cliff trying to do some insane stunt? If I hadn't gotten those done from an old friend you'd be delivering my files in a four-wheeled-device. Instead, they jumpstarted your life and now you're better than ever! Only a really ungrateful person would risk that gift by meddling in daaaangerous activities. What if something happened to you?" she cooed. "You're not strong or courageous enough to keep yourself safe."

"You didn't even ask if I _wanted_ my legs 'replaced'… And I didn't jump for you," he muttered. "It was your idea but, in reality I was, not wanting to jump at all…"

"I can hear you mumbling! You're so terrible at whispering." Vriska said. "And oh please. It's like I've told you before: I'm always looking to help people and show compassion, Tavros. And aren't you lucky to have a matesprit like me? Honestly, no one else even comes close to pitying you like I do. Right, Tavros?"

"Besides, we've got to stick together." Vriska brought her robotic hand up to her patched-over left glasses lens. "The two of us. Pupa pan and the fairy, page and thief, animals and minds, wires and _serkets_ , legs and arms…you and me. It's like we were hatched for each other."

She waited for him to answer.

"Yes, Marquise," He bowed. "Whatever you say. Do you, need me for anything else at all?"

"Well, I…no." Vriska looked disappointed. "This dress was all I…wanted your opinion on. I guess that means your job is done. For now."

Tavros gave another bow and started towards the door.

"Tavros!" Vriska called. "Seriously, just call me Vriska. There's no need for titles between matesprits. Silly."

"Yes, Marquise."

Vriska was left on her own to watch the doors swing shut behind her aide. She decided to let him go without an order to return soon, for once. Maybe it would be better to let Tavros roam around as he wished for a while. He could have fun with whatever bullshit activities pulled him away so often. Stupid. Why didn't he see that the happiest moments of his life would be spent right here, by her side? That was how matesprits were supposed to be, dammit!

Vriska picked angrily at a loose thread from her outfit. She had even dug up this old thing again, hoping that it would remind Tavros of what they used to have. But even after pulling out all the stops, he still didn't seem to like her half as much as she liked him. She had given him new legs and a better life. He was in high social standing for one of his blood color thanks to her.

But no matter what she went through to keep Tavros close, he never seemed to be truly happy.

Vriska realized that she had been staring at herself in the mirror this whole time. "What are you looking at?" she snapped. Vriska walked off to a blue armchair sitting by her desk. She sat down in it with a huff.

And that's when the back wall spoke.

**Karkat: Enter. ===+**

"I see that the light only gets more radiant-"

Vriska shrieked at the sound and whipped around. A cloaked figure leaned against the far wall, only a step away from her transportalizer.

"…while blood just runs redder." It was a troll, staring out from the shadows beneath a dark gray hood. Around his neck was a cancer-sign necklace. His eyes were a rich scarlet and underscored by deep lines. But Vriska knew that voice. And those horns, those two rounded horns that were not a shade lighter than ruby, and even now no taller than her middle finger…

The troll swept back his hood and stepped into the light. He held up both hands to show he was unarmed. "Oh, sorry. Did I scare you, Vriska?" said Karkat. "I can't imagine why." His words still carried the dry snap of sarcasm.

"Kar… _you_ ," Vriska said. She stood from her chair, keeping poised and ready to run or fight. One of her hands gripped an armrest. Her face was a mix of fear and spite as she took in her brother's appearance.

Karkat had changed over the years. At some point he had begun to embrace his moniker as the Knight of Blood. When he replaced his traveling cloak into his sylladex, it uncovered a dark brown cape around his shoulders. The collar area was fringed in a square pattern to emulate his title. Red stitching had been added to his outfit, namely the horn holes—either for repair or intimidation, Vriska couldn't tell. He wore a simple long-sleeved shirt and pants in ruddy brown. His shoes were the color of pavement. Slashed across his shirtfront was the dripping red symbol for Blood.

Vriska began to hate the twofold feelings stirring within her. This troll almost seemed like a stranger. And yet she recognized his scowl, his sullen character, even his hairstyle. Had Karkat always had those bags under his eyes? Maybe he had, and she only noticed after a three year break from seeing his face. But had she started to forget his expression too? It was now hardened, as if bitterness had become beaten into him over the course of time.

"How are you, brother?" she asked, knowing full well what his answer would be. "It's been a long time. Really, I'm surprised you decided to show up. I would have thought that the constant searches and murderous enemies would keep you away. You should have found a nice hole out in the western lands and stayed there to die already," Vriska snarled.

Karkat brushed her words aside as if they were feathers and not barbs. "Shut the fuck up, Vriska. I am very much alive and I intend to stay that way."

"Oh really? I guess life in LOPAH is treating you well then. Must be nice to finally find somewhere you belong. It suits you—after all it _is_ the ugliest part of Oz that nobody else likes. I bet every day there feels like a paradise."

Karkat growled. "I hate that place more than anybody ever has and will in the history of all alternative apeshit universes. The crags and pathetic attempts at architecture make me want to vomit uncontrollably. Its pungent reek is second only to myself."

"I have become the native fauna's Crab Lord of Eternal Angst Supreme," he continued. "They pay annual tribute to me with asshole pageants and pissing contests, all of which I have won. The dense fog looks like how I always feel. The blood ocean taunts me from both without and within my mutated walking carcass. I can only imagine that Fate or destiny or whatever miserable shitting puppeteer exists had a grand time laughing its bulge off when writing that down in their little book of predetermined woe. My punishment is the most suitable in the history of history. The amount of cares I give anymore has been eroded to jackfuck zilch."

Vriska gave a tired sigh. "Nevermind. You haven't changed at all, Karkat. So what in Goodness's name _are_ you doing here?"

"There's no place like home, sister."

He must have seen the disbelieving scowl on her face. "Alright, alright," Karkat said. "Fuck. I just thought I'd take inventory of all of my possible options. It's been a while and I need to know who I can still count on. My reserve of choices, as you may know, is always hovering somewhere between hell-no and bumfuck nil.

"And…and I was worried, okay? I wondered what the wwizard had done to the people who knew me. I thought you might have been punished or forced to hate me. But it looks like I shouldn't have bothered." Karkat looked around the room. "You seem to be doing quite well here."

"Yes, thank you for noticing. I've been having a very successful life without you. Now get out-"

"Wait," said Karkat. "How is everyone else? I mean like, shit, I kind of know what John's been doing because his face is all over the human electrical idiot boxes. But what about, I don't know, our classmates? Tavros and Kanaya, your two old quadrants? And…and our father. How is Jegus?"

"Our ancestor is dead," Vriska spat. "The laughsassins were sent for him. It happened soon after your literal flight of fancy."

"They chained him to a flogging jut, in horrible bracelets in the shape of your sign," she sniffed. "Who knows how long they tortured him? He followed the path of our mother, killed as retribution for 'brooding failure'. There was no… _tribute_ we could give the highbloods to save him from your sins. It's almost as if you killed him yourself."

She let the words drop from her lips and spread like poison through the air. Vriska looked away, keeping her expression bereaved. From the corner of her one eye, she snuck a glance at Karkat.

He looked thunderstruck. The desperation had been shot right out of him, replaced with a sunken hollowness behind his face. Karkat stared at a spot on the floor as if it just crushed his whole world with a whisper.

"Now I'm the mayor of Lowblood Hills. The Marquise _,_ actually," Vriska stated with pride. "That's my title as an adult. I think they call you 'monster'."

"They should!" Karkat yelled. He took a few breaths before he looking up again. "No. It doesn't matter what they call me anymore. This is…great. One less thing to worry about. One less obstacle in my way. And now one less person who has to endure this feculent shithole of a world."

"That's a Wicked thing to say."

"But it's true," Karkat replied as he stepped towards her. "And it's okay. Because now it's just you and me, Vriska. We're all that we've got left. Between the two of us everything can be set right again. Besides, we've got to stick together."

"I can't support a criminal, I work for the government! And I'd never help you, Karkat. Never! Do you know why?"

Vriska continued. "Because you never tried to help me! Once you got those bogus magic wings you were up, up and away. I was left here on the ground, minus one brother and plus a whole shitload of new problems. For one and a half sweeps you've been chasing after _animals_ of all things and acting like you flipped your permanent lid. Did you ever think to use your powers to help me, Karkat? Someone that you could actually do Good for? No."

 

_All of my life I've relied upon you,_

_How d'you think I liked that?_

_All of my life I've relied upon you,_

_And this dumb arm to pick up the slack,_

_I had to convince them to look past my scars,_

_And then into my heart,_

_Perhaps_

"Vriska, the Aspects aren't the answer to every problem," Karkat tried to convince her. "It's mysterious and volatile. And don't even get me started on the dangers. Trust me, it's too damn…"

Vriska turned her back to him. She actually crossed her arms, gave a little "hmph" and faced away. His own goddamn sister.

Karkat's insides began to boil. "Fine," he muttered. "You want it that bad, you've got it. Believe me when I say you weren't being ignored." He withdrew a large book for his sylladex. "The only thing I'm guilty of excluding you from is a first-class ticket to misery."

**Karkat: Do the magic thing. ===+**

He started to chant.

"…What's that?" Vriska asked. She looked over her shoulder and then turned all the way back around. "What are you doing? What does that even mean?"

"Karkat I order you to tell me what spell you-" She stopped when she spotted a flash of color. Karkat had set the book down on the floor and was now leaning over it to concentrate. Arcane words danced off his lips. But that was wasn't what shocked her. Peeking over Karkat's shoulders were two wingtips, colored a bright scarlet.

Vriska was distracted just long enough for Karkat to finish the spell.

Power exploded from the Daunting Text and rippled through the room like a shockwave. Vriska gasped and raised her arms in defense. She waited to get a face full of red glitter or maybe for her ears to melt off. But nothing happened.

At least, not to her.

After one more second there was an earsplitting crash behind her. Vriska and Karkat looked to see her wardrobe shaking violently. The sorcery that had expanded in a ring from the book now collapsed back around the dresser as if inhaled by a great pair of lungs. It seeped through the dresser's walls. Green and white sparks lashed around the wardrobe like tiny lightning bolts. For a second the wardrobe seemed to be gone, its outline filled with a green void. Yellow tendrils streaked across the break in spacetime before the object phased back into reality. Dizzying flashes of colors could be seen pulsing through cracks in its surface.

Finally it burst open with a bang so powerful that one of the doors was thrown off its hinges.

Half of the other one crumbled away. The broken door creaked in agony and swung slightly, as if inviting them to look inside.

Karkat got up and walked over to the wardrobe. He poked his head beyond the doors and rummaged around. Vriska watched uneasily. Soon Karkat withdrew, thankfully still in one piece. In his hands was a pair of shoes.

Karkat brought the shoes back over to Vriska and set them down. "Try these," he said. His face was grim.

"Of course you made them red," she grumbled while slipping off her own heels.

"I thought you liked red shoes."

The moment both shoes were on her feet, a shiver ran through Vriska. A tingle spread from her ankles all the way up to the top of her head and down her arms. She rubbed the fingers of her right hand together to get rid of it. But the feeling didn't go away. Instead it seemed to collect in her fingertips, filling up inside of them like a tube of water. And now it was starting to heat up.

Vriska let out a noise and waved her hand around. Now the feeling was in her other arm too. But that was impossible. It was a metal prosthetic!

The Aspect magic was definitely building up. She could feel it spreading through her body. Vriska rubbed at her arms and stomped her feet. "Karkat!"

Pain suddenly jolted through her culled eye and Vriska screamed. She clutched at it with her mechanical left hand. She hadn't felt anything from there in ten sweeps! "What did you do to me? WHAT DID YOU DO?"

Karkat was swearing and saying things to her but she couldn't hear. Was it panic blocking her ears or the magic? She didn't know and she couldn't tell. Her arms were burning and her left eye was searing through her skull and the shoes were like fire on her feet and it felt like something was going to _burst_ -

Vriska gave one final scream and pulled her arm away from her face. _Clank._ Something heavy dropped onto the floor and clattered to a stop. The trolls stared down at the object. It was a rectangular piece of metal.

 _Plink. Plonk._ More scraps fell, some attached to wires or springs. One even came skewered by a screw. It was Vriska's arm. She watched with an expression of horror and awe as the metal slowly fell apart. It broke away in chunks, dragging down entire sections of machinery at a time.

Karkat braced for Vriska to yell at him for destroying her expensive and super-advanced robotic arm. But then he noticed why she was so captivated. With each _clunk,_ with each part that fell, a bit of smooth gray skin was revealed.

Eventually all of the metal lay in a scattered heap on the floor. In its place was a new, whole arm. Vriska reached over and softly touched it with her right hand. She shuddered when her brain received the forgotten signals. She twisted and rotated the arm around. It worked just like her other one. No, even better.

Vriska gingerly wiggled her new fingers. They moved stiffly at first, like a doll's. Then their motions became smoother, stretching and sighing with every memory of their purpose. Vriska brought her hand up to her face and brushed each finger over the eye patch on her glasses lens. She took hold of the frame and popped off the patch. She blinked in the light, a triumphant grin already beginning to spread across her face. Her vision eightfold had been restored.

" _Oh Vriska,"_ Karkat said in astonishment. " _I'm so glad."_

 

_You've gotten what you always should,_

_Have had and from this sorcery,_

_Something Good  
_

" _Finally, something Good,_ " he whispered.

Vriska raised her fingers—now identical—to the base of her horns. "Tavros, _"_ She said out loud, activating her mind control powers as well. "Tavros, come here now!"

"Wait, Vriska!"

"Tavroooos, you've got to see this! It's a miracle. "

"Vriska, stop doing whatever stupid thing it is that you're stupidly doing! Don't call somebody here, are you certifiably insane? We'll both be killed!"

**Tavros: Enter. ===+**

"Give me the shoes!" Karkat yelled.

"What? No way! Tavros is going to see me at my best."

"They are an item fuck-full of the most powerful Aspect magic, Vriska. A juju isn't something for you to show off. It's dangerous. Look at what happened to your eye and arm!"

"Yes! Isn't it glorious?"

"No, you moronic bilgeheap, take them off and give them to me before someone-"

The door swung open.

Karkat froze as a familiar-looking troll entered. He had large horns shaped like a bull's. His black hair was buzzed into three portions. His face bore the vacant, slightly-melancholic look of one under Vriska's mind-control.

As soon as his mind was released, the troll's blank expression faded and was replaced with one of fury. "You!"

"You!" Karkat echoed. He recognized the troll from schoolfeeding. What was Tavros doing here? And why was he working under Vriska? Karkat thought the two of them would have broken up by now.

"Don't move!" Tavros ordered. "If that's what, you were planning…" He activated his strife specibus and withdrew a fearsome jousting lance.

Adrenaline pulsed through Karkat's body at the unexpected threat. Karkat cursed his luck, himself, and all the Wicked forces in the universe. Couldn't he make one simple visit without ending up on the wrong end of a weapon? For once he hadn't even been trying to make trouble.

"Tavros, it's just me," Karkat said. He kept his voice calm. The other troll didn't stand a chance against him, not with the powers at Karkat's command. But he didn't want to risk scaring Tavros by doing anything. "Well shit I mean, I know who _I am_ to you now _,_ but… Fuck, I'm not here to hurt anyone, especially not my sister. Or you."

"But you will!" said Tavros. He gave no indication of lowering his lance. "That's what always happens, to me or to someone else! We're always getting pushed around and stepped on, or insulted by people like you and others who act so high-and-mighty. But of course you wouldn't' know that, since you haven't been around!"

"Why didn't you try to help us lowbloods when you left, huh? Did you think that being outside the hemospectrum means you're above us? If you weren't such a _freak_ then you would be in the same position as me, Karkat—shoved into the dirt. You don't even know, or seem to care really, about what she's done," he said jabbing his free hand at Vriska. "In fact I think, that you're both the Wickedest things to happen to Oz, ever."

"What?" Vriska sounded confused. "Tavros, I-"

"Bluh, bluh," Tavros interrupted. He swung his lance in her direction. "Huge bitch!"

Karkat saw his sister's expression twist with hurt. He understood. He couldn't remember Tavros ever acting this way. What had happened to him over the years?

"Tavros, what the almighty fuck are you talking about?"

"Oh, nothing. Nothing important." The other troll's voice trembled. "Only my _entire life_."

"Or what terrible piece of shit counted as one, at least," he added. "Your sister is ruining this land with her egotistic schemes. It's just like what she did to me, although, to a large area and not one person! She is a horrible, abusive leader, I believe. I can't count all of the times that she's claimed to be doing something 'for our own Good' and managed to excuse the damages by saying it was making us 'stronger and better'. But her little…'improvements' are for her own interests, not ours."

"It's not true!" Vriska cried. "Believe me Karkat, he's lying. Everything that I've done, I've done for the people."

"No, all that you've done is-" Tavros stopped. He looked at Vriska for a second longer. The stubborn light in his eyes dimmed to a flicker. "Wait, is there something uh, different about you?"

Vriska smiled. "Yes, look!" She held out her new left arm and pointed at her eye with her other hand. "You see, Tavros? None of the stuff you said matters anymore. I'm a new troll. And together we can overcome anything."

The tip of Tavros' lance lowered. "Did…Karkat do that to you?"

"That's right." Vriska looked positively thrilled. Karkat shrunk under the other troll's stare.

"That's um, amazing…" Tavros appeared to be thinking of something else beyond them and the present moment. He took a second to consider whatever it was. Then he finally deposited his weapon away, to Karkat's relief. "Well then um, Vriska? Can I ask you something?" He moved a few steps closer.

Vriska's eyes gleamed with delight. "Of course!"

Tavros fidgeted and wouldn't look straight at her. "I guess this is a bit sudden, well no, really sudden but…I never had the chance to say anything to you about it before, and now might be the best um, time…"

**Tavros: Confess to Vriska. ===+**

 

_Vriska?  
_

_"Yes?"_

 

_Uh, Vriska,_

_I think now you won't need me so much,_

_And you'll be fine,_

_If I leave here tonight,_

"…Leave?" Her smile slid away.

Tavros nodded happily. _  
_

_There's a party being thrown,_

_Since now John has been betrothed,_

_Him and Gamzee,  
_

"John," said Vriska. The name rang out from her lips like a dull bell being rung, or an earthshattering drop of a pin. It sounded like she suddenly understood everything. "Is that what you've been…enamored with all this time?"

Off to the side Karkat was glad neither saw the gobsmacked expression on his face. Gamzee? It had been so long since he heard that troll's name from someone else. Karkat's mind began to whirl. Gamzee…and John engaged? No, it couldn't be! Karkat knew there had been a big gathering in the Ruby Cityhub earlier today. But he had missed it in order to come visit Vriska.

 _"Yes Vriska, I-_ Oh wait." Tavros scoffed. "John? No. I am 'so over' that guy, as the old saying goes. And I have been for the longest time, just about. Not that you'd notice or anything with how you go on about us being 'destined' for each other, and such."

"But I'll be able to talk to John, probably. He'll remember me from school. Although, maybe with my correct name I hope. And _this_ ," he pointed at Karkat. "This is great. Your hiding places have never been found, and now you show up right here in the Mayor's Hive…"

He grinned. "It's the perfect evidence. I can report both your appearance _and_ Vriska's tyranny, at the same time. I wonder what they'll think of that. Two siblings, working together in secret to destroy Oz."

"…What are you saying?" Vriska all but whispered.

Tavros bounced once on his heels. "I think," he said with pride. "The bottom line of that, is, that I don't want to be your matesprit anymore…so I'm not going to be."

 

_I've got to go warn all of them,_

_Say how I found you here with him,_

"Oh don't try to stop me," Tavros had drawn his lance again in a flash. "I think you'd uh, have to hurt me pretty bad for that to happen. And then you'd need to explain to everyone how the Marquise's personal aide came to suffer such…injuries. Maybe Karkat can run instead, but I think people will still believe me. There's an awful lot of pixie dust here, from your wings, for one. And everyone lower than a greenblood would be happy, in fact they, couldn't be happier really, to have me as their hero-"

"No!" Vriska interrupted. Karkat had never seen his sister so…despondent. "You can't just run away from me like this!"

"Oh, but I can," smirked Tavros. "You forgot about _my_ secret weapon. Behold, the self-esteems!"

"Sorry, Vriska. But only a little bit." He sniggered. "It's a real pity. I'm uh, crying peanut-butter tears over here. Sob, sob."

"It is a pity," Vriska's words cut like ice. "A pity about your traitorous heart!"

**Vriska: Manipul8. ===+**

This time she only needed one hand to complete the psychic-amplification pose. The regeneration of her vision eightfold must have given her a boost.

Tavros' eyes rolled back as Vriska's communing powers took him over. The troll's shoulders fell slack. He couldn't even give a scream in defiance. She forced his fingers open and made him drop the lance.

" _I won't stand here and let us fall apart_ ," she yelled.

"Vriska, let him go!" Karkat reached for her arm, only to be slapped away.

" _You're going to be flushed for me, I tell you. If you won't even try, then I'll just…_ "

Her gaze slid over to Karkat. He had one second to feel absolute dread before her claws seized his mind. " _I'll just have to-"_ ' _MAGIC-MAKE YOU',_ the last words echoed inside Karkat's mind.

To his horror, Karkat saw himself kneel down to the book. He reached out and started turning pages, stiff as a doll. She was leaving him conscious for this, Karkat realized. There must be something from him that she needed- Oh no.

Vriska moved his fingers clumsily. Many times a page nearly ripped under her direction. Karkat would have told her to stop if he could move his mouth. She was linked into his thoughts now, reviewing the information swimming through his mind with each new page. Vriska rejected them one by one. She commanded him to search harder and search more, for something else, something better…

When Vriska finally chose a page through him Karkat wished he could scream. It was in the section of the most powerful spells. They were too arcane and dangerous for even him to dare try. But Vriska ignored the warnings in his thoughts. All she cared about was the illustration of a heart at the top of the page. She pushed even more, despite his insistence that it was a _diagram,_ not a description, dammit!

Karkat felt Vriska's triumph like a half-remembered dream. She commanded him to read the words. His mouth and tongue awoke and moved to her orders. But it immediately went wrong.

Vriska struggled between accessing his Aspect abilities and keeping full control of Karkat. The result was her, through him, stumbling over words like they were logs. Karkat heard himself slipping off-rhythm and even _stuttering_ , Goodness help them! Trying to fight against Vriska just made everything worse. All he could do was hang on through this living nightmare.

He shouted inside the prison of his own brain, ' _NO NO FUCK YOU'RE MAKING ME PRONOUNCE IT WRONG VRISKA FUCK NO FUCK FUCK IT'S DANGEROUS VRISKA NO'_

Tavros screamed before Karkat even finished the last line.

Karkat felt Vriska's powers release him. It was like a dense white fog had lifted, leaving him light-headed and with a distant feeling of violation.

"What's happening, Tavros?" Vriska asked.

She must have released Tavros, too. He was bent over in pain and leaning heavily on the desk. "My heart…" he gasped. "Something feels…wrong. Y-you did something to it, didn't you? What-"

A spasm cut him off. Tavros braced himself with both arms on the desk now. It looked like he was trying to take all of the weight off his feet. "And my legs feel…invisible."

"Karkat," Vriska shouted. "Karkat, help him!"

Karkat came out of his daze and rushed to his feet. "I can't stop it. It's impossible to reverse a finished spell, Vriska. Why didn't you just listen to me?"

Tavros tried to take a step and stumbled. He struggled to push himself back up. But before he could get up all the way, he lost his balance and fell backwards. The blue armchair was waiting right behind him.

"If you hadn't used that book in the first place, or if you hadn't turned Wicked, then this wouldn't have happened," shrieked Vriska. "This is all your fault, Karkat! It's all your fault!"

"Shut the fuck up!" Karkat was already hurrying over to Tavros's side. "I'll see what I can find to counter it. Maybe I can negate or convert the effect so that it won't… so that he'll be fine. Just stay over there and don't, try, anything."

He withdrew his travelling cloak and draped it over one side of the chair to create a canopy. Tavros groaned beneath it. For the third time too many, Karkat consulted the Daunting Text.

Vriska stood rooted in place and didn't, try, anything. All of the high-strung emotions had worked themselves out of her body and left behind a shivering, numb troll. She spent the next few moments in shock, too frightened to look away. But then when Karkat reached up to touch Tavros's head…

Vriska shut her eyes and turned aside. Her hands folded together at her waist as she tried to keep them from shaking. From under her breath came a muttered prayer:

 

_Save him,_

_Karkat save him,_

_My strong, my sweet, my brave him,_

_While he is here,_

_My whole life seems so bright  
_

When Vriska opened her eyes again she noticed a flash of movement. It was herself in the wardrobe's looking glass. She was still wearing her fairy dress. The red shoes glinted on her feet.

Vriska checked behind her. Karkat was starting another horrible chant. Quietly, she moved away to stand in front of the dresser. Her healed eye stared back at her like an ocular asterisk. For the first time she could see how her new arm looked on her body.

She had been expecting herself to seem impressive. A cripple rejuvenated! She was a living, walking miracle. It was enough to make her a figure of legend. But it didn't really look all that special. And she certainly didn't feel like a Marquise.

 

_My irons in the fire,_

_With the girl in the mirror,_

_Just her and I,_

Vriska spoke softly to herself.

Her clothes blurred as she activated her wardrobifier. All at once the white dress was replaced with an orange tunic. Pants of a similar color appeared underneath. At her chest was a golden sun—the symbol of her Aspect. Her hair tumbled over a tangerine-colored hood, from which two long streamers reached down to her feet. Only the red shoes remained the same.

The strength of her emotions activated Vriska's magic. It swirled off her skin and flowed behind her, spreading and looping almost into the shape of blue wings.

 

_The Wicked Thief of Light!_

Her eyes were no longer empty. Now they burned.

Vriska whipped out a handful of dice—a blue octet, full of Aspect-related power. Her favorite treasure. She hurled them at the mirror and felt a rush of pleasure when it cracked. It shattered like a spiderweb across her face.

" _We deserve each other,_ " she whispered into silence. Karkat had stopped chanting.

**Karkat: Exit. ===+**

Vriska looked to see Karkat putting away the spell book. He stood up and came out from behind the chair. Tavros was still.

Vriska rushed over to meet him. "How…how is he?" _And what happened to his heart?_ She thought.

"Alive." Karkat's expression reminded her of the broken mirror. "It was the best I could do."

He pushed past her and drew up his hood. "I'm getting out of here. There's still lusii in the Ruby Cityhub that need to be freed. The wwizard captured them because of me and now refuses to let them go. I may not be able to save everyone, like you or Tavros or the lowbloods, but I can at least accomplish this one small thing. Goodbye, sister."

"You're not going there for some stupid _animals_. You're going because that's where Gamzee is!" Vriska called after him. "It's too late, Karkat. Latey-late-late. Too late to find him. Too late to save _them_. And much too late to pretend you're still Good."

"Karkat," she held back a sob. "Don't leave me!"

Karkat stopped in his tracks. Vriska's face gained a shaky smile when he turned to face her. "I'm your sister," she begged. She reached out to him with the arm he had created. "Do you remember me?"

Finally Karkat felt he saw Vriska for what she truly was. In her sorrowful smile, in her teary eyes, every calculated move she made, he found a glimpse into her soul. Before him was a desperate creature. She was lonely and afraid that the only way people could ever love her was if she made them do it. His sister was beautiful in the way that a spider was—deadly and confident while weaving her webs. Yes, she was pitiful. But in a twisted, misguided way.

"Vriska," he said and took her hand. For a moment her mood lifted. She thought she had won. "I gave you all of the kindnesses, all of them. All that I could." He pointed to her left eye. "But it wasn't enough for you. And it wasn't what you wanted. I don't think even you know what it is that you truly want. Let me know if anything is ever, ever enough, Vriska."

Karkat let go and walked away. He headed to the transportalizer while whispering one last line: "I should never have come." He bit his lip to keep from saying " _I'm sorry_ ".

"Karkat? Brother, wait! Wait damn you, wait!" But Vriska's shouts could no longer reach him.

**Tavros: Wake. ===+**

A groan came from the armchair.

"Tavros?" she asked.

"Argh…where am I? Who…Vriska?" A mound shifted underneath Karkat's cloak. "Uh, what happened to me?"

"Nothing!" Vriska yelped. She tried to check her appearance in the mirror but the cracks distorted her too much. She settled for simply brushing back her hair. "You, um, just got dizzy and had to sit down. It was quite rude of you actually. But since I'm such a great person I'll tooootally understand." Vriska smiled sweetly. "After all, you were in the middle of telling me something really important."

"I was?" Tavros said. He shoved the cover aside and rose stiffly from the chair. His steps thudded against the carpet.

"Yes, dummy. I believe it went something like, 'Uh, um, dear beautiful Vriska, I think you may have stolen my…HEART?!'" The word became a scream.

Metal had spread all over Tavros's body. It covered every inch of him now, not just his legs. The clothes he wore were now made of plated sheets. His eyes glowed like headlights, and were no longer orange but a textured umber glass. His arms were segmented and creaked at the joints. From smooth to bolted to riveted, there was no trace left of Tavros's former body. His face, his horns, even his _hair_ had turned a shiny gray like tin. The transformation was so complete that Vriska wondered if he was operating off of a robotic brain.

Vriska screamed again in horror. It was like the metal from her arm had transferred to Tavros and taken him over.

Tavros looked down at himself. It took a moment until a shudder rattled his frame. He brought one hand up to touch the sign on his chest. Vriska heard the soft _clink_ of steel on steel. Tavros' mouth shifted and his face morphed to form an expression of pure horror.

He let out an ear-piercing robotic wail and ran from the room as best he could. He moved like a prisoner bound by chains, but one that knew he could no longer stay in the nightmare that was this room. Behind him Vriska's shouts went unheard as she called, again, for someone to come back to her.

"I didn't do it, Tavros! It was Karkat! I tried to stop him, I swear. It was Karkaaaaaaaat!"


	14. Wwonderful

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The wizard’s little speech about “is one a traitor or liberator” and “we act like [there’s no such thing as moral ambiguity]” is such a good part, I feel. There’s a lot of truth to it.

**Karkat: Execute Operation Regisurp. ===+**

He had never wanted to see this place again. But here he was, in the heart of the wwizard's scam-tropolis, staring at an assload of buttons.

Karkat checked around the room for the umpteenth time. He was always on alert for enemies, cautious as a shyturtle. It had surely saved his life more than once. But nothing had changed behind him. The room was dark, cold, and deserted—and thankfully so. Karkat didn't think he could stomach seeing the familiar history books, fake experiments, and drawers full of battle plans.

He stood in front of the most recent addition to the wwizard's domicile. Right underneath the weapons displays was a gray structure that reached all the way across the wall. It looked like a giant control panel. Endless buttons and levers covered its surface, neighbored by switches. Screens flickered next to them and up on extendible panels. The largest one was at the center and showed a digital map of Oz. It was marked with dots of varying sizes colored blue through red. There were at least four countdowns slowly ticking through their numbers.

This was what Karkat had been searching for. Indeed, this hivveblock was the literal control room of Oz. There had to be something hidden here that would unlock the lusii cages. Maybe even all of the cages throughout Oz, if that were possible. He couldn't miss this opportunity. Karkat knew they were waiting for him, imprisoned somewhere else in this palace of doom. Pity that the switch wasn't conveniently labeled.

Karkat stared at the array of buttons for a few seconds longer. Then he raised his sickle. Ah, fuck everything. He could just try them all. He wanted to cause some chaos anyway-

**W E L C O M E  B A C K, M U T A N T.**

A booming voice startled him. Karkat whirled around to find who had spoken. He wasted no time by scolding himself for getting caught. The only useful action now would be to concentrate for when the guards came. But there was no shrieking alarm or shouts to alert others. Only the activation of a few spotlights from overhead.

The lights cast their beams onto the figure in front of Karkat. It was the giant green skull from before.

With a shudder and mechanical whirr of motors, the head activated. But something was different. There was no fog or disorienting light show to accompany it. No eerie noises played into Karkat's auricular sponge clots. It just sat there—an immense, evil, fake skull. But its eyes were unnerving as ever.

The head shook as a power surge ran through its frame. The horrible eyes glowed bright as its jaw began to open. The great fanged maw swung at the hinge while the rest of its cranium tilted back. Inside of the skull's mouth was the barrel of a laser, surging with flashes of every color.

Karkat was already crouched down to face it. He gritted his teeth and prepared to summon the Aspect of Blood to his defense…

When suddenly there came a fumbling and crackling from the hidden surround-sound speakers. "Wwait. Wwait one fuckin' second, Kar. I mean you no harm."

Distaste deepened Karkat's scowl. It was _him_. Just the shitwad he wanted to see. What was that madtroll blathering about now?

"Oh, but you _have_ harmed me." Karkat didn't take his eyes off the laser head for a moment. "And it looks like you're about to do so again right now."

The response was more muffled noises from the sound system. Silence followed, leaving Karkat to imagine the loudspeakers being turned off. Soon the laser retracted. The giant head began to lower back down, its mouth closing over the gun barrel. The maddening eyes dimmed and slowly faded to black.

Eridan appeared out from the side just as Karkat knew he would.

The sweeps had changed him, too. His shirt was covered with a top styled like a general's uniform. He still wore a cape, but the neckpiece now flared out in spikes behind his head. The new decorations created an intimidating silhouette. His scarf was gone for the moment. Overall he was wearing more purple than last time, as if in a show of personal pride and status.

"Don't move," Karkat said. Those were the same orders Tavros had given him, he realized. "I'm going to rescue those lusii, and not even a genocidal maniac like you can stop me."

"It's alright, yeesh, calm dowwn Kar. No reason to rush or to fret. I'm not gonna call any a the guards on you. An no wweapons, look. Not evven a single stinkin' magic wwand," Eridan wiggled his fingers to show that they were empty.

"There's no one here but us, either. See for yourself," he offered. Karkat took the chance to glance around the room. He still wasn't backing down.

He stabbed forward with his sickle when Eridan made a move. The sea dweller immediately put up his hands and backed away. "Okay, okay! I wwas just gettin' closer so that wwe could talk. You'vve got to givve me some trust here, Kar."

Slowly, Karkat nodded and allowed him to approach. However, he stopped Eridan before the other troll got too close.

Eridan relaxed his arms back down by his sides. "I'm so glad to see you again. Your exit last time wwas so…abrupt that wwe nevver really got to talk. It's a crotchblisterin' shame, really. A lot a this might havve been avvoided if wwe had just gotten to knoww each other a little better."

"It gets pretty lonely around here sometimes. Y'knoww, wwith bein' so high-an-mighty an all. Not many people can actually come vvisit me. I'm too important to see just anyone. Plus, I'm usually busy wworkin' on my awwesome projects. Still, it's not alwways fun at the top. No one there to be a pal. There's Fef, but she's alwways got some excuse…"

"Anywway, I'vve been thinkin' a lot about you, Kar." Karkat ignored the shiver that ran down his spine at those words. "About howw maybe you're the only one that can really understand me. I mean, you're amazin', incredible, an powwerful too! You an I both knoww howw it feels, wwantin' to take charge a the wworld. Maybe you're wwhat I'vve actually needed all along. Really, I think wwe could be superb, eh, companions."

Was Eridan…hitting on him? Oh God, that almost sounded pale!

"It's true though, isn't it? Don't you feel the same, Kar?" Eridan's expression became sympathetic. "You're lonely too. I knoww it."

Karkat shook his sickle at the other troll. "I am _nothing_ like you. Don't spew shit out of that droolhole you call a mouth without giving it a fucking quality check first."

"I can't explain it exactly," Eridan mused. "It seems like wwe're connected in some wway, wwouldn't you agree? Sort of…in a cosmic sense. Like our bond a destiny is so strong that it must be wwritten in the stars themselvves."

Written in the stars? _Bond of destiny?_ Karkat resisted the urge to turn skyward and execute a stellar impression of a vomit volcano. "You don't know anything," he huffed.

"Oh, but I do," Eridan replied. "I knoww your greatest hope, Karkat. It's for all this madness to stop. You don't really wwant to fight anymore. An you're tired a runnin', tired a bein' hated an mistreated. Aren't you startin' to get tired a hidin', too? After standin' up for yourself an others so many times, it must be gettin' awwful temptin' to sit dowwn."

"You'vve been terribly, terribly strong, Kar," he said. "But for far too long. Wwhat if noww someone wwanted to take care a you? Wwhat if you could set dowwn your sicklekind and evveryone could just forget about all that's happened? Howw does that sound?"

Karkat's face spoke that it sounded like bullshit. But then he sagged, as if finally feeling the weight on his shoulders. "It sounds…wonderful," he admitted. "Don't you think I wish that were possible? If I were a Maid of Time, I'd be damn tempted to try turning back the clock. I wouldn't do it to take revenge or change anything about myself. I'd just…want to make everyone forget."

"There was a time, Eridan, when I actually believed that you were Good. I thought you had powers that were strong enough to solve anything. I saw you as my savior and my goal. Thoughts of meeting you were sometimes the only thing that kept me going. I looked up to you and spent my whole life chasing after an illusion. The ' _wonderful Wizard of Oz'_ ," Karkat snorted.

His face fell. "You were my hero. No one believed in you like I did."

"Oh, Kar." Eridan spoke softly, as if the troll in front of him was made of glass. "That's wwhy evveryone comes to see me. So that I can grant their deepest wwish as the wwizard."

**Eridan: Narrate the past. ===+**

_I nevver asked for this,_

_No pretence or prepense,_

_I wwas merely brought here,_

_By a cascade of evvents,_

_I nevver thought myself,_

_As troll Caesar or Caligula,_

_I confess, Kar, I wwas,_

_One a those…nothin'-special,_

_Avverage-life fellahs,_

Eridan flumphed his cape in dissatisfaction. He pouted. If this was his life story it certainly wasn't something he regarded fondly. Karkat wondered how much of his words were true, given the sea dweller's penchant for theatrics.

But as Eridan continued, a light came to his eyes.

_Then suddenly I'm here,_

_Respected, adored evven,_

_All because the Ozians,_

_Just lacked somethin' to believve in,  
_

Karkat's breath caught in his throat. Something had just fallen into place.

"Wait. There were others before? People who knew you before you became the wwizard? That must have been centuries ago! Are you talking about…Ancestors?"

The other troll nodded. "Yes, I suppose that's correct. Adult trolls, elevven a them. They wwere a rainboww of bloodcolors, an all had signs in the same zodiac as mine. I think they might havve taken that as a prophecy or somethin'. One a them in particular supported me. He pretty much jabbered on about 'triggers' and 'spacetime-traveler-shaming' until they all had to givve in to wwhat I wwanted."

"There wwere humans too, although not as many. Twwo wwith wwhite hair an twwo wwith black. I had nevver seen beings like them before. Fuckin' aliens. That glubbin' Doc Scratch…" he muttered.

Oh. Could that be the "Scratch" thing he had talked about? Eridan mumbled some more about "those infernal First Guardians", which seemed to be some breed of super-powerful lusii, and other things Karkat did not understand.

"Were any of them like me?" Karkat asked. "Any of the trolls?"

"Oh no, none at all," came the reply. "Wwell none like you as in wwhat's up wwith your skin. The troll that I mentioned did havve rather short horns though. You knoww, the chatty one? Insufferable prick. He nevver shut up about things that nobody cared about, like acceptance."

Eridan smiled. "I'vve only been reminded a it once so far. He wwas a little bit like the prevvious mayor a Lowwblood Hills. Wwhoops, I mean _deceased_ mayor."

Karkat reeled. "One of my Ancestors was responsible for making you 'Wizard'?"

"They used their best judgment, Kar. I wwas simply givven a…opportunity."

Eridan expression became wistful.

_Does it surprise you I got hooked,_

_An all a that?_

_Wwhat could I do,_

  
_Heart an brain gone askeww,  
_ _Cast out here by…a Scratch?_

" _Wwonderful_ ," he sighed.

_They called me wwonderful,_

_So I thought, 'Wwonderful…"_

_'I am indeed'_

A cocky smile lifted the corners of his mouth. Eridan swept back his cape and gave a bow.

_Promised them wwonderful,_

_An they said-_

He clapped wildly. " _Wwonderful!"_

_Hear all a my wwords an take heed,_

_'Cause it feels wwonderful,_

_To think I'm wwonderful,_

_Hey, look wwho's wwonderful,_

_This fuckin' fish!  
_

There was a spring in Eridan's step. He puffed with pride from the feelings and events in his past. He pranced about the room, traveling through his memories. It was a traipse like none other. _  
_

_Wwho here decided then,_

_To build a towwn a red?_

_An a wwonderful road a_

_Golden bricks  
_

"See, back wwhere I came from wwe didn't really havve anythin' like 'family'," explained Eridan. "So I just wwanted to givve Oz evverythin' that I could, like one a their 'father'-things."

"You mean you lied to them."

"Only to their faces."

"Everything you are is just a dungpile of smoke and mirrors!" Karkat pointed to the skull in disgust. "And that's the truth."

" _The truth is not a thing of fact or reason,"_ Eridan twisted around in the middle of a strut to point back at him. " _The truth is just wwhat evveryone agrees on_. Truly there is no truthfully true form of truth…an that's the truth!"

"Besides, if a lie becomes so _popular_ and is believved in enough, I daresay that makes it slightly less fake. Wwouldn't you agree?" he continued. "Oh Kar, don't be like that. I only said wwhat they wwere all thinkin'. Soon, you'll realize that the wworld is built on lies. The only vvariance is wwhich ones people choose to think of as real. Hope is a funny thing like that."

"Besides, there is one great lie that evveryone swwallowws. I'vve found it's the same both here an wwhere I came from. It's part of wwho wwe are. They evven offer schoolfeedin' degrees for studyin' it."

He smirked. "It's called history." _  
_

Eridan gestured to Karkat,

_A troll's called a traitor,_

_Or liberator,_

_A rich girl's a thief,_

_Or opportunist,_

_Is one Subjugglator,_

_Or faithful commander?_

Karkat had to resist flinching. Those questions hit uncomfortably close to home.

 _"It's only decided by wwhat side that wwe insist."_ Eridan leaned in towards Karkat as if about to share a great secret.

_There are precious feww alright,_

_Wwith morals not just black an wwhite,_

_So wwe act like they just don't exist!_

He punctuated his words with great sweeps of his hands, as if slashing something to ribbons. Then he bounced on his heels and took off on another solo parade.

_They call me "Wwonderful",_  
  
 _So I_ am _wwonderful!_

_In fact it's so much wwho I am,_

_It's almost my name,_

_An wwith my help,_

_You can be the same_

He spoke as if it was a formula—like the path to popularity and beyond was just a matter of logical steps. And it was really starting to piss Karkat off.

Once Karkat stopped rolling his eyes he found Eridan standing in front of him. Karkat jumped back out of instinct. But the sea dweller only extended a hand towards him.

_At long long last get the rewward,_

_Wwhich you'vve longed for,_

_Karkat,_

_The path to their affection,_

_Is by seekin' redemption,_

_There'll be such a wwhoop-dee-doo,_

_A powwwwoww throughout Oz,_

_That's all to do,_

_Wwith you!  
_

Karkat couldn't believe it. He stared transfixed at Eridan's hand as if expecting it to disappear. There was no way he would offer…after all of…right now?

"Kar, it's hard, isn't it?"

"What?"

"Bein' an adult, and all growwn up. It's hard and nobody understands."

From the look in Karkat's eyes, Eridan knew that the troll agreed.

**Eridan: Convvince Karkat. ===+**

" _Wwonderful,"_ Eridan claimed. " _They'll call you wwonderful."_

 _"That does sound wonderful,"_ Karkat admitted.

His words sent Eridan into a literal spin. " _Trust me, it's grand!"_

_Wwhen you are wwonderful,  
_

_"They'll see I'm wonderful!"_

_Yes! Wwonderful, wwonderful…  
_

_"One!"_ said Eridan. He took Karkat's hand. " _Twwo! An…"_

Karkat found himself pulled into a dance. They trotted around the room, spinning and swaying to the rhythm of their own feet. It was a hop, skip and a jump between two frien-emies. The wwizard had them promenade left. Then they stepped right and moved backwards in a zigzag pattern. The lights spun before Karkat's eyes as he was led on a wwretched wwaltz. For just a moment, he was back in the Ozdust Dancehall.

While they danced, Eridan skillfully lifted the sickle out of Karkat's hands. But that didn't matter because suddenly Karkat was also awhirl in thoughts and feelings from the past. Karkat remembered everything he had hoped for—all the days spent trying and all the nights spent worrying. He had thought that he had thrown it all away during his momentous escape from this very room. But he had been wrong.

"Wait!" Karkat wrenched himself from the wwizard's control. Eridan faltered as their dance came to a stop. " _I'll accept your proposition-"_

" _Wwonderful."_

" _On one condition."_ He glared at Eridan as if daring him to say no.

"…Wwell?"

" _You set the lusii free."_ He added, _"_ All of them."

Eridan was quiet. Slowly, he stepped away. He tiptoed back across the room towards the control panel. He stayed facing Karkat the whole time. " _…Done,"_ Eridan said and pulled a lever.

**Lusii: Ride. ===+**

At once the sound of cages clanging open rang through the room. The noise screeched like the awakening of a thousand thrice-damned hellbeasts. Karkat's heart sunk with each second that the noise continued. How many of those cages did the wwizard _have_?

The chutes above them opened and out came a menagerie of lusii. They flew and crawled out of the pipe, some even having Gecko-like toe pads to walk away across the metallic walls. Still more came from below. They rushed in a flurry of pads, paws, and hooves out from behind the mechanical wall used as backing for the head, as if being chased out by an unknown force.

Every kind of lusii was there—felines, horses, birds, mythbeasts, humanimals, flapping and running and hopping and slithering all in one mad dash. The noise was incredible. Shrieks and calls from a multitude of different creatures tore through the air. There was hissing, wailing, braying, growling, and one occasional warbling cry that rang out louder than all the others. But none of them spoke recognizable words. They had all been silenced. Lusii of every known blood color and species came towards the trolls in a flood.

Dozens passed Karkat a time. There must have been over a hundred escaping. "Yes!" he cried and waved his arms to direct them. "Go, go! Run, lusii! You're free! That way, fuck. You're free!" They fled past him as fleeting white shapes, like a flock of ghosts. Eridan picked up the ends of his cape and shrank away from any that got near.

"All of you, go! Be free!" Karkat cheered as the tail end(s) of the stampede ran past. Once the hoofbeats faded, a soft _clunk-_ ing sound reached his ears. It came from behind the large pipeline connected to the skull. A gray form was stumbling on the opposite side. It kept bumping into the post, hissing in frustration as it tried in vain to pass through.

"Hey, you," Karkat strode over to help. "Quit fucking around and follow the rest! Here, let me guide you under-"

Eridan's strangled cry of "No!" came too late.

The lusus stepped into view and Karkat felt his feet become rooted to the ground. His eyes grew wide with horror. His red hand trembled as it held the lusus' white claw.

"Professor Sebastian? No…Crabdad?" Pain and disbelief colored his words. "You were here all along? When…how…what did he do to you?"

Sebastian said nothing.

"Answer me!" Karkat demanded. "I know you can, dammit!" No matter what he said, the lusus did not speak. There was an empty look in Sebastian's four eyes. They were now dull and gray. A spark in them had been lost.

"Wwell, wwe had to stop him from speakin' out…" Eridan huffed and crossed his arms. He scowled like a child whose favorite toy had just been snatched away.

"Crabdad, what happened? Don't be frightened of me. It's just Karkat. Don't you remember, Crabdad?"

Slowly, so slowly, Sebastian's head swung around to look at him. The lusus let out a soft hiss.

"I don't understand that," Karkat pleaded. "You have to speak, Crabdad, please. Speak…"

Sebastian gave another rattling hiss, accompanied by a click of claws. He looked away again. His blank stare focused on nothing. After a few moments he shook himself from Karkat's grip and rose with a screech. The lusus started to walk away, following the vanished herd.

It was nothing beyond what a regular, dumb animal would do. Karkat could not bring himself to walk the lusus out. He watched as his Crabdad shuffled off through the curtains.

**Karkat: Hero Mode. ===+**

Dark fury began to gather around Karkat. Sorcery flowed in an aura around him, pulsing with rage. He swept back his cape to reveal the wings on his back. Crimson lightning sparked around his skin and clothes.

"I…am nothing like you," Karkat seethed. "And I never fucking will be. There is not a single shitstaining thing in any alternate reality that we have in common. I will never believe in or help a vile, assfaced fuck of a fake like you. AND I WILL FIGHT YOU UNTIL THE RECKONING SHITS DOWN ITS METEORS FROM HEAVEN, WHEN ALL YOUR ASSFUCK ANGELS BECOME FUCKING DEMONS, AND BEYOND UNTIL THE DAY THAT I _DIE_!"

His roar ripped through the room as a Vast Expletive. Aspect force shook the very ground at his feet. It overturned every table, blasting aside each desk. Bookshelves were yanked off the walls and did manic cartwheels before splintering themselves into smithereens. Scientific equipment was hurled into the air. Tendrils of power caught the pieces and crushed them to the ground against every surface. The air became a storm of thrashing papers and objects.

Eridan had already run for cover.

 **G U A R D S** , bellowed the terrible head. **G U A R D S!**

****

**Gamzee: GUARD. ===+**

With surprising swiftness, a platoon of trolls bust through the door. All of them held weapons. "Halt!" They ordered when they caught sight of Karkat.

Karkat turned to face them and withdrew the Clawsickle from his strife specibus. It would have to do in place of the colorful Homes Smell You Later. He concentrated, channeling the anger-fueled Aspect powers around him. He let some flow to his wings so that they became larger. Yeah, that's right. Let them all know just who the fuck they were dealing with.

Karkat glared at the squad before him. They must be one of the wwizard's elite forces—subjuggulators maybe, by the looks of them. All of them strong highbloods, none a shade below indigo. They wielded a variety of weapons. Each one was surely an expert warrior, able to kill a troll in at least a dozen different ways with their chosen specibi. And at the head of them was-

"Are you hurt, your motherfucking Ozness?"

It was Gamzee.

His horns had grown a bit and his hair was even longer and wilder. But he still wore the same gray-and-white face paint. One of Gamzee's hands held a club at the ready. The other gripped the handle of a certain Warhammer. Such tools were a jarring improvement from the Deuce Clubs Karkat had seen him use sweeps ago.

But that was nothing compared to the sight of him in official uniform. Who had let Gamzee be a combat leader? The troll could barely remember his plans for the day, let alone command others. In addition, every stitch of his clothing was in some shade of purple. It was a hemoclass display even worse than Eridan's. Karkat wondered if Gamzee had chosen that or if it had been forced onto him. He hoped for the latter.

"Gamzee!" said Karkat. He wasn't quite sure why, but under his breath he added "Thank Goodness."

It was a relief to see recognition dawn across the other troll's face. Gamzee _honk_ ed in surprise. "It's a miracle…" he said softly.

"Yes, Gamzee, thank Oz. I thought I'd never-"

"SILENCE, MUTANT." Gamzee brought his weapons up to an aggressive stance. His eyes locked on Karkat with a blazing stare.

Karkat faltered, taken aback by the outburst. Had even Gamzee turned on him, brainwashed by the false messiah of a wizard? Karkat almost started to panic. But something made him stop. Though Gamzee's stance was strong, there was a twinge of another emotion hidden in his expression.

The tensity between them was broken by the arrival of another guard.

"Lusii! Hundreds of them!" he gasped at the door. Glares shot his way from all of the others.

"I mean…" he gulped under the pressure of Gamzee's stare. "Some shellfish lusii are crabwalking away, sir. Heh heh."

There was a resounding silence. The mood was too serious for any facepalm combos.

"I see," said Gamzee. "ENLIGHTENING NEWS, MY PUNCHLINE-HEADED BROTHER. But that's not being any motherfucking kinds of important. LISTEN THE MOTHERFUCK UP MOTHERFUCKERS. I all and order you to…" His gaze came back to Karkat. "Get water. MOTHERFUCKING TONS OF THAT HOLY BAPTISM-JUICE. All of you go and deliver it at me."

His soldiers shifted in their shoes. "Water, sir?" one asked.

"HAVE EACH ALL YOU GOT SHIT CAUGHT IN YOUR AURAL DUCTS? Now, motherfuckers. HAVEN'T YOU HEARD THE WICKED RUMORS WHAT'S BEEN SOUNDING? Get all the judgment elixir each of you can get your carry on for."

They still looked uncertain, but dutifully saluted the Grand Highblood. "Yes, sir." The trolls slunk out of the room like a pack of disappointed hyenas.

Karkat was almost as confused as them. There was no reason to buy time this way. Even Gamzee probably knew that the "melting" rumor was nonsense of the highest degree. But instead of taking this opportunity, he had sent his allies away. Why not just kill Karkat where he stood?

"Gamzee-"

"I SAID BE MOTHERFUCKING QUIET," Gamzee yelled again. He held them both in silence for a few moments. His club was raised as if mimicking a finger signaling "shhh".

A muffled voice came from the sideline. "Wwhat are you doin'?"

Disgust pricked Karkat's heart. Eridan, that coward. But before he could move or speak, Gamzee had already started to walk over.

His resolute advance would have been enough to intimidate the Empress herself. Soon he reached the giant green skull. With a movement too quick for Karkat to follow, Gamzee smashed the side of its face with his club.

The impact was powerful enough to leave a matriorb-sized dent and cause a sound like that of a large gong being struck. The skull now had a dimple on one of its cheeks. It trembled back and forth like a bobble head.

Eridan ran out from behind the curtain. He was immediately caught by Gamzee. Gamzee dragged the troll over to Karkat, despite Eridan's shouts of "No, no!"

"Shut up," Gamzee growled. "NOT ONE MOTHERFUCKING SOUND. Not a single squeal. OR ELSE SOME MOTHERFUCKER'S SEA-SALTY HEAD WILL BE GETTING ITS SING ON TO LULLABIES AT HIS OWN NECKSTUB, YOU HEAR? And we'll be being to tell at everyone the truth. THE MOTHERFUCKING TRUTH, MOTHERFUCKER. About all the shit what you claim to be miracles. THAT ARE ALL REALLY GETTING AT NOTHING BUT MAKING YOU A FALSE MESSIAH. Motherfuckin' mess-a-lies. HAHAHAHAHA."

He _honk_ ed once quietly, then once loudly. Eridan looked paralyzed with fear in his grip.

The glee faded from Gamzee's face as he turned to Karkat. A pulse of dread ran down the red troll's spine.

"Karkat, I'll up and get my motherfucking search on for that lusus of yours. YOU CAN DO TO KEEP YOUR TRUSTBISCUIT WITH ME, MOTHERFUCKER. But you gotta scram out of here. FLY THE MOTHERFUCK AWAY ON THOSE DELIRIOUS FLAPMAKERS."

Karkat clutched his Clawsickle tight. "Gamzee, you scared me. Fuck. I thought you had changed."

Gamzee frowned. "A lot of things have…motherfucking changed." Karkat had never seen him go so long without a true smile.

**John: Enter. ===+**

"What's happening? I thought I heard…"

Karkat and Gamzee jumped at the voice. It was John. None of the guards had come back into the room with him. The young man stood at the door in a handsome blue outfit. A ridiculously long hood trailed behind him. His eyes were wide with surprise.

"Karkat? Oh my Goodness." John rushed over. "Thank god you're alive!" Karkat leaned backwards with the force of his best friend's hug.

"What are you doing here? You shouldn't have come back," John warned. "It's too dangerous. Someone could discover-ate you-"

 _"Honk."_ Gamzee laid one hand on John's shoulder. "John, you should go the motherfuck back. Hurry to bring your mirthful whimsy to the souls what need it."

"Gamzee, what in Oz's name…Oh my God!" John exclaimed as he saw the wwizard in his grip.

"John, _fuck_ ," Gamzee sounded pained. "Forget about this blasphemous motherfucker. Get your go on out of here. You'll up and do fine without me," he all but whispered the last words.

"Mr. Wwizard, no disrespect-ation is intend-ified," John apologized. "This is…oh gosh, it's a long story. You see we all went to the same school-"

"John," Gamzee snapped.

"What?" John snapped back. "What the hell is going on here, Gamzee? Karkat is back, the wwizard looks like he's been arrested, and now you want me to go play celebrity? Just what do you think you're doing?"

Gamzee sighed. He let go of Eridan's collar. "I'm leaving."

John froze. "What?" he asked again.

"I'm motherfucking going with Karkat."

"You're…going so that you can protect him better?"

Conflict played across Gamzee's face. "Yes…but, motherfucking no. I'm all wanting to go. I want to be with him."

Gradually, John's confusion gave way to cold understanding. "You mean…the flower at the fast-train station. All of the times you were so depressed over Karkat's absence. The reason you believed he was still alive. I thought…"

His voice started to get tight. "I can't believe it." He blinked to fight back tears. "How could you both, I mean, the two of you…"

"No, John," Gamzee said. "It wasn't motherfucking like what you're thinking on. I never got my see on to our best bro until today. But I up and realized something, maybe right now or maybe a motherfucking while ago."

He could barely meet John's eyes. "I can't be going against what my heart's telling at me. I still…motherfuck John, I still got the best of blessings for you, brother. But some feelings all got to changing in the most sudden of ways, and before I motherfucking knew it I was doing all like to be torn in motherfucking two."

"I couldn't find a way to tell you because I never got much understanding on to it myself," Gamzee explained. "Things got so motherfucking confused all around and up in my pump. But I never wanted to hurt my miraculous brother. I never wanted to do hurt at anybody."

"I-" His gaze flicked to Karkat. "We-"

The expression on John's face told Gamzee that he shouldn't say anything more. "We…should go," Gamzee said. He turned to leave, taking a stunned Karkat by the arm. "Come on, I got my know on to what way to take."

They left, hand in hand.

**Be John. ===+**

"Fine then!" John shouted long after they had disappeared. "Go! Goodbye to both of you! You deserve each other."

He turned away, eyes stinging with tears. Feelings of betrayal and anger were tearing his insides apart. How could this have happened? Gamzee…Gamzee and Karkat. And himself. And love. Oh God, he was so _hurt_.

"Here," came a voice. It was Eridan. He was hunched over a few steps away, as if he had been trying to sneak to the door. A violet bottle was in his hands. Gently, he offered it to John. "Havve a swig a this. My owwn bottled miracle."

He may as well have stabbed a knife into John's heart. "No, thank you," John snapped.

There was a commotion from the doorway.

"Is it reel-ly true?!" Feferi laughed as she paraded in. "The Knight has fin-ally been sunk? How EXCITING!"

Behind her came the guards. They were carrying an absolutely preposterous amount of water. Some carried a handle from one container from around their neck. There was even one dangling off of a guard's horn. They looked around in confusion for their commander.

"I'm afraid not, Fef," said Eridan. He tucked the potion away and straightened up. "In fact, quite the opposite. Our Grand Highblood made sure a that."

Her victorious grin flipped into a frown. "You mean he's not been carp-tured? John, what was your matesprit-"

"He's not my matesprit!" John shouted. He looked away. "Not anymore."

"Noww wwhat?" Eridan tossed up his hands in exasperation. "The Knight'll nevver come back here again. Howw the fuck are wwe supposed to catch him—the _both_ a them actually—seein' howw wwell he lost us last time?"

"Stop blubbering!" Feferi snarled. She looked furious that they had been foiled. "We'll shrimply have to change our tactics. A different net might be able to catch the crab and our dear clownfish. But how-"

"His sister."

John's quiet voice broke through their conversation.

"What?" said Feferi. "Did you say somefin, John?"

"He has a sister, Vriska, remember?" John's eyes were hardened with grief. "Your net is useless without any bait. If Kar…if the Knight thinks that she's in danger he'll fly to help her. I know he will. Spread a rumor or something. Make the people believe it. You're wonderful at doing that."

"Now I think I should go," he swallowed tears. "Excuse me, please. I have a small headache…" _In my heart_ , John thought. Or would that mean it was actually a heartache?

He ran from the room and was finally free to sob.

_There's a troll I know,_

_He loves him so,_

_I'm not…that troll_

**Eridan and Feferi: Bait. ===+**

Eridan nodded after John left. "Yes," he said. "Excellent idea."

"He'll never believe a rumor," said Feferi. She had taken the chance to shoo away the guards. Now the two royals were alone. "Karkat won't fall for words alone."

"Oh. Yes. A course, Fef, just wwhat I wwas thinkin'." Eridan agreed. "Too smart an too cautious. Too experienced at this game."

Feferi smiled. She held up a hand. On one of her fingers was a golden ring. Fuchsia-colored Aspect-magic began to swirl around her. "Then," said Feferi. "Let's add some truth to that 'rumor'."

Eridan shrank back as fiery red tendrils burst from the ring. They cracked the very air itself, spreading like a disease. The endless tentacles stretched up and outwards, reaching for something to destroy.

"After all, you can't escape the Red Miles."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> …Alright I admit it. Eridan’s wwavvy accent made this song a hoot to write. :D
> 
> For those of you confused, Eridan’s timeline goes like this: Cronus (changed name/identity after the Scratch) --> Dualscar in appearance (with the Disciple) --> Eridan (although for this chapter he gained a Dualscar-like outfit as a symbol of strength). He never changed ages from kid-to adult-to kid again or anything; he just grew into a different personality. Eridan has always been at adult age in this series, from way before Karkat first saw him.


	15. As Long As You're Mine

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Time to release 4 years of romantic tension. :D;

_Kiss me too fiercely,_

_Hold me too tight,_

_Say I’m not imagine-_

_-ing you here tonight_

**Be the other boy. ===+**

He was not the other boy. He was the troll. He was the troll that Gamzee loved. At least, that’s what Karkat thought.

_Snap. Snap._

Karkat watched as Gamzee broke off the more decorative parts of his uniform. Golden tassels, studs, and epaulets fell to the ground beneath his feet. Even his purple-and-black striped oversleeves were tossed away.

Lastly, Gamzee removed the jacket of his military uniform. “Never got my like on to that bitching garb anyway,” he grunted. “All kinds of motherfucking uncomfortable.”

Karkat said nothing. He couldn’t shake a weird feeling from his emotionsack as the other troll kicked dirt over the remnants of his past life. It felt almost like Gamzee was declaring that now he could never, no, _would_ never go back.

“John,” Karkat murmured. He looked back in the direction of the Cityhub but found himself unable to trace the path they had taken. The tree cover was too thick. Darkness lay over these woods like a curtain, wafting through the space between branches. At least that made it the perfect hiding place. For now.

“What the fuck, Gamzee?” He snapped. “What did you do? Now John thinks that you’ve run off, and the wwizard believes you’re a traitor, too! And then all of that brainless gunk that spilled out of your squawkblister, like-” Karkat hesitated.

“Like what you said about me and, and _things_ you realized, and some shit about your heart speaking. You said that… things had changed. And that you wanted to be with me.”

“ _Hmph_.” Karkat snorted. “You can’t possibly feel that way. But still,” he checked behind them again. “This is way too high on the treachery-scale for just a simple trick to help me escape. You’ve gone too far and been too brash. The wwizard will be after you now, too. Even you must have known that, Gamzee.”

“So why _did_ you do…everything?” Karkat asked.

_My wildest visions,_

_Could not foresee,_

_Right here beside you,_

_With you loving me,_

Gamzee sighed in relief. “Motherfucking finally.”

“Are you even listening to me, douchesniff?” If that fucking lackadaisical moron had been too busy playing captain-ignoramus-of-the-idiot-league to hear him…

“Karkat-” Gamzee held up his arms as if to embrace him, but Karkat shrunk away.

“…I’m sorry, bro.” Gamzee said, downcast. “It’s just…now it’s just us two again. Like how it should always have been from the start. I get to finally be saying what I’ve wanted to all along.”

After a pause, Karkat put away his sickle. “Well?” he asked. “What is it you want to tell me?”

“That I’m motherfucking flushed-”

His words sent sparks flying down the fringes of Karkat’s thinkstem.

“After all this time, and everything that’s happened…” Karkat knew he sounded angry. But on the inside he was a spaztic jumble of excitement. This was starting to feel like a dream come true.

“I was always meaning to say so, brother, but I just didn’t know!” Gamzee tried to calm him. “I didn’t have much know on about how to say it or to who, and then you left and I had missed the ‘when’. I up and promised myself I’d make us motherfucking square as soon as I motherfucking could, whenever I’d see you again.”

“Then there was John to think of too, Karkat. I still got my honest like on to our windy brother. Got all of my thankful mirth for the hearts what he showed me. But I all up and discovered too late that I was feeling at you something a bit ways different.”

Gamzee really did look guilty as a scolded human child, Karkat thought.

“But I think I got that all sorted out now,” continued Gamzee. “This feels…right. All of this being-with-you shit. In these last few motherfucking minutes I’ve been all at feeling better than any time in the last sweep and a half. I mean, it’s still horrible-like up in my consciencebag, but somehow it’s all settling down Good at me, you know? I can’t be saying the same for…for what’s been fucking the haps through most of this timewhile.”

“Karkat,” Gamzee frowned. “You were right, man. You were all sorts of motherfucking correct proper about other people, this dreadsorry clown, and the wwizard.”

“I…well of course I was,” said Karkat. Why did Gamzee look so troubled? “Nobody else would fucking listen to me. But how did you discover that for yourself?”

Something else shifted in Gamzee’s gaze. “It was all a lie, brother. A motherfucking faithchump’s what I was. Until I got the idea that you put in my pan to sit there. That this paradise planet around us is the worst fucking joke ever played on a faith-happy posse of believers. And the miracles—sitting on the wwizard’s shelves and chugging away on scienstiff desks—are fake!” He seemed to be struggling a little with the volume of his voice. “Pure motherfucking fiction. False, fakey-fraudy con jobs from two unfunny royal charlatan bullshit artists!”

“All of those deafening orders I put up with, and what I put in for them…” A snarl further twisted Gamzee’s face. “That didn’t feel right, Karkat. Just didn’t feel like me. But I all and did to figure that maybe I just didn’t know what ‘me’ really felt like, so I may as well trust others on that noise.”

The dying softness in Gamzee’s eyes reached out to Karkat for…forgiveness? Compassion?  “I couldn’t do to be all Good as John was wanting me to, no matter how hard I fought against the rage. So I made a change to something I _could_ be.”

His words sent a chill through Karkat’s body. “I motherfucking found something, Karkat. Between the screaming of myself as you knew, myself as a motherfucking highblood, myself as how others saw I should be, and myself what I thought I wanted to be. It was tearing me apart, brother, and through the cracks something else stepped in.”

“It spoke to me of the secret hellmirth and riddles while these hearstubs were all ordered open by the holy white light itself. Said I needed to wake the fuck up. So I reached deep down and got at where all the real harshwhimsies were hiding inside me. In the angriest of way I found up my dark ancestral chucklevoodoos within. Stared that motherfucker right in the painted face and absorbified some of his Wicked abilities up and into myself.”

A burst of _honk_ ing came from his mouth. The noises began to vacillate more and more, fluctuating loud to soft and back.

**Gamzee: HONK. Honk. HOOOONK. Hoooonk. ===+**

His voice finally broke. “I GOT MY FULL ON EMBRACING TO MY MOTHERFUCKING ANCESTRY.”

Gamzee _honk_ ed again once, as quiet as that shout had been loud. “MY SANCTIMONIOUS CALLING,” he yelled.

“My blood,” he whispered.

Karkat almost thought he saw Gamzee’s eyes gleam red.

“Uh,” Karkat said. This was almost starting to feel like a nightmare instead. “Gamzee, what’s wrong? You’re really weirding me out. More than normal…”

A wave of fear curdled his insides as Gamzee’s face split into a manic smile. “NEVER MOTHERFUCKING BETTER, BROTHER. You see. YOU MOTHERFUCKING SEE. Shit was motherfucking poison, didn’t you know?”

“I’M TALKING ABOUT ALL THEM WORDS, MOTHERFUCKER. Enough to rot you. RUST YOUR MOTHERFUCKIN’ THINK PAN. And the floor all stares up back at you through the motherfuckin’ hole.”

“BUT THERE IS NO HOLE NOW.” Gamzee almost sounded triumphant. An empty stare came from his hollow eyes. “That motherfucker’s gone. MY OLD ELIXER-STICKY STUPID-SELF GOT RUSTED THE FUCK OUT. Leaving behind only under-motherfuckin’-standing of who all I was made out to be all along.”

He repeated it, savoring the words. “ONLY UNDER-MOTHERFUCKING-STANDING OF WHO ALL I WAS MADE OUT TO MOTHERFUCKING BE ALL A-MOTHERFUCKING-LONG.”

“Oh my God,” said Karkat. “No, no, no, no, no, no, no…”

“I’ve been kicking the Wicked ignorance on this shit. BEEN MOTHERFUCKING SLAUGHTERING THE WICKED IGNORANCE, BRO. All up in lifelong denial about my calling. MOTHERFUCKING DENIED THAT SHIT TO ALWAYSLAND, MOTHERFUCKER.”

“You know what _he_ says up in my skullcavity?” Gamzee’s voice was softer than a cemetery chime. The moonlight made his painted face look like that of a demon’s. “HE SAYS. They both say. IN A FUNNY LITTLE VOICE THAT IS SO VERY. Very. VERY. Very. VERY. quiet…”

 _“HONK_. We are higher than you, brother. WE ARE HIGHER THAN MOTHERFUCKIN’ EVERYBODY. _Honk_.”

“Gamzee,” Karkat pleaded. He had withdrawn the Clawsickle and now held it at the ready. “Please, no.”

Gamzee’s only response was a peal of laughter.

“And now,” he said. “AND MOTHERFUCKING NOW. I’ve come into my Wicked duty on bringing down the bitchin’ bloodcircus up in this sorry plane. FROM RAINBOW VEINS WILL DRIP MY NEW MIRACLES. Crushed lowblood bones will be my special stardust.”

“WELCOME TO THE DARK CARNIVAL, BROTHER!” He cackled.

Karkat lept.

Gamzee saw.

The hand with the sickle swung forward as Gamzee came to meet him with a _HOOOOOONK-_

**Karkat: Shooshpap. ===+**

Gamzee’s scream of rage was cute off by the impact of Karkat’s tackle. But there was no blood. No burst of purple splashed onto the ground and—most tellingly—not even a single drop of crimson. Everything was still. Even the trees were motionless, standing as silent witnesses.

“ _Shoosh_.” A sound drifted through the air.

It looked like Karkat had stopped Gamzee with one finger. He held it up in front of his face and was whispering around it. With his other hand, he reached out to Gamzee and gently patted his shoulder. _Pap, pap._

The honking decreased in intensity as Karkat continued the motions. For every noise, Karkat answered with a calming combination of _shoosh_ es and _pap_ s.

_HOOOOONK. Shooooosh._

_Hoooooonk. Pap, pap._

_HOOOOOOOOOONK. Shooooooooooshooshooshhshooooshooshhhshhsh._

_Hooooooooooooooooooonk… Pap, pap, pap, pap, pap._

Soon the honks settled into a rhythm as if eased by a lullaby.  

_HONK. Pap. HONK. Pap. HONK. Shoosh. HONK. Shoooosh, pap._

_Honk…_

_Pap._

_HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONNK._

There was a resurgence. The last dregs of insanity howled as they left the highblood’s system. But Karkat did not run or turn away. He simply continued the soothing gestures, albeit eyes wide with alarm. _SHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOSH._

Another honk. More pap-supported shooshes. And then, just as swiftly as it had begun, it ended.

Karkat had shown him love instead of death.

The Knight had quieted the Bard.

**Karkat: Love. ===+**

Gamzee stirred in Karkat’s arms. He reached around to hug Karkat back tightly.

“It’s okay. I forgive you,” Karkat said, voice muffled by Gamzee’s clothes. He gave the other troll a few more soothing paps to the chest.

“This is what happens, numbskull, when you lock something away. If you try to bury the hate and pretend that it doesn’t exist inside of you, it just grows roots there to take hold.”

“Gamzee,” he explained. “Your powers are over fear, right? It’s a part of yourself that you believe is inescapable. First you ran from it, but now you’ve turned completely back around and overembraced it. I guess you…thought that since you couldn’t beat it you may as well give in to it.”

“But you’re wrong.” Karkat’s fingers clutched at Gamzee’s shirt. “Your heritage, your ancestry, how separate you are from it… Fear may be a terrifying force and a tool of destruction. But that doesn’t make it completely Wicked. Fear cannot be defeated or destroyed. It must be _accepted_.”

“Just like you, Gamzee. You have to learn to accept who you are, without letting it be something that controls you. Learning to accept yourself is one of the hardest things a person can do.” He touched his head to Gamzee’s, nearly bringing their horns together. “Fuck, I know that better than anyone. But you’ve got to try.”

“I’m so, so fucking sorry that I wasn’t here for you, Gamzee.” Pity caused Karkat’s heart to ache. “But it’s alright now. You don’t have to pretend for anyone anymore.”

Karkat stayed held in Gamzee’s arms for another minute, remaining there as long as Gamzee needed him. Occasionally he would whisper a gentle “ _shoosh_ ”. All was silent in the calm after the storm.

Finally, Gamzee sighed and relaxed in Karkat’s grip.

“There,” Karkat pulled away slowly, making sure that Gamzee was indeed stable. “You feel better now?”

The other troll nodded. He looked a bit dazed, but the dangerous light in his eyes had faded. Hopefully it would remain that way for a long time.

“Now it’s up to you,” said Karkat. “I’ve fucking had it up to my horns with writhing pompous lumpsquirts trying to mold you into what they want, so I officially declare the termination of all actions related to that shit. “ He scoffed. “Just be Gamzee: tentsquatting, capricious, sweet-and-slightly-loony highblood troll, plus everything that we haven’t gotten to know yet. That’s all I…all I want from you.” _And everything that I pity_ , he thought.

Gamzee looked surprised. Then a warm smile slowly began to reach across his face. “And motherfucking wisebusiness like that,” he said. “Is part of why I think I fell in love with you.”

Karkat sputtered impressively. “Love?” he managed. “Don’t fucking…Trolls don’t fall in love, asshole!”

“Then what are the feelings you have for me?”

“I…” Somehow Karkat couldn’t argue. But there was one small feeling, a stirring in the back of his mind that was screaming at him ‘THIS IS YOUR FUCKING CHANCE, STUPID. TAKE IT.’ “You really mean that?”

Gamzee _honk_ ed. For some reason Karkat could tell that it meant “yes”.

“I think I mean it too,” Karkat confessed. “I love you, Gamzee.”

Gamzee’s smile shone bright as the sun as he rushed forward to scoop Karkat up in a warm embrace. His laughter and shouts of elation mixed with the joy in Karkat’s heart. It brought a genuine smile, the first in a long time, to Karkat’s face. Soon he was laughing too, in relief. Gamzee almost seemed like his old self again.

“There’s something else,” Karkat heard Gamzee murmur into his ear. “There was something else that gave my motherfucking soul a little push, you know that, brother? While all the rest of my sadsoggy being was up and confused, it stayed constant. It got to guiding me through a lot. Sort of like a compass, some arrow all pointing in a direction I always knew at in my heart. It was there to help me figure up and out the rest of myself around it, even though that shit was painful.”

He felt Gamzee hold him tighter. “It was you, Karkat.”

Karkat could not reply. He knew no words that could express this happiness.

“I guess I’ve been all motherfuckin’ weirding out at some extent to my own motherfuckin’ self,” Gamzee admitted. “But somehow Karkat, somewhere in the middle of all those unharmonious happenings I think there may have been something almost like ‘me’.”

“So thanks, Karkat. Thank you for everything, from when we first got our fated friendship on until right now. I think I really do need you.”

 _Yeah, no shit_. Karkat thought. Like one moirail needs another.

Gamzee kissed the top of his head. “But I motherfucking _want_ you too.”

All the doubt in Karkat’s heart melted away. That right there was the difference between pale and flushed. And now…

“And now…” Gamzee gently pulled away. Karkat resisted the urge to tug him close again. But Gamzee only lifted his arms and continued talking through a familiar silly grin. “I got the rest of my belief on to something right here-now. The ‘me’ that’s here wants to be with you. And all that which ‘you’ motherfucking is.”

Karkat rubbed at his eyes. Dammit, if he was so happy, why did he feel like crying? “Even a mutant freak? Or a traitor and rebel?”

“I can motherfucking be down with that,” Gamzee joked. “Didn’t you hear me say I was red for you, brother?” His eyes flicked to Karkat’s skin and clothes. “Red as…blood?”

Then suddenly Gamzee was close enough to touch him again. Karkat gave up trying to fight the color down from his cheeks. When had they gotten that close? With Gamzee, Karkat never seemed to know what was happening until it happened. That was how it had always been.

He started to gaze into Gamzee’s eyes before realizing that the troll was waiting for an answer. “…The stars are out tonight,” Karkat said.

It took a moment for Gamzee to realize what he was talking about. “Motherfuck yes, bro. I told you that you’d see those beautiful motherfuckers someday.” He lowered his face down to Karkat’s. Their foreheads touched, cool to warm.  

“I once promised I’d give you a miracle, Karkat. But you ended up being mine.”

**Karkat: Kiss that troll. You kiss that troll this instant! ===+**

Karkat gave the clown a kiss. He’d kept him waiting long enough.

_But just for this moment,_

_As long as you’re mine,_

_I’ve lost all resistance,_

_And stepped over the line,_

_And if it turns out,_

_It’s over too fast,_

_We’ll make every last moment last,_

_As long as you’re mine_

They spent the whole night by each other’s side, hidden away from the world.

Time ceased to have meaning. Precious moments blended together until it seemed like nothing existed but the two of them and the shared feelings in their hearts. With Gamzee, Karkat was happy. With Gamzee, Karkat felt beautifully pitiful. He felt loved. And he knew that Gamzee felt the same about him.

For once Karkat believed he knew what a true “miracle” was. He could see why Gamzee believed in them so pitifully.

All night, Gamzee whispered stories and jokes mixed with compliments in his ear.

_Maybe I’m pandead,_

_Maybe I’m wise,_

_But you’ve got me seeing,_

_Through stardusted eyes,_

 

_Somehow I’ve fallen,_

_Under your spell,_

_But someway I’m thinking,_

_It’s up we both fell,_

Tonight, Karkat almost felt like a normal troll. A troll in bliss with their matesprit, blushing and laughing (he loved how Gamzee could make him laugh) and kissing alone in the dark. The wwizard had been wrong. _This_ was something wonderful.

_Every moment,_

_As long as you’re mine,_

_I’ll wake up my body,_

_And make out for lost time,_

Lying here, side by side, Karkat was more aware than ever how unlikely they seemed—a mutant rebel not even on the hemospectrum with a capricious highblood crazy enough to defect from his life, but not from his love.

Goodness above, Karkat knew the risk. He was beyond elated to have Gamzee at his side and in his heart (He wasn’t alone anymore!), but the crippling danger that targeted him would undoubtedly spread to his matesprit as well. So far Karkat had been smart, skilled, and incredibly lucky. But something would inevitably fuck up, and when it did, it was not a matter of whether they would be punished, but how long and what form their suffering would take.

And yet all of that didn’t seem to matter. Not now. Not during this magical night in which they professed their love over and over again to each other in the most intimate of ways. Everything was beautiful and nothing hurt. Karkat couldn’t imagine their enemies doing to him anything as bad as how glorious he felt when the two of them were together.

_Say there’s no future,_

_For us as a pair…_

_And though I may know,_

_I don’t care!_

This night was theirs, and their love was their own. And that was all there really was to say on the matter.

_Just for this moment,_

_As long as you’re mine,_

_Come do what you want to,_

_And see how bright we shine,_

_Love in the moonlight,_

_Until it is through,_

_And know I’ll be here to hold you,_

_As long as you’re mine_

“We make a Good motherfucking match, Karkat,” Gamzee nuzzled at his nose.

“No,” Karkat answered. His true smile was the best thing Gamzee had ever seen. “A _Wicked_ one.”

**And so… ===+**

_The Knight of Blood embraced the Bard of Rage, and in each other's arms they were aquiver. And with righteous pap and blessed shoosh he did quell his brother's fury. For the Knight looked upon his Bard all acting up and completely losing his shit and he did resolve to calmeth his juggalo ass right the fuck down. And so calmed down his juggalo ass was and would continueth to be for all time. And the Knight in totally pitying a murderous clown's ludicrous shit down proper said, Let there be Matespritship: and it was so. And between lovers would flow bounteous mirth, and they did touch-bumpeth plentifully, and honks of affection echoed far and true into the darkness upon the face of the deep._

**And it was Good. ===+**

They sat together afterwards, watching the world around them begin anew.

Karkat reclined against a tree trunk. His hair was matted and smudges of facepaint covered his hands and arms. Gently, he reached up to rub some off of his face.

Gamzee was snoozing on the ground, his head resting on an exposed root. Karkat had decided to let him doze for a while longer. They had been up for most of the night.

Dawn was almost here. Their mostly-troll pursuers would be feeling sleepy and might even need to switch with fresh troops for the daytime. If they did not, then the sunlight would disorient them and affect their vision in Karkat’s favor.

They had done it, Karkat thought. They had escaped the wwizard and lasted through the night. It truly felt like they were free. He shook Gamzee lightly to wake the troll up.

Gamzee yawned and rolled over. “Good morning,” Karkat chirped. What the fuck, since when had his voice ever sounded that cheery?

“Mmmmmmmmmorning. IT’S GOOD TO SEE YOU TOO, KARKAT. How are you all up and feeling, my brother? _HONK._ ”

Karkat smiled. He ruffled Gamzee’s hair until the highblood blinked open his eyes to face the day. He had noticed that Gamzee had a new way of speaking. It was like a combination of both before and after his freak-out, as if the sides had unified during the night. Gamzee still switched between alternating tones but the difference between them was much slighter, and so less disturbing to hear. But most importantly, Gamzee seemed calm and his words were more-or-less clear despite the style of his voice.

Karkat could only think that Gamzee had found a happy medium. It was a compromise. Maybe one day they would find that it was closest to the “real” him.

“I hate to say it, but we’ll need to get moving soon,” said Karkat. “The wwizard still has his imbecilic fuckwhiffers after us. And we’ll need to find a way to get you into LOPAH. Or maybe we should go somewhere else—some other place where the two of us can live. A place they will find us, no matter how hard they try.”

Gamzee nodded and stretched. He gazed up at Karkat’s face. “You’re the motherfucking best, my most red-flushed of brothers.”

He must have seen the flicker behind Karkat’s eyes. “WHAT? What’s the matter, Karkat?”

Karkat almost told him that it was nothing. But then again, he didn’t want to keep his emotions bottled up anymore. Last night had been a whirl of revelations and sharing between them of too many thoughts and feelings that had gone unheard for far too long. He wanted to start this matespritship off right. That meant no secrets and no pretending.

“It’s just I…” said Karkat. He reached for his discarded cape and gripped it tightly in his hands.  “Fuck, I wish that I could be…normal. Beautiful, even. Just for you. At least right now.”

Gamzee sat up behind him. “Karkat-”

“And don’t fucking say that I am, Gamzee. It’s alright. There’s no need to lie to me, especially just to protect my stupid feelings.”

Karkat felt Gamzee’s arms snake around his waist. “I’M NOT GETTING MY MOTHERFUCKING UNTRUTH ON AT YOU, BRO. It’s just…seeing a different side to it, is all.”

Gamzee rested his chin onto Karkat’s shoulder. It filled the space between them perfectly. “YOU’RE PRANCING ALL ABOUT THIS FORSAKEN LAND, BROTHER. With your little sickle and sickest speaksounds any regular doltsponge would be lucky to hear. YOU’RE NEVER GIVING THE FUCK UP DUE AT YOURSELF. And motherfucker, you may not fit what they get to be calling ‘beautiful’. SO WHY NOT FUCKING GO BY A DIFFERENT MEASURESTICK?”

“…Am I…cute, then?” Karkat really wasn’t sure what to say.

But he felt Gamzee grin against his ear. “Adorabloodthirsty. THAT’S WHAT YOU MOTHERFUCKING ARE.”

**Karkat: Visionsee. ===+**

“Listen, Karkat,” Gamzee told him. “I GOT A MOTHERFUCKING NINJABITCHING IDEA. There’s a place in the Land of Tents and Mirth that’s all being the best hidespot I ever did to see. WE CALL IT THE BIG TENT, THOUGH MY ANCESTRY NEVER GOT MUCH TO LIVING IN IT. Lusii take care of the place while we’re gone. YOU’D ALL GET ALONG MOTHERFUCKING SWELL, I THINK.”

“Wait, you’ve never lived in it?” asked Karkat. “Then where did your family stay?”

“In the motherfucking Big Top,” Gamzee said, as if that resolved all confusion.

“TENT’S GOT EVERYTHING A BROTHER WOULD NEED. Might be a bit gray and gloomy-like, but so’s the castles you’re all being used to in LOPAH. MORE MOTHERFUCKING ROOMS THAN YOU COULD GET A COUNT ON TO AND PLENTY HUGE. There’s a bunch of treasure chests all being at pretty much everywhere. SOME USEFUL SHIT MIGHT STILL BE GETTING ITS FUCKING SNOOZE ON IN THEM. Weapons and money, I’d bet my horns on.”

“TENT’S MOTHERFUCKING POROUS WITH SECRETIVE TRICKS,” he continued. “Hidden passageways, bonus areas, absolutely ri-honk-ulous amounts of floor levels and stairs. MOTHERFUCKING COMPUTERS ENOUGH FOR TWELVE TROLLS, ALL HANGING AROUND THE PLACE LIKE THE CLOSEST OF PAINT-FACED BROS. Some are a bit old but they’ll work for you, Karkat. MOTHERFUCKIN’ OH. And there’s a fuckin’ high-tech lab for someone who actually knows how to use it.”

“TAKES A WHILE TO GET THE WHOLEFUCK LAYOUT DOWN BUT IT’S THE PERFECT HIDE-LIVING SPACE. We can stay there together, if you’d all such to be wanting that.”

“Of course I fucking do, Gamzee!” Karkat couldn’t imagine any other option. And this Tent thing sounded like a terrific solution.

Gamzee nodded and grinned. “MOTHERFUCKING GOOD, MY MOST RED OF BROTHERS.”

They talked a bit more, mostly about how to get to the Big Tent and what they would do once they arrived.

“Things will turn out fine between you and John,” Gamzee reassured him. “I’M THE MOTHERFUCKER WHAT’S WORTH BLAMING HERE. As soon as we get motherfucking settled, we can-”

He stopped when he felt Karkat tense.

“Shh,” said the troll in his arms. “Gamzee, do you hear that?” 

Karkat stood. He gazed out into the forest, sweeping his head from side to side like a satellite dish. “It sounds like…someone is suffering.”

Gamzee stood up to follow him. He closed his eyes and tried to focus on sounds aside from those of the forest. He shook his head. “NOT A MOTHERFUCKING THING, KARKAT. Is it the wind?”

The breeze around them had started to pick up. At first it had wafted gently through the trees, taking the time to caress their boughs and lightly stroke the trolls’ cheeks. But swiftly it began to increase. Within seconds it was as ferocious as an animal. Wind whipped past them and tore through every branch. It mercilessly buffeted everything within sight and screeched as it flew past their ears.

Had Karkat mistaken that noise for screaming? Gamzee looked over to check.

Karkat had brought his hands up to cover his ears. Judging from his pained expression, he could still hear something that Gamzee could not. Whatever it was, it was not the wind.

Karkat let out a short gasp. “My sister’s in danger!”

And the world went black.

**Jade: Enter. ===+**

A thick layer of clouds had been blown in front of the sun. The sun’s light was blocked, making everything turn grimdark. Soon the whole sky was covered in a storm of wind and shade.

It all began to swirl and collect around a single point far above. A rip began to form—an unthinkable misstep in time, a fold in the fabric of reality, an intrusion in the very code of their universe.

Karkat and Gamzee stood petrified as they stared up at the break in spacetime.

There was a crack in the sky. It glowed with color, flickering in a bold and repetitious array that arrested the eyes and unsettled the spirit. The clouds blazed blue, red, purple, and many shades of radioactive green before splintering like an eggshell. Through the fragments, an existence beyond their own threatened to break through. The crack began extending outwards in all four cardinal directions, its arms growing slowly but evenly.

No. It wasn’t a crack.

“A scratch?” Gamzee heard Karkat murmur from beside him. Gamzee turned his attention back to the heavens in time to see the light tear further through the clouds like claws through cloth.

Soon four square areas had been outlined, as if forming the shape of a window. A transparent green spirographic gate pulsed over it surface. Behind it, the sky surged with white flashes that streaked across a background of black. It looked like the visual representation of static—the kind heard when a record skipped. If a glitch on a CD could be seen, this was surely how it would appear.

Beneath the sky, another foe stretched into sight over the horizon. The Red Miles had been unleashed.

Its tendrils ravaged a path through land and air. They shot into the soil like a giant root whenever they touched ground, rupturing the earth from within with fire. The Miles snaked through the air like the veins of a creature. Occasionally a tendril would branch off into more jagged copies of itself. All of them were sharp as a spear. Its deadly threads spread throughout the clashing sky and probed upwards as if curious about the phenomenon above.

Behind it came the glow of a thousand wildfires. A pillar of flame spun between heaven and earth, the lethal offspring of fire and wind—a pyrocumulous.

The spirograph had already started to spit out meteorites. They were small but hit the ground with a large amount of force, crashing down upon the Miles as if targeting an enemy. 

Karkat’s eyes stretched wide with what they were seeing. Was this…the Reckoning?

“WE’RE ALL GONNA BE IN MOTHERFUCKING DANGER HERE!” Gamzee shouted. “Karkat, run!”  He turned to flee, holding out an arm to tug Karkat along.

Karkat reached for Gamzee’s outstretched hand. Fear shone in his scarlet eyes. “Gamzee- Oh!” he exclaimed and pointed back at the warp in space.

“WHAT? What’s happening now?”

“Look, look! Fuck, can’t you see it?”

Gamzee held Karkat close, grabbing onto the mutant’s right shoulder and hand.

“NO.” Gamzee squinted towards the sky. “What the motherfucking _fuck_ are you seeing, Karkat?”

“I don’t…it’s impossible, but…it’s a fucking house!” Karkat insisted. “I can see it flying through the air.” Even Karkat seemed to realize how absurd he sounded. His brow furrowed and he frowned.

“I need to find Vriska,” he said. Karkat shrugged off Gamzee’s hands. He moved his cape away from his wings and spread them out, calling upon the Aspects in preparation to fly.

“KARKAT, WAIT, DON’T GO,” Gamzee grabbed for his hand again. “Bring me the fuck with you.”

“No!” Karkat refused. “It’s much too dangerous. I can handle myself out there—I’ve got these wings and my magic. Just go ahead. Get to safety. We’ll both be alright, I know it.” In the back of his mind Karkat was thankful that Gamzee hadn’t reacted like he was seeing things. At least Gamzee was crazy enough to believe him.

Gamzee didn’t look happy, but there was obviously no stopping Karkat on this. “MOTHERFUCKING PROMISE ME THAT THEN, KARKAT. We’ll get our meet on over in LOTAM. SOON AS YOU MAKE SURE SPIDER-SIS IS OKAY, FUCKING JAM IT TO THAT TENT, BROTHER. You’ll be safe there.”

They kissed.

Karkat fought the worry and frustration down from his heart. After just one night, they had to part again. “We’ll see each other again soon, right?”

“IT’S A MOTHERFUCKING PROMISE. Karkat, brother. YOU CAN SEE HUMAN HIVES BEING TO FALL RIGHT THROUGH THE SKY. And you can see a whole new world what’s worth believing in. CAN’T YOU MOTHERFUCKING SEE THIS ONE TRUTH, MY RED BROTHER? We’re gonna be with each other until always.”

The two kissed one last time to seal the promise.

So much kissing. Karkat hoped it would never stop. Away he flew, leaving Gamzee alone on the ground.

The troll watched his matesprit fly off. He sighed in relief once Karkat managed to steer clear of both the meteors and Miles. Gamzee looked upwards again into the turning arms of bright colours and mayhem. His face held nothing but concern.

At that moment, there came the largest flash of light yet. It burned like a miniature green sun. The flare blazed white against the sky and formed a sphere around the hole in infinity. The spirographic grate closed as something began to drop.

A feeling of dread descended around Gamzee. Far away in the sky, so did the house.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (Obligatory additional reference for the romance scene:) This is borderline pornographic.
> 
> As a side note, writing romance is tricky. (Especially with the appearance of Sober Gamzee. Oh boy.) Please go ahead and give me any suggestions or comments you have!


	16. No Good Deed

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "I'll get you, my shitstain, and your little lusus too!"

**John: Welcome the spaceperson to Lowblood Hills. ===+**

"There you go, miss! Just follow that road the whole way. Be careful out there!" John waved at the retreating figure.

The girl walked off as he had sent her, across the Yellow Yard. Her head was tilted down to watch her steps as if making sure they never strayed from the golden bricks. Colored bands decorated her fingers. Her hair was long and black. She wore practical clothing—a long-sleeved shirt in white and gray, coupled with a buttoned-up skirt. The symbol on her shirtfront kept changing, but stayed longest on a blue atom. She almost looked like a scientist. The thought made John smile. Also, she had glasses and buckteeth like him!

However, the girl was wearing different shoes from when she had arrived. Now she walked in red slippers, sparkling in the light with every step that she took. They looked rather strange on her feet. Oh well. John was sure that they would suit her eventually.

When he had arrived, the human girl had been in a state of wonder. It was understandable for her to be shocked. She had fallen out of the sky, for Goodness's sake! The girl was also very brave, as evident when she pulled a weapon on him before he could even say a single word. But John had found that she was a nice person once they had the chance to talk. And she seemed happy to venture out and explore this land…with a rifle at her shoulder, of course. Her loyal pet trotted at her heels. Good dog, best friend.

John had done his best as a Good friendleader to help her out and set her on the right road, er, path. The wwizard had ordered him to investigate the landing site anyway. Eridan had said to bring back information about the "wwack-ass flyin' hivve". And now, thanks to John, the girl would be heading right towards him.

"Gosh, I hope she doesn't get lost or killed or anything," John said to himself. "Sometimes I am not the greatest advice-giver."

He looked around. A house sat just a few yards away. It leaned at an awkward angle and was crumpled at the bottom like a crushed tissue box. The girl and her bed had been thrown clear of the house along with much horticultural paraphernalia, but nothing else. John suspected that that might have something to do with her doglusus. Witnesses swore it had been sitting calmly next to her on the bed when they arrived. It was a mirac- …a small wonder that the girl had survived.

 _But_ … John thought. He dragged his eyes away from the house, refusing to look at the ground beneath it. _Someone else hadn't._

His gaze landed on a small green frog. The consort croaked in happiness and hopped away behind a bush. The scenery around John had changed so much that it was almost unbelievable. The Land of Frost and Frogs had been completely transformed overnight by the disasters.

LOFAF was once an icy land with near-constant snowfall. Blue and green auroras shone over flurries in the atmosphere. The various waterways were frozen over, thick and smooth like mirrors. Its hills and mountains were cloaked in snow. Some of the hills were, in fact, nothing but large piles of the flakes.

Forests were scattered across this region, huddled together in clusters against the cold. The trees were green as Christmas underneath a blanket of white. Stubborn poinsettia flowers bloomed beneath the shelter of their limbs. Their nectar was almost too cold for the native hummingbirds to eat. Hundreds of frogs, part of the namesake of this land, lay trapped across the snow in solid blocks of ice. It had been this way as long as anyone could remember.

Now had been bewitched with energy after a barren eternity. People were saying that the Forge—Oz's largest dormant volcano—had been "stoked" by the strange events. They claimed it had caused the snow to melt and the earth to thaw. John had to admit, as he walked around in blue pants and a short-sleeved shirt, that the weather was much improved.

Everywhere in LOFAF the newly revealed ground was budding with sprigs of jade. All of the snowmelt had gathered into a large collection of lakes and rivers. Over time some would surely disappear, but others would remain. The auroras now gleamed with a golden edge. Plant life unfurled and sighed in the warming air. Pink and purple hummingbirds flitted in between vibrant red blossoms. The frogs, symbols of the universe, had been freed from their icy prisons. Their robust croaks and ribbits sung throughout the awakened land.

Such wondrous events had been taken by some as a sign. The local lowblooded trolls, at least, had put their all into greeting that strange girl. John had seen members of the Lullaby League and Lollipop Guild welcoming her before he landed in the town (" _We represent the Fudgeblood Flock, we welcome you to Lowblood Hills!_ "). It was as if they had waited for she who would thaw solid flesh and resolve it into a dew.

**Karkat and John: Mourn. ===+**

It was time for John to get back to work. The wwizard would be impatient for news and other people should probably be told as well. The residents of this land, especially, would need reassurance and explanation for the events. All of Oz must be alerted to the arrival of the Spacewitch. But first…

John stepped in front of the house. The Thief of Light's body had already been taken away. Her feet no longer poked out from beneath the porch. Au revior, spidergirl. But still John wanted to take a moment to pay his respects.

There had been a time, a very long time ago, when they had known each other. That was before all of the misfortune and responsibilities and painful revelations. He had once known a girl in school who went by the same name and had the same title. She and John had been pretty much friends (how strange now to think of the Thief as anyone's _friend_ ), and she had never stopped cajoling and teasing until he succeeded in whatever goals she had set for him. Had she still liked to dream of maps and treasure? Had she ever learned to control her cocky attitude? Had it even been the same girl underneath the house?

John pulled down his blue hood as a sign of respect. He allowed himself to succumb to emotion. His breath hitched a bit. Tears were in order, probably. John attempted a sniffle, a wobble of the lip even. He felt like everything deserved it. "Vriska…"

"How sentimental of you."

John turned to find Karkat behind him. The troll stood at the edge of the neighboring field.

Karkat was hunched over with grief, not even bothering to hide the devastation that weighed down his shoulders. His red eyes were dull and devoid of their usual strength. Instead, pain filled them to the brim. One hand hugged Karkat's cloak to his body with stiff fingers. He clutched the fabric as if he had been wounded under it.

There was anger, yes, anger in every inch of him. But for once Karkat looked more weary than wrathful. He seemed too sodden with sadness to burst into flames.

In the troll's suffering John saw something that he recognized all too well. Now they had both lost someone precious to them. He looked as bad as John felt. No, even worse.

John's heart sunk under a fresh wave of guilt. How could he even begin to think that he knew what Karkat was feeling right now? Gamzee had been…exceptionally dear to John, but still. The Thief had been the Knight's _sister_.

John couldn't stay. Seeing Karkat just ripped open the wounds again. "I don't want to talk to you." John started hurrying away.

"I wanted something to preserve her memory," Karkat advanced after him. His voice was as hollow and cold as an arctic chasm. "A memento, like one of your human corpse parties! The only thing left behind of her were those loathsome, rustcolored, shaped-out-of-a-festering-puddle-of-feculent-discharge, shoes."

He swung an arm behind him to point at the Yellow Yard. "And now Farmstink Buttlass has wandered off with them! QUITE FUCKING LITERALLY, MAY I ADD. So if you'll allow me, your Goodness," Karkat snarled. "I'd like to have a few fucking seconds of alone time right now, to mourn the passing of my dear family member."

Karkat turned and walked over to the damaged house. Once in front of it, he collapsed to his knees. The troll curled in on himself, his hands clenched into useless fists. "Vriska…I'm sorry. Please, Vriska…Vriska please, please forgive me. For everything, please. I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm so, so fucking sorry."

His cries made John wince. The human paused in his escape and stood for a moment, frustrated with himself. John couldn't help it. There was still a part of him that felt pity—or friendship—for the troll.

"It's not your fault, Karkat," John said. Before he knew it he had sunk to the ground beside the troll, offering comfort simply by his presence. Old feelings died hard. "I know it's horrendous for someone to…end like this, so mortally home-stuck," he tried. "But sometimes life gives us a bad break."

Karkat's sobs stopped. He looked up at John. Incredulity spread across his face. "A _bad break_?" he said, indignant.

"Yes!" John's eyes flicked to the side. "Well, sort of. Not exactly."

"Then what? What the globefondling fuck would you call it, John?"

"An…unexpected development." John suggested. "Caused by a peculiar and unforeseen twister of fate."

Karkat rose to his feet. "Oh, so you think that the Breeze just did all of that by itself? A Windy Thing happened and it was too sudden for even the Heir of Breath to notice? I suppose the Red Miles were then 'an unforeseen whoopsy-ohfuck-daisy'?"

"Hey, that's not what I said!" snapped John. "And I don't know, Karkat, maybe-"

"No shit, you don't know!" The troll threw one of his hands up in exasperation. "You don't know anything anymore. The only thing you know how to do is blab to bilgespewing idiots all day about how _wwonderful_ everything is!"

"Don't. You. Dare." John's face flushed with anger. "In case you haven't noticed, I'm a public figure now. The people are looking to me for direction and expecting me-"

"To what?" Karkat demanded. "To give them sweetened, fraud-soggy lies?"

"To give them hope!" John snapped. "It's a damn hard job with all the shit you've been trying to pull. And just what the hell have you been doing all this time?" he huffed. "Nothing has gone like how you imagined, Karkat. Ever since that day, you've just been flying around on those stupid wings and doing jackshit for Oz."

"Remember back then?" John swung his arms down and commanded a burst of air to raise him up off the ground. "Your spectacular-iffic _lifdoff_?" He flailed around and made a stupid face.

Karkat growled at the floating human. He hadn't felt this insulted in sweeps. "Well, we don't all get a magic-salamander bubble!"

"And check this out, fearless leader," he shouted. "You know how you look up there in the sky, compared to me? It's a little like the dichotomy between a goose in blue pajamas and a sprightly red robin. Watch this…"

Karkat spread his arms out to the sides like an airplane before bringing them in front to the well-known "superman" pose. " _Pchooooooooooo_!" He ran to the left in a wayward pattern. He didn't get far before tripping and stumbling to a halt. Not missing a beat, Karkat whipped around and pointed at John. "That's you! That's how stupid you look!"

By this time John had come back to earth.

"So who the fuck gave you the title Lord of Everything, huh?" said Karkat. "Who told everybody to treat you like their savior? Was it the wwizard? I bet it was that glop-gilled tool. He's nothing but a dishonest, vile barnacle stuck to the bloated underbelly of Oz, taking credit for things that were never his to begin with."

John crossed his arms. "Yeah, well. He's not the only one who's taken things from others, is he?"

The air between them grew colder.

"Oh no. Stop right fucking there," Karkat threatened. "The day when you lump me in the same shamebox as _Eridan_ is the day when I commit the most grandiose suicide that is troll-ly possible, after writing a comprehensive novel of fuck-yous and mailing it to the Cityhub stamped with a scratch-n-sniff shit sticker, before covering everything within ten feet in my own disgusted vomit."

Then his grimace faded. A self-satisfied smirk replaced it.

"Ah, John," he crooned. "I almost pity you. It's hard, I'm sure, and no one understands. It must be difficult for your perfect, peachy thinkpan to fathom that a troll like him could actually choose a troll like me."

Karkat took a few steps forward, growing bolder with each word. "But that's the truth. It's a thing that happened. It will never stop being a thing that happened or anything."

Confidence swelled in his voice. "And you can use all the silly wind powers you want, it won't change. He was never destined for you. He doesn't 'human-love' you anymore and maybe he never did. What he does, John, what Gamzee really, truly, honestly does, is love-pity me!"

**Karkat and John: Strife. ===+**

John punched him in the face.

Karkat gasped with pain and shock. He had never imagined John could Aggress with such strength. The force had turned him around a full ninety degrees.

Karkat raised one red hand up to his cheek. The memory of impact rang through his head like a gong. A tingle had begun to spread throughout the area. Karkat knew that his skin would already be starting to flush more than usual.

He let out a harsh peal of laughter and took pleasure in watching John look unsettled. He had been working on his Wicked cackle. "Feel better now?" Karkat asked.

John shook out his fist. A look of satisfaction was on his face. "Yes, I do," he said, sounding proud.

"Good!" Karkat said cheerfully.

**Karkat: Aggrieve. ===+**

He punched John on the side of the head.

John jerked back with a pained cry. His black glasses rattled on the bridge of his nose.

"So do I," Karkat grinned.

**Karkat and John: Retrieve arms from sylladex. ===+**

They armed themselves. Each had chosen their favored weapons—Karkat a sickle, and John a certain colorful Warhammer.

Karkat glared at his opponent. He wasn't the only one that had broken a promise! John had promised that he would never forget Karkat and what he fought for. But now he just pranced about on magi-vision screens, giving worthless speeches that he hadn't even wrote. While Karkat had been living as an outcast John had lived the life of shallow, asinine parties and praise. It seemed impossible for him to still remember Karkat's cause. Had he forgotten their friendship as well?

John summoned a small gale to his side. The Breeze swirled around him in blue coils, making his long hood float and lash about in the air. He was surrounded by the Aspect of Breath. John whirled the Warhammer between his hands like a martial-arts master, bringing it back and forth and over his head. The currents rushed and churned according to his movements.

Karkat saw hardness in John's storm-blue eyes. The troll's heart sunk into a burning ocean. Apparently John _had_.

"As my sister would have said, 'Advance or abscond'!" Karkat prepared himself as well. He felt the forces of Blood stir from inside his veins. He held his sickle at the ready.

"I must say, John, I never thought it was possible for me to be more disappointed in you than I already was. But you have proven me wrong! This discovery that you've engendered is a bona fide scientific advancement. Congratulations and fuck you from here to the Furthest Ring. Your prize is a lifetime supply of languishing farts."

"You can't just pick your friends based on who's down with the clown," he continued. "But I think I just ran out of cares to give. The only thing you really need to know, John, the one thing at the heart of this moronic sludgeheap, is this…"

Karkat lowered his weapon a small bit. His posture relaxed and a chipper grin spread across his face. "If you touch him again, I will fucking kill you!"

John also let his weapon drop, the wind blowing around his feet. He returned the smile and lighthearted laugh. The two of them shared a convivial moment, laughing and smiling together.

Then they lept at each other for blood.

**Guards: Find the mutant already. ===+**

"Stop in the name of the wwizard or face his wrath!" A team of the wwizard's forces rushed into the clearing.

Karkat and John were dueling senselessly using nothing but their fists, feet, and words. On the ground besides them lay their strife weapons, tossed carelessly to the side. "Namby-pamby shit trumpet! – Carrot horns! – Asscactus! – Insufferable fucktroll! – You lousy, lying, repugnant, COWARD!"

The guards pulled them apart like parents separating two squabbling children.

"Fuck!" Karkat struggled in their grip. Five of the trolls clutched his arms and midsection. "Let go you nookstains, this doesn't include you!"

"Let me go," John pleaded also. He was only accosted by two guards, and they were blocking him more than restraining him. There was a slight giggle in his voice. He made a useless swipe at Karkat, as if this had all been a simple game. "I almost had him!"

"Your Goodness," one of the trolls addressed John. She saluted. "Our most sincere apologies for the delay. The Knight has finally been secured. Please accept our gratitude for assisting in the arrest."

John looked up at the commander in bewilderment.

"Congratulations on capturing the Wicked mutant," she clarified. "All of Oz owes you its eternal thanks."

"Are you fucking kidding me?" Karkat exclaimed. His eyes glared like two hot coals right into John's own. "This was your plan? You decided to use my sister's death as a dirty plot against me?" He strained against the guards. "I can't believe…I can't fucking believe how low you've fucking stooped, John. I-" The guards' hand closed like vices to cut him off.

"Karkat…" John stared horrified at his former friend. The human had already been released by his troll guards. They now stood by his side as if awaiting orders.

A memory of himself talking with Feferi—the Empress—swam through John's head. He had told her…something awful. "I never wanted any of this to happen!" John burst out. Only now did he realize how true that was.

**Gamzee: Savejuggulate. ===+**

Suddenly a strange, faint sound reached their ears. John looked around. The trolls seemed to have heard it too. A few guards shifted their grips on their weapons.

John felt a prick of recognition at the back of his mind. It sounded like it was coming from far away. But it was getting closer, fast—a strange, warbling noise that was almost like a-

" _HoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOnK!_ "

Gamzee Makara came out of nowhere. He tumbled into the clearing like an acrobat, springing up and flipping twice in the air before landing on his feet. He wobbled as he stood and then slumped into a ready stance. Gamzee casually pulled out two clubs and started to spin them. A goofy smile was on his face. "Let the motherfucking mutant **move on out**."

No one moved. They all stared at the new arrival in confusion.

"…Gamzee?" Karkat spoke. "Why the absolute Ozfuck-"

"Gamzee?" said John. He didn't know what his feelings were doing.

"I SAID GET YOUR MOTHERFUCKING FILTHY FINGERS THE FUCK OFF HIM." Gamzee exchanged one of his clubs for a white pistolkind weapon. "Or else I'll see you get your explaination on to all of Oz. GET TO MOTHERFUCKING SAYING AT THE WORLD AND WHO RULES IT ABOUT WHAT YOU DID. About how you stood as fucking stupidbulbs and watched through your lookstubs at this what's now."

He raised the gun and pointed it at John nearby. "ABOUT HOW I KILLED JOHN THE GOOD."

A jolt ran through the guards and a few startled cries burst out. They rushed forward to seize Gamzee. But they had to stop when the troll took a step closer to John, his gaze cold and unflinching.

John turned his face to the side. He tried to hide the sharp sting of betrayal behind a determined expression. To think that Gamzee would ever point a gun at him…

There was nothing that the guards could do. They had no choice. The life of Oz's most Good hero was infinitely more valuable than that of its most Wicked villain. Slowly, they allowed Karkat to struggle free from their control.

The mutant wrenched his arms away and lurched to his feet. Karkat ran over to his forgotten sickle and picked it up. Then he turned around to face the group of trolls, holding the sickle threateningly as he stepped backwards to where Gamzee was.

Karkat and Gamzee stood back to back against the wwizard's forces and John.

"Karkat, get the fuck out of here," Gamzee said over his shoulder. His eyes never strayed from the gun and its target.

"No," Karkat refused. "You're coming with me, Gamzee. Don't fucking say anything otherwise."

"KARKAT, DO YOU MOTHERFUCKING TRUST ME?" Gamzee said as soft as the more intense side of his voice would offer. "I'm all being to ask for just this one thing. GO, BROTHER. Getting you out was the point of all this noise."

"I'm not leaving you!"

"GO, NOW. We aren't gonna be getting another motherfucking shot for this at you. YOU GOTTA BELIEVE, MY MOST RED OF BROTHERS. I'm asking you, Karkat." Gamzee whispered. "DO YOU GET YOUR BELIEVE ON AT MIRACLES?"

Karkat hesitated. His mind ran through a dozen different scenarios. Think, dammit, think. There had to be some way to get both of them out together. Flying was not an option. The guards would either catch Gamzee on the ground or shoot them both down from the air. Karkat didn't want to use deadly Aspect powers either. He could escape alone, but was that really what Gamzee wanted?

A draft ruffled his cape. Karkat felt the wind stir against his back, right where his wings were hidden. He twisted his head to look over his shoulder.

John was looking right at him, face carefully expressionless. Down at John's sides, the fingers of his left hand slowly flexed open and then drew closed again.

The Breeze tugged at Karkat, more insistent this time. The troll gritted his teeth. There was nothing he could do. He had no choice. And the shock from almost being captured still lingered in his heart, making him nervous and pushing him to flee. He had to believe in a miracle.

With a flourish to intimidate the guards, Karkat revealed his wings. The troll jumped into the air and flew away from the danger zone as fast as he could. He resolved to check on Gamzee as soon as he got "home".

**Gamzee: Attempt rare and highly dangerous 10x combo. ===+**

Down below, Gamzee remained in command of the standoff. He kept the white magnum aimed at John and watched the other trolls like a hawk, making sure that none of them lifted anything that could be used as a ranged weapon.

Karkat disappeared from sight. The Knight of Blood had escaped again. It was just them now—Gamzee and the wwizard's forces left to decide how large the corpsepile would be at the end of the day.

It was a stare-down straight out of an old human western. Not a single breeze stirred the supercharged air. The sun—trollkind's ancient enemy—hung high in the sky, but its heat was nothing compared to the intensity of their concentration.

All of them were attuned to the gifts granted to them by their ancestors. They stood, sizing each other up and judging how their strength and abilities might compare. Those that could prepared their psychic powers. All held the best weapons that their kind abstrata could offer. Both parties had climbed to absolutely preposterous levels on the strife echeladder in terms of skill. Both had been trained in the same wizard-guarding ways. The tension circled around the loop of trolls, between guard and guard and guard and Gamzee and guard and Gamzee and guard and guard and Gamzee and guard and guard and Gamzee and guard.

Nine guards and the Highblood. Ten clowns in a ring, just like a circus. And all of them were focused on the ringleader.

Everything hung upon Gamzee's finger against the trigger. The troll stood strong, holding his own against his enemies and teasing them with this one threat, this one what-if. Once he moved, everything would change.

**Gamzee: Abjure. ===+**

Gamzee tossed the magnum away. He followed it with his club and gave a small sigh as it fell to the earth. He had never really intended to hurt John.

He relaxed and waited for the guards to seize him.

And seize him they did. The mounting tension from the standoff broke at once as they leapt towards him in a forceful wave. They struck at Gamzee's head and arms to incapacitate him, falling upon the highblood like a pack of wild dogs. They didn't stop even after he had been fully restrained.

Their commander ordered three guards to go running off—either after the Knight of Blood or to alert the wizard—but she and five others stayed. They would be more than enough to deal with Gamzee. In a very un-highblood manner, the troll was not fighting back.

"Stop! Stop it!" screamed John. "No!" He dashed over from where he had been held hostage by Gamzee moments earlier. "What are you doing? For Goodness's fucking sake, stop!" Gamzee was going to get seriously hurt if they didn't at least put away their weapons.

John ran between two of the guards, intentionally shielding the captured troll from their onslaught. He flung his arms around Gamzee's neck. There was a scuffling and startled shouting from among the guards. Soon the blows stopped raining down.

John opened his eyes to find the trolls looking down at him, perplexed but obedient. Gamzee remained shackled and held in their grip.

"Are you all stupid?" John said. He drew away from Gamzee slightly, but left his hand on the troll's shoulder. "Can't you people see? He wasn't ever going to hurt me. Not really. It's just…"

John paused. How could he best explain it to them when he barely understood it himself? "It's just that…he's in love with him," John admitted.

The guards regarded this momentous revelation with a stony silence.

"John…" Gamzee stirred. A few guards moved to tighten his bonds. John shooed their hands away.

He looked up into John's eyes. "I'm so, so motherfucking sorry." _For everything_ , the implication hung between them.

And John knew that Gamzee meant it.

The commander lightly shoved the trolls near her, startling them back to their senses. "Don't feel pity, now. The disgraced highblood is on the side of the mutant."

Her navy-blue eyes glittered with cruelty. "We will not return to His Goodness the wizard empty-fisted. Bring the highblood over to the field and construct a staking device," she barked. "And contact the executorturers! The highblood must tell us where the Knight of Blood has gone."

The others moved to carry out her orders. Most of the guards worked to hoist Gamzee up and start carrying him over to the field.

"What?" John gasped. The orders had come so quick. "No!" He jumped up to stop them.

The commander grabbed John and pushed him back into the grip of two other trolls. "Secure the Heir of Breath and bring him back to the capital." She turned to march after the others.

"No, stop! I'm ordering you to stop!" John screamed. But this time they held him back as if he had been the criminal. "Don't hurt Gamzee! Don't hurt him!"

A hand was clamped over his mouth. From all of his kicking and muffled screaming, John's lungs soon began to burn. John started to panic as he realized that he couldn't summon the Breeze when he was suffocating.

As he gulped in vain for air, John had to watch as his former fiancée was taken to the fields. Gamzee's limbs flopped in the restraints like those of a straw doll. John was almost thankful when his vision began to fade.

Then everything was dark and John could hear nothing, nothing in his state of unconsciousness except someone (was it himself?) screaming, screaming…

**Karkat: Make them pay. ===+**

GGGAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAMMMMMMMMZZZZZEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!"

The plated walls cracked with the force of Karkat's Vast Scream. It was a howl of pure pain, a bellow of overwhelming agony, a wail from the depths of devastation. Somewhere encoded in its wavelengths was an anguish beyond what any soul should ever know.

Lusii groaned and clattered at the extremities of the room. Some clung to the ceiling corners or scuttled down the hallways. All of them kept their distance.

A magic eight ball had been shattered against the wall of the Big Tent. Shards of it were stuck in the smooth surface and blue fluid oozed out onto the floor.

Karkat tore frantically through the pages of the Daunting Text. Powers of Blood pulsed between him and the spellbook. An endless amount of words spilled from his mouth. "Oh God…What have I done? Gamzee, please, please just be…just be…just be anything but..."

He ran a shaky hand through his coarse, black hair. "Haha, okay, make-believe time is over!" he forced a breathy laugh. "You can't keep down the clown….Oh God, oh God, oh God, oh God, oh God, oh God, oh God, oh God, oh God, oh God, oh God, oh God, oh God, oh God, oh God, oh God, oh God, oh God, oh God…"

In between sobs and cries of grief, Karkat desperately chanted the words of powerful, ancient eldritch sorcery.

 

_Let his flesh never tear_

_Let his blood never spill,_

_Though they beat him,_

_Let him never feel,_

_Let his bones never break,_

_And however they try,_

_To destroy him,_

Karkat gasped as fresh sorrow struck him to the soul.

 

_Let him never die,_

_Let him never die!_

The book shook and throbbed with the power he was commanding it to channel.

He kept going, pushing for more and for faster. Karkat read in a voice that raced against time, against the clock, against the very rules of life and nature itself. What else was there to include? There must be more that he could do, and he needed to do it fast—it was likely already too late. He needed more protection, more precautions, more wards and safety from everything, everything that they could and would have already tried, oh _Gamzee_ …

Karkat turned pages faster than what seemed troll-ly possible. He read pieces and sections from different entries and wove them together in his speech to form an enchantment. Although he could not stop their horrible actions Karkat could at least ease the pain. All thoughts of the possible consequences of his act were as far from Karkat's mind as Alternia itself.

Gamzee must be made safe. He must be able to endure physical blows without getting hurt. He had to be unharmed even if sliced with a sword. Even with things like whips and chains, even when the executorturers came, he had to remain unscathed. He _had_ to. Gamzee had to be indestructible, invulnerable, immort-

The magic fizzed and died under Karkat's fingertips.

The troll gave an enraged scream and flung the book across the room. It hit the wall and fell to the floor. The last half of its pages had been destroyed.

 

_FUCK ALL THIS READING!_

_I don't even know what I'm doing,_

_I don't even know what gambit I should try,_

_Gamzee, what's happened?_

_Are you left dead and bleeding?_

Karkat shut his eyes in distress. When they next flew open, they had changed. His tears were gone and the despair within them had evaporated into anger. Karkat's eyes shone with a searing, renewed hatred as he opened his mouth to yell:

 

_One more tragedy I can add to my,_

_Generous supply!_

Dark powers gathered around Karkat. His anger unlocked access to the high magic of the horrorrterrors, and he welcomed it. The blackdeath trance of the woegothics whispered in his aural canals and the bloodeldritch throes of the broodfester tongues hummed in tune with the hot fury in his mind. The lusii failed not to be alarmed, shrieking and skittering away from what they knew out of instinct was Very Wicked.

The Grimdarkness had been unleashed. It took the form of a scarlet mist and surrounded the mutant, hovering around his cape. Karkat felt himself cloaked in a supernatural strength as black thorns seethed over his feet. Oily tendrils caressed his shoulders and surrounded him in cryptic promises. They spoke of wisdom from tomes bound in the tanned, writhing flesh of tortured hellscholars. All it would cost was a pact with runes stroked in the black tears bled from the corruption-weary eyes of fifty thousand realdead occultists. The darkness swore to be at his command.

As he cast off all desire for redemption and took on the depths of his pain and rage, Karkat screamed his damnation for the world.

Something had been broken. Something had been lost.

" _No Good deed goes unpunished,_ " Karkat growled as he glanced at the shattered 8 ball.

 

_No act of blind pity goes free from umbrage,_

_No Good deed goes unpunished,_

_That's my new creed,_

He said in a voice that pounded like the Knight hunters' feet.

 

_My road of Good intentions,_

_Led where those roads always lead,_

_No Good deed,_

_Goes unpunished!_

After rising to a crescendo, the energy ebbed from Karkat. The grimdarkness receded around his shoulders. He gazed around the room listlessly as if looking for something that he already knew did not exist.

 _Vriska…_ he called.

 

_Crabdad,_

_Gamzee…_

_GAMZEE!_

The power surged forth again.

Every memory burned. Just the thought of never seeing Gamzee's constant, loving smile again sent Karkat into a spiral of despair. Every moment of living in this new reality made Karkat wish that he were dead. Or better, that they were both dead together. Why hadn't he stayed with Gamzee, why had he been so fucking _fucking_ stupid, why had he fucking run off why why dear Good God _why_ …

This world had turned against him. There was nothing that Karkat could do—nothing would ever be right again and it hurt it hurt it hurt but the world didn't care. It never cared. It didn't care about Eridan pretending to be the wonderful wizard of Oz. It had stood by passively as people committed horrendous acts to rid themselves of anything that was the least bit different from them. And now it had taken everything from him.

The world itself seemed to Karkat to be the Wickedest of all. Why couldn't anyone else see that?

It was all a lie, everything from the clothes people wore to the words in their mouths and the very thoughts in their heads. It was all a construct—an agreed-upon illusion. People strove for such an empty ideal and became confused and frustrated when it proved hard to achieve. They had been told it was their nature and duty to be "Good". But every day they were Wicked under the cloak of Goodness. They remained blind to their own hypocrisy.

"Good" was just a word! It was used as a tool to corral people and construct society to reach an impossible ideal. Whoever was in command could manipulate and twist the peoples' fear-driven desire to be "Good" to their own ends. There was no such thing as real Goodness. Love did not exist. The only love Karkat had ever known was dead, killed by the forces of Good! Goodness was fake. Goodness was a curtain. Goodness was a lie.

Goodness did not exist.

 

_One question haunts and hurts,_

Karkat snarled.

 

_Too much, too much to think of,_

_Was I really seeking Good,_

_Or just seeking the payoff?_

Every time he had tried to do Good, it had come to naught. Why had he ever wanted to do those things in the first place? Was it really in the name of Goodness for all and everything?

No. He had done it to please people. Karkat still remembered the dull sting of his father's disapproval, the impossible goal of trying to make Jegus proud. Karkat had done Good to try and wheedle his way into the hearts of others because that was what people _did_ , dammit. But they rejected him time and time again. He had done it for himself, too, in the dwindling hope that he wasn't a failure, that he wasn't actually all the names that they called and the words that they slung.

He had been hung out for the cawbeasts based on a faulty virtue. And they dared to call _him_ Wicked.

 

_Is that all Good deeds are,_

_When looked at with a blood-red eye?_

_Well if that's really 'The Truth',_

_Then maybe that's the reason why…_

_No Good deed goes unpunished,_

_All benevolent actions should be thwarted,_

_No Good deed goes unpunished,_

_See, I meant well,_

_Well, you see what 'well-meant' did!_

His voice had already risen beyond its usual volume. Karkat twisted and turned, face contorted in agony as if he were being assaulted from all sides by invisible blows and curses. At last he could take no more.

" _ALL RIGHT, ENOUGH THEN, FUCK IT!"_ he roared. Then softer, " _Fuck everything."_

" _It seems we're all in agreement,_ " said Karkat sullenly. " _I'm WICKED through and through-"_

They wanted a Wicked Knight of Blood? They wanted a mutant they could point at and ridicule to make themselves feel better? They needed an enemy to fight against in defense of their rotten, shitspewing, Goodness?

Then he would answer. He was what they had made him. And he fucking savored it.

 

_Since I have failed indeed,_

_Gamzee, in saving you,_

_I swear that no Good deed,_

_Will I attempt to do again,_

_EVER AGAIN!_

The lusii howled. The sorcery flared. The whole world was tinged a bit darker as Karkat cried out the lesson he had learned.

 

_NO GOOD DEED,_

_WILL I DO,_

_AGAIN!_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I felt that punching would be a more masculine version of the slaps used during the Confrontation.
> 
> (WE REPRESENT THE FUDGEBLOOD FLOCK, THE FUDGEBLOOD FLOCK, THE FUDGEBLOOD FLOCK. WE REPRESENT THE FUDGEBLOOD FLOCK, WE WELCOME YOU TO LOWBLOOD HILLS.)


	17. March of the Knightsearchers

**Knightsearch: Seek the mutant. ===+**

A chorus spread throughout the Lands of Oz. There was a rumble, there was a rush, there was a roar that swept far and wide through every city, following the footsteps of a large and angry mob.

Members of the Knightsearch filled the streets. Alarms pierced the air to no avail as the noise from below drowned out their sirens. The shouts and calls from humans and trolls witnessing the sacred march were deafening. Everywhere in Oz, the same sudden event had burst into being—the Knightsearch, volunteer militia of the Good people, was rallying together.

It was time to end this. Even as they gathered across the Lands, the Witch of Space had already gone off to fight the Knight. The wizard himself had awarded her this task. But damned if she would have to stand alone. The Good people of Oz would also fight with her on the side of Good, in defense of their lives.

The Knightsearchers proceeded in a jubilant river past people lining the streets. A few reached out for handshakes and encouragement from other civilians. The members shook their weapons and bared their teeth to show their ferocity. Some people in the crowd loaded bags onto their shoulders, bid goodbye to their loved ones, and ran over to merge into the Knightsearchers' ranks, answering the group's calls to come and join them on their quest.

People cheered on the sidelines. Many called out to the Knightsearchers and claimed that they would join too, if only, if only, if only. But really they were just cowards.

 

 

_Go!_

_And hunt him,_

_And find him,_

_And cull him!_

" _Good hopes for you, Knightsearchers_!" someone shouted.

If not for the frenzy, the mob would have looked bizarre. The Knightsearchers wielded many different strife specibi, including such laughable choices as pitchforkkind and torchkind. Most of the weapons scattered throughout their midst seemed to have been picked for no reason other than "this looks like a usual lynchmob tool". Some people even brandished ropekind lassos and nooses, as if they really believed they would be of any use.

 

 

_Go!_

_And hunt him,_

_And find him,_

_And kill him!_

A supporter cried, " _Slay the Knight!_ "

Everyone had heard by now. Official sources had reported how the Knight appeared and tried to frighten the girl after her arrival in Lowblood Hills. He had pointed an ugly red finger at her and threatened her very life. How Wicked was his soul! But the girl had stood strong, courageous even against the face of evil. She had glowed with power stolen from the vanquished Thief of Light.

And thank Goodness that John the Good had also been there to help her. With his wit and wisdom he had managed to simply shoo the Knight away. The mutant had screamed and cursed before retreating in a puff of crimson smoke, but stayed long enough to issue a sinister warning to both of them. Sources described it as a declaration akin to that he would "make them pay". He had probably delivered it with many decorative swear words as well.

Through John and the wonderful Witch of Space, Goodness had triumphed once more. But for how long? This terror must come to an end. No longer could the light cower in fear of the darkness. The Knight had to be defeated, permanently, for the Good of all.

But that wasn't even the most disturbing news. A few days after the psychic broadcast had gone out, a second one came. This time the Empress delivered it with a heavy heart and sadness in her fuchsia eyes. The Grand Highblood was dead.

For a few days Gamzee Makara had been listed as missing, after a rumored attack by the Knight on the wizard's hiveblock. John the Good was said to be devastated. He had avoided the public eye for a week, now. The Cityhub's winds had been listless and damp as tears.

A rumor had begun—although no one knew who started it—that the Grand Highblood had gone insane and fallen to a spell from the Knight. People whispered that it must have preyed upon his blood, rousing the insanity within. He had likely been twisted and forced into a being that was now nothing but Wickedness's joker. A popular theory was that perhaps now the Highblood had become the Knight's two-faced puppet. Truly there was no greater evil than the Knight of Blood from the West!

A fine, strong young troll who had been respected and loved by so many had been stolen away by the forces of Wickedness. The whole country felt the loss of their Grand Highblood dearly. He had not been seen or heard from since his disappearance.

Until now.

A group of the wizard's forces had found the Highblood's body at an undisclosed location. They would not say much, but did give enough description to support the leading theory from Oz's best forensicvestigators. Most likely, the Knight had become infuriated after being defeated by the Witch and John and had taken it out on Gamzee. The Highblood had been severely injured before death—beaten and bruised, broken in countless ways beyond repair and then left to rot in the field like a discarded doll.

For the people of Oz, that had been the final straw.

 

 

_Wickedness must be punished,_

_Mutation malignantly maimed and manacled,_

_Wickedness must be punished,_

_Slay the Knight!_

**Tavros: Command. ===+**

In the center of the Ruby Cityhub, the largest gathering yet of humans and trolls crowded beneath the balcony of a white building. Their bloodlust was restrained only by the words of one figure above.

"The wizard will definitely thank you all for this, I think," said a troll with large bull-like horns. "We shall surely triumph, and then, begin again to let the past rest in the past, and look toward a hopeful future."

The sharp teeth of his smile looked strange against the silver background of his face. Every part of him from horntip to toe was made of metal. However, the people below did not seem to care as they continued to raise a clamor in his name. From this distance he may as well have appeared to be wearing a suit of armor. He gripped the railing with cold, mechanical hands. A bone-white envelope marked with the symbol for Hope peeked out of the back pocket of his robolegs.

"As head cavalreaper I will lead much of the government-ordained Knightsearch myself. It is an honor, really, and a great privilege that I swear to uphold on my life."

The crowd shouted in approval.

"But this is not only for the wizard, or our country, or even the world, really," Tavros continued, energized by their support. "You can trust me to fight on your side and act as a leader because I too have been wronged by the Knight of Blood. I have a very personal reason to oppose Kar- the Wicked one. And I will not rest, ever, at all, until he is dead!"

His announcement resounded downward over the peoples' murderous roars.

 

 

_You see it's he who caused all this,_

_His spell turned me to tin,_

_So right now I'm glad I'm heartless,_

_I'll be heartless slaying him!_

"But that's not all! His crimes go on for, quite a bit," Tavros announced. The troll brought his metallic fingers up to his forehead. He activated his powers of animal communion. "Listen to this!" he crowed and sent out a concentrated blast of thought.

Out of their sight, hidden and confined beyond the wall at Tavros' back, a lusus heard him. And it was pushed to RAGE.

The citizens cringed and shied away from the building as a most horrendous sound ripped through the air. It was a bleat louder than a Breath-jet engine. It was filled with a mad ferocity and savagery unmatched by even ancient, extinct animals. The scream called for the endless destruction of everything within sight. People felt a heavy thudding beneath their feet and in their ears as something rammed itself against the wall. A second howl erupted, even angrier than the first.

"Hear the cry of a lusus, one of the beasts that the Knight tried to take for his own nefarious uses. Hear how much the poor animal has suffered!" Tavros called to those below. "When this seagoat was just a kid, the Wicked troll stole him from his cage. You see what loathsome effect he had! The Knight is Wicked through and through, and his sorcery will infect us all. Every word he says is nothing but a lie. He does not want to 'save' the lusii or help any of you—he only seeks destruction, like this seagoat here."

 

 

_You see the lusii also,_

_Have injustice to report,_

_If the Knight hadn't started meddling,  
_  
 _They would be much better off, for sure_!

"Kill him!" The people raised their voices again in agreement and contempt. "Slay the Knight!"

Tavros's grin was as cold as steel. It felt great to be commander.

**Crabdad: Flee. ===+**

Three blocks away from the rabid throng, inside of a narrow alley, a lusus clicked its claws. Periodically a shout would flare up from the humans and trolls, causing the spines on its back to rattle in annoyance.

A psychic wave of animal communion pulsed through the air. The lusus hissed as it passed by. Soon a bleat from one large, enraged predator came roaring down the street. More noises from people followed it. They were calling for bloodshed. The lusus trembled. It hissed again and added a clack for good measure.

The lusus turned his head. There were no other creatures in this constricted space. All of the other lusii had fled, following their instincts away from the red place that reeked of danger. The crab creature turned away from the alley's entrance to face the darkness.

Like a coward, he ran.

**Be John. ===+**

John sighed as he watched everything unfold from a turret of one of the government-owned buildings. Immediately, he tried to stifle the puff of air. A leader was not supposed to be disappointed in their people. Ever. So instead it came out more like a "le sigN".

"This isn't right…" he muttered. " _None_ of this is right."

"Your highness, please," He turned to Feferi. "We have to stop this. Look at what they're doing down there. They've all lost their minds to fear. Can't you see what's happening to Oz? This isn't what we wanted!" John pleaded. "Aren't you going to do something?"

Feferi wore a small, tight smile on her fuchsia lips. She leaned over the balcony to survey the ruckus below like a cat observing its kingdom. Her trident rested in the crook of one arm.

"Nope," she said cheerfully. "Why would we? Things are finally going well, John. It's high tide that the Knight be taken out, and what betta way to do it than to get everyone involved? It only looks a bit different now, that's all."

"At first I thought the arrival of that damn girl was a nuisance," Feferi rested her head in the palm of her hand. "But instead it gave us a whopper of an oppor-tuna-ty. Look at them all run. They were never this EXCITED before. It's given them a reason to fight."

A small band of humans dashed underneath their window and up the street. They were headed for the main square. In their hands were lit torches and charged laser-rifles. John felt a shiver slide down his spine.

"You don't think this is a bit…extreme?" he said.

Feferi didn't look at him, but John thought that her words sounded slightly less peppy. "Now why would you spray that? Oh John, is it because Krabcat was once your friend? Frondship is lovely but I thought you would be over that by now. He is no longer the troll you knew. Don't worry, John. I'm shore that the Knight of Blood can fend for himself without you…as usual."

They watched the glow of the mob move onwards behind a row of buildings.

"Empress," spoke John. "There's something I've been meaning to ask you about."

"Hm?" Even that small noise sounded like it belonged to a young girl.

"I've been thinking a lot lately. Something's been bothering me about all that's happened—Karkat, and the wwizard, and all the strange events from that night when the sky split, and…and Vriska-"

"Yes, yes," Feferi said. "John, I told you not to worry. It was shrimply…an unexpected development. One caused by a peculiar and unforeseen twist of fate. A bad break, really."

Although she smiled at him, John felt nothing but ice. Her familiar words made his guts feel as if they were tied in a knot. How could she know what he said to Karkat back then?

"…No."

"What?" said Feferi.

"That wasn't a natural cyclone," John professed. "I'm not stupid and I don't believe that. There were powers in the air that night, more than just from the Scratch. I felt them again later when I saw that house at the landing site. Someone, or something, caused it to happen."

"And the unusual circumstances of the Thief's death," John wavered. "Just...the sheer bad luck needed for the house to drop only on her, with all those wild winds…that can't have been a coincidence. That-" he stuttered. "That went too far."

"And I know I'm the one who gave you the idea!" he said before Feferi could respond. "But I was wrong. At least I can admit that."

"And the Red Miles were not an accident." John added. "You and Eridan should know that better than anyone."

John swallowed, as if to quell his fears. "Madame, I think…"

His words died in midair. The Empress had finally looked at him— _really_ looked at him for the first time. And she had undergone a frightening transformation.

Her glare killed the speech on his tongue and paralyzed the thoughts in his head. Her long hair billowed behind her like the tentacles of a sea monster. Feferi was no longer smiling. The gold bangles on her arms clinked as she tilted her trident forward to point at John's chest.

"You listen up, _boy_." Feferi advanced toward him. "Everyone else may think that you're their hero, but we both know the truth. You aren't a shred as Good as what you pretend to be. You're nothing, human—just a puff of giggly blue heir. Don't start running your pink little mouth and trying to be brave. This-" she gestured over the railing. "is what you wanted. You caused all of this and you know it."

"Got exactly what you wanted, didn't you?" Feferi taunted. "Got everything you've always wished for, haven't you? Well, oh Heir of Breath, how does it feel? Does it feel 'Good'?" Her eyes glittered with cruel amusement.

A multicolored aura crackled around her trident, evocative of the wizard's light. With her viperfish smile, painted nails like daggers, and golden tiara upon her brow, she looked strikingly like a demon.

All at once John saw Feferi for who she truly was—a real Wicked Witch.

"Just keep playing your part as our dear little actor," she said. "Don't forget. I am the Witch of Life. I can choose to give life to people, and I can take it away just as easily. Now you'd better keep smiling and waving, or you'll be punished too."

"So _quit being shellfish_ ," she hissed. "And shut the fuck up!"

She snarled at John until he wilted under her stare. The young man was leaning away from her with both arms brought up in a weak attempt to defend himself. John nodded.

Feferi gave a satisfied smirk. She turned back to the open balcony. "Good luck! Good hopes for the Knightsearchers!" she called. Her usual voice had returned.

**John: Do the Windy Thing. ===+**

John leapt into the air on a huge blast of wind. His anger infused the gale with enough power to propel him up over the Empress's head in one gust.

She turned with the speed of a troll. But even with her superhuman reaction time, her weapon was not as swift as the Breeze that John commanded.

She missed.

The Witch's scream tore through the air as the culling fork clattered against the ground. It had barely missed the end of John's hood. She looked up into the sky, face twisted into an ugly scowl.

By the time she had withdrawn another weapon, John had already disappeared over the rooftop.

The murderous calls of the Knightsearchers echoed behind them:

 

 

_Wickedness must be punished!_

_Brave Knightsearchers_

_I would join you if I could,_

_Because Wickedness must be punished,_

_Punished,_

_Punished…_

_For Good!_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (For those who could not picture the viperfish smile: http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lr4tayCv5p1qd4pcuo1_250.jpg Yeesh, them teeth, Empress.)
> 
>    
> Yup, Crabdad is the one that runs off to find Jade and co. Even though in the play Elphaba saves the lion cub and it would now show up as the cowardly lion, I just felt that the seagoat wouldn’t work very well in that role. :/ It seemed impossible and unlikely to have such a large creature (and one with little relevance or established personality Homestuck-wise) running around with Jade and the rest. So, Crabdad comes back with a click and a clack. :)


	18. For Good

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WE’VE REACHED 100,000 WORDS. THAT’S AMAZING. JUST STOP AND THINK ABOUT THAT FOR A SECOND.
> 
> An AO3 special: Have a pretty picture relevant to this chapter: http://tinyurl.com/azal3an

**Karkat: YOU HATE MEDDLING HUMANS, YOU HATE MEDDLING HUMANS, YOU HATE MEDDLING HUMANS. ===+**

"Oh my fucking throbbing phlegmlobe, do you ever shut the barfing fuck up?" Karkat groaned.

The human girl was crying and had been for quite some time. Her pitiful sniffles were starting to grate upon Karkat's aural sponges like sandpaper. Just imagine, she had gone through all that trouble in order to find him and steal his Daunting Text only to start blubbering as soon as she was sealed behind a door. So what if he had taken away her freakish psychic lusus? The dumb dog was probably having a blast off with the other Big Tent lusii, unbeknownst to both of them.

"I can't listen to any more of this," Karkat grumbled. He brought his wrist transponder up to his face. The purple crab figurine twitched its claws to signal that it was ready to broadcast his words down to the human girl's room. He was now on speaker crab.

"Hey shitcake, have you had enough of trying to drown yourself in your own sorry eyefluid yet?" Karkat grimaced as the sounds of her sobs came through even louder over the transponder. "Oh please. Listen, if you ever want to get back to your alternate-universe life again, with your dumbfuck lusus and…and I don't know, probably a freakish alien Auntie or something, then here's the deal: TAKE OFF THOSE MOTHERFUCKING SHOES!"

Karkat slapped the crab to turn off the transponder. He stormed around the room muttering out his frustrations. "Insipid nooksponge. Pretentious screaming shitbagel. Stealing a pair of shoes right off a dead girl's feet… Bluh bluh, huge witch!"

Why couldn't the human just cooperate? If she would only give Karkat the shoes (and they probably rightfully belonged to him now by inheritance anyway), then she wouldn't have to be hurt like this. But that girl had been trouble from the beginning. She had torn a path through Oz like a laser through a block of ice, acting as if her life's story was far more important than Oz's own.

Karkat snorted. "Must have been _raised in a barn_ ," he said, with a side of relish on his sarcasm salad. He knew he sounded far too amused at his own little joke. But who cared? After all that had happened, it didn't even seem to matter. Karkat could almost feel his sanity starting to slip, crumbling away…

 _Moo._ A bull lusus careened toward his face. It had soared out of the air tunnel leading up to the roof.

"Tinkerbull," Karkat reached up to brush its white fur. He had been unable to tell which one of the flock was the original 'Tinkerbull', so after a while they had all gained that moniker. The small creature head-butted his hand urgently.

"Tinkerbull, what in the name of Oz are you doing here? Why have you left the others?"

 _Moo_.

"Come on, Tinkerbull. I can't understand you. Use your words, goddammit. You've got to promise me that you'll at least keep _trying_ to speak again. I know that you could do it if you just wanted-"

Karkat's words died. Someone was at the top of the staircase.

**John: Enter. ===+**

A young man stood at the railing. He must have followed the stairs down from the roof.

"Get the fuck out," Karkat snapped.

"So I guess today is finally the day you fuck everything up." The hood of John's outfit trailed against the steps as he descended.

"Go away!" Karkat turned and strode in the opposite direction. "I thought you didn't want to talk to me anymore."

He had never thought that John would come back. So much had happened since their last meeting. Karkat had been busy with practicing his new Wicked life philosophy and learning how to survive through each minute without Gamzee. Furthermore, he had become entangled in a frustrating long-term strife against that accursed girl. Despite employing even his Grimdark powers, she had managed to survive every trap.

"Well I do want to talk to you," said John. "And I'm not going to leave, Karkat. That's not what a real friend would do."

"Oh and you've been just the best of friends, haven't you?"

"No," John replied. "But that's why I'm trying to be one now."

"Karkat, I came to warn you. You're lucky that I even got here ahead of them at all. Listen to me…there may still be a chance. Release the girl, and her poor pet lusus too—that Bec…Becca…Beckie? Li'l Bec!"

"No, nugskull."

"Karkat," John hurried down the remaining steps. "I'm going to say something and you're probably not going to like it, but it needs to be said. This is stupid! You're not even being ornery like your old self anymore. You're just becoming downright unreasonable."

John threw up his hands. "I mean, what the fuck dude, all this for shoes? Really?"

"Incredibly powerful magical shoes that I once gave to my late sister."

"I know," John sighed. "I know, I know, I know. But Karkat…you have to stop. I'm not saying this to be a hero of Good, or even as the Heir of Breath really. I just want to say this as a friend, if you'll let me. Karkat, I can't stand seeing this happen to you. You're not who they think you are."

He held up a placating hand. "It's okay. I'm not what I pretend to be either. But you don't deserve this. They're turning you into something you're not. Nobody out there knows the truth, Karkat, they don't how hard you tried-"

"Do you think I give a flying turd what you think?" Karkat snapped. "I'm telling you, shitstain, that I can do whatever the fuck I want. I am the Knight of Blood! The Wicked! The mutant!"

"John, don't you see?" A tremble had snuck into Karkat's voice. "I am the cancer. It's me. And I…" He sagged under the weight of everything. "And I'm exactly what they think I am."

There was a soft bump at the window.

It was another winged bull lusus. The creature nudged against the glass with its nose until John opened it with the Breeze. Thin strands fell from its fur and slowly drifted to the ground as it flew over to Karkat. Karkat's attention was caught for a moment. Was that…hair? Thread? The lusus perched on his shoulder before dropping something into his open palm.

"A letter? Where did you get this from? Why are you bothering me with this thing, you…" Karkat's speech trailed off as he opened the faded envelope. He pulled out a piece of decorated, yellowed parchment. It looked like the edges had been ripped with claws. A single sentence was written on it in a mysterious, dripping purple substance: DON'T TURN YOUR BACK ON THE BODY. ;o)

Karkat's expression was unreadable as his eyes moved over the page again and again. Absentmindedly, he reached up to brush some of the fibers from the lusus off of his shoulder. When his fingers touched them, he froze. Karkat gazed at the cluster of strands as if seeing them for the first time.

It was straw. All of it had been straw.

"What does it say?" asked John. He stood on tip-toes and craned his neck to see the paper.

Karkat turned away and clutched the page to his chest. He said nothing. Instead, the troll pulled a shred of purple cloth from between the message and his fingers and held it out for John to see.

"…That's from Gamzee, isn't it? Karkat, what happened?" John asked. "Something's wrong. Has Gamzee…I mean, he can't be…"

Karkat folded up the paper and deposited it in his sylladex. His face was vacant of emotion. "It's all over."

"Oh God…" John's voice tightened around a sob. "Oh Good God, no, no…"

John covered his mouth in horror. His shoulders curled inwards as he struggled to hold back the beginning of an ocean of grief. Karkat stood silent as a rock, his eyes shut tight but his ears left open to the human's choked breaths and sounds.

"You're right," Karkat said at length. "You were right all along. It's time for someone to end this." He took something from his sylladex. "And that someone is me."

Karkat began moving around the room. He adjusted the arrangement of instruments on the table. He disappearified his most important books on Aspects and shooed away the lusii. Finally, he strode over to a corner and withdrew something from his sylladex. Karkat placed the barrel-shaped object down. John could hear something splash faintly inside of it.

"Karkat?" John sniffed wetly and rubbed his eyes. "What are you doing? That's not a bucket, is it?" Come to think of it, the whole room was set up in a particular fashion. Cobwebs lay clumped in the most unnatural of places. And why were there cages on top of that shelf? Karkat had never used cages in his life, John was certain.

"John, you have to go," And then Karkat was in front of him, taking his arms and urging him back toward the stairs. "Nobody can ever know that you were here."

John twisted out of his grip. "What? No!"

"John," the troll gave him a familiar snarl. "Please, for the love of sweet undulating grubpiles, you have to leave! We can't let them find you. Especially not now."

"No," John shook his head. "Karkat, I can help! I'll go and tell everything to everybody. I'll f-find someone out there who will-"

"No!" This time it was the troll's turn to refuse. He grabbed hold of John's hand. "If you did that then you'd face a fucking revolt. It would be like going to your own public execution. Nobody would ever believe you, John. You'd be deader than a stuffed dodo bird."

"I don't care!"

"Well, I do." Karkat retorted. "I care. Promise me, John. Promise me that you won't try to make me into the Good guy after this. That's not how it should be. And we both know it isn't true anyways. Say that you'll do this for me, John."

"Kar-"

"Promise, you asshole."

John hesitated. "Alright…I promise. But Karkat, please!"

John snatched back the troll's hand, which had started to drop, and held tight.

"I don't…I don't understand," John asked. "Why?"

**Karkat: Try to make him understand, even a little. ===+**

"Because…fuck, John," Karkat said. His head dropped a little to gaze at the floor. "It's just like we used to say. _I'm limited,_ "

From his lips came a dry puff of air—the husk of a chuckle. " _Heh. Just look at me,_ " Karkat gestured to himself with a wry smile. He pointed out his crimson horns and skin. His cloak draped over him like a shroud. " _I'm limited_."

" _And just look at you_ ," he spread his fingers out and waved towards the human. " _You can do all the things I couldn't do. John_ …"

Karkat reached for his sylladex. One second later Sassacre's Daunting Text was in his hands. Karkat flipped the book so that the disintegrated half was face-down. "Here. Take this. It's, uh, been damaged a bit, but I'm trusting you to keep it."

"What? But Karkat, I can't read that book. Not like you can."

"Still," Karkat held out the spellbook until John tentatively reached for it. "I want you to have it. Learn, stupid."

Finally, Karkat had been able to give something in return. He felt light and free as a feather, and not just because a heavy book had been lifted from his arms. " _So,_ _now it's up to you,_ John. _For both of us,"_ Karkat whispered. " _Now it's up to you..."_

John held the Daunting Text to his chest. The human was starting to sniffle again. "And thanks, barfbreath," said Karkat. "You were undoubtedly the best friend I've ever had."

"I was your _only_ friend," John wibbled. "But I'm glad, Karkat. I'm glad that I was able to matter…to matter like you do to me."

**Karkat and John: Say goodbye. ===+**

_I've heard it said,_

_That people come into our lives,_

_For a reason,_

At first John shifted his feet nervously, as if worried that the troll would start to yell at him, but he gained confidence with every word. Soon, John spoke clear and true. The honesty ringing in his voice held Karkat captive. The troll saw a tenderness and concern in John's blue eyes that he would have never expected. It felt like John was trying to say something not only with his words, but by somehow sending them directly into Karkat's bloodpusher.

_Bringing lessons we must learn,_

_And we are led,_

_To those that help us most to grow,_

_If we let them,_

_And we help them in return,_

_"Well I don't know if I believe that's true,"_ John admitted.

_But I know I'm who I am today,_

_Because I knew you…_

_Like a falling star that's caught by,_

_The Earth's slow push and pull,_

_Like a path splits 'round a mountain,_

_And meets back where it should,_

Karkat stood stunned as John's words washed over him. Wow, the human was actually sounding smart for once. John had changed so much, Karkat thought proudly.

_Who can say if I've been changed for the better?_

John shrugged, bringing a soft smile to his face. He hugged the book close as if it was worth the world.

_But, because I knew you,_

_I have been changed for good,_

Karkat shut his mouth. Somehow it didn't feel right for him to deny what John said. But it didn't quite feel right for him to agree either. So he just nodded, two small bobs of the head to stand for everything accosting his heart and mind.

He realized that John was waiting for him to say something. The troll sighed and reached out to lay a hand on the young man's shoulder.

_It may be seen,_

_That we both never meet again,_

_In this lifetime,_

_"Then let me say before we part_ ," reassured Karkat.

_So much of me,_

_Is made from what I learned from you,_

_You'll be with me,_

_Like a song I'll always sing,_

_And now whatever way our stories end,_

_I know you have helped to write mine,_

_By being my friend,_

"Of course the only friend I had was someone I hated at first," Karkat grumbled. But when he saw John smile through the tears in his eyes, Karkat found himself returning the gesture.

John had come back. Through all the things they had seen, after everything that had been done, he had not abandoned Karkat. He had come back when the troll needed it most although Karkat would not admit it to anyone, especially to his own self. If Karkat had built a wall of Wickedness surrounding himself then John had been the one person who dared to climb it. Maybe that in itself was the true test of friendship.

Karkat had a faint thought that he now knew what it was like to really be able to call someone "friend". It was a feeling brighter than any star.

So he reached deep inside his shriveled songpouch and tried to return the favor of sick rhymes.

_Like a leaf caught by the wind and,_

_Blown away from its perch,_

_Like a peacebird slowly starts to grow,_

_In ways not understood,_

Karkat motioned outwards, as if to point out a vision hanging right before his eyes. His excitement made John laugh. Karkat couldn't see anything, of course. The Grimdarkness had taken many things from him, including the visions. But he didn't need magic powers to know that what he felt was real.

_Who can say if I've been changed for the better?_

_But, because I knew you,_

He left the sentence unfinished.

John sniffed and nodded. " _Because I knew you,_ "

_I have been changed,_

_For good,_

" _And just to end this game_ ," Karkat drew back. He gritted his teeth and looked away. " _I say 'I'm sorry', for everything and all that I'm blamed for."_

John shook his head _"But then, I guess, we share that blame the same."_ Karkat relaxed in relief as John stepped forward without any intent to harm. The distance between them closed.

Smiles came to their faces. Here, at the bottom of their pit of troubles, they both found a moment of light.

  
_And none of it seems to matter anymore!_ _  
_  


_Like a falling star that's caught by,_

 

_Like a leaf caught by the wind and,_

_The Earth's slow push and pull,_

 

_Blown away from its perch,_

_Like a path splits 'round a mountain,_

 

_Like a peacebird grows,_

_And meets back where it should,                                 In ways not understood,_

_Who can say if I've been changed for the better?_

Karkat and John's eyes met. They mutually reached for each others' hands, as if to seal a bond which had already been made long ago.

_I do believe I have been changed for the better,_

Karkat had once decided that Goodness did not exist. But John did. And so did Karkat, right here in this moment, happy and content and finally, finally having discovered the best that life could offer. And maybe together they had found something worth believing in.

He felt like his heart was melting.

_Yes, because I knew you,_

" _Because, I knew you_ ," John said. Karkat nodded and squeezed his hand. John didn't know it yet, but this revelation was also their farewell. Despite everything: love, rivalry, differences, ups and downs, Karkat was grateful that they had had this time together.

They were friends. And there was really nothing else to say on the matter.

_Because I knew you,_

Karkat and John said together.

_I have been changed...  
_

_For Good_

They then proceeded to have the longest hug-off in paradox space.

**Jade: Shit, let's be Dorothy. ===+**

Too soon, the sound of footsteps came to remind them that Time was the cruelest element of all.

Karkat was the first to let go. "They're here. Hurry, we have to hide you. And no matter what happens John, keep yourself safe and out of sight. Hide, fuck!"

He was already tugging John towards the hollow under the staircase. John ducked inside. Within seconds Karkat had disguised the space by pulling down curtains to drape over both sides of the banister. More curtains, John thought dimly. At least these ones were colored gray.

Karkat pulled his hood up over his horns. He wasted none of these last passing precious moments, turning and walking back toward the other side of the room. His heart beat like a fist pounding on a door. From behind the shroud John was blocked from seeing Karkat's red eyes, but they shone brightly and were empty of fear. A gloomdusk had lifted from around the hollows of his cheeks. The Grimdarkness was gone.

The rest happened exactly as one would expect.

_And Goodness knows,_

_The Wicked's lives are lonely,_

_Goodness knows,_

_The Wicked die alone…_

The cloth blocked John's sight of the ensuing strife between the heroes and his friend, but he could hear everything. Only the paralysis of fear kept him from crying out.

The Witch of Space arrived in the company of her friends. Joining her was the Subjuggulator, a moving straw dummy dressed in a ridiculous purple outfit, and the Tin Troll wielding a lance. Every step that he took clanged against the Tent floor. The filaments of his hair and pant tufts had been streaked red with rust. The Cowardly Crab followed them under guidance from the Tin Troll, raising a fuss with his frantic screeching and clicking and clacking. And of course, the Good dog Becquerel stood loyally by the girl's slippers.

The Knight met them all with a howl of outrage.

Flashes of magic threw their shadows against the screen like a macabre puppet show. Small glimpses of the assailants were visible through two narrow slits where the curtains failed to meet the wall. Through these, brief snatches of the action could be seen. John watched everything with wide eyes, unable to look away.

Finally someone screamed. The commotion reached its peak.

Green light flared on the other side. The silhouette of a girl was visible through the cloth, her elbows pointed out as if she were carrying a heavy object. A whitegreen flash blazed through the curtain's veil like a miniature sun. John recognized it as the kind of Space powers that her lusus possessed. There was the sound of water splashing against the ground.

Karkat was the next to scream. John shrunk back and pressed against the wall. His whole body tensed as if he were the one being hurt.

An angry red light burned low and lit up the material once more. John could see the outline of a figure with two nubby horns. It had sunk to the ground and seemed to be getting smaller with each ragged gasp and cry. Five other shadows stood looking down upon it.

"You putrid lumpsquirt! What did you do? What did you fucking do? I'm melting. Meltiiiiiing! Oh, what a world, what a Wicked world! Who would have imagined a fuckass like you could defeat my wonderful Wickedness? I'm...I'm going…I'm melting…FUCK!"

It took only a few more moments, only a few more seconds filled with the tortuous moans and screams from the mutant troll. Then a silence still and cold descended upon the room.

The people didn't even bother to celebrate their victory. For a little while John could hear them scuffling around. The girl might have been crying. Their voices were filled with relief, but John found himself unable to concentrate enough to understand what they were saying. Everything seemed to be reaching him through a panel of thick, warped glass. And he didn't care.

When the dull ring of nothingness finally released his senses, the heroes were gone.

**Karkat: DEAD. ===+**

"Karkat?" John spoke softly. He hadn't expected a reply, but the blunt silence that answered his question felt like it had taken the form of a knife and stabbed him.

Oh god, oh god, oh god, oh god, oh god, oh god, it couldn't be true. There was no way Karkat would have…gone so easily. Even with the amazing powers of the girl and her team. The emptiness of him and Karkat saying goodbye forever was never supposed to feel this real.

Oh god, what had they done? That stupid water rumor couldn't have been true. Please just be a rumor, please just be a rumor, please just be…just don't be… Make-believe time was...was…

Over.

The bottom of the curtain rustled. A snow white head popped out from underneath the fabric and shook once to dislodge the material from its horns. The ring in its nose clinked against the floor. _Moo_.

It took John a few numb seconds to react. That…that was one of the mute lusii Karkat rescued. What was it doing here?

The Tinkerbull wriggled out from under the gray cloth. With a small buzz, its wings whirred to life and the lusus took flight. It hovered over to the side of the curtain and grabbed it in its mouth. It began to pull the cloth to the side, revealing the rest of the room.

John poked his head out into the air and looked around. It was safe to come out now, right? That must be what the lusus had been trying to tell him. The heroes must be gone.

Signs of a fight were scattered throughout the room. The table had been shoved to the side. Burn marks decorated one corner. One of the torches on the wall had been bent badly downwards. A shelf creaked as it struggled to remain standing with one side blasted to dust and its books spilled everywhere. Three objects lay together on the floor in a puddle of water.

John gasped when he saw those items. All thoughts of caution fled from his mind as he rushed out from the staircase.

Lying on the ground was a sodden pair of long gray pants, overlaid by a silver chain. Next to them was a little bottle made of dark glass. But John only looked at the leggings. He came running up to the two objects and then stopped. He stared at the pants as if their very existence was impossible.

John sank to his knees and didn't appear to notice when the water soaked his clothes. Slowly, he reached out one hand and grabbed the chain. John gathered it in his palm and stared at the symbol hanging off of the string. Recognition dawned in his mind. It was the Cancer necklace. Karkat had left it behind.

Next, John reached for the pants and held them up, letting them unfold to their true length. They were so familiar: ugly, garish, colored gray with red stitching. They were Karkat's infamous Righteous Leggings, the same pants John had given him so long ago. But Karkat wasn't here. He was…he was…

John at last gave into his tears. He hugged the pants to his chest and wailed with grief. The necklace chain dug into his fingers. All of the memories, all of their fights, all of the times that Karkat had simply existed overwhelmed John's mind. His heart ached more with every pulse. The air around him fell flat, losing all of its spirit as it too collapsed to the ground with a sigh. The Heir of Breath grieved, again, for the loss of someone precious.

It felt like ages had passed when something soft nudged his shoulder. John looked up to see a white shape through his eyes blurry with tears. He sniffed and wiped behind his glasses miserably. It was the Tinkerbull, floating in the air before him. John was about to tell it to go away, or maybe grab it for a hug too, when he noticed that it held a bottle between its teeth.

The bottle. John had forgotten all about it. The glass was blown in a bubbled pattern, half-circles protruding outwards to create a bumpy texture. Any light that fell on it rippled over its surface like water down a rocky stream. With a grateful look at the Tinkerbull, John reached out toward the last thing that Karkat had left behind.

John held the bottle in his hand. The container was tiny, only about the size of his palm. John draped the Righteous Leggings over one arm, refusing to let them go. He broke open the bottle's seal, pulled off the cap, and looked inside. The barest glimmer of white reached his eyes. It smelled…hopeful. John frowned as he stared into the bottle.

The Tinkerbull landed on the ground in front of him. Its four wings sagged to the floor.

"F-f…for…for John," it spoke.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :) This chapter dedicated to friendship—the best kind of miracle. I know that I’ve felt this way about so many people that are precious to me.


	19. Finale

**Feferi and Eridan: Vvictory. ===+**

"Oh Eridan, quit floundering. Can't you be a little more EXCITED? We've won!"

Eridan looked as if he were determined to mope for the rest of his life. "But they ruined my lovvely curtain," he whined. "Bunch a landlickin' sacks a rubbish. Fuck them and fuck that fuckin' rascally dog wwith the sharp nose. I swwear I'll make her pay for this…an her little dog too! Forcin' me to revveal myself like that…"

"Stop!" Feferi snapped. Then she caught herself. "Ahem. Eridan, I must remind you that reel-ly, this was a great success. The revolting human girl has been dealt with and soon she'll be out of our hair for Good. With the Knight dead and our positions secured, we can fin-ally move on and sail to a new tack. A bright new beginning is in sight…for trollkind, that is."

The Empress came over from where she had been standing beside the newest addition to the Wizards' Hivveblock—a violet throne. "Put your collapsing-and-expanding-bladder-based-aquatic-vas cular-system at ease, Eridan. Trust me. Thanks to my- _our_ hard work, all the threats to our ultimate goal have been capsized. Now you no longer have a reason to pose so much of a menace to society, which is Good for me as your pale, pacifying influence."

"We are supposed to kelp each other with stuff like that, remember?" Feferi suggested. "It's my job to balance you, like a ballast tank. So stop going overboard on the theatrics!"

She took Eridan's arm. The sea dweller brightened a bit at her touch. "Please, Eridan, just move on. 'Let the past rest in the past and look toward a hopeful future.' Won't you listen to your dear, sweet moirail?"

"Don't pretend that you didn't recognize them, Fef," Eridan grumbled, finally turning away from the tragic sight of the ripped curtain. "That wwas a close one. It took all a my best 'magics' to fool them."

"Whale I think it went swimmingly. They were glubbing delighted with all of that junk— a 'brain' here and a 'heart' there and…what did you say the last one was? 'Spirit's?" she giggled.

"Hmph. Yes." Eridan moseyed back toward the throne. "Actually, I'vve been thinkin'…noww might be the perfect time. Fef?"

"Uh...yes, Eridan?"

"You knoww wwhat you wwere sayin', about all that 'movvin' on' an a 'neww beginnin''?"

Feferi glubbed.

"I decided that I havve somethin' I wwant to tell you." The sea dweller leaned against the side of his royal chair, trying to act casual. "I'vve been meanin' to get it off my nub for a wwhile noww."

"Really?" Feferi smiled, her lips drawn into a tight line. Her eyes slid nervously over to one of the exits before snapping back.

Eridan nodded.

"Well, that's Good!" she squeaked. "But can it wait? I don't think that now is the right time, for-"

"'Good'? I kneww you'd think so!" Eridan said triumphantly. Dismay flashed across the Empress's face.

"Come here." Eridan waved at the throne before taking a seat himself. "Join me on my throne. There's room enough for twwo-"

He checked. "…Barely. Wwe'll rule side-by-side. You an I in a neww wworld wwhere evvery stinkin' lowwblood an human knoww the hierarchy an wwork accordin' to it. Already the lusii problem is almost taken care of."

"I wwill build here a utopia a my owwn design that could nevver exist back wwhere I came from. It wwill shine brightly in the history books—howw a scorned-genius sea dwweller an his Empress created an ruled over a enlightened society together. Then later, wwe can spread beyond our measly borders an bring hope to the wwhole planet."

He reached out to her. "You an me, Fef. The twwo a us, forevver."

Feferi floundered for words. "…No."

An incredulous expression came to Eridan's face. "Wwhy not?" he asked, hurt already seeping into his voice.

"Because I…don't, well…want to. You know what I mean? Being with you like that just feels a little…" Feferi frowned. "Fishy."

"All your feelin's are fishy."

Feferi made a face to the side, hoping that Eridan would be unable to see.

" _Glubglubglubglubglubglub_ ," Eridan muttered.

Feferi gasped. "Don't you glub in that tone of glub with me, mister!"

Eridan half-rose from the chair. "I'll glub in wwhatevver dumbass bubbly-soundin' fishnoise I wwant to glub," he said snootily.

"Oh ship, you are angling for a SO MUCH trouble right now!" Not minutes after their victory, and already they were falling apart.

**John: What will you do? ===+**

The two sea dwellers were interrupted by the doors bursting open. A young man in blue stood in the doorway, one arm still raised from commanding the Breeze. He strode over to them without any sort of greeting. His expression was cast in iron, so unlike how the trolls had ever seen him before.

"Aha. Well, look at what scrap blew in from off the streets." Feferi wrapped her fingers around the neck of her trident and squeezed. "I've been waiting for you with baited breath, boy. How dare you come back after such insubordination? Your acts of treachery should earn you a swift and _exciting_ Imperial execution."

She grinned like shark that smelled blood in the water. "But I won't let it end pike that. Are you still so naïve that you think yourself a person of worth? Or have you perhaps come crawling back expecting mercy? We'll see, dear Heir, we will sea. Now, why don't you beg-"

John held out a bottle. "This is from Karkat."

"What?" Feferi glubbed.

"Wwhat the _fuck_?" said Eridan. He came over for a closer look. The human shook the bottle in his direction to beckon him even nearer, and allowed the troll to take it from his hand.

The scientist held the bottle with both hands. He traced over the bumps on its surface, fingers skimming the violet vial as if becoming reacquainted with a pattern they once knew. His brow furrowed.

"It's some kind of potion," said John. "An Heirloom from his mother, I would guess. But I think you know who it belongs to. I've only ever seen something like it one other time, and that was right here in this room. You tried to give me a drink from it."

"His mother?" Eridan sounded lost. "She had somethin' like this?" His eyes searched the bottle as if he expected to find answers trapped in the glass.

"But I, I don't understand. That's-" Eridan frantically pulled off the cap and peered down the neck of the bottle. A soft white glow reflected off of his glasses lenses. Whatever was inside must have confirmed his suspicions. A look of horror spread across his face. "Oh my God…"

_Havve another drink,_

_My green-eyed beauty,_

_I'vve got just one night to stay in towwn,_

_So havve another drink,_

_A Wwhite Elixir,_

_An wwe'll havve ourselvves a little mixer…_

A couple danced through his memories. A lady troll in a green dress, her mouth turned up into a fanged smile, pranced with the grace of a huntress. She followed a curvy-horned stranger, a sea dweller many sweeps younger than himself, who led her on a hopeless chase. The sea dweller dangled the bottle above her head to pull her in closer and give her another twirl…

Eridan clutched the bottle in shock. His own words echoed back to him _: I am a sentimental troll…wwho alwways wwanted to be… to be…_

"… _a father_!" he cried.

He suddenly understood everything. Nothing was beautiful and everything hurt.

As his entire world came crashing down around him, Eridan crumpled to his knees and began to cry. Great heaving sobs punctuated by glubs wracked his shoulders. He pressed his face into hands that still held the small violet flask. Lilac tears trickled down his cheeks.

John and Feferi looked on with varying degrees of shock, awe, horror, and something like distaste. John, at least, was sure that he had never before heard of something like this happening with trolls.

"You're one of his direct Ancestors—his 'parent'," said John. "All along, you were the Ancestor. It's you."

Eridan did not respond, except for more muffled cries.

"I see," The Empress scowled as she gazed down upon the disgraced troll. "That's why Karkat had such strange and strong powers. He was a link between worlds—highbloods and lowbloods, magic and science, from one universe and another."

They spent a few moments in somber, disappointed silence.

John shook his head. "Leave. I want you out of Oz by one tick of the Judgment Clock. No funny business, no science-tricks, just go. Your adoring public will hear it from me, personally: His Wwizardship will be accompanying the girl back home out of the immense Goodness of his heart, and to pursue an indefinite retirement. I think that's quite generous, don't you agree?"

John didn't even need to make threats. Eridan slowly pushed himself to his feet, swaying slightly and looking for all the world like a defeated troll. "Yes, your Goodness," he whispered in a voice like cracked ice. He bowed meekly and turned to leave.

Eridan's eyes searched the floor tiles for something that would never be found. The bottle stayed gripped tightly in his hands. Eridan staggered out of the room alone, clutching his scarf around his neck.

**John: Make her Pay. ===+**

"Yeah, you better leave," John called. "Hope your old skyship still works!"

He turned around in time to see Feferi jump back. She had obviously been trying to sneak up on him.

The sea dweller looked aimlessly around the edges of the room. She propped her trident casually against her shoulder. Its handle clacked against a golden band. "Whale…what an exciting tern of events. Who would have thought you had it in you, boy?"

"But I'm afraid you've sunken our plans," she said. "I needed that suckerfish—not for his power, but his prestige. The wwizard's reputation and hold over peoples' hearts I found to be a perfect complement to what I could do to their minds. Even if he himself was a little…" she curled her lip and shuddered.

"But that's fine. I always planned to take over anyways. I just never knew it could have been so easy to dethrone him. A descendant…imagine that. In fact," she smirked, "You've done me a great service."

"However, there's one small catch-" Feferi grasped her weapon and sunk low onto her heels. "If I'm going to do this alone, then I don't need you!"

She lunged. John lept too late. Her culling fork punctured the end of his hood and anchored it to the ground. The human gasped as the cloth reached the end of its length and closed around his neck, causing his head to yank back. She had learned from last time.

"Guards!" John called. He fumbled with his sylladex before managing to retrieve a large book. It was the Daunting Text. Off-balance and in mid-air, John tried to open it.

Feferi's eyes widened in recognition. She growled and held out a hand with a golden ring on one finger. Her entire body from her hair and horn tips to the ends of her trident glowed with polychromatic light.

John felt the book being wrenched from his grip by a telekinetic power. _No!_ Despite his struggles, it tugged free from his grasp and shot off above their heads.

The Empress laughed as John motioned feebly after it, clenching and unclenching the air with his hands to no visible effect. "You lose, human. It's too late. Whatever shitfaced dream you and that disgusting mutant were fighting for will never be realized. Game over."

"Now…" she came forward until she stood in front of where John floated a few pitiful feet off the ground. The light flashed and hummed around her. "How should I play with you?"

John kept down a scream as he felt psychic powers of communion prodding at his mind. Was that the Empress? How could she be doing this? Her aspect was Life; there was no way her powers extended to telekinesis and mind manipulation. No troll had so many psychic gifts.

Her tiara! John could just barely see that the flicker of light was quickest around the center of the Empress's royal headband. The jewel there shone pink, while the aurora around it pulsed a particular shade of blue. _Vriska_ , John thought. It was the same cerulean as the mind-controller's blood had been.

Thin golden tendrils branched off from the headband. They looked like tubes, or the whiskers of a catfish. All of those wires almost reminded John of a machine. Could it be-?

Realization shot through John like a jolt of electricity. Her tiara crown must have been combined with Eridan's science. Somehow it had increased Feferi's power enough to unlock all of her psychic alien potential.

Fear rushed over John like he had never felt before. She was so powerful. Good God, she had reached the very limits of troll possibility through some Wicked, warped way. She had all of the psychic powers at her command, all of them. And now here she was, grinning with cruelty in her eyes, closing in and holding that terrible trident at the ready.

John struggled in his invisible bonds. He wriggled his fingers weakly in the air. Come on, just the smallest gust…

The Witch laughed in glee at his efforts. Then she was upon him, close enough to cull. She raised her gilded culling fork and pulled it back-

**Sassacre: Land already. ===+**

_WHUMP_.

And The Daunting Text landed on her head.

The Empress was knocked to the ground in a billow of hair. There was a soft _tink_ as her tiara fell off and hit the floor. The dizzying light around her died.

_Yes_ , thought John. He felt the telekinetic bonds around him loosen as he slipped back down to earth. With his heart still pounding like a hoofbeast stampede, John stepped towards the golden circlet.

Feferi groaned and raised her head. Immediately, she seemed to realize what had happened. The Empress looked around frantically to locate her tiara and spotted it not two feet away, lying on the floor. She reached out to grab it-

Just as John smashed the headband with the Warhammer of Zillyhoo.

Feferi screamed like a child. "You retard! What did you do? What did you do what did you dowhatdidyoudo-"

Shards of the tiara fell from the face of John's Warhammer, dropping like golden rain upon the ground. The human sighed as he spotted dark shapes rising behind the Empress. "Finally. There you guys are."

Feferi looked over her shoulder to see a unit of highblood guards. Subjugglators, by the looks of them.

John's blue eyes were cold as he issued the order, "Seize her."

Rough hands grabbed Feferi's arms and held tight. "Water you doing?" The Empress demanded as she struggled to her feet. More guards reached over to hold her back. Some even crossed their weapons in front of her chest. "Can't you tell what's been happening? Let me the fuck go!"

The trolls ignored her. Their grip was as steely as their indigo-shaded eyes. Alarm pierced Feferi's heart—it looked like they understood what had happened quite well. Strength was what the Subjugglators valued the most. And now, with the removal of the wwizard and the fight between John and herself, John must be the strongest person from their point of view.

"Madame?" The sound of her old schoolfeeding title caught the Empress's auditory fin flaps.

John smiled at her with his cheeky bucktoothed grin. "Have you ever imagined yourself in captivity?"

_Captivity_? What was she, some sort of animal?

John took her incredulous silence as a sign to continue. "C-a-p-t-i-v-i-t-y," he spelled. He leaned in closer and whispered like the wind, "That spells priiiiisooooooon."

"Well, at least for now." He gave the Witch a jaunty hand wave. "I'll hand you over to the Subjugglators. They still respect me from back when Gamzee and I had a connection, you know."

John smirked. "It seems there's been a…regime change. One caused by a peculiar and unforeseen twist of fate. Really, Witch of Life, I wonder how well you'll keep."

He straightened up and gave an impression of Feferi's glubby, youthful voice. "Honestly, I'm not too _excited_ about your chances. I hope you'll prove me wrong…" John smiled. "I doubt you will."

"Guards, take her away."

"No!" screamed the Witch. She started to struggle, but even a tyrianblood could not match the strength of a dozen determined Subjugglators. "I am the _Empress_. You can't cull me!" But without her tiara she had no psychics to resist them. In fact, John knew from the slight prickle of fear on the back of his neck that some of the guards must be using their chucklevoodoos to assist in the arrest. All that Feferi could do was scream as they forced her back through the doors.

The Witch's final shrieks echoed through the wwizard's hivveblock and faded away into silence. At last, John could relax. The young man breathed easy for the first time in what felt like ages. He flexed his fingers almost unconsciously, rejoicing in feeling connected to his Aspect again.

A small flutter of wind teased the end of John's hood. He looked up and imagined that he saw a blue tendril of air reaching up towards the roof, and bending around the tiles as if trying to lead him towards the sky.

John put away the Warhammer of Zillyhoo and took one last, sorrowful look around. He knew what he had to do. He played the wind and followed the Breeze.

**John: Try to make them understand. Even a little bit. ===+**

And so he had flown. He had journeyed through the Lands of Oz, telling all below how the mutant had earned a "Just" death according to the Judgment clock. The Time-infused juju refused to mark his passing as "Heroic". Of course, the Knight had died as a villain.

John had brought the Good news to humans and trolls: the Wicked one was gone forever. The fear that ruled their lives would never return. And then he had come to the Land of Wind and Shade and been caught by one simple question.

_Good news! He's dead!_

_The Knight of Blood is dead!_

_The Wickedest one there ever was,_

_The enemy of all of us here in Oz,_

_Is DEAD!_

_Good news!_

_Good news…_

John finished telling his story. The sounds of celebration reached his ears once more. He opened his eyes and blinked away the fog of memories.

Some people in the audience looked like they might have been considering something. Perhaps they were beginning to see a different side. But the light soon vanished from their faces. All too soon, the jubilant crowds and celebration swept them back into its infinite depths.

John smiled politely at the few people who had stopped to listen to his story somewhere along the way. Most of the original attendees were long-gone, having chosen the allure of friends and family and merriment over listening to John talk. The legislacerator troll was nowhere to be found. John's heart sunk as he thought of the young child who had first asked him about Wickedness.

But then he caught sight of a face in the crowd, peeking out from behind the skirt of their mother. John's smile stretched into something a little more genuine—they must have kept their parents nearby in order to hear John speak. He gave the child a little wave and felt something almost like hope stir in his chest when the child waved back.

The Heir stood up to say goodbye. Casey the salamander woke from her nap with a blub and scrambled over to stand loyally at his heels. Immediately, John found himself swarmed by gentlemen with handshakes and ladies with hugs as if they had just now remembered that he was there. John returned their affections with the proper poise and grace. He assured them that he really did have to say goodbye now, but thank you all so-so-very-extra-special-much for your hard work and faith, of course, of course.

It was tough to thank the very people who John knew had fought against his best friend. It was even harder to hear their triumphant cheers. They had no idea how hard Karkat had tried for them. They had no idea what had really happened with the wwizard. They knew nothing about the true story of Oz. And they never would. But it was for the best.

John waved farewell as the Breeze softly lifted the salamander-bubble up into the sky. He was sent off in a wave of adoration and adulation from the townspeople. Although the smile John gave them was as fake as ever, his heart and mind felt a little more at ease, because at last they were his own. Even though his glass shell felt ready to break.

As John flew off towards the next town, he thought about what he would do. The wwizard was gone, taking the interdimensional traveler with him. The Witch was contained and the people were safe, for now. Karkat…Karkat could never change the world the way he had wanted to. He couldn't fight ever again for the most simple and important truths. John sniffed as he felt fresh grief spread through his veins. He wondered if there was a part of himself that would never stop crying for the troll. Was that what it meant to share a friendship like they had?

But John had defeated the Empress. He had stood up like Karkat had shown him, like how a real hero should. He had done that all on his own. And maybe that counted for something.

He would try to help the people of Oz, John promised himself. Lusii, humans, trolls, and all. Surely if Goodness existed, then it should extend to everyone as well?

After all, a true leader would do whatever was best for his people.

As the next town appeared over the horizon, another dart of sadness pierced the target board of John's heart. He knew something that Karkat didn't—who Karkat's true "father" was. But Karkat would never be able to know. John wished so hard that there could be a way to reach the troll, some way in the fabric of paradox space that one tiny message would be allowed. But such a thing was impossible.

John resigned himself to wiping his eyes, taking a deep breath, and preparing himself for the next mob of people. It was no use. He would have to live with that. And who could tell? Maybe there was something Karkat knew that he didn't…

_No one mourns the Wicked,_

_Now at last he's dead and gone,_

_Now at last there's joy throughout the Lands..._

**John: You are not the hero. You are the Heir. It's you. ===+**

"My Good people," John announced. "We have gone through a challenging time. And there will be more times, and more things that will challenge us…especially if we don't remember to try seeing a different side to things."

"It's hard, being challenged and growing up. It's hard and nobody understands. But if you'll let me, I think I'd like to try to help you through it. I'd like to be, for all of you..." He felt the desire burn within his heart, pure as a flame and the color of scarlet.

"John Eggbert the Good."

_Good news!_

Later, alone but free in the sky, John thoughtfully reached up to the neck of his shirt. Beneath the blue fabric he could feel one solid, symmetrical shape. He traced the outline of a symbol much like a 6 and a 9 arranged over each other.

The feeling of the Cancer necklace hanging around his neck almost made John smile for real. He hoped that, some day in the future, it would be with him when he too was filled with joy again.

_"Who can say if I've been changed for the better?"_ John imagined his words carrying on the Breeze. _"But, because I knew you,"_

_No one mourns the Wicked…_

_"Because I knew you_ …"

_I have been changed…_

_No one mourns the Wicked,_

_Wicked,_

_Wicked,_

**_Wicked!_ **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> …I did it. It's finally finished. I finished the whole epic 100,000 word + venture. After more than a year and a half I have completed my first huge, gigantic serious fanfiction, and my first big personal writing project. And also as I post this, I have reached the end of my second year of high school.
> 
> …Thank you, you reading this right now, you personally, for enjoying this story with me. :')


	20. Author's Message

**Wickedstuck: Take a bow. ===+**

**I know that no one really does this at the end of a fanfiction, but I just felt like there were too many things that I wanted to say.**

**And the biggest one by far is "thank you". Thank you all so much. I can't even express my gratitude and admiration in to you in words. You, you personally, whoever is reading these words right now, even if you've never commented once before. Just having people come along for this ride has been the greatest gift that I could imagine. A story is nothing without anyone to enjoy it.**

**I was right here with you all, laughing at the jokes and enjoying getting to watch everything unfold over time. It made me so happy to know that it wasn't just me messing around alone in my room. All of you readers are awesome because you fulfill a writers' dream—to have people who also enjoy the story to laugh, cry, and scream along with.**

**I spent a very long time working on this fanfiction. AO3 lists its publication date as January 5th, 2012 but it was first uploaded to on September 18th, 2011. Cascade wouldn't happen until the next month. The Alpha kids—Roxy, Dirk, Jake, and Jane hadn't even been introduced yet! For a tale so full of references and in-jokes, an awful lot of it had to adjust parallel to new developments in the webcomic. Who knew that the Dancestors would be included, hinted at, in Wizard-Eridan's past? Certainly not me.**

**That means I've been working on this story for…about 1 and ¾ years. That's nearly 2 whole years with it being in the back of my mind as a goal to complete, look forward to, and dread at the same time. Over the course of that epic timeframe, I have written over 110,000 words. That's a huuuuuuuuge accomplishment to me and definitely now a source of pride. I've proven to myself that I can do this writing thing, somehow. (Apparently, a "100,000 word book is 400 manuscript pages" Good God, I've practically written a novel.)**

**I have learned so much from this experience. The characters were wonderful to practice with and I daresay that I gained a much better handle on their canon personalities as the fic went on. I am totally in awe of Andrew Hussie for creating such diverse and strong characters. The plot was already set out for me really by the play, but I still felt like I was starting to get a sense for the rhythm and flow of chapters versus an overall story.**

**My descriptions definitely got better. I never knew that describing the Lands could be so much fun. Futhermore, the amount of general practice and skill-building I did has been absolutely invaluable. (Just look at how my style changed from the first chapters…ack). As someone who wants to write a book of their own one day, I cannot even say how happy I am that this project has helped me to improve.**

**It was also a lesson in commitment. Eventually I set a goal for myself of cranking out two chapters per month in an effort to finally get this fic done. I learned a lot about what I can and can't do, but was really impressed with how much work I was able to complete sometimes. Go figure. Hopefully I can keep up the writing-every-day habit.**

**This has been a crazy, miraculous, and encouraging venture. Thank you all from the bottom of my little writing heart to everyone who has made a space for Wickedstuck in their imagination, no matter how small. I appreciate any and all final comments or overall feedback you may have. :)**

**Look at my life, these are my choices.  
**

**I couldn't be happier.  
**

**~BlackRitual**

EDIT: Wickedstuck has now been touched-up and revamped a bit! Changes to later chapters are relatively minimal, but hopefully the first few are much improved.


	21. ???????????

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> PSYCHE X 1 COMBO!

**Wickedstuck: Skip to the End. ===+**

The show was over.

The curtains had been drawn to signal the end. The villain had been defeated by the hero and the story was complete. Half of the audience had already left their seats. The actors had taken their bows and said their final lines. The last song had been sung.

But the true Carnival had just begun.

_Good news…_

A solitary figure peeked out from behind the curtain. After looking to and fro for a moment, they drew the fabric back just enough to slip through. They were now backstage.

The person cast a strange silhouette onto the ground. A tall, cone-shaped purple hood was drawn up over his head like a party hat. Two symmetrical troll horns curved lazily out from the horn holes. A cape made of streamers rustled at his back. His shoes were purple and pointed like an elf's. Small tufts of straw-like material could be seen poking out from the ends of his sleeves and underneath the hood. The symbol for Rage was on the front of his shirt, and…oh god. Wait, no, it was just a codpiece.

The troll ambled out across the room, his limbs flopping as if they were not quite fastened at the joints. It was a truly clownish sight when combined with the outfit. But all things considering, somehow he still managed to move with the grace of a dancer.

When he had gone a few paces, the troll stopped. He cocked his head as if listening intently. A smirk broke across his painted face. "Suckers."

The troll knelt down in the center of the room. His fingers searched the floor clumsily, bumping over every little protuberance. Finally he seemed to find what he was looking for. He knocked on the ground twice. " _HONK_."

To anyone watching, he would have appeared to be crazy. But the clown knew exactly what he was doing. He was looking for a miracle.

And after only a moment, his prayers were heard. A square area of stones not a foot away shuddered before sliding back. The smiling face of a troll rose to meet him.

"Gamzee!"

Karkat popped out from beneath the trapdoor. "You foolish assgrab clown, where the fuck have you been?"

The brown sleeves of his outfit brushed against the flooring panel, now revealed to be shallower than one would suspect. Karkat had lost the leggings, and there was no cape on his shoulders. Instead, he was wearing a plain form of his Blood-themed outfit: a long-sleeved shirt with matching pants.

"Well aren't you just the baddest circusfaithful yourself, being all playing at the motherfucking trapdoor executionator?" Gamzee's smile was just like how Karkat had remembered it. "I'M MOTHERFUCKING GLAD AS HONK HORNS YOU'RE SAFE, KARKAT."

"Not as glad as I am, douchecanoe."

Karkat glanced down at the trapdoor hatch. He would never admit it, but Eridan's technology had perhaps played a part in inspiring this trick. Nobody would have ever expected him to use the most non-magical escape route of all. It was just a simple, stupid circus trick made possible by the Big Tent. All it had taken was one well-timed flash of light. Still, Karkat couldn't help but feel a little bit like the Land of Tents and Mirth, Gamzee's home, had protected him and kept him safe, just like the troll had promised.

Karkat turned his gaze upwards and took a few moments to just enjoy the sight of Gamzee smiling back. The troll's clothes were even more ridiculous up close. A thought came to Karkat's thinkpan unbidden—the outfit must have been meant as a way to humiliate Gamzee before his "death".

Karkat shifted his gaze to drive the realization out of his head, but failed when his eyes landed upon Gamzee's shirt. Badly-mended holes peppered the clown's torso. The amateur stitching was only visible from this close up. Who had repaired him?

"I'm sorry," Karkat started to say, although he had no idea how he could ever apologize for any of this. "You-"

His attention was caught by three gashes across the troll's face. The lines stretched from Gamzee's left eye all the way to his opposite cheek. The small gashes even crossed over his eyelids. They must have been made before Karkat's spell had taken effect, when Gamzee could still feel the full brunt of the assault.

Gamzee must have seen the anguish in Karkat's eyes. "Oh. PAIN'S NOT GETTING ITS MOTHERFUCKING HURT ON NONE AT ME, KARKAT. See?" He lightly drew his fingers across the scars. "IT'S ALRIGHT, BROTHER. I don't got no mind to it."

Gamzee sat still as Karkat reached out to touch his face. He did not shy away or even so much as flinch when the mutant's red hands came into contact with his scars. Although Gamzee probably had no blood left to bleed, the wounds were still edged in deep purple. And considering the troll's transformation, Karkat had a feeling that they would never fully heal.

"AH, DON'T BE GETTING THAT MOTHERFUCKING SADWHIMSY ON, KARKAT. You did what best you could. ALL UP AND SAVED MY MOTHERFUCKING LIFE WITH YOUR MIRACLES, BROTHER." Gamzee took his hand and Karkat knew that the troll meant it. He had been forgiven without even having to ask.

Karkat couldn't think of anything to say. So he spoke from the heart instead. "Fuck. You're still pitiful to me, you know? Beautiful, even."

Gamzee shifted on his heels. He tucked a stray bunch of straw back underneath one sleeve. "There's not being any motherfucking need to get a lie going on for me, Karkat."

"I'm not fucking lying," Karkat insisted. "It's just…seeing a different side."

_No one mourns the Wicked,_

_Now at last he's dead and gone,_

_Now at last there's joy throughout the Lands…_

"I ALL UP AND RECEIVED ON A DIPLOMA-TYPE PAPER MOTHERFUCKER FROM THE WWIZARD," Gamzee mentioned after he helped Karkat out of the trapdoor shelter. "But I gave that shit away. SOME OTHER ACROBAT CAN UP AND BE THE ONE TO LEAD THIS BITCH TO MOTHERFUCKING SHANGRI LA PARADISE. I may have gotten my realization on at the brains what I did to actually been having all along, Karkat, but I'm no wiseclown leader like you."

"NO ONE AROUND HERE WILL GET THEIR MISS ON TO THIS SORRY TROLL PROPER. It was a ninjabitching funhouse of a time getting to see that girl home, but…I know where I motherfucking belong at." Karkat felt the brush of Gamzee's kiss against his forehead. The troll's lips felt like the side of a cotton bag.

"IT'S TIME FOR US TO GO," Gamzee said.

"…This really is goodbye, isn't it?" Karkat broke away from Gamzee's embrace just a little bit. He gazed back into the room, searching for…what? What the fuck was he looking for?

"We can't ever be coming back to Oz, Karkat. YOU MOTHERFUCKING KNOW THAT." Was it Karkat's wishful thinking, or did Gamzee also seem like he was masking regret?

"I just wish…" Karkat said. "Fuck. You know what I wish. I wish that there was some fucking way to let John know that we're alive."

Gamzee paused. "Do you really motherfucking want that?"

Karkat did not respond.

"THEY CAN'T GET ANY KNOW ON TO IT, KARKAT. It's not motherfucking safe for any fleshbro to be in on that what's happening. EVEN JOHN WHAT WE BOTH CHERISH. No one can ever know."

Karkat felt strange, like he was already somehow far away from this place. He wrestled with himself for a moment, having a good what-the-fuck tussle with his past and future selves just like old times. But his decision had already been made. Karkat had known that from the moment he closed the trapdoor hatch.

They had no idea about the true story of Oz. And they never would. It was for the best.

Just as Karkat turned to leave, he thought he might have heard a sound. He imagined that he something came through the window, faint as if it were coming from somewhere over the rainbow. For a moment Karkat almost believed he felt something drifting by on the Breeze—a few soft notes of a song.

_Good news!_

Karkat made his way over to his matesprit. Gamzee was right. It was time.

Gamzee, cracked and damaged and ridiculous as his entire pitiful self, wordlessly extended a hand to him. Karkat came over to accept the gesture. He felt the troll take his hand, straw-filled fingers brushing against ones colored cherry-red. The action was easy, natural, and Karkat knew that he would never again feel so happy and yet so sad all at the same time.

_"Because I knew you…"_   Karkat imagined a reply to no one forming between the rhythm of his breath and the beating of his heart.

_No one mourns the Wicked…_

" _I have been changed…_ "

And so they left, off to a new story.

**Wickedstuck: The End. ===+**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, does this story really end "Wicked", or "For Good?" ;) Who can tell?
> 
> Haha, I hope that fooled all of you who are familiar with the musical.


End file.
